The Year of Girls and Defeating Dark Lords Part II
by New Upsetter
Summary: Sequel to Year of Girls...Part I. Harry and Bonnie return from their honeymoon. Now husband and wife, Voldemort defeated, weddings galore, and tons of new drama to get through now that the war is over. Does it really get better with time?
1. Honeymoon Over

Chapter 48

Honeymoon Over.

"Jimmy?" Bonnie mumbled quietly, her eyes still closed, snuggling closer into the blankets, pulling them up against her bare chest and pressing her hands under her pillow where it was cold.

Harry turned onto his side and pressed his forehead between her shoulder blades in response to her call.

"Jimmy?"

"What is it pet?" Harry asked, pressing his cold fingers against the small of her back, his eyes open, now awake because of the cooling spell Bonnie put on the sheets a few hours ago. When she didn't answer he leaned up on his arm and looked over her shoulder. She was still sleeping, talking about him in her dreams. He sighed.

He couldn't go back to sleep now and it was six o'clock. He decided to go run before Bonnie even woke up. He would be back in bed before she even noticed he was gone.

He slipped silently out of bed, slipping new boxers on and heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth before getting dressed lightly and heading out the door.

He looked over his house as he got ready. The large bed in the center of the room where Bonnie still slept was laid with black sheets and a plush black comforter. Why they still had it on the bed when it was scorching hot outside, and inside, was beyond him but Bonnie kept it there and wouldn't let him put it away until they were in a cooler climate. On Bonnie's side of the bed was her vanity with a mirror, a bowl and pitcher of cold water for when she woke up and a fresh vase of roses beside the mirror. Her closet, which he shared, was beside the bathroom. A walk in closet, her clothes on one side and his on the other, obvious because his converse shoes at the bottom of one side and her many large hat boxes on the top of the other; her clothes took up a lot more space than his. Their bathroom had one sink, because Harry was always up and ready before her anyway and not a lot of counter space because Bonnie woke up with her hair curled and didn't wear any makeup. A Victorian, claw-foot tub was against one wall and a standing shower—a curtain around a hole in the floor with a shower head hanging over the top—was in the corner. On Harry's side of the bed was a side table holding his phone and wand and against the wall was his safe. The only thing distinguished about his side of the room was the painting of Bonnie he'd done with crushed rose petals and stained water—a painting of her sleeping, facing him, wrapped up in red sheets and her curls spread out messily around her face. He'd painted it one morning after making love, one of their first mornings together, inspired by her beauty as she slept. Bonnie had been shocked and a little more than embarrassed, waking up one morning to a wall with a painting of her sleeping and she blushed every time she looked at it for a few days but then became used to it and almost flattered.

Outside the room, all the walls were painted something closer to black than white just so Harry could be comfortable walking around. There was a small library to the left and then a staircase that he walked down. The front door was directly across from the stairs and the small kitchen they hardly used was to the right of it.

He knocked on the front door and it opened for him at once and he stepped outside. His guard stood beside him as he looked around at the forest they were hiding in. It was close to town so they could go out and not have to walk so far but not so close that the guards never got a chance to sleep when they were trying to protect the Savior.

"I'm going for a run. I'll be back in twelve or so minutes."

Lawsin nodded silently and Harry ran off, leaving behind his shiny silver trailer that didn't look like much from the outside but was practically a palace on the inside. He would have been happy sleeping on the forest floor in every country but Bonnie wouldn't be able to live like that. She'd get tired of it fast. She needed bathrooms and a bed and a blow dryer. Their house was a bit like the tents he'd first seen at the World Cup, shabby on the outside looking like they'd only fit one person and then on the inside they had plumbing and three rooms. Harry's house had plumbing, a kitchen, three bathrooms and three bedrooms—one for he and Bonnie and two for the guards.

She did sleep in a tent while they lived with the natives in the Amazon one month, though he could tell then that she had been suffering. She sat on the ground with the other native women, them knitting baskets and cutting fruit and she was trying to fix her hair in a broken hand mirror. He'd never call her vain because he had never seen her that way before and he refused to see her that way now…but she was. The entire time they were in camp she whined to herself, always smiling at him and never complaining to his face but as soon as he left her alone she was a sore sport. He knew because the other women complained about her when she wasn't around. He felt a little sorry for her then. He'd pleaded with her to stay in the Amazon a whole month with the tribe who accepted his presence and she'd given in to make him happy. He got along well with the men, running through the woods at breakneck speeds in bare feet and hunting with his hands—even if the others hunted with spears and arrows—collecting food for the tribe, skinning and cooking his own food, earning respect from the rest of the tribe. But Bonnie didn't fit in with the tribe. She didn't want to make her own clothes out of animal skin and leaves, she was attached to her designers even if they got covered in mud and sometimes blood and there wasn't a dry cleaners for a thousand miles. She didn't want to sow baskets, cook her own food, skin fish or get splinters. She wasn't that type of person. She was all for fighting in a war but she was allowed to go home and take a shower and fix her hair afterward. The only time she was happy in the Amazon was at night when she could curl up alone with Harry, protected by his warmth away from the other women who made fun of her and her clean, pressed clothes. But after a lifetime of Harry's female followers disliking her she'd formed a solid barrier against dislike.

Vain or not, Bonnie had a strong respect for herself and wouldn't let others make her think she was wrong.

Going back up the stairs after he returned, he took a quick shower and dried himself off before crawling back into bed behind his wife, pulling her into his arms. Bonnie turned over and snuggled against his chest, running her hand up his shirt and wrapping it around his waist. "How was the run?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Wonderful. I thought you would still be asleep when I got back," he said, running his fingers over her curls and kissing the side of her face.

"I was. I woke up when you crawled into bed."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep."

"I'm fine. We'll go out to breakfast at the local market. I saw we passed a restaurant when we were walking around yesterday."

"Are you going to wear your new big hat?"

"Maybe. I was hoping I could save it until we headed back to England. Your mother sent me mail yesterday. She said she wanted to see all the clothes I'd collected so I thought I'd wear my favorite when we went to meet them."

"You and my mother have become good pen pals."

"Her and my mother are talking a lot too lately. It'll be funny to go back now; we've missed a lot I guess."

"Right in time for Christmas. We'll have to come back once to see the holidays in other countries."

"You just want an excuse not to give presents," Bonnie mumbled sleepily.

Harry rolled his eyes but laid his head on Bonnie's. He snuck his arm underneath the sheets and wrapped it around her small waist, pulling her closer and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "If we're leaving in a week, we really should make the best of it. Would you like to play?" he asked deviously.

He felt Bonnie smile and snuggle deeper against his chest. "Will you give me ten minutes to make myself look pretty?" she asked.

"Of course."

Bonnie pulled away and jumped off the bed, running to the bathroom.

"I'll meet you downstairs!" Harry yelled as she shut the bathroom door.

/-

"Someone's been a very bad girl," Harry growled, advancing as Bonnie slowly backed away, smiling with excitement. "How should I punish the naughty little pet?"

Bonnie smiled at him, biting her bottom lip, her hands reached out behind her to find the wall. When he stepped closer she screamed and pushed away from the wall, running off behind him. Harry followed, chasing her across the room. But he was faster and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and lifted her off the floor making her giggle. Then they both dropped to the floor, Harry forcing Bonnie onto her back gently as he crawled over her, holding her wrists above her head and holding her legs together between his.

"May I ask what I did to receive such a punishment?" Bonnie asked, trying not to giggle as Harry clutched her wrists and pressed himself against her.

"You played Miley Cirus through the whole house yesterday. Almost popped my eardrums," Harry said, shifting his weight and running his thumbs over Bonnie's bony wrists to make sure he didn't bruise them.

"I'm sorry," Bonnie pouted playfully, shifting beneath him, pretending to try and release her wrists when really she wanted him to tighten his grip. And he did.

"I'm afraid that's not going to cut it. It was quite painful."

"Miley is a great artist," Bonnie fought impishly.

"But I'm afraid you've broken the rules my pretty pet and that means consequences." He smiled deviously and lowered his lips to her neck, growling at the vibrations her moans made in her throat. He felt her heart beat wildly in her chest and looked up to see the blush rising in her cheeks. He sat up, holding both her small wrists in one hand and used his other to pull his T-shirt off over his head. As he placed his hand on Bonnie's waist, his fingers sneaking underneath her shirt, caressing the pale skin he loved so much he was halted by the ringing in his pocket.

Bonnie looked up at him. "Let it ring," she said.

Harry put his finger to his lips, "Shhh."

Bonnie pressed her lips together and lay quiet and compliantly as Harry reached into his pocket to glance at the caller ID. "It's just Ginny. Probably no immediate danger," he said, placing it back in his pants and looking back at his prey.

/-

"He won't answer his phone," Ginny said, shutting her cell and throwing herself into the couch beside Hermione.

"Well there is a week left of their honeymoon. They're not to be interrupted by things like pregnancies," Sirius said from across the room where he sat with Jackline, who ran her hand over her almost flat stomach.

"He's probably not going to be very happy about the two of you not being married," Fish said, leaning against the wall where Ginny had been standing a few seconds ago. "He didn't even look at a woman's breasts before marriage. Another reason he is not to be disturbed even a week before his honeymoon ends. We'll just break the news when they get here."

"It's not like she's never been married before. Jackline is religious to and she's fine," Sirius argued.

"I'm not worried about Harry," Jackline said. "I'm worried about Bonnie. Six months after she's happy and suddenly I'm pregnant. Fulfilling a dream she's wanted but won't get."

"Jackline, don't think about that. Everyone wants what they can't have. This isn't about Bonnie, this is about you," Sirius said, wrapping his arm over her shoulders. "We're going to have a baby and everything will be fine."

/-

Bonnie breathed heavily as Harry rolled onto his side and patted her arm. "I love you."

Bonnie giggled. "I love you to." She peeled herself from the sheets and turned to rest on Harry's chest. "So are we going out or are you making me lunch?" she asked lightly, caressing the lines of his chest.

"Whatever you desire my pet. The day is yours," he said, calm and at peace, lightly running his fingers down her spine.

"Well then…can we go shopping?"

Harry groaned.

"You said mine."

"Must you go shopping 24/7?"

"You like it when I look nice don't you?" she pouted, looking up at him from under her eyelashes and placing small kisses on his abdomen.

"You have enough nice things don't you? Over six months you've gathered up the nicest things from every country besides Italy."

"I still can't believe we didn't go to Milan."

Her complaining was cut off by Harry's cell phone ringing. Bonnie moved over as Harry leaned over the bed to find his pants and pull his cell phone out. "Ginny, again." He flipped open his phone as Bonnie laid on her side, tucking the sheet under her and holding her head up with her other hand while she drew lines in his chiseled stomach. "Hello?"

"Harry! You picked up!"

"Sorry, we were busy before when you called. What's going on?" he asked, running his fingers through Bonnie's hair.

"So sorry to interrupt. We at home were just wondering if you were thinking of coming home early."

"What for?"

Ginny rolled her eyes and made a noise that told him it should be obvious. "Your mother misses you."

"What's the real reason? She's gone six months without me and she needs me to come home five days early?"

"Not really. We just wanted to know if you wanted to come home early. We're not commanding you."

"Aw Ginny. It's you, isn't it? You just miss us so much you can't stand to be without us another day, that's it right?"

"You caught me Harry," Ginny said, rolling her eyes at Fish. "I just can't stand to be without you and Bonnie. It's been long enough."

"Hold on. I'll ask Bonnie what she thinks." Harry said, pulling the phone away from his ear and putting his hand over the speaker. "Ginny wants us to come home early. I know there's some ulterior motive but I can't hear her thoughts over the phone."

Bonnie sat up, holding the sheets to her chest and held out her hand for the phone. Harry handed it to her. "Hi Ginny," she said happily.

"Hi Bonnie."

"We haven't spoken in a while. You know going on your honeymoon a year after the war, traveling and such, not such a great plan. Did you know New York and China are still rebuilding. England seemed like it rebuilt so fast."

"Yeah, I know. Are you coming home?"

"Why? No matter what we'll be home in five days."

"Then stay five more days," Ginny said angrily, before slamming the phone shut.

Bonnie's jaw hung open and she held the phone out and stared at it. "She hung up on me!" She blinked. "Ginny—sweet and innocent Ginny—yelled at me and then hung up on me," she said in shock.

Harry wrapped his arm around her waist and grabbed the phone from her, flipping it closed before pulling her back to him and kissing her heatedly. "More time for us to be alone," he growled against her mouth, rubbing sensually at her skin.

"Don't you ever get tired of having sex all day?" she asked against his lips, running her hand over his jaw line.

"No! Do you?" he asked.

"No, but—"

Harry rolled her onto her back and ravished her into—almost—silence.

/-

For once Bonnie was the one still awake. Harry had cuddled her from behind for fifteen minutes, kissing her neck and drawing little figures on the back of her neck with his fingertips. But suddenly his fingers drifted down her spine and she could feel his even breath caress her back and his forehead press between her shoulder blades.

Carefully she pulled herself out of his arms and turned onto her other side so she could look at him. Two months into their honeymoon, when their thoughts didn't revolve singularly on having sex every second they weren't eating and going to the bathroom, Harry had gotten his hair cut claiming that it was getting far too long. Now he looked so hot it was almost disturbing. Amazing what a haircut can do. His bangs hung in his face as he slept, hiding part of his face, a streak of pure white among the black in a sweeping bang. (Which she thought hypocritical since he claimed to be deathly afraid of the color white but didn't mind putting it in his hair.) She brushed his hair aside to glance at his features while he slept. Despite the war, the wedding, the label of husband, the age of eighteen and the six months they had been traveling Harry still had the most innocent seventeen year old features. He still had the body of a seventeen year old to—a beautifully sleek body of hard muscles and a porcelain skin tone.

As she stared at him while he slept she thought over how she really didn't deserve him. He took such good care of her. Putting up with all of her self-centeredness in the Amazon and following her around each vacation spot as she shopped and bought pricey designer outfits. She wondered sometimes while they were wandering stores, her shifting through silk and cashmere while he uninterestedly played with her hair and read magazines while she tried on clothes, if he was becoming aware of how self-absorbed she truly was. Or at least she thought she was.

She leaned in and kissed his hair before turning to crawl out of bed, pulling on her clothes from the floor.

"Where are you going?" she heard Harry murmur from behind her, obviously just awoken from her movement. She turned when he pressed his fingertips to the small of her back.

"You may be able to live on dirt my dear husband but we normal people have to eat real food."

"I'll feed you," Harry said, turning over to climb out of bed. He pulled on boxer shorts then grabbed her wrist to drag her out of the room with him, carried her down the stairs and sat her down on the counter across from the stove. "What would you like?"

"Maybe I should learn to cook," Bonnie said, grabbing a spoon from the drawer at her knee.

Harry turned to her. "You know the house isn't that big. The fire will catch fast," he said playfully.

Bonnie whacked his arm with the spoon but didn't fight it. It was simple knowledge. She couldn't cook because she could make immaculate potions and Harry could cook well because he couldn't make a potion if his life depended on it. "Pancakes are fine."

"Any kind specifically?" he asked, grabbing eggs and milk from the fridge.

Bonnie thought for a moment swinging her bare feet back and forth against the cabinets. "Blueberry?"

Harry looked in the fridge and pulled out a package of blueberries. As he mixed and cooked Bonnie waited patiently on the counter where Harry placed her. "I wonder what Ginny wanted us home early for."

"Maybe Fish is having her do his bidding," Harry said jokingly. Fish had settled for writing letters the last five months and after settling into his band he quickly became less dependent. He apologized for freaking out at the wedding and everything was forgiven, though he told Harry in every letter how he looked forward to seeing him at Christmas.

"It sounded like she wanted to tell me something, just not over the phone. Do you think we should leave early?" she asked.

"It's up to you pet," he said, flipping the pancakes.

Bonnie sighed. "If it was that important they'd tell us to come home right? Not give us a choice. We can stay until we planned to leave. Whose house are we all meeting at anyway?"

"My parent's. Their's is the biggest besides Jackline's and apparently she doesn't want to cater anymore. My mother is happy to have the whole family come to her house. I think she just likes the rooms to be filled up and now that Sirius is living with Jackline and Remus moved in with Tonks a few months ago, I think, it's just the three of them in that house. Until now anyway."

Harry stopped flipping the pancakes for a second, the spatula frozen in his grip.

"Harry?"

Harry shook his head and scraped the pancakes off the griddle and put them on a plate. He got out the butter and syrup and sprinkled on a bit of powdered sugar before handing a plate to Bonnie and joining her on the counter, grabbing two forks from the drawer at his knee.

Bonnie rested her head on Harry's shoulder as she ate. "I'm so glad you can cook."

"Well one of us had to be able to or this marriage wouldn't have worked, now would it? You need to eat."

The phone on the counter hooked up to the charger began to ring and Bonnie reached over to answer it. "Moshi moshi," she greeted.

"Speaking of Moshi moshi, where is your dog?" Ginny asked, sitting on the couch with her back against Fish's shoulder and her feet on the arm of the couch. Fish's band was on the other side of the room looking awkwardly at Arthur and Molly who were waiting in the doorway with Lily and James.

"At my feet begging for pancakes," Bonnie said, glancing down at her begging dog on the floor.

"So Harry is feeding you?"

"Of course he's feeding me. Why wouldn't he?" She heard sobbing over the phone. "Ginny?"

"Aces was right, you don't love us anymore," Ginny sobbed.

"What? Who's Aces?"

"He's the drummer in Fish's band. He says you don't want to see me. He says these five days is just time for you to plan your next escape from us," she sobbed.

"Ginny, you know that's not true. I miss you so much. I will be back in five days."

"You're lying. You don't want to show me your new outfits or talk about sex or joke about how I get to withhold it from Fish."

Fish shoved her with his shoulder but she shoved back.

"That's not true. I'm so looking forward to that," Bonnie reassured.

"You are not."

"Ginny—"

Harry grabbed the phone out of Bonnie's hand. "Stop guilt-tripping my wife."

"Get off the phone Harry. I'm crying," Ginny said angrily.

Harry rolled his eyes and handed the phone back and Ginny began to whine to her friend again.

"Ginny I promise we'll be home in five days and we can talk about all the things that have happened while I was gone."

"You're lying, Bonnie. You've forgotten all about the fun we have together. You don't care if you never come home to spend time with me ever again. Don't you love me?"

"Of course I love you Ginny," she assured.

"I don't believe you," she said stubbornly.

"How can I prove it to you?"

"You can be home tomorrow by morning so that I can give you a hug, drag you up to my guest room and talk to you about all the things you missed and you can tell me all the things you've done without me."

"And that will make you happy?"

"Yes, yes it will."

"Okay then. Harry and I will start packing right now and we'll be home by morning."

"You don't have to bring Harry. You can leave him in India," Ginny said, getting another shove from Fish.

"Ginny, I'm bringing Harry with me."

"Fine. Whatever makes you happy. But if you're not here tomorrow morning me and Fish are running away to elope, I'll have to drag Fish but that will be why you'll suffer. Harry will have to deal with Fish and you'll have to deal with Harry. Hah!"

"I'll be back by morning," Bonnie said, hanging up and jumping off the counter. She put her half-eaten pancakes in the sink.

"We're leaving?" Harry asked from the counter.

"Start packing. Ginny needs me," Bonnie yelled, running up the stairs.

Harry rolled his eyes. "But India!"

"How much more of India can we see in five days? And we can always come back. Now get up here and pack your things."

/-

Ginny sniffed, wiped away her fake tears and coughed. "Alright Lily, they're coming."

"Good."

"I don't know why we're trying to hurry this along," Jackline said. "It's not like either of them will be excited. We should just tell them over the phone."

"But then they'll never come back," Ron said. "And I'm getting tired of little Sirius saying nothing but 'Harry.'"

"He said Daddy the other day," James said proudly.

"Aww," the others said.

"Yeah, it was adorable. It was also his first sentence. He said, Daddy, where is Harry?" He sighed. "We have another son and all he cares about is the other one."

"Well Harry will be home tomorrow and be his normal, mean self and little Sirius won't obsess over him so much," Ginny said. "Who would obsess over Harry anyway?"

They all turned to look at her with raised eyebrows.

"Well besides now because he's the Savior."

They continued to stare as though she was joking with them all and they were waiting for the punch line.

"What?"

/-

"Bonnie?" Harry yelled from the bedroom, staring down the pile of luggage at the bottom of stairs.

"I'm almost finished Harry. I had to send Lawsin out for more luggage. I didn't realize how much I had bought."

Harry sat down on the stairs with his two suitcases. "I did," he mumbled to himself, reaching out to Prose who slid up his arm and over his shoulder.

Bonnie dropped the last suitcase as she carried it down the stairs. She sighed and looked down at her husband as he sat on the last stair. "Aren't you excited to go home? To see your little brother and your parents and Sirius and Remus and Fish and Ron and Josh."

"Oh, yes, I'm terribly excited to go back to my _therapist_," Harry said sarcastically. He sighed quietly and looked down at the family ring on his finger.

Bonnie noticed what he was staring at and joined him on the bottom step, taking his hand. "They are at home excitedly awaiting your return Kumquat. They're your family and they love you. They haven't moved on."

"How do you know?"

"Because unlike you I noticed how much they love you. Your father was very sad to see you leave without him getting to know you better."

"Right, so he probably put all his energy into Sirius. Just like he's supposed to." He stood up, dropping Bonnie's hand. "We should go before Ginny actually takes Fish to the altar by wand point."

Bonnie sighed and followed Harry out the door with her purse. The guards followed behind them with the rest of their luggage. Harry took Bonnie's hand and they apparated to the Potter Manor, followed quickly by his guards.

/-

"HARRY, YOU'RE HOME!" Lily screamed, running up to her son, ignoring Bonnie and pulling him into her arms.

Harry's eyes widened in surprise but wrapped his arms around his mother carefully, surprised at the sudden burst of affection. "Hi mom," he said softly.

"I've missed you so much baby. Fish was right to be angry, six months is far too long for you to be away from us," she cried.

"You had Sirius," Harry mumbled when she continued to hold him tightly.

"He doesn't have my lovely son's sarcastic wit." She suddenly stopped weeping, holding Harry out at arms length, tears drying up instantly and looking him over. "You look different."

"I cut my hair."

Lily tilted her head. "If you're afraid of white how is it that your hair doesn't bother you?"

"Because I put it there with my magic and I know it won't hurt me."

"Where's Ginny?" Bonnie asked while Lily passed Harry on to his father, who hugged him just as tightly, maybe tighter.

"She's upstairs pouting," Fish said sulkily beside Bonnie.

"Why is she pouting?" Bonnie asked worriedly. "It's still morning and I'm here," Bonnie said, checking her phone to clarify.

"It's not you. That was just a lie to get you to come home early."

"I told you she was faking," Harry said as his father pulled away to look him over.

"You look thinner," James said.

"It was the Amazon," Bonnie said simply, then turning back to Fish. "Ginny lied to me?" Fish just nodded silently. "So why is she pouting then?"

"Fish," Lily said accusingly before Fish could make excuses, "told Ginny that he would never elope with her. And when she asked, with such a sweet face, if he was 'planning a lovely wedding with their friends for them' he said 'no' and that he hoped she wasn't 'planning any weddings either.' He said this with a laugh and Ginny thought he was joking until he said 'I'm not like Harry, I don't believe in marriage.'"

"FISH!" Bonnie yelled in outrage. "What do you mean you don't believe in marriage? I thought you believed everything Harry did."

Harry snorted.

"Well not everything. You sleep around and you're not at all religious…" She trailed off trying to find something they had in common.

He stood and threw his arms up unenthusiastically. "Look, I thought she had realized. After my little spiel at Harry's wedding you'd think everyone would know that. Don't stare at me like that," he said, glaring. "Look, from my experience marriage doesn't work for anyone."

"It's working for Harry and I, James and Lily, Molly and Arthur, and Ginny's father isn't going to like you any better knowing you're not going to marry his daughter."

"He already knows. He didn't like me in the first place anyway."

Bonnie punched him in the arm and headed upstairs to find her friend.

Fish shook his head and turned to Harry. "So when were you in the Amazon?"

"Two months ago, but don't change the subject."

"What? I thought she knew."

"You thought Ginny knew you didn't plan to marry her? I didn't even know that and we're practically connected at the brain."

"I didn't think she'd make it a big deal. She always seemed like a casual kind of girl who didn't care about big weddings and things."

"Well Bonnie will fix things with Ginny," James said, wrapping his arm around Harry's shoulders. "You come tell us about your vacation."

"Maybe I should wait for Bonnie to be here before I tell you. Why don't we hear about Fish's tour with his band?"

"But we already heard that story," James whined.

"Well you all brought me home five days early; we're going to do what I want. Fish?" he asked, sitting down across from his friend. "Who are your band mates?"

"The band isn't as great as it was supposed to be. I hate them. Aces is the worst."

"And who is Aces?"

"He's the drummer. Johnny's new favorite. Johnny thinks I'm stupid because I went to a "special school," as the others call it and I'm not very good with math. Since I'm friends with three—four geniuses that means I should be a genius to I guess. So now Aces is kissing Johnny's arse and they've become the best of friends and the other two have become his cronies and I'm kind of like Sid Vicious after Nancy came into the pictures except I still come to work, I don't do drugs and my girlfriend won't have sex with me."

"Aww, the guys are picking on you?" Harry asked. "You want me to go beat them up?"

"Yes, but don't. I'll be kicked out of the band and while I hate it it's my dream and I'm going to live it."

"That's good. Sorry it's been shit for you."

"Yeah, I'm sure you've been having a very fun time having lots of kinky sex with your wife," Fish said, sinking into the couch.

"Kinky sex?" James asked.

"Dad, don't say that. We won't discuss it with mom in the room."

"What? I'm very open to sex," Lily argued.

"But you're my mother. That's disturbing. I'd never like to think of you and sex in the same room."

"But it's okay for you to talk about it with your father?"

"Yes, dad is a guy. Let's talk about something else. Fish, I'm sorry about Johnny."

"Stop returning to my problems. What about your problems? Six months alone with Bonnie you must have had at least one fight."

"Fish, I'm sorry that the man you'd go gay for besides me doesn't like you."

"Harry! Stop blurting things out to change the discussion. Now, what was this fight you had?"

"It was about the Amazon. Bonnie didn't want to go because it wasn't her type of place. You know, outdoorsy, no showers, no mirrors, no toilets."

"Why would you take your wife there on your honeymoon?" Lily asked.

"We were traveling. We'd planned this for a very long time. I wanted to hunt with the tribe but she thought it was disgusting and almost became a vegetarian watching me kill a chicken. But she did enjoy our nights alone on the ground in our tent. She said something about me smelling like dirt and I think that was the only thing that made her happy the whole month."

Lily was giggling behind her hand and they all stared till she waved them away.

"Anyway, the Amazon women were mean because she wore all her designer outfits and hats outside and they thought she was conceited. So she didn't enjoy it as much as I did. But—" He said before his mother could interrupt. "But, I did make up for it by letting her shop till I passed out in every other country. That seemed to make her happy so we're not fighting."

"No other fights?" Fish asked.

"No. Unlike you I know what not to say to Bonnie."

"Shut up," Fish mumbled unhappily. "I had to deal with guys trying to dye my hair in my sleep for months. I deserve a bit of forgiveness on the things I say when I get back."

"But I like your blonde hair," Harry whined.

"That's why it's still this color. There can be blonde punks, despite what Johnny seems to think. I've been a punk since I was five years old and I have always had blonde hair."

"I'm starting not to like Johnny." He turned to his parents. "So where are Sirius and Remus and everyone? Shouldn't they all be in the house somewhere?"

James and Lily looked at each other and then Lily left. James joined Harry on the couch. "They're all out Christmas shopping. They'll be back soon."

"Ginny called us back five days early, told us to be here in the morning, and you all just happen to be out shopping?"

"It was spur of the moment shopping."

"Sirius realized he needed an extra pair of socks for Dumbledore?" Harry asked as Dumbledore had sort of invited himself to Christmas this year, so his father says. Bonnie told Harry that she thinks Dumbledore misses him since they don't go to school anymore.

"No. Just shopping they forgot about."

Harry nodded slowly, suspicious but finished with questioning on this subject. "Speaking of Sirius, where is my brother?"

"In the nursery."

"Nursery," Harry muttered under his breath, as though the word sounded off to him.

"Your mother went to check on him. He still talks about you, you know."

"Yeah, non-stop. He says full sentences now. All about you," Fish said, obviously annoyed.

"That's sweet. Hasn't he said anything else yet?"

"He said daddy," James said proudly. "So he could get my attention to ask for you."

"Is that why we're home early? Because he was annoying you?"

"We can handle our own son just fine without you. He does say things that don't have to do with you. It's just odd that he talks about you so often when you're so mean to him and have been gone all this time."

"I wasn't mean. I was just disinterested and cold."

"That's worse."

"When he's past the age of four I'll settle down and be nice to him. Until then I'm being careful to keep my distance and despise you and mother for thinking it proper to have another boy without discussing it with me first."

"I'm sorry; we'll just have to remember that next time."

"What next time? You have a child, two actually. Isn't that enough?"

"I was kidding Harry. Calm down. You'd think months of sex would make you less tense but you still get worked up over the weirdest things. Besides, I strongly doubt that we'll have more than one God-fearing child." Harry glared at him but James ignored it.

"It could happen."

"But there's nothing out there to fight. You killed Voldemort and the death eaters and while I'm sure fighting will continue between countries I don't see the world ending any time soon."

"Lucius Malfoy is still on the run," Harry pointed out.

"And what is he going to do without a master to tug his leash in the right direction?"

"I don't think Lucius Malfoy needs a master if he's determined enough. And I think murdering the man who was going to take him to the top with him would be enough determination, don't you?"

"Well we haven't seen or heard anything of him yet and it's been a while," James said.

"And that doesn't make me feel any better. Just worries me. I'll be having a meeting with Josh soon, I know it."

/-

Bonnie went to Ginny's room and knocked on her door. "Ginny, it's Bonnie." As soon as she'd said her name the door opened and she was pulled inside.

"You have to tell me everything. Let's start now," Ginny said, pulling Bonnie over the couch by the fire with her. "You did have sex didn't you?"

"Well, yeah. A lot." She smiled at the memory of yesterday afternoon. "But what about you and Fish?"

"Oh don't worry about that. I'm not even old enough to get married. I'll forgive him later when we go downstairs. But now you must tell me everything about your honeymoon. Was it perfect?"

Bonnie smiled. "It was very nice. Besides the Amazon but talking about it isn't helping me repress the bad parts. But I got my wish. Harry went back to being dirty for that little while; hunting and sitting around in the dirt making him smell like dirt and fresh air. He's so pretty when he's dirty. His porcelain skin smeared with mud and his clothes all rumpled and messy." She giggled as she remembered.

"Fish is boring. I mean he's cute but school has been more interesting. He took me on a date the first day I got back from school. He said he was desperate for my company. But he wasn't very talkative. He just sat there and stared at me and while it should probably have made me happy that he found me interesting it actually made me feel…bored."

"You're not going to break up are you?" Bonnie asked worriedly.

Ginny just shrugged. "I really like Fish. I do. He's bloody hot and he's really nice but the only thing we _really_ enjoy doing together is snogging. I mean, there's that odd moment where he's really adorable and I realize why I'm dating him but it's faded a lot since we started dating."

"Maybe you just…are you sure?"

"I know you like that we're dating but I'm not sure how much longer it will last."

"Is this because he doesn't want to marry?"

"No. I guess I just realized when he said that he didn't want to get married that I didn't want to either. So I got angry because I thought there was something there but suddenly came to the realization that there no longer is. I really like Fish but I can't keep dating him if there's no click."

Bonnie nodded solemnly. "Is this the result of school?" Ginny just shrugged, Bonnie could tell she was hiding something. "You know, being away from him or something? Shouldn't you give him some time, so you can get back into the swing of things again?"

"I don't know." She looked up at her friend and Bonnie raised her eyebrows, waiting for Ginny to say something. "Bonnie…have you ever done something…spontaneous? Something you knew was a horrible idea at the time but you did it anyway and then you felt horrible but there was no way to take back what you did?"

Bonnie was silent, shocked first and then thinking. "Well, that one time with Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabinni I guess. Oh and this one time at Victoria's when I was living in the same dorm room as Harry I snuck into his bed and…well he'd never cared when I slept with him I did it all the time but…well…a spontaneous urge to undress him came over me and he caught me unbuttoning his shirt in his sleep. We were ten, he was so pretty. And well…I can't take that back. He had a whole bunch of scars on his stomach so I felt bad about trying."

"You and Harry are so weird," Ginny said, shaking her head. "But I guess that's not as bad as what I'm thinking about. But I'll just have to deal with it I guess."

"What did you do?" Bonnie asked curiously.

Ginny paused for a moment to think. "Nothing. It's nothing. Come on, let's go downstairs. We can talk more later. We should find out what everyone else is up to."

Bonnie nodded, taking Ginny's hand as she led the way out of the room.

/-

"So what was the real reason we're all home so early?" Harry asked as they all gathered in the lounge, Bonnie's parents included, without Jackline who was "in the bathroom." "Did I do something that won someone money for winning a certain bet?"

"No, not yet," James said, smiling as he thought about the bet. "Though if you must know the first one was about you winning the war but that one died when everyone bet for you."

"How nice."

"There's still two more though. We just have to wait."

"So, what is it? The reason we're here. You couldn't have missed us that much. If you did you would have made up a fake excuse months ago instead of five days before we arrived."

Everyone glanced at Sirius. Harry looked to his godfather. "Are you dying?"

Sirius smiled. "No, I'm not dying. Kind of the opposite actually."

"You're getting married?" Bonnie asked excitedly.

"That's not really the opposite is it?"

"No, but death is sad and marriage is a happy event. That's kind of opposite."

"Jackline and I are not getting married," Sirius said sadly.

"But you're going to," Bonnie summed. "That's why she's not in the room. You're going to propose?"

"That's not it either." He sighed and finally admitted it. "Jackline's pregnant. We're going to have a baby."

The room was silent as they all waited for one response in particular. Bonnie's. They all watched as a million emotions crossed her face. She was the first to speak as Harry lowered his head sadly in silence. "Well that's great!" Not exactly the response anyone was expecting. "I'm so happy for you both. Where's Jackline?"

"Here," she said from the doorway.

Bonnie got up from her seat beside Harry and pulled her aunt into a hug. "That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. Have you told mother?"

"Yes, but…you're not upset? I just wanted you to know as soon as possible but I didn't want to upset you."

"Why would I be upset? I have the perfect husband and you're going to have a beautiful baby. You should get _something_ out of your relationship with Sirius," she joked and everyone laughed at the easy air they hadn't anticipated.

"I'm hurt beyond belief," Sirius whined. "I'm much prettier than Harry," he said, flipping his hair.

"What I really want to know is does this mean you're getting married?"

"Maybe later," Jackline said. "We want to focus on the baby for now."

"When did you find out?" Bonnie asked, sitting beside Jackline on the empty sofa.

"Just this week. Like I said, I wanted you to know."

They spent the next hour discussing the baby and such before moving on to Harry and Bonnie's trip. No one was getting their presents from them until Christmas. They talked about all of the countries they visited, all the sites they saw, all the museums Harry dragged Bonnie to and all the markets and shops Bonnie dragged Harry to. Then they moved on to what had been going on with everyone else while the two were gone. They skipped over Fish since, by now, everyone had already heard his whole story about how much he hated his band and how he wanted Aces to die. (Aces had left with the other two of the band when Harry and Bonnie were planned to arrive.) James and Sirius had returned to their positions at Hogwarts and Remus returned to his. Lily had been taking care of little Sirius who was asleep upstairs. And Ginny….

"You're breaking up?" Harry asked, standing up from his chair.

"We're not broken up," Ginny said cautiously. "We're…taking a break."

Fish snorted.

"Fine Fish, why don't you explain to your leader what we currently are," Ginny said.

Fish just glared at her.

"But I liked you two as a couple," Harry said sadly. "You were such a cute example of opposites attracting, like Bonnie and I."

"Ginny, you didn't tell me you were broken up. You said you were unsure," Bonnie said.

"We just decided a second ago," Ginny said. "With our expressions."

"A sure sign that you should _not_ break up," Harry said surely.

"Does this involve seeing other people?" Sirius asked.

"Of course, isn't that the point?" Ginny asked.

"Finally, I can have sex again," Fish mumbled.

"It means date, not have sex with them," Ginny altered.

"That's not fair. You weren't planning to have sex with anyone anyway."

"Well I'm the woman. It's my choice. If we get back together I don't want to pick up any diseases you may bring back with you."

"Oh _please_. Like you'll ever stop being a prude long enough for anyone to—"

"FISH!" Harry yelled before he could finish the sentence. "I don't think you need to resort to that. We all get the point. You're both very angry."

They were both silent, refusing to look at each other.

"I am not a prude," Ginny said quickly.

"Let's all go eat lunch, hmm?" Lily said, smiling to bring the group back. "Come on. Out of the lounge everyone before someone says something that ruins our appetites."

/-

When the day was over Harry and Bonnie headed back to their little house that his guards had sent over and placed somewhere on the grounds of the Potter Manor until they decided on a stationary home.

The house was silent as they entered, neither saying anything. Bonnie slowly un-accessorized as she headed up the stairs, dropping her new headband on the stairs and bracelet and a shoe along with it as she headed toward the room. Harry followed after her silently, aware of what was coming.

As soon as he entered the room, noticing her standing in the center of the room quietly and calmly, he closed the door to prepare for the scream that erupted from her small frame.

Harry came up behind her and grabbed her around the waist, holding her arms down to her side, away from her hair, and holding her back against his chest. Bonnie's scream fizzled out as she ran out of breath and her anger turned into sobs as she sunk to the floor; Harry following with his arms still wrapped protectively around her. Bonnie put her hands to her face and Harry placed a kiss on her cheek.

"It's okay pet. It'll be okay," he promised, kissing her cheek and her jaw and relaxing her wrists.

"Please don't tell her. I don't want to upset her. Please don't tell," Bonnie pleaded, resting her head back on his shoulder, sobbing as he rocked her side to side.

"I won't tell. I promise," he promised her softly, slowly releasing her so she could turn to curl up in his lap and sob against his chest, letting him hold her and rock her side to side until she cried herself to sleep. When he was sure she wasn't about to wake up he picked her up and put her in the bed, changing her clothes and climbing in behind her.

After months of being alone with her he had learned a lot more about his wife. She'd always wanted a baby, he knew that. But everyone wanted the things they couldn't have. But Harry knew that if Bonnie could have anything in the world, she would have a baby and she'd give up anything but Harry to have one. And if he could, he would give her one. But according to all of her healers, that would never happen; even if Harry Potter was a miracle worker.

.

.

AN: I have a question for my readers. Maybe if I ask you for input I'll get more reviews. We'll see. Anyway, say a gang of men held up you and your friend and one of the men shot your friend because of the side she took in a war. They left you, because someone scared them off or something but you're still alive. Your friend dies on your way to taking her to the hospital. So you call your friend because you're too hysterical to do anything yourself and he offers to take care of it.

Is it too much to murder the people who killed your friend instead of just letting the police handle it? Maybe you should just beat them up real bad? I heard that some people in small towns do this to people because they don't like police, like when someone gets raped.

I was worried that I had gone too far in one of my future chapters so I just wanted your input about it. Thanks for those of you who reply.


	2. What the Hell is Wrong With Ginny Weasle

AN: Thanks for the review Amy, I hope you enjoy rereading it. Un-posed new chapters will be up soon. I'm working on them.

Thanks to Living in the Clouds for the review, I hope this chapter answers your question on what's going on with Ginny. hehe. The title is a clue on what this one will be about.

Hope you all enjoy.

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Chapter 49

What the Hell is Wrong With Ginny Weasley?

.

"I hate you," Ginny said, her arms folded across her chest as she sat across the dinner table from her ex-boyfriend.

"You know, you really need to learn how to deal with exes after you breakup with them. You're so inexperienced," Fish said.

"At least I haven't slept with every girl in four neighboring countries."

Fish shook his head, ignoring her.

"Alright lovebirds, you're ruining everyone's mood," James said. "It's Christmas Eve. Pretend you tolerate each other or just pretend the other person doesn't exist."

"That may be fun," Ginny said.

Fish rolled his eyes.

Bonnie shoved her elbow into Ginny's arm. "Stop being so mean. He looks sad," Bonnie said, glancing at Fish who was trying not to look it.

"It's probably because I'm denying him shagging and snogging."

"I don't get why you're acting like this. It didn't seem that bad."

"Well you've been gone for six months and you don't go on our dates. He's…not him. Maybe it was because Harry was gone or maybe because his band is evil toward him but he needs to get over it."

"Why don't you just tell me what you did? I could help."

Ginny just shook her head. "It's nothing, I told you."

"How come I'm not allowed to meet the band?" Harry asked Fish, trying to draw the attention away from the fighting.

"Because they suck. No one is going to see them ever again. I have to work with them, I don't want to see them outside of rehearsal and practice," Fish said, his tone bored and indifferent.

"That's not really healthy Fish. Maybe you should leave the band," Jackline said.

"This is the Sex Pistols. You don't leave the band because you don't like the people in it. Unless something like the Sid and Nancy, John Lennon and Yoko Ono thing happens. And if that breaks up the band I guess it would be because of me. Right Yoko?" he asked Ginny.

Ginny ignored him.

"But what is the fun of being in the Sex Pistols if you can't enjoy it?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know. The history of it. Though Johnny doesn't really like me as much as he used to either." He looked up at Harry. "This is your fault."

"How is this my fault?"

"I only have two guys I actually like in this world and the one I went on tour with doesn't like me and you left me."

"You said you were fine when you left."

"I was."

"Maybe you need therapy. I'll lend you my sessions with Josh."

"That's okay. We all know you need them more than I do. I just need to get a new idol I guess and then I can quit the band. Maybe I'll take after Sirius. Wait till I'm forty and date a younger woman."

"I'm so touched that you would like to idolize me Fish," Sirius said, "but the only reason this worked out for me is because I spent thirteen years in prison. Blocking all that out I'm still in my mid-twenties. Like Remus."

Remus nodded.

"What does that mean?"

"That means unless you plan to go to prison you should start trying to get where I am now. You have around ten years."

"Fine. Ginny, in ten years we're getting back together."

"I don't think so. It's now, soon or never."

"Just because everyone else is nuts doesn't mean we have to be. We're 18 and 17. I don't _want_ to be a married teenager; I want to be a punk. And _you_ are _ruining_ it for me."

"Tough cookies."

"You're infuriating."

"That's a big word Fish, don't hurt yourself."

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

"Alright, that's enough of that. You two better behave or you're going to stay in your rooms while the rest of us open presents," James said.

"And if you don't start being nicer to each other Bonnie and I will give your presents to little Sirius."

When Harry turned away Bonnie leaned into the table and whispered to the two, "not really." She shook her hand telling them not to worry about it as she sat back in her chair.

/-

Two hours later they'd all gathered in the lounge by the tree where all the presents were laid. "So do you think little Sirius could get one present on Christmas Eve? I want to see what you got him," Lily said excitedly, sitting her young son on her lap, trying to hold him back as he reached for his brother.

"Fine, but just to let you know Bonnie said it was weird. I think it's a very appropriate gift to my brother but…" He went to the tree and grabbed a small box and handed it to his mother.

"Look Sirius, it's a present from Harry." She let him unwrap it, helping him along and opened a box to reveal a small black beaded bracelet just big enough for little Sirius's wrist.

"It was blessed by the high priestess in the Amazon tribe we visited. It protects against Gods who wish to do him harm."

"Oh," his mother said, smiling. "Well that's lovely."

"Don't worry. We got him something else as well."

"It's a lovely gift dear. It's so nice that you want to protect your brother against…your God."

"Well that's why they call us god-fearing."

"Did we all get protection from your God?" Sirius asked.

"No, you have a religion. You won't need it," he lied.

/-

"So who else is going to Luna and Draco's wedding next week?" Harry asked as they all sat around the tree drinking tea and hot chocolate after church. He glanced at Ginny out of the corner of his eye. Fish was looking at her to.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "I already owled Luna. She said Fish and I can each bring a date. It's a s

mall wedding anyway. Neither have many friends since the war…though Luna didn't start off with a lot of friends really."

"I'm looking forward to it," Harry said. "I'm so happy for them. It's good that they were both able to move on from the war. What with death eaters killing Luna's father and me killing Draco's death eater mother." He grabbed a gift from under the tree to give to the next person. "From Fish to…Ginny." He glanced at his friend.

"Put it back under the tree."

"But—"

"Put it. Back," Fish said.

"Fine," Harry said, placing the box back under the tree and reaching for another. "Here Hermionie, this one is for you."

Hermionie took the gift, which was from Harry and Bonnie. She tore off the wrapping paper to find a stack of thick books tied together with a purple ribbon.

"We kept finding a whole bunch of books," Bonnie said, "and we always forgot that we had gotten you one at the last place we went so we ended up with a whole bunch. I hope you like them all."

"Thanks."

"We also got you this…because everyone got one," Harry said, handing her a small square gift. "Its hand made so it's not like we spent an insane amount of money on you or anything."

Hermionie opened the wrapping and then the box and lifted out a small brown figure. It was a box shape, square and inside was obviously a library with a figure of Hermionie standing inside it with books stacked around her feet. "It's made of chocolate," Harry said. "I tried to recreate the Hogwarts library for you."

"It's wonderful Harry. I see you had a lot of free time on your hands," she giggled.

"These are the thoughts that plagued me while I was waiting for Bonnie to finish shopping."

"Thanks."

"You know we also have to go to Bill's wedding a week after Draco's," Ron said as he took a gift from Bonnie. "Christmas is the time for pureblood weddings. You know I never got that. Why we have so many occasions during the holiday season. Like people don't have enough to do."

"It's for the women," Lily said. "We like to spree. And what better to spree on than party dresses. Christmas, weddings…"

"Good planning," Bonnie agreed. "I bought my dress for Draco's wedding in New York. It would have been from Milan but Harry wouldn't let us go."

"Milan is still under reconstruction. You couldn't find a dress there to save your life," Harry said.

"You could have let me try. Maybe something destroyed in the war, Miu Miu original hidden in the rubble that I could buy for half the price and fix with some potion or spell."

"And then let you be crushed by some big piece of old rock from a building as you search through rubble for a designer dress."

"But you'll just bring me back right?" Bonnie smiled.

Harry glared at her. "I can only bring you back from spells. Don't talk like that."

They both looked to Ron as he opened his gift.

"We found it in Japan," Harry said. "It's a chess board with little dragon figures and stuff. Don't worry; you don't have to speak Japanese to get the pieces to work. And those are Japanese candies," he said as Ron lifted a box of Pocky. "And those are really good. I went through a few boxes while we were in Japan but I think you can buy them here to."

"Harry got high off them for the whole month we were there. We saw someone trying to smoke one to, I'm guessing a tourist. It didn't work out so well but it was funny to watch," Bonnie said. "Oh, and I have to go to Jacobie's wedding to. Harry and I do. It's in two weeks. It's on a weekday."

"I don't have to go," Harry said.

"Yes you do. Jacobie specifically invited you."

"Why would he do that?"

"I think he likes you."

"Your cousin, who was trying to steal you away from me and made rude comments about my limp, likes me?"

Bonnie shrugged. "I think he thinks you're funny."

"I'm not funny."

"That's right; you're not really all that funny. I don't know what it is. Maybe Fish was right about the Russians and now Jacobie wants to gloat about it."

"That seems a bit weird. How would he know anyway? Isn't it a rule that you're not supposed to have sex before marriage in pureblood families?"

"No," James, Sirius and Jackline said all at once. "As long as no one finds out about it," James finished.

"That's disgraceful." He looked up at his parents. "Was I a product of sex before marriage?"

Lily looked to be in thought. "I don't think so. No, because the fight was while we were married. You're fine."

"Great." He pulled another gift from under the tree. "Here Ron. Your chocolate gift."

"You really made one for everyone?"

"Of course I did. I didn't want to leave anyone out. And don't worry, it has a never-melt charm on it but you can still eat it if you'd like."

Ron unwrapped his and found a chocolate chess set. "It's from first year, remember? There's you as the knight and me and Hermionie on the board and all the other chess pieces. Lots of detail went into that one."

Harry handed out all of his chocolate gifts. The marauders got one all together, modeled after a photo his mother had given him of the three in their seventh year with Pettigrew cut off the end. Little Sirius got a chocolate wand which he immediately took a bite out of. Bonnie even got one of herself and Harry doing the tango. "See, you are nice pure white chocolate and I am made of milk chocolate because I'm so sweet."

"I am not so pure anymore Harry."

"Oh, you'll always be as pure as the fallen snow to me my love," he said, kissing her lightly on the lips.

/-

The next morning they all sat around the breakfast table; Ginny and Fish still making the table tense, Hermionie already half-way through one of her new books and everyone else sitting in the tense moment unable to avoid it.

"So Hermionie," Harry said, interrupting her book reading. "How is your apprenticeship? Are Ginny and Luna keeping you company at Hogwarts?"

"Oh it's fine. Professor Vector is a great mentor. And Luna has been great company. She's so sweet and semi-sane since she got engaged to Draco. I think they make each other tolerable to other people, it's a wonderful match. But Ginny has been acting weird the entire time. Sorry Fish, we can't blame the breakup on 'that-time-of-the-month."

"HEY! Don't talk about me like I'm not here," Ginny hissed.

"Being a teacher is great though," Hermionie said, ignoring her. "You hear all of the school gossip. That makes me a little worried about how much the other teachers knew about what we were all doing when we thought they were oblivious. School is like a soap opera though."

"Our school career certainly was," Fish said. "And I was only there one year."

"Yes," Harry added. "Third year with my killer godfather, Hermionie and Ron trying to pretend their glances were hateful and not flirty, then fourth year when my godfather was living in a cave and I brought him food and I fought in a tournament I didn't enter myself in, and me and Ron got in this fight like an old married couple and what I still don't get is why Ron got to keep the rest of you and I had to hang out with Neville."

"Hermionie was in love with me and Ginny's my sister," Ron clarified.

"But Hermionie was annoyed with you. It was your fault for being angry with me. She should have been on my side. And Ginny was practically still attracted to me so she should have been on my side."

"You're just not used to people not taking your side."

"I know… which leads to the next year of soap opera where the entire country was against me and all for putting me in a mental institution. The evil teacher who tortured me, a giant in the forest who is a half-brother to our groundskeeper…hmm, there wasn't much going on that year that wasn't…disturbing."

They all turned when Ginny stood from the table. "Where are you going?" Bonnie asked.

"I have my last fitting for my bridesmaids dresses. Luna and Bill's. I'm so sorry Bonnie but my mother forced me to be her bridesmaid. Apparently Fluer said she was uneven because Bill has two."

"It's alright. You were my maid of honor and I got you first so it doesn't bother me."

Ginny smiled. "I'll see you all tomorrow at the wedding."

They all returned to their private conversations as they continued with breakfast; little Sirius still chewing on his chocolate wand that neither James nor Lily could take from him.

Harry set down his mail from the Evil Pope, the Minister, Dumbledore and his merciless new fan clubs and turned to his mother. "Mum?"

"Yes sweetheart?" she asked as she read from the paper and drank her tea.

"How come we never celebrate New Years? Isn't that the biggest party holiday? You love throwing parties."

"But you don't like parties," James answered. "We try to scale it down to the main holidays for your benefit."

"We're only thinking of your health darling," Lily said, patting his hand.

"That's so nice of you. But I don't mind when you have parties. Fish and I love free liquor. Besides, I didn't mean party with lots of people party I mean any type of celebration. It's as if we skip right over the holiday."

"That's because we do," Bonnie said, reading Vanity Fair. "Remember when we were nine, me and Fish found you passed out on the porch with a bloody shoulder and you spent all of New Years mumbling about rat poison and some sort of hole."

Harry squinted in confusion. "No."

"You don't remember that?"

"Not at all."

"Well you were kind of out of it."

"I must have blocked it out. That was a bad year for the holiday season."

"So you want to celebrate New Years?" Lily asked.

"No, I was just curious because the holiday never seems to come to mind, but everyone keeps sending me this stuff. My fan club sent me this disturbing photo of them all wearing nothing but Santa hats," he said, staring crookedly at the photo from the letter. "If they really knew me at all they would know that I despise and detest Santa Claus," he said as Bonnie stole the photo from his hand and tore it into pieces.

"Harry, your brother is sitting at the table."

"Don't tell me you're trying to fill his head with lies."

"It's nice to give your child something to believe in."

"Let him believe that his parents don't lie to him. When I was a kid Fish and I were under the impression that Santa was this fat evil guy, and we all know how I feel about fat men…." They all stared unknowingly.

"Harry doesn't like really obese men around him because his childhood has shown him that they eat all his food and abuse him," Fish answered.

"Right, so Fish and I believed Santa was this fat, evil guy with pointy teeth who snuck into your house at night to try and eat you. I had a serious fear of large men when I was a child. Only Hogwarts food and mother's cooking got me over that one."

"What I don't get is why I haven't been invited to any Vanity Fair parties or anything. New Years and I cured _cancer_ for god sakes. Vanity Fair hasn't even had the decency to ask me to be on the cover of their magazine or do an interview or anything," Bonnie whined.

"Maybe they think you're like Harry and don't want to be in the spotlight," Remus said.

"I've wanted to be in Vanity Fair since I was four."

"That's true, she has," Mrs. McNeal said as she walked into the dining room, Jackline behind her.

"Hi mummy," Bonnie said, delighted that her mother finally made an appearance.

"Hi honey. Your aunt and I were just going to go shopping for baby things. We're going to fung-shui the baby's room. Would you like to join us?"

"Um, no. That's alright. I'm just gonna stay here…with Harry."

Her mother smiled knowingly. "Alright. Well, maybe next time."

As they both turned to leave Bonnie felt Harry's hand move onto her thigh and squeeze her knee soothingly.

The next day was Luna and Draco's wedding. It was very small and private; perfect for the new Draco Malfoy with his beautiful new wife. The guests knew that the old Draco would have had a large, over-the-top wedding and would have been marrying a completely different person; not to mention the guests themselves would probably not be there. The only person who would be there either way was Blaise Zabinni, the best man. Harry Potter would definitely not have been there.

Luna looked beautiful in a white dress and very happy to be on Draco's arm. Who would have guessed? He was nicer to her than anyone else.

Ginny didn't bring a date to the wedding; she spent most of her time with Luna or the best man, who she had gotten to know during Bonnie's rebellious phase they guessed. Fish had not brought a date either, still hung up on Ginny and refusing to move on no matter what his latest ex-girlfriend said. After congratulating Draco he put himself at a table with Harry and Bonnie and ate cake.

"I'm sure she'll get over it," Bonnie said, leaning into the table toward him. She hated to see him upset. He had such a childish face when he was upset and the motherly instincts held up inside her made her want to reach out to him. But he was reluctant to let her in.

"Is she going to tell me what was wrong with her in the first place? If she just let me know why we're broken up it wouldn't be such a big deal. I mean, I really like her but if I'm boring her or she doesn't think it's working out I'll just have to deal with that and move on. But she refuses to even give me a clue. It's obviously my fault though. It's always my fault. Do you think she got bored with me?"

"You're not boring Fish. And how could she get bored? You were separated for five and a half months. She should be more excited to see you than ever. I don't know what's wrong with her," Bonnie said. "She won't talk to me. I mean she will but she won't be truthful about it. She says stuff about you being different and all but I can tell she's lying to me. She asked me when I got home if I'd ever done anything I regretted that I couldn't take back, but when I asked what she did she just said, 'nothing.' Harry can't you just read her mind?"

"She won't get close enough to let me, now that the idea has occurred to both of us," Harry sighed, sneaking a piece of Fish's cake.

"I don't know what happened. I swear I didn't do anything. I didn't even pressure her into sex. I said nothing. What did I do?"

"Nothing, maybe she's gone nuts," Tim said as he and Tom joined them at the table with beer bottles.

"That happens sometimes," Tom said.

"Remember what you did to Hanna," they finished together.

The three stared at them. "That's the first thing I've heard you say in about a year," Harry said thoughtfully.

The two just shrugged and took a sip of their beers.

"Anyway, I didn't do that to Hanna. Hanna did that to herself. She's always been like that. Ginny wouldn't ruin her hair like that," Fish said. "How come Draco Malfoy can come back from the war with a wife but I can't keep my girlfriend?"

"Karma?" Harry offered. Fish raised his eyebrows in question. "Well, I doubt Draco has been celibate but…well."

"Your God is punishing me because I had too much sex? It's not like I cheated on her. I'm allowed to have sex without marriage, remember? It's all in the contract."

"Tim and Tom aren't supposed to know," Harry said.

"Tim and Tom don't talk. I've been babbling about it for years while you were gone."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Well then maybe Tim and Tom are right. Maybe Ginny has lost her marbles."

/-

"Alright, so we go to Bill's wedding Friday afternoon, Jacobie's is on Saturday morning and then the next Saturday is Sober Day. I've already checked with everybody, they're all still going to be home so they can all make it," Harry said to Fish as they sat in the lounge together with Bonnie, Hermionie and Ron. Ginny had been avoiding them since Luna and Draco's wedding, apparently very busy helping her mother with Bill's wedding.

"I'm not going to Bill's tomorrow," Fish said.

"What, why not?"

"I don't feel I should go. Bill hardly knows me. He didn't actually invite me; I was going to be Ginny's date. Besides, I'm tired of going to all of these shwanky parties. Jacobie's is enough."

"I'm tired of them to but I still have to go," Harry said.

"Well I don't. And I don't feel like having all of Ginny's brothers glare at me when I don't even know what I did." He turned to Ron. "Your father hates me now doesn't he?"

"Hate is such a strong word," Ron said.

"Yeah, whatever. Your sister is nuts."

"She's the only girl of seven."

"When you see her tomorrow tell her I want an answer."

/-

(AN: We're skipping Bill's wedding because nothing really happened there.)

/-

"Okay," Bonnie said, sliding into a seat beside Fish and Harry at their assigned table at Jacobie's wedding. She looked around; making sure Ginny was out of hearing range. "Ginny _sort of_ spilled her guts to me, but only a little. She says she did something she feels guilty about and she doesn't feel like she deserves you anymore. She wants you to move on. She still wouldn't tell me what she did; she just admitted that she actually did something."

"Are you sure she wasn't just saying that so I would leave her alone?"

"I don't know. She seemed sincere. Maybe she decided to be a politician while we were all gone or a reporter or decided on some other job we would all be offended at."

"I wouldn't be offended if Hermionie became Minister why would I care what Ginny wanted to do?"

"Maybe you should tell her that. Some girls freak out about little things like that."

"What are you guys talking about?" Jacobie asked, sliding into a seat at their table. "You know I didn't invite you three so you could avoid me."

"Sorry Jacobie. Hey, why was I invited anyway?" Fish asked.

"Because, Harry said it was your advice. Russians _are_ great in bed."

"Oh, well good for you mate. My girlfriend's a nutcase, I'm glad my experience helped someone."

"Yeah, she's a little scary outside the bedroom. She glares at me a lot and I still can't tell what she's saying a lot of the time but I think I've picked up a few Russian swears. But inside the bedroom she's almost normal. In her own weird way. I think after a while we'll start to get along. Maybe after I start understanding her language or she starts understanding mine."

"That could help. The girl I slept with knew what I was saying. Her accent was a little too thick to understand her but it all came along in the end."

"I'm so happy for you Jacobie," Bonnie said. "It's a beautiful wedding by the way. Ania looked beautiful."

"Yeah, she is very pretty isn't she?" Jacobie said, glancing at his bride with a smile.

"Aww, you really like her," Bonnie smiled. "It's so cute. I told you it wouldn't be that bad."

Jacobie rolled his eyes.

Jacobie eventually left and they spent the rest of the time at their table, Bonnie and Fish torturing Harry with cake that only they could eat. When the party was over Ginny tried to escape home with her mother but Bonnie dragged her back before she got in the limo. "Come on Gin, I haven't seen you in a long while. You've been with your family all week. You won't talk to me. Just ride back with me and we can talk and then I'll let you go."

Ginny sighed and rolled her eyes but let Bonnie pull her into the back of the limousine. She looked away from Fish who sat on the other side. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked out the window.

"Gin, can't we at least be civil instead of just glaring at each other? We share friends; we have to learn to get along."

"Fine," she said, but continued to look out the window stubbornly.

Fish rolled his eyes but avoided her for the rest of the car ride. When they finally arrived at the house he became completely fed up with her and couldn't stand it anymore. "Alright, that's it," he said, roughly grabbing her arm.

"Hey!" Ginny yelled, trying to pull away but not succeeding. "Let go."

"What is wrong with you Ginny? I don't see you for months and when I come back I tell you how much I miss you and as far as I know I don't remember saying anything offensive or talking about exes or anything else that would make you break up with me out of the blue. And now you're treating me like crap. What the _hell_ did I do?"

"You didn't do anything."

"We were fine. I know we were. Even your letters said so. It can't just be that I won't marry you. You've known since we met about my commitment issues. There must be something else. What is it? Just tell me."

"You didn't do anything Fish."

"Then what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I CHEATED ON YOU!"

There was silence filling the room as everyone stared at Ginny in shock. Fish was silent, his expression unreadable, so Ginny continued.

"I had sex with someone at school during a party while you were gone. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I did it. I don't know why I did it. I must have been drunk or drugged or something. Someone must have slipped me some kind of potion. I—Fish I didn't mean to hurt you, it was a mistake; it didn't mean anything to me at all…." She went silent as Fish's hand went lax and released her. She waited for him, as he stared down at the floor with his eyebrows pulled together, to say something. She took a quick breath. "Please say something. Fish?"

He stood for another moment, staring at the floor before turning and walking out of the room.

Ginny slumped against the wall and put her face in her hands. "Oh God."

Silence surrounded the room.

"Ginny…" Bonnie whispered.

"Everyone just shut up." Ginny stood and left the room. They heard the front door slam.

"I'm going to find Fish," Harry said.

"Everyone's relationship is going too well right now," James said, pointing out to Bonnie and Harry that the rest of the house had entered the hallway. "I don't think anyone should go see him. It might upset him."

"But Fish always wants to me."

"I think after hearing that his first real girlfriend cheated on him while he was at his lowest is not the time he needs to see you."

Harry sighed and thought for a second. "I'll call Avin. His soul mate cheated on him." Harry took his phone out of his pocket. It rang before could even open it. "Hello?" He listened and his face fell. "Okay, I won't." He hung up. "He doesn't want me to call anyone."

/-

Fish was sitting outside on the front steps of the Potter Manor, his arms wrapped around his knees and his chin resting on them. He had never felt so vulnerable. He'd never been cheated on and he had never cheated on anyone else, it was kind of hard without ever having a serious relationship. The fact that Ginny, someone he really liked and cared about, his first serious girlfriend; would cheat on him with some guy made him feel worthless. He lets one girl get to know the real him, tells her his real name, and she didn't even want to be with him. He felt stupid for making such a horrible mistake with her.

Fish heard footsteps come up behind him and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Ginny, I don't want to talk."

Her footsteps stopped but then she rushed forward and sat down on the steps in front of him, turning to look at him. "Fish, I am so sorry."

"Ginny, I really don't want to hear it right now. I don't care how sorry you are, it's not going to change what you did."

"I know that." She lowered her head in shame. "And I wish I could take it back. I should go find a time turner."

"Go ask your brother." He saw the thoughtful look on her face. "Don't think about it Ginny. You've done it, there's no taking it back. People aren't supposed to give themselves second chances."

"But what if they really need them. They've made a horrible mistake that ruined their life and the life of someone they really care about."

"Well they'll have to deal with it won't they?"

Ginny pressed her lips together in thought. She placed her hand on Fish's knee but he knocked it away. "I'm sorry Fish. It didn't mean anything. I just…I missed you so much."

"You missed me? My fucking leader just left me and then I come home to find out that my girlfriend fucked some other guy. And I've loved Harry for years; _he_ leaves _me_ all the fucking time. How do you think that makes _me_ feel, huh?"

"You love Harry?"

"Of course I do, he's my everything." He saw the confused look on Ginny's face. "Not the same way…." He sighed angrily. "I love him the way people love _God, _okay? But that's not the fucking point. We're not talking about my relationship with Harry. This is about you and me and you fucking some other guy when I'm not here. I mean…come on Ginny. You won't fuck me, someone who…. I told you my name, something only two people in this world know—and even if I won't say the word aloud you must know I do because I've never stayed with one girl for over a week and even her I had sex with—but then as soon as I'm gone you go ahead and fuck some guy you don't even hardly know. What kind of person does that? I don't know what to think of that."

"I know. I'm the stupidest person in the world. I wasn't thinking at all."

"Wereyou _drinking_?" he asked, looking at her. "Not that it would excuse what you've done; I just want to know how much alcohol or drugs you had to ingest to get you to cheat on me, _if_ any at all."

Ginny lowered her head. "None. It was during a party but I wasn't drinking anything. I was just…being an idiot. I have no idea why I did it. I was stupid. I was lonely. It was a moment of weakness I guess."

Fish looked at her. "Do you not love me? If you don't, please just tell me. If you're truthful and stop it all now, I can just move on. Just say it."

"No, I do love you. I don't know what's wrong with me." She scooted closer and reached for Fish's hand but he pulled it away. "Fish, I'm so sorry. It's not a good excuse, I know. I can't say anything to make you feel better and I can't say anything to make up for what I've done. I'm untrustworthy and I don't deserve you. But I want to deserve you. I want to be with you. I don't want to be with anyone else."

"Did you do it so you could say you had exes to?"

"No! I'm sorry about all of that. I was always such a horrible and jealous girlfriend and then I'm the one who cheats. I don't deserve you at all. You come back and pick me up from Hogwarts and take me to lunch and you're so sweet. Telling me how much you missed me, how you were thinking of me, giving me a flower and buying me a cute little lunch. You're so good to me and I cheated on you. I didn't have the heart to tell you that I was horrible so I thought if I started acting really mean and made a big deal about marriage—because I know it bothers you—that you would break up with me but you just dealt with it. And when I broke up with you I thought you'd go out and sleep with a girl and we'd be even but you're so committed to our damn relationship. So I just thought if I couldn't make amends then we couldn't be together."

Fish lowered his head. "I'm sorry I made it so hard for you."

"No, it should be hard. I did something horrible and you should torture me with guilt and never forgive me. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything you have to offer; I'm only selfish enough to beg you to forgive me."

Fish sighed. "Alright Ginny. I will eventually forgive you for this. But it will take a while. And me saying that is a lot you know. Now that you're having sex with random people, when I do forgive you I'll be expecting it."

Ginny smiled and scooted closer to him. "Whenever you want. We could right now if you want. I don't mind."

Fish shook his head. "It's too soon. It would be pity sex. When I can trust you again. Do you even want to have sex with me?"

"Of course I do. I find you very attractive. I want to have sex with you more than I wanted to with that other guy. He meant nothing to me. I was…I don't know. I missed _you._"

"I wasn't doing anything. I'm sure Albus would have let you out of school to come see me. You could have written me a letter and told me to meet you in Hogsmeade, you wanted to have sex. I would have been there in seconds and spent a million dollars on a room. Do you have any idea how badly I wanted to be your first? You're the only girl I've ever dated who was a virgin besides my first." Ginny blushed. "They've all been with at least 12 other guys. They weren't exactly hard to conquer. You were something I had to work for and it made me appreciate you. I wanted to know what that would feel like, to know I was worthy of being your first. Now all I know is that I'm not."

"I'm sorry I can't take it back."

"Me to." He paused, looking down at his knees as he ground the toe of his shoe against the step. "Ginny. I think we need to take a break. I don't know if you even want to get back together but if you do it'll take me a couple months."

Ginny lowered her head, her eyes watering. "I do want to get back together," she said, looking up at him.

"Maybe if I feel like it, in a couple months or so. I just need some time to adjust and think okay?"

Ginny nodded, looking at the pavement to keep Fish from seeing the tears welling up in her eyes. She knew they would have been just fine and happy if she hadn't made such a horrible mistake. "I'm sorry."

"Me to." He stood and turned away. "I'll see you…tomorrow, I guess."

/-

"So you're definitely broken up now?" Harry asked, sitting in the lounge, just him and Fish.

"Yeah, I used the expression 'on a break' because I may consider forgiving her and get back together but right now I don't even want to think about it." He wrapped his arm around his leg. "I'm thinking of picking up smoking again."

"I wouldn't blame you," Harry said, running his hand through his friend's hair. "Sober Day is coming up. I won't count your days for you if you want to go to a bar or something."

"I think the days are gone when you can casually go to a bar Jimmy," Fish laughed.

"Oh yeah. Well my parents have some liquor in the house, I'm sure."

"That's okay. I don't think liquor is going to make me happy right now; just bring me down. You know what does make me happy though. Tomorrow I'm going to call Johnny and tell him that I'm quitting the Sex Pistols." He sighed against Harry's shoulder. "The best way to show your idol that you look up to them is by beating them at their own game. And since I can't do that to you I'll do it to Johnny. I'll just form my own band like I had planned to."

"Good. I'll promote you and come to all of your shows."

"Sure you will."

"Well, whenever I'm not having champagne with the Minister and the Pope," he said sarcastically. "You know that's never going to happen to Sober Day right? I'm not getting classy just because of Bonnie. I know you worry about that." Fish shook his head but didn't deny it. "Bonnie isn't making me classy she's just making me hate them more. I'll always remember how I grew up Fish, that's not something you can forget."

"I know. But you're…you know. You were meant to be rich. I'll always be a truly poor person."

Harry glanced at Fish from the corner of his eye. "Does that make you respect me less? Because I'm rich."

"No, of course not. I just think…it, maybe, separates us a bit."

Harry shoved Fish off the couch and he fell on the floor. Harry crossed his arms and pouted. "It does not. I'm no better than you are. You want half my money, go ahead and take it."

"Fine," Fish said, leaning up on his arms, "it doesn't separate us."

"Damn right it doesn't. You wanna go fight in the backyard?"

"Only if you do."

"I'm okay. I just thought our childhood games would make you feel better."

"Yeah, you know how much I miss you breaking my arm," Fish joked, climbing back onto the couch. "It's not your fault my girlfriend cheated on me. You don't have to put in this quality time like this."

"What are you talking about? This is not pity time, I missed you. You think I didn't miss you in the six months I was gone. Sitting outside the dressing rooms while Bonnie tried on millions of clothes I thought about you a lot."

"Well I just wished you would have been there. And I wish Ginny would have been out of school, she could have been with me and this wouldn't have happened."

"Did you ask her…you know? Who it was?"

"No, I didn't bother. I probably would have gone to find them and beat the shit out of them like we did Malfoy when he was hanging out with Bonnie. I wonder if he's angry about that now that you two are friendly."

Harry shrugged then noticed Fish's eyes directed at the open doorway. Harry turned to see Bonnie pacing in front of the door. "Pet?" Bonnie jumped, not realizing that they had seen her. She looked at Harry. "What are you doing pacing the doorway?"

"Oh, well I just…" She took a step forward and then back. "Never mind." She turned and then quickly came back, walking into the room without stopping this time. "I just thought you had a right to see it." She held out a magazine to Fish.

He took it and turned it over to the front.

There on the front cover of the Daily Prophet was a moving photo of his ex-girlfriend up against a wall in her pajamas and Blaise Zabinni pressed up against her, snogging her. **Caught in the Act, Hear the News about the Secret Love Affair, **was the title above the photo. **Photo by Colin Creevy. Pg. 12**.

"Blaise Zabinni? Isn't that Malfoy's friend?"

"The only other Slytherin to survive the war," Harry read from the paper.

"He was at the wedding. I saw him at Draco's wedding less than a week ago. He didn't even look at me. He walked down the isle with Ginny, they spent the whole night together and I never noticed anything. How could I be so stupid?"

"They did spend time together when Bonnie was having her little rebellious phase with Draco," Harry pointed out. "At least it's someone we know. Draco will see this, he'll yell at his friend for making such a stupid mistake because he knows that now that I know, I'll come kick his ass. And then we'll go kick his ass."

"I don't want to kick his ass, Harry."

"Why not?" Harry asked, standing up. "I kicked Draco's ass and freaked him out when Bonnie was just hanging out with him. He was also giving her the eye but that's beside the point. Ginny had _sex_ with him and you don't want to beat him up?"

"Besides the fact that he knew I was dating her it's not his fault. It's not like he knew me or anything. It's Ginny's fault. I mean, look at the picture Harry. She grabbed him to her. She started it. She didn't have to have sex with him. He wasn't forcing her. For all he knew we'd broken up when she went back to school."

"What if he didn't? What if he knew and he's just an evil Slytherin?"

"You're just looking for someone to beat up Harry. You've been alone with Bonnie for too long."

"So what, this is a good reason."

"I want to hurt Ginny, for putting me through all of this but I still care about her and so I can't. And I can't hurt Blaise because it's not his fault."

Harry sighed and fell into the couch, crossing his arms. "And God thinks I'm getting soft."

"You are soft. You think girls, except Hanna, can do no wrong. This is Ginny's fault, not Zabini's. I just don't want to deal with this anymore."

"Well actually this is big news," Bonnie said. "This is going to be in a lot of magazines and papers as soon as they get hold of the picture. Blaise Zabini won that Bachelor of the Year award since Draco had gone missing and you were suddenly not-so-single. And I think he's in the running again this year. Plus he's rich and he's very popular and influential. A scandal like this will be big news. I guess you wouldn't have heard about it since neither of you have been watching the news or reading the paper."

"Where did you hear about all of this?" Harry asked.

"Fashion magazines. Vanity Fair and Vogue specifically. We discuss men, fashion and politics."

"I can't believe this is happening," Fish said, curling in on himself. "I was supposed to be in an unknown rock band having sex with hot groupies. Not in a one-sided relationship with an unfaithful redhead. My life is so screwed up."

"It'll get better," Bonnie said sadly. "It has to get worse before it gets better right?"

"You're not a very good example Bonnie. You've gotten everything. I can't even be a Sex Pistol when the offer arrives. I screw everything up. And now I'm whiny to. For the love of God." He took out his wand and summoned a pack of cigarettes. "Harry, I'm smoking."

"I see that."

He took out a cigarette and lit it, relaxing as the addictive toxins filled his lungs and spread to his brain.

"So who are you taking to Sober Day then?" Bonnie asked.

"No one. I'll go stag."

"So I guess Ginny's not coming then," she sighed.

"Bonnie, Fish came first. If he doesn't want Ginny there she can't come."

"Go ahead and bring her," Fish said to Bonnie. "She can be your date. I'll go with Harry."

"Bonnie," Harry said, his face telling her she should leave.

She stood and walked out of the room, leaving the two alone again. Just as she was headed toward the door Fish's phone rang. She paused automatically to hear who it was. The only people who called Fish were Harry's followers…and Ginny.

Fish answered with a low, tired voice as smoke fell out of his mouth. "Hello?" When the voice on the other line spoke he was suddenly alert. "Sis, what's wrong? Calm down."

The room was consumed with silence and Harry and Bonnie could suddenly hear the voice over the phone.

"It's Anne. We were out shopping for groceries and when we got back to the car to put them away this gang of men came by and…Bee they killed her. Anne is dead. They said that she should have stayed with her own and this wouldn't have happened."

"Sis, just stay calm. When did this happen?"

"Just now. I'm sitting in the hospital parking lot. They said I was hysterical and wanted to give me drugs."

"You took her to the wizard hospital? Are you sure she's not okay?"

"They already told me she's gone! They tried to keep me to make me calm down, afraid I would do something. I told them I would call you so they let me go. Please come Fish, I don't wanna be alone."

"Alright, I'll be right there. I'm gonna bring Harry to, okay? And you're gonna tell us what those guys looked like and we'll find them and they'll get theirs. Okay?" He could sense her nodding over the phone as she swallowed heavily. "You're at St. Mungo's right?"

"Yeah, that's the last time I put my faith in Healers."

"I'm leaving right now. I'm hanging up."

"Bye," she said softly, hanging up first.

Fish turned to Harry.

"Of course I'll come," Harry said, reading his mind. "Bonnie, tell my parents we had to go see Fish's sister."

The two apparated together, right out of the room.

They appeared at the same spot together at St. Mungo's. St. Mungo's didn't have a parking lot. There was one little beat up Volkswagen parked in front of the wizard hospital and they could see Elizabeth inside. Fish walked up slowly so she wouldn't get scared but she still jumped when he tapped on the window.

Once she realized who he was she unlocked the door and flung it open, throwing herself into her brother's arms. Harry looked over the car. There was a large dent in the side and he matched it up to blood running down Elizabeth's shoulder beneath her torn shirt.

"Are you sure you're okay Liz?" Harry asked, motioning to Fish that she was bleeding.

"I'm fine. It's Anne that's hurt. Those men…."

"Where was your wand?" Fish asked.

"I didn't think I would need it on a trip to the grocery store so I left it at home," she said, starting up a new wave of sobs. "I let them kill her."

"No, Sis, it wasn't your fault. You couldn't do anything without getting yourself hurt in the process."

"Some nice American man caught them and scared them off with his gun before they could finish me off to. But I didn't have time to thank him; I had to get Anne to the hospital. She was so pale and yet still so pretty. Ann was the prettiest girl I've ever met."

"Sweetie," Fish said sweetly, moving his sister to one arm, "we should go inside so that they can fix up your arm and make sure you're not hurt anywhere else. And you can describe to Harry what those men looked like and we'll find them. Okay?"

She nodded slowly and let him take her back into the hospital with Harry following behind them.

/-

The healers were happy to see Fish had brought his sister back inside and they quickly got her a room and sat her down on a bed to look her over. While they cleaned up her cuts and healed some broken bones she told Harry about the men. "They were all fairly tall. Around yours and Fish's height. The one who…shot Anne…he was dark skinned, really tan but not brown. Like a fake tan that he got too many times. He had light brown hair and brown eyes and he was wearing some stained polo shirt and jeans. And flip-flops. I remember that because all but one was wearing them and I was thinking how gross it was when they were walking out of the store."

"Did he have anything else about him that was distinct besides the tan? Like a scar or a smell?"

"He smelt like tanning oil."

Harry drew up a picture of what she described of his face and when she said it was good she started describing the rest of the men. There were five in all; two who held her back, two who beat up Ann and then the one who shot her.

"All fixed," the healer said. "I suggest that she not stay on her own for a little while. Does anyone know the other girl's parents and how we could contact them?"

"Anne's parents are in Guatamala. They disowned her when she decided to stay with me during the war. They wouldn't pick up the phone for her or come back for her funeral."

"Are you sure?"

"I don't know their number anyway and Anne wanted nothing to do with them."

"Who should I contact for burial?"

Elizabeth looked stumped. She didn't have enough money to bury her friend or her hospital bill.

"I'll take care of it," Harry offered.

"Alright, well then you will be the one filling out the paper work. You may need Miss Hatch's help with some of them. Also Miss, the auror department will want to ask you some questions about what happened."

"But I already told Harry."

"The Savior is not the auror department dear. He fights in wars; he can't do anything about something like this." She turned to Harry with an expression of expecting him to agree with her. His expression was stone.

"I'll talk to the aurors," he said. "She's been through enough today. If you could collect that paperwork for me…"

"Of course Sir." She bowed uncertainly and then quickly left them alone.

Harry turned to Liz and sat beside her on the bed, Fish on her other side—holding her hand because she wouldn't let go. "Don't worry. I have lots of followers that live in the area you described. They're bound to find him and when they do, Fish and I will be right there, ready for the kill."

"Anne and I are lucky to have you guys. There aren't a lot of people who have people who would go out and kill someone for you."

"Well people like that deserve to go. God would agree. You don't mess with his timing schedule, he has extreme OCD."

Liz almost cracked a smile. "Is he taking good care of Anne?"

"I'm sure he is."

"Anne wasn't Catholic or Christian. We didn't go to church."

"That's okay. Anne was a good person. As long as you were good you'll go to Heaven and God will take care of you. She'll probably be there waiting for you. But time down here passes fast compared to Heaven so she won't be lonely."

Liz smiled. "That sounds nice."

Harry's smile was strained. "It does, doesn't it?"

"You must be getting some superior suite in Heaven for the war."

"Well, we can only hope that there is no caste system in Heaven. That would be true peace."

/-

"Bee, you're coming home with me right?" Liz asked, holding his arm.

"If that's what you want. We can leave when you're ready to go."

"Can I see Anne?"

Fish glanced at the Healer and then back. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Elizabeth lowered her head, not sure if she really wanted to or not so she didn't bother to fight it. "I want to go to sleep."

"Go ahead. I'll be here when you wake up."

"I wanna sleep at home. In our bed."

"Okay. I'll just tell Harry we're leaving then. You wait here. I'll be right back." When he returned he took his sister's arm and side-apparated her to her apartment.

It was very small and crowded. They arrived in a small living space with a pull out couch meant for Fish but he never moved in and a small TV on a table in the corner. A doorframe in the wall led to the small kitchen area holding a fridge, stove/oven and a sink all kitty-corner to each other. There was a full bathroom on one wall and the other door led to the small bedroom, only big enough for one queen-sized bed. Elizabeth went straight for the bedroom once her feet were on the floor and crawled into the bed she had shared with her friend.

Fish walked to the room door and watched her cuddle the sheets and pillows on the other side of the bed and then cry over them. Fish quietly closed the door and went to sit in the living room.

/-

Harry met with his followers who lived around Liz and the grocery store she went to. It had to have been someone she knew because the group knew Liz was a witch even though she didn't have a wand and that Anne was a muggle.

Once he sent them out searching he joined Fish on the couch in Liz's apartment waiting for a call. Two hours later one of the boys had found them, someone Harry's follower worked with.

"Sis," Fish said through the door to the bedroom. "We found those guys. I'll be back in an hour or so. We may call you for confirmation okay?"

She came out of her room to give him a hug and tell him to be safe before returning to her sanctuary with her phone that Fish handed to her.

Fish and Harry left to meet the others in an abandoned parking lot of a shut down building. Tim and Tom had been called along with Toilet; Harry favorites.

A moment after they arrived so did the five boys. "What's this about?" the one boy in front asked. The one with an obvious fake tan, light brown hair, brown eyes; he wasn't wearing the same shirt but they were all wearing flip-flops. The five of them all stopped dead. "Holy crap. It's the Savior."

"Afternoon boys. Hold still for a second, we just want to get a picture of you." Harry nodded at Tim and they all looked at him as he snapped a picture on his phone and sent it to Liz with a text asking if it was them.

"What do you want?" the boy asked nervously, seeing the evil smile in Harry's face.

"We think you met up with a friend of ours today. She was very upset when she called. It just happened to be Fish's sister," Harry said, his voice a cold death approaching. He began walking a circle around the five and they realized that four other boys with the Savior were now blocking them from running. They didn't seem as serious as Harry. The two twins were patiently waiting for a reply to their call and Fish and the other boy were just watching them patiently as Harry gave his speech. "I really don't like when my friend's friends get hurt. And I really hate it when my friends get hurt. I have followers everywhere you know and if they come to me with a complaint…I'll fix it the best I can. It's usually sorted out with me beating someone up. It's what I do best. You should remember that the next time you think about hurting someone." He stopped suddenly in his circle and took a deep breath through his teeth. "Oh, you might not get that second chance. We're still waiting for confirmation."

"We don't know what you're talking about," the boy in front said.

"Well we'll see about that. If you didn't do anything we'll know when she tells us." He looked to Tim who was watching his phone. He looked up. "It's them. She's labeled them."

Tom walked over and kicked the boy, who had spoken, behind the knees and he fell to the ground. "He had the gun." He glanced down at his brother's phone. "The two in the back beat up Anne," he said, pointing them out, "and the two in front held Liz."

"Good to know," Harry said, summoning the St. Jimmy Stick out of thin air. The boy on the ground, who looked around twenty like the others, looked up at him.

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, since I'm already in a mood now I'm not sure." He lifted the stick, ready to smack the boy with it. The boy lowered his head and covered it with his arm. Harry stopped, putting his stick down by his side again and laughed.

The boy looked up when he didn't feel any bash against his shoulders. He heard Harry laugh. "Please," he begged.

"Don't bother. I'm already in this mode. Begging isn't going to help you. Right boys?"

The four nodded, all of them now very serious instead of just patient.

"The rest of you get on your knees." The four did as they were told, their pants now wet as Harry pushed them onto their hands with the pole as he came around. "Now, we all know by now or at least I think we do, about how much I hate government. You wouldn't get yours in prison. There will be no nice feast before your end, no peaceful sleep before death where you feel no pain or even life in prison where you get cable and health benefits. What kind of punishment is that? I was tortured and forced to work my whole childhood and I'm still going to Hell when I die. Why would I care how you die? So, let's have a little fun, shall we?" He looked up at Fish. "Fish, she's your sister. You can decide how Liz would like him to go," Harry said, standing in front of the gunman.

"Slow. She wouldn't be able to do it herself but she looked horrible. Anne needs to be avenged."

"Wonderful. I'll go a little more insane with each kill but if that's what God wants, that's what God gets." He raised the stick like a bat and whacked it lightly at the boy's head, knocking him to his side as he hit the cement. He screamed and Harry smiled proudly. "And we'll just leave you with that for a little while," he said delightfully, heading to the other boys. "Fish, you can intervene at any time. Same to the rest of you." He swung the stick up and brought it back down on one of the boy's behinds.

The others watched patiently, letting Harry have his little trysts with the murderers before joining in. Fish took out his wand and pointed it at one of the men. The guy looked up at him pleadingly. "Please," he said to Fish as he leaned on an awkwardly angled arm.

Harry heard and saw Fish pause with the wand in his hand and came over. He shoved his foot at the kneeling man's chest and pushed him back by putting his foot on the man's chest then whacked his shoulders. "Murder is the worst of all the sins Fish. That's why only I do it outside of war. But there is no harm in playing with bad people."

Harry finished off everyone, knocking them to the cement bloody and dead. Harry cleaned them of fingerprints with his wand and he and Fish apparated them to an empty field where they buried them.

"That's good," Harry said, putting the dirt over the last hole. "You can all go home now." Tim, Tom and Toilet all left but Fish stayed and sat down on the grass.

"St. Jimmy?" Fish said.

"Yeah, Fishy?" he asked calmly, smiling, as if they had just finished an invigorating exercise. He came up beside him and sat beside him on the ground.

"Do you ever feel bad about this?"

"Yeah, but there's this little part of my brain that blocks it all out remember? That little black hole where everything goes so I can keep on going. If it wasn't for that I think I would have committed suicide after you dug me out of the ground." He turned to Fish. "Why, do you feel bad?"

"I don't know. We've been doing this for a long time; I've never felt bad before."

"You're just in a bad place right now. Maybe I shouldn't have let you come. You're not going to rat us out or anything," he said jokingly.

Fish rolled his eyes.

"There is no shame in protecting family, Fish. They're all we have, by blood or by the ties that bind us together. We have to protect that."

"Right," Fish nodded.

"So are you staying with your sister?"

"Yeah, for however long she needs me to stay. You know, blood and all."

"Right, well are you staying long enough to miss the next Sober Day? She could come with you if you don't want to leave her alone."

"If I don't make it just tell everyone what happened. They won't settle for a simple explanation of 'I had personal matters to deal with.' I'm always there so they'll want to know what the dire emergency was."

"I'll tell them only if they ask. It's really not their business. Toilet will know though, he may spread it around. His OCD, he'll probably tell seven people."

"Maybe this is good though. Time away where I can't run into Ginny and my sister will probably be spending most of her time in her room so I'll have time alone to think."

"Yeah, well then I'm gonna go home. Don't forget to go collect your stuff from the house." He ruffled Fish's blonde hair as they stood. "See you soon. Remember to call so I know that everything is alright. I'll finish up the funeral paperwork and all and ask Liz when she wants it."

/-

"So that Ginny girl thing didn't work out huh?" Elizabeth asked, as they both settled into the living room after the funeral.

"She cheated on me," Fish said, sitting on the floor by her head where she laid down on the couch. "I told her we should take a break."

"Do you still love her? Are you going to get back together?"

"I don't know. I really like her but I can't exactly define my feelings for her knowing that she's been with some other guy. I feel stupid thinking words like unfaithful but she's really the only girlfriend I've ever had and she cheated on me."

"Love is love Bee. Don't let her get away for one mistake."

"But what if she doesn't love me? If she really did, why did she have to have sex with someone else? She should have known I would have come to her anytime."

"You know the answer to this one my little Asabee." She paused to stare at him, waiting for an answer. "People are stupid of course. Look at our parents. It's just harder to see in some people. Like St. Jimmy for example. I've nailed his down; I thought it would never come. I know he has that big fear with his father and seeing him as perfect and being afraid to find out he really isn't but he needs to get over that. _Your father loves you. Deal with it and move on._ Ginny made a horrible, stupid, horny mistake and you don't _have_ to forgive her. But that's what stupid people do. Move on to second best when first place is begging them to stay. And you're not as stupid as the regular population, Bee. You're normal and you know it. You're just surrounded by freaks. So move on and go to her like normal people should. Everyone's relationship has problems, except maybe Bonnie and Harry—he just wants for her happiness and she just wants for his—but they're freaks of nature."

"You're so wise Sis."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just a shit load of good information. Put it to good use, yeah?" She closed her eyes as Fish lowered his head in thought, stroking her straight blonde hair.

"If she's waiting for me, does it matter if I take a little while?" Fish asked.

"Take as long as you want honey. Just remember, the time you spend thinking it over is the time you spend without her. _Time is precious._ That's the one quote you can always trust to hit you when it's too late."

Fish stroked her hair some more as she began to shed tears. "You want me to make you some tea or something?"

"Make some frozen pizza. The stuff in the freezer is really good," she said, patting his head and blotting at her tears with her sleeve.

Fish stood and headed toward the kitchen. "Hey Fish?"

"Yeah?" he asked, stopping at the doorframe to look at her.

"Thank you for coming to stay with me. I know we've never been the closest of siblings. I left you at home, alone with them. And I'm still sorry for that. I just wanted out of there so badly and I was only thinking of myself. I'm sorry I didn't take care of you to."

Fish shook his head. "It wasn't your job. And I came because you're my sister. I love you. I've gotta take care of the sane ones right? Or else we'd all be crazy."

/-

"So how is Fish?" she asked, once again, following Harry down the hallway.

"He's fine Ginny. Now, for the last time, go home. Fish isn't coming back for a long while. He's taking care of Elizabeth."

"But…I need to apologize," she said.

"Ginny," he said, turning to her. She stopped suddenly and looked up at him. "Now is not the time for more of your apologies. He's not really in the best of moods and I can't have you bothering him. Now Gin, you know I love you like a sister but Fish is my most loyal and loving follower so I can't take your side. What you did was wrong, you know that and you're going to have to deal with the guilt for a little while. When he's ready to come back I will let you know, alright?" He sighed as Ginny lowered her head. "Have Bonnie take you shopping or something. Keep her busy for me will you?" He patted her hair and then headed up the stairs toward his room.

Ginny ran a hand over her hair and followed up the stairs, headed toward Bonnie's room instead. Without knocking she walked in and sat down on Bonnie's bed. Bonnie was just coming out of the bathroom in a skirt and tights and one of Harry's band T-shirts.

"I'd hate me to," Ginny said. "But now I miss him so much. I can't stand knowing how much I hurt him, twice now, and knowing now that he's in even more pain. I've added to what was already a painful year. I'm a horrible person."

"Yeah," Bonnie said, going over to her vanity. "I don't know how you feel Ginny. I've never been with anybody but Harry. Even when I wasn't dating him, even staring at another guy felt like cheating."

"What about Draco Malfoy?" Ginny asked.

"Well…he doesn't really count. I was trying to make Harry jealous. He knew I wasn't cheating on him, he knew I was trying to make him angry. It worked. He's always jealous, even when he knows it's a lie," Bonnie giggled. She turned and sat down next to Ginny. "Fish is a very fragile person Ginny. I've seen the relationship between him and St. Jimmy. It's different than any relationship he could ever have with anyone else. St. Jimmy takes care of him practically; always stroking his ego, letting Fish know how much he means to him and Fish knows without St. Jimmy having to tell him anymore that he loves him. But with anyone else, one hit and; like a puppy, he may come back but he'll be very wary of you. You have to give Fish time and he'll come back. You just have to be very careful when he does."

"How long have you known Fish, really?" Ginny asked.

"Since I've known Harry. But we were separated like Harry and he were, during the school year. Those five more recent years are ones I missed though. The important ones, pertaining to his ex-girlfriends. I suppose I can't be more help than what I know about his personality that will never change. The things that are cemented because of St. Jimmy."

"So…listen to Harry."

"Whatever Harry says to do, I'd listen to that. It's probably the right thing."

"So I have to wait."

Bonnie took her hand. "You did something bad Ginny, and even if you regret it now, it still happened. We all have to deal with things we regret. I regret not clutching to Harry's legs instead of just leaving for France. I have no idea what Harry's regrets are, he doesn't like to discuss it; nor what Fish's are but I have no doubt that they have them."

Ginny looked at her shoes for a second and then up at Bonnie. "I don't know what I should do with the rest of my life. I just know that I want it to be with him."

"You don't know what you want to do after school, you mean?"

"I don't know anything. My grades are all fine; I could do whatever I wanted. I just have no desire to do anything."

"What about fashion? You have a knack for that and I just introduced you to it almost three years ago."

"I'm not a model or a designer Bonnie."

"No. But you could write articles about fashion. Work for a magazine or something. OR!" She gasped in excitement. "You could be a personal shopper. I could teach you how to be a personal shopper. It would be awesome."

"I don't even know what a personal shopper is."

"You know when celebrities and famous people go to big parties or walk the red carpet; well they go to you to find them a high fashion dress they can wear. It would have been my dream job if I hadn't ended up curing cancer and lycanthropes. Now I only have to dress myself."

Ginny giggled. "Lucky you."

"But it's the coolest job. All you do is go to fashion shows, buy clothes, find vintage dresses, and dress people like your own personal Barbie Dolls. Of course there is work but it all sounds fun to me. I'll help."

"Maybe. It's something to consider I guess."

"Definitely. Now, you can't wear that to Sober Day. You're my date and I won't have you embarrass me," Bonnie said jokingly, eyeing her friend's jeans and over-sized t-shirt.

"Are you wearing Harry's shirt to Sober Day?" Ginny asked.

"Yeah, isn't it cute? He doesn't know I stole it from his room. I don't think he knows what clothes he actually has in there. It's very comfy, and it smells like him to." She pulled Ginny over to her closet and started picking out an outfit for her.

/-

"Where's Fish?" someone asked for the eightieth time.

Harry gave up and stood to give a speech. "Since no one will listen to the excuse that Fish has _personal_ issues to work out I guess I have to tell you. Fish is currently at his sister's apartment helping her heal from the death of her friend Ann."

There was a gasp in the room.

"Ann was murdered by a group of male muggles because of the side Ann decided to take in the war. Elizabeth was very upset so Fish is staying with her for the time being. So if you would all be so kind don't call him, change the speed dial to Tim or Tom, they can take care of it. That's all for the speeches. We're supposed to be celebrating."

"When are you adopting?" someone asked.

"What is your obsession with an heir, people?" Harry asked angrily. "We just got married and I don't want kids. Wait a couple years and let me get settled in alright?" He sighed angrily and crossed his arms over his chest as he sat down. "Every other subject they won't bring up but they feel brave enough to broach the subject that will make me angry," he mumbled to Ron, who was sitting beside him today with Hermionie.

"Have you heard from Fish?" Ron asked. "Is he doing okay?"

"I guess so. He's keeping his sister happy letting her highlight his hair and paint his nails. I think she's getting better. Ann was really her only friend and Liz was Ann's only friend. It's good that Fish is spending time with her."

"She can spend time with us when she feels better," Bonnie said. "I like Fish's sister. She's sweet."

"Fish is going to quit the Sex Pistols," Harry said. "But at some point he'll have to go about his own life. Megan said that she's going to visit. They weren't as close as her and Ann but she'll need to get back to her friends."

"I guess some of us are still feeling the effects of the war," Bonnie said, turning to look at her husband. She entwined their fingers under the table.


	3. Hospitals Can Be Happy Places To

AN: Thanks to Amy for another review. I really appreicate them.

And thanks to zcona for the review. I have the same trouble finding good, long stories. And no worries, I completely plan to finish this story because I hate when I'm reading a great story and the writer suddenly disappears from the face of the planet without any notice and you never get to finish. Its so rude. And I'm working on James + Lily and I hope to finish it and post it soon.

Thanks everyone for reading, hope you enjoy this chapter.

.

Chapter 50

Hospitals Can be Happy Places To.

Six months later…

.

"Happy birthday Sirius," Lily smiled, walking her son toward his cake. He climbed up into his chair at the front of the dining room table that everyone was standing around in celebration. "How old are you now?"

"Three," he said, holding up three fingers.

"You're so smart," she cooed. "You wanna put the candles into your cake? You count them out."

Sirius counted them out, sticking each one into the frosting. He clapped when he finished and so did everyone else; Bonnie nudged Harry in the side to make him. Lily picked up little Sirius as James lit the candles with his wand, then they turned out the lights a little and started to sing Happy Birthday. Harry stayed quiet, standing with Fish, who was politely singing, and leaned against a pillar.

"Now blow out the candles and make a wish," Lily said. Sirius blew on the candles and they went out. James turned the lights back on. "What did you wish for?"

"If I tell you it won't come true," Sirius mumbled, taking the candles before James could and eating the frosting off the end. James took out his wand to cut the cake. Sirius turned to his mother as she set him back in his chair and everyone sat down around the dining room table. "Mummy," he whispered.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Why is Harry sitting so far away?"

Lily looked toward her other son who was talking to Fish at the opposite end of the table, past Sirius and Jackline and Remus and Tonks and Ginny and Ron and Hermionie. "I don't know sweetie. Do you want him to sit by you?"

"No," he said, lowering his head and scratching at the table, absentmindedly. "He don't want to."

Lily smiled sadly and kissed his head. "I'll be back in a second sweetie." Lily stood and headed to James who was putting one slice of cake on each plate. She whispered to him and he looked at Harry and then to Sirius. James handed her the serving knife and then headed over to Harry.

"Oww," Harry whined, annoyed, when his father pulled him out of his seat by his arm and dragged him across the room. "Da-ad."

James sat Harry down in the chair Lily had been sitting in before. "Sit by your brother. It's his birthday."

Harry looked up at him but James was heading back to the cake. He looked to Sirius who quickly looked back down at the table. Harry scooted forward. "Happy birthday, Sirius."

"Thanks," Sirius said without looking at him. "I didn' tell them to make you sit by me."

"It's okay. I just didn't know you wanted me to."

"Did dad hurt your arm?" Sirius asked, pulling his feet up in his chair and turning to his brother.

"No, he couldn't hurt me," Harry assured him. "So are any of your friends coming to see you on your birthday? Mum said you had made some friends."

"They're coming over tomorrow. Mum's getting lots of party stuff."

"Yeah, she's really good at throwing a party, isn't she?"

Sirius nodded. "You can come too if you want? You can bring Bonnie and Fish," he smiled, sweetly, kneeling.

"Uh…I'll try to make it, okay?"

Sirius smiled and then turned to his cake.

"Cake Harry?" James smiled, evilly.

Harry glared at him.

"Harry?" Sirius said quietly as Harry slumped into his chair.

"Yeah?"

"I love you," he said quietly.

Harry sighed heavily and felt his father nudge his chair as he passed by. "I love you to Sirius."

"I love you to Harry!" older Sirius called across the table.

Little Sirius giggled, covering his mouth so he didn't spit out his cake.

Harry grabbed little Sirius's fork, cut a piece of cakeand then catapulted it at older Sirius. "Eat your cake."

Little Sirius giggled harder, swallowing his cake and giggling openly as older Sirius flung cake back at Harry.

"Don't waste the cake," Bonnie said, pulling her slice closer to her as a flinging-cake fight broke out.

/

"I shouldn't have come, I shouldn't have come, I shouldn't have come," Harry repeated over and over as he cringed against the wall. Little three and four year olds were all over the place, jumping around, sticky with spit and juice and frosting and sugar and filthy with dirt. He cringed, throwing himself against the house as a gaggle of them fled past him through the back door, giggling and running with their sticky hands raised in the air.

"Look, it's the Savior!" he heard one of the little mutants call. He saw them running toward him with their red, fruit punch-dyed mouths and glazed fingers.

He looked at his father who was trying not to laugh. "Dad," he whined. "Get them away from me," he growled angrily.

"Alright kids, lets not bother the Savior. He's very sensitive," James said, intercepting them. "Let's go find Lady Potter. She loves kids."

"Yay!" they all cheered as they ran away.

Harry sighed against the wall, but still kept an eye out for oncoming children.

"Harry?"

Harry jumped and looked down.

His brother was giggling at him. "I scared you."

Harry sighed and kneeled down to Sirius's height. "Yeah, it's all of your sticky little friends. Show me your hands."

Sirius raised his hands, palms facing Harry to show him that he was clean.

"Did mother hose you down after you dug through that second cake?" he asked.

"No. I washed my hands so I could come see you."

"Aww, what a nice brother," Harry said.

Sirius smiled brightly. "I'm glad you came. I miss you when you go home."

"You do? Why's that?"

"Cause you're my brother and you're funny." He leaned in closer to whisper. "And when mummy and daddy aren't looking you swear a lot."

Harry smiled. "You're not saying anything in front of them, are you? They'll kill me."

Sirius shook his head vigorously. "I don't tell them anything you say. I keep all of your secrets."

"You do? What…?" He stopped abruptly as he realized what the little twinkle in his brother's eye was trying to say. "You...?"

Sirius smiled. "I remember everything you tell me, brother."

Harry grabbed his arm and pulled him inside the house and down an empty hallway to the first floor library. Harry shut the door behind him and Sirius sat down excitedly in one of the leather chairs. "Sirius?" Harry asked, slowly. "You remember me talking to you? When you were little? Things about dad?"

Sirius nodded, no longer looking as excited as he recognized Harry's expression.

"But you were just a baby."

"Mummy says I'm smart, like you. I liked listening to your voice so paid attention to what you said."

"Well that's great Sirius. You weren't supposed to."

"I promise not to tell. I won't tell Daddy. And I don't think he loves me more."

"Let's not talk about what I said, okay? Let's pretend it never happened, forget everything I said. Can you do that?"

Sirius nodded, and then shook his head.

"Why are you shaking your head?"

"I can try. I don't know how to forget. It just happens."

"Well, then just try to forget it. Stop thinking about it at all. Associate it with a bad memory and then you'll repress it."

Sirius stared up at him. "I don' know what that means."

"Alright, just don't think about it."

"Alright," Sirius sighed.

"Good."

"Will you visit me more? I think daddy misses you to."

"Yeah. I'll try to visit more. But you have to stop talking about me and more to dad. I think he's jealous. And you have to spend as much time with mum and dad as you can. You're doing it for both of us, remember?"

Sirius nodded, smiling.

"Good. Now let's get back to the party before mother notices you're gone," Harry said. "Your hands still clean?" he asked. Sirius held up his hands for Harry to check. Harry held out his hand. Sirius eagerly took it and followed his brother out of the library.

They met up with James once they got outside. He ran up and grabbed Sirius, picking him in his arm. "There you are. Where did you and your brother run off to?" James asked.

"Brother promised to come see us more," Sirius smiled, wrapping his arms around James's neck and laying his head on his shoulder.

"Did he? Well that's nice of him," James smiled, looking at Harry. He grabbed Harry's sleeve with his empty hand and pulled him to his side.

Harry smirked at his father, glaring at him jokingly when he felt a flash hit his eyes. He turned to see his mother standing with the camera, smiling evilly at him. "Mum!"

"I need a family photo," she smiled.

"It's not a family photo if you're not in it mum," Harry said.

"Okay," she yelled excitedly, tapping the camera with her wand so that it floated in the air. Lily ran over to the three and stood on the other side of Harry. "Smile Sirius," she said. "You to love," she said, touching the back of Harry's hair.

Harry smiled a little just as the flash went off. Lily pulled him closer to her side and kissed his temple before running back to the camera where it fell into her hand.

"You planned for them to capture me, didn't you Sirius?" Harry said, looking up at his brother.

"No," Sirius said, shaking his hand and cuddling closer to his father.

"I think you did. I think you were distracting me on purpose and then leading me straight to the camera. You're a devious three year old aren't you?"

Sirius shook his head, moving into James's arm, away from his brother. But Harry was able to grab him, even when James began to protest. He had Sirius hanging upside down as he hung onto his legs, Sirius using his arm like a monkey on a tree branch.

"Harry, the blood is going to rush to his head," James complained.

"He's fine."

"'arry," Sirius whined, trying to pull himself back up.

"Maybe in revenge I should drop you in the sticky pit that is your little friends," Harry joked, playfully, smiling down at his little brother.

"No!"

"I think I just might."

"Fish!"

"Don't yell for Fish. He won't save you. He does what I say."

"Bonnie will save me."

"No she won't."

"_Yeah she will_."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Uncle Sirius! Make Harry put me down," Sirius whined, batting at Harry's leg.

Sirius stopped. "Harry, how could you torture your brother?"

"He's whiny."

"Sirius!" two little voices cried. Two little boys, sticky with frosting and sugar, stopped at the entrance to the small garden-like spot they had stopped in. Harry took a step away from the two. "THE SAVIOR IS TRYING TO KILL SIRIUS!" they screamed, and then went running to tell the others.

Harry rolled his eyes and flipped Sirius over to set him on his feet.

Sirius swayed for a second before turning to his brother. "That was fun. Do it again!"

"Go see your friends before I become front page news tomorrow," Harry said.

"Will you say goodbye?" Sirius asked.

"Yes. I will come find you if I go."

Sirius smiled and ran off.

"You were so nice to your brother, Harry," James smiled.

"Yeah, well now that he can talk its kind of hard to avoid him," Harry said, as though he didn't care, as he sat down in one of the iron chairs as he pulled out his phone. He flipped it open and read a text he had received. He shut it quickly. "Are you going to run around with the sticky children now?"

"We kind of have to," James sighed. "We'll come back and visit you in a few minutes. Unless of course you would like to risk your clothes in the chaos."

"I'd rather not," he said, opening his phone again and texting someone back.

"Who are you talking to?" Sirius asked, curiously.

"Draco Malfoy. I sent Luna and him cell phones for Christmas. Draco says Luna decorated hers with unrecognizable photos of snizzles."

"Why are you talking to Draco?" Sirius asked.

Harry looked up at him from under his eyelashes. "He and Zabini are looking for Draco's father."

"Oh…right."

"Sometimes it's nice to know the war is over but I still have to be brought back to the fact that I missed one."

"I'm sure it'll turn out okay. How much damage can one man do?"

"Do you really want to ask that question?"

"Well anyone who would support Lucius Malfoy is dead now. You killed them."

Harry's twitch went unnoticed. "There are still people who would join him that didn't fight in the last war. And Malfoy would take just about anyone who would join him."

/

"Oh my God, put your phone on vibrate Harry," Bonnie whined, covering her ears as they lye in bed, somewhere in the depths of India at a five star hotel. They had ditched their trailer because it was too hard to get it back and forth between countries. His father insisted that he would even pay for all of the hotel rooms if Harry was that cheap.

"It could be something important," Harry excused, though he knew it must be the Minister or someone calling again about that stupid statue he wouldn't let them erect. He let go of Bonnie and she put her face in her pillow as he rolled onto his other side to collect his phone and flip it open. "I've told you before, no statues till I'm dead. I'm not changing my mind so stop calling."

"…Potter?"

Harry sprung up in bed at the voice he barely recognized but would never forget. "Dudley?"

"Hey cous," the other said nervously over the phone.

"Dudley, where did you get my phone number?"

"Various fan clubs. Look, I did call for a reason."

"Yeah, and what reason is that?" Harry asked, crawling out of bed so he didn't disturb Bonnie. One of them should get some sleep.

"My dad's in the hospital." Harry stopped dead before he made it out the door, his hand left lightly on the doorknob. "He had a severe heart attack a couple of days ago. The doctors don't know if he'll make it or not so me and my mom and Aunt Marge and some other people are all here hoping for a recovery. I know he was always horrible to you and all but…well you're still family and I thought you should know. You don't have to come or anything—"

"What hospital are you at?"

He could hear Dudley's surprise in his voice. "Oh, um, Ashtead Hospital. It's in Surrey."

"Alright, I'll be there in a little while."

"Oh, well, great. See you."

Harry hung up and ran back to bed to shake his wife awake.

"What?"

"Bonnie, a miracle has occurred. My uncle is in the hospital suffering from a severe heart attack. They don't know if he'll make it."

Bonnie rolled over and looked up at his excited face; the expression of someone who found out someone was going to live, not die. But this was the man who tortured him for years. Harry had been waiting for God to punish his uncle for everything he did.

"We have to go," Harry said, running to the closet to find pants. He threw a simple dark blue dress at Bonnie and then pulled on his own clothes.

"Do I get to brush my teeth?" Bonnie asked, pulling on her dress.

"Use your wand," Harry said, grabbing his phone. "I have to call Fish. When you're finished wake the guards."

"This isn't a party Harry," Bonnie groaned.

"Well it should be. Don't worry; I'll hide my excitement if it disturbs you."

/

"Fish, I told you to turn off that damn phone!" Jack yelled across the room from his bed. "He keeps calling. Tell him to memorize the time difference."

"Shut up," Fish said, sitting up to grab his phone. "I have to listen to you having sex with yourself every night."

Jack went back to sleep and Fish picked up his phone. "Hello?"

"Fish, meet me at Ashtead Hospital in Surrey."

"Why? Is someone hurt?" Fish asked worriedly.

"Yes. My uncle. He had a severe heart attack. They don't know if he'll live."

"I'll be right there." Fish hung up and fell out of bed, grabbing his clothes from yesterday off the floor and tugging them on. "I have to go to the hospital Jack. I don't know when I'll be back so start practice without me."

He ran out of the room with Jack waiting to slam the door closed after him. A few seconds later he opened the door again as Fish came running back.

"I forgot shoes." He tugged on his shoes without tying them and apparated on the spot. Jack closed the door and tiredly shifted back to bed.

/

Harry, Bonnie and his guards arrived at the hospital at the same time as Fish. He glanced at his friend and then walked away to go up to the counter. "Excuse m—" The woman held up a finger to him as she talked on the phone. Then she glanced up to look at him and noticed who he was. She stared in shock at who was standing at the counter and hung up the phone mid-sentence without looking at it. "Sir, I'm so sorry." She disappeared under her desk and Harry guessed she was bowing.

"That's okay. I just need to know where the Dursleys are."

The girl popped up and quickly looked something up in the computer. "Room 12 on the 3rd floor."

"Thank you." Harry ran to the stairs since he would be faster than any elevator and Fish ran after him. Bonnie followed along with the guards following at her sides. When they arrived on the third floor Harry went toward room twelve but was stopped when he walked into a sitting room. Dudley saw him.

"Wow, I wasn't expecting you to come," he said, surprised as he walked toward his cousin.

"Yeah, well. He abused me for fifteen years; he made a big impact on my life. It would be rude not to be there when he died," Harry said. As they paused awkwardly he saw Dudley glance behind him at Bonnie with the four guards.

"I heard you had gotten married."

"We—"

"I know why I wasn't invited Potter. Besides, I'm sure there wasn't room, I heard there were people who stood in the back and watched through windows just so they could see you get married. I saw it on TV."

There was silence again.

"So how is your father?" Harry asked.

"Not well. My moms in with him right now. He's in a lot of pain and he's been sleeping for two days. The doctors don't think he'll last much longer. He's really not the healthiest guy as we all know so his body isn't fighting very well."

"How long are they guessing?"

"Probably by noon. I can ask my mum to leave him for a moment if you want to say something."

"That's okay. I'll wait for a little while to say my goodbyes." He went around Dudley and sat down across from Aunt Marge. He smiled softly but she just turned away disgusted. "My goodness it has been a long time hasn't it, Aunt Marge. I believe the last time I saw you I was thirteen years old. Almost six years now. Seems like just yesterday you were calling me a bastard child."

"Now Potter, this isn't the time to insult everybody. I didn't call you so you could insult all of us and use your fame to goad us," Dudley said.

"I know, I was just discussing old memories. It's not my fault we don't share any happy memories Dudley. By the way," he said, turning toward Dudley who was now sitting beside him, "what have you been up to? Nineteen now, are you going to college?"

"I'm working for the same company dad did. Not in the same position but I'm saving up for college next year."

"Very nice."

"And what are you doing? Nothing, I've heard."

"Right. It would be kind of hard to settle on a job, what with people bowing at my feet and worshiping me and all that. I planned to die in the war and I didn't so I hadn't planned to get a job anyway."

Dudley just nodded. A few moments later his mother walked out of the room and walked toward them. She stopped suddenly at the sight of Harry sitting beside her son with his wife and the evil, devil blonde. She looked at her son. "You called him? Why would you call him? He's probably cursing your father right now."

"I am not. You—"

"You shut that mouth. I want you gone. We got rid of you; you have no right to be here."

"Dudley called to invite me," Harry said.

"Well he must have been hysterical. You get out of here right now before I—"

"What? What would you do Aunt Petunia? Gonna find some botox in the hospital and poison me with it? We know from experience it won't work, don't we?"

"You always had such a wild imagination."

"Please don't fight mum," Dudley whined. "This is hardly the time for this."

"It is always the right time to get rid of him. My husband is on his deathbed, I can shoo whomever I wish."

"Harry, maybe we should go," Bonnie whispered.

"I am not leaving," Harry said stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest. "I have good right to be here. We had a very close relationship."

"I will not have you bringing up your sad, made-up childhood at this very inappropriate time. I'll have security come and retrieve you."

"We really don't have to make this into a big scene," Harry said. "I'll just sit here quietly and wait. You don't have to acknowledge me at all."

"You being here at all is an insult."

"Well you should deal with it because you know for a fact that the security guards wouldn't take me away."

Petunia was ready to walk away but stopped and sat down beside her son.

Harry smiled across from her but she turned her back to him. Harry turned to Fish. "So, how is the band going? Still good?"

"It's fine. Jack is funny. He doesn't like your spontaneous calls at all hours of the night but he deals with it." He leaned in to whisper. "I think he's bi and I think he likes me a little."

"Did you tell him he can look but can't touch," Harry joked.

"I think he gets it. But it's much better than the Sex Pistols. We all get along much better."

The three ended up watching the TV while they were waiting. The others just ignored them. The broadcaster on _E News_, which Bonnie was making them watch, was talking about Fish. "The Sex Pistols seem to have made a huge mistake. People say that Fish left the Sex Pistols months ago because they were awful to him and didn't appreciate his contribution to the band."

"Looks like they should have," said the other broadcaster.

"Yeah, ever since Fish left as the lead singer of the Sex Pistols they have dropped on the charts. The fans of the old Sex Pistols said that at first they thought it was horrible to try again but then they became attached to Fish. Here we have a clip of two fans and their opinion on the matter."

They turned to a clip of a sixteen year-old-boy dressed very Punk and his friend standing beside him. "He just seemed so dedicated to it all. We could tell that he was a huge fan of his work. You know if the Sex Pistols asked me to be in the band, being a fan of course, I would take that chance. But yeah, I think it was better for him to leave. His new band is _awesome_. He and Jack are bloody sick. I still love the old Sex Pistols but that Aces kid can go to Hell."

They cut the clip and went back to the two hosts. "They've tried plenty of new lead singers in the last few months but none of them have worked out. The word is that Johnny Rotten is going to give up on the band, yet again. Meanwhile, Fish's new band, which he formed himself instead of with John, is flourishing and has created a religious following."

"It's nice to know I'm not the only one with a religious following," Harry said lazily, sitting back in his seat.

Fish rolled his eyes. "I think your religious following is a very nice group of people."

"Sure, to you they may look like that. But I'd rather have only my followers looking at me like that. They have rules to follow, ones they agreed to with blood. These new…worshipers…they just do what they want. And I'm all for freewill but creepy people should not be given the same rights. They turn into stalkers who hang out around tinted windows with squinty eyes."

"How have those meetings with Josh been going?" Fish asked.

"He skipped the last three," Bonnie interrupted before Harry could lie. He turned to glare at her. She stared into the television.

"Yes, I have," Harry said slowly. "But they were unnecessary weeks. I felt fine so I didn't feel like going. I was busy."

"Harry's become a sex addict," Bonnie added again.

Harry glared at her.

"I told you that would happen," Fish said casually.

"I am not a sex addict. I am nineteen years old; we have a normal amount of sex for a newly married couple at our age."

Bonnie snorted delicately, her attention still directed toward the television.

Fish paused for a second, not sure if he wanted to ask. He turned slowly. "And how much would that be?"

"Seven times a day," Bonnie answered. "On a slow day."

"That makes me sad. I haven't slept with anybody since before Ginny."

"I'd offer to set you up with one of my girlfriends but you've dumped her," Bonnie said thoughtfully.

"Thanks. That's so nice of you Bonnie."

"I know, I'm so thoughtful."

"Maybe you could hand over your husband to me and I'll give you Jack."

"I'd really rather not," Bonnie sighed, changing the channel. "I enjoy the sex."

The waiting room all turned suddenly as a quiet intruding cough made its entrance. The doctor was standing to talk to them. "I'm sorry to say that I don't have wonderful news. Mr. Dursley is not doing well, as we had predicted. He may only have thirty minutes left so if anyone has not said their goodbyes I'd suggest doing it now."

Harry stood up.

"You are not going in there," Petunia said angrily. "You are not upsetting him on his death bed," she said, standing up. "Sit back down."

"Aunt Petunia, I promise not to upset him. I'm his nephew, I'm just going to say goodbye." Harry started heading toward the room without waiting for Petunia's reply and the doctor followed after him. Fish and Bonnie looked at each other, worried.

Harry walked into the room and the doctor left him alone with his uncle. Vernon lay on his bed, a large bed to fit his enormous body, almost asleep. "Who's there? Petunia?"

"Actually it's Harry," he said, sitting down calmly beside the bed. "I came to visit."

"Get out. I don't want to see you."

"I know. But you're dying so it's kind of important that I see you off. You made a huge impression on my life you know. You know how many times I've been close to death because of you. I've been waiting forever for you to be just as close."

"You did this to me."

"No, I'd never hurt family Uncle Vernon." Harry glowered at him as the man looked up at him. "You know that. No, this was all you. I had nothing to do with this."

Vernon looked up at him, a knowing expression crossing his features. Harry knew immediately what he was going to ask. "Am I going to Heaven?"

Harry lowered his head. "I promised myself I wouldn't ask." He looked up at his uncle who looked worried. "If it was up to me you'd be where you deserve to be. In Hell." Vernon shook with fear. "But knowing him," he sighed, "he'll show you mercy."

"I'm glad you came boy," Vernon said, holding out his hand for Harry's. Harry knew better than to accept it. He put his hands in his pockets. Vernon smiled. "I taught you so well didn't I? That's why I'm going to Heaven. Isn't it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The abuse I set on you, the beatings; it was all for your own good. You knew it was, that's why you didn't fight back."

"I didn't fight back because you're family. I lived with you. Sometimes you even gave me food."

"Not that you needed it. You were always such a strange child; coming back from everything, always immediately immune to all poisons. I gave you what you needed to be who you are today."

"I think I would have survived without the harsh treatment. You're just trying to make yourself feel better before death. You're scared. And I'm sorry to disappoint you Uncle Vernon but even if you go to Heaven you won't have fun there. God is a cynical man to those who play with his things without his permission."

Vernon smiled. "You were nice to have in the house boy. Always gave me something to do, you were something to relax my anger. And now that I'm dying, I can admit it. You were always the prettiest thing in the house."

"You're delirious," Harry said, turning away. "Just die already."

"You still are. Except, maybe, that pretty wife of yours. She's an exceptionally beautiful girl."

"Stop talking about my wife and die already."

"Send in my wife, I don't want to die with you by my side."

Harry stood. "I knew you would die young Uncle Vernon. It's only right after all you've done. I always dreamt it would be worse though. Murder, you know; something horrible like a slaughter or tortured to death. Something nice like that, so I could be happy with what wasn't allowed to be my payback. Still a bitch though isn't it?"

Harry turned and left the room. He walked back to the waiting room. "Aunt Petunia, you can go in. I'm finished."

Harry went to where his wife and friend were standing with the guards. He took Bonnie's hand and started walking. "We can go now." Everyone else followed behind him.

"What happened?" Fish asked as they were on the staircase. "Did you smother him with a pillow or strangle him?"

"No Fish. He's dying. Why would I put any effort into something being done for me? Now Fishy, I will need you to call all of the followers. In a few minutes my uncle will be dead and we will be celebrating."

"Harry, is it really necessary—"

"Yes Bonnie, it is. Perhaps you don't understand but the man who tortured me for years is finally leaving this earth. He's getting what he deserves and hopefully Aunt Petunia will soon after. And if celebrating the death of the man who's tried to murder me multiple times is wrong, well… you knew I was crazy when you married me."

Bonnie just sighed and followed her husband down the stairs, Fish chuckling as he came down behind her.

They took the floo back to the Potter Manor where, of course, the family was in the dining room having tea. Harry's parents, and Sirius and Jackline, who was now seven months pregnant, and Remus and Tonks who were celebrating their one month wedding anniversary in two days and Little Sirius sitting by his father.

"Mummy," Harry said, as he quietly entered the dining room making them all jump in surprise.

"Harry, my baby, you're back. You keep leaving me," Lily whined.

"I'm sorry mum," Harry said, taking the seat beside her that was left empty. "You should come stay with us in India if you want."

"I like this country. And the heat does things to my hair."

"Mummy," he said sweetly, taking her hand. "I have some wonderful news that I know you will appreciate with me. I found out this morning, when I got this odd call from my cousin."

"Dudley?" Lily asked.

"Yes, I only have one cousin. Anyway, he called and told me that Uncle Vernon had suffered a severe heart attack. He's currently in the hospital, I just spoke with him. And he's going to die in about…I'd say five minutes. Dudley will message me when he's passed."

"Oh my."

"Isn't it wonderful? He's finally dying."

"I always knew you were a strange child," Sirius said offhandedly.

Harry turned to his godfather. "Sirius, the man tortured me for _fifteen years._ I own the right to celebrating his death anyway I please. Don't you agree dad?" Harry asked, turning to his father who was trying to tell little Sirius he'd explain the happenings later.

"Of course."

"So mum, I was wondering if I could borrow the house to throw a party with my followers who will appreciate his death almost just as much as they would appreciate the death of their own horrid childhood guardians."

"Have you ever thought of getting your own home Harry?" Remus asked.

"Why? It's only me and Bonnie. And you and Sirius don't even live in your own houses. You're always here."

"But we have our own houses to take our own guests to."

Harry childishly stuck his tongue out at Remus and then turned back to his mother. "You wouldn't deny me the chance to celebrate this wondrous event would you mother?" Harry asked, laying his head on his mother's shoulder and looked up at her from under his eyelashes, using her pretty emerald eyes against her.

"Of course not, sweetheart. You can have the first floor."

"Thank you."

"As long as you go to see Josh this afternoon."

"You can't force me to go see my therapist."

"I'm not forcing you, I'm bribing you," Lily smiled. "I think now would be a perfect time to talk to him. With your uncle dying and all…"

"I couldn't be happier with this news."

"Just…please."

"Fine. I will speak with Josh and then tonight I will celebrate. You're invited to, of course. It's your house. No one liked him; we must all celebrate his death." He grabbed his phone as it rang once to signal a text. He flipped it open and looked at the screen. "He is officially dead. Five-twelve-eight at four twenty-two p.m. Somebody has to play the lottery with those numbers. I bet they'd win."

Little Sirius leaned in to whisper to James, asking him why Harry was happy his uncle was dead. "Didn't Harry live with you daddy?" he asked, confused.

"I'll explain later buddy."

Harry stood up, patting his mother's hand, and headed over to Fish. "I'll call Josh and ask him to come to the hotel at noon," he told his parents over his shoulder. "Now Fish, you shall call everyone. I'd say everyone from my Sober Day meetings plus the leaders of each sector. I doubt we could fit all of my followers in the first floor of the house so we'll just have them pass on the magnificent news. And you can invite your new friend to. Jack?"

"Do you really want to meet my band at the party celebrating your uncle's death? Is that how you want them to remember you? The crazy guy who's happy his uncle is dead? They already think of you as my secret lover who calls at all hours of the night."

"That's a nice name," Harry said, as though he was high on happy pills. "And yes, that is how I want them to remember me. Because that's who I am. Now I have go call my therapist."

/

"Harry, why don't you explain to me why your uncle's death deserves a party?" Josh asked.

"Because he was a horrible man who needed to die. I've been waiting for this day since I was five years old. And though none of my followers have ever actually met my uncle they all know he was horrible, know how much I hated him and would relish in celebrating his death with me."

"None of your followers? Even Fish and Bonnie?"

"Well, you know, they've seen him before. But they've never spoken. They've never even seen the inside of the house."

"And this is going to make you feel better about what he did to you?"

"I already feel better. His death doesn't make up for everything he did to me but it does help a lot."

"Do you think that's a little strange?"

"Of course. Fish already pointed that out to me. But I don't care. I'm happy he's dead. I had to deal with his abuse for eleven years and nobody else knows exactly how bad it was. Fish has an idea but he wasn't there. So if people think it's odd, I don't care. I'm going to be happy about it."

"Well…I guess that's good then. Why don't you tell me why you've missed our last three appointments? I know you only called me today because your mother bribed you."

"I've been feeling fine lately so I didn't think it was necessary."

"Are you still thinking about the war?"

Harry looked at his knees. "A little," he mumbled.

"Do you still think your followers are planning to overthrow you?"

"No."

"Good. What about your feelings toward your brother?"

"One more year and we'll be fine," Harry said.

Josh nodded. "What about fire?"

"I can get over it by myself."

"When was the last time you tried?"

Harry didn't answer, quietly pulling at his sleeves.

"And what about children? Will your uncle's death diminish the fear of doing to your children what he did to you?"

Again, silence.

"Harry, I'm not telling you you're crazy. It is your choice whether you want to see me or not. You requested a therapist, did you not?"

Harry nodded.

"So you don't have to come to our sessions, you can cancel them if you want to; but if you don't your wife has requested that I subscribe you a medication."

Harry's eyes flew up to him, expecting to see him smirking at his joke. But he looked serious. He waited for the punch line but it didn't come. "What?"

"Bonnie came to me last week when you told her you weren't going. She said you wouldn't notice she was gone because you were talking to one of your followers."

"Bonnie came to you because I was talking to a follower?"

"Bonnie came to me because she thinks you need me. She says you mumble things in your sleep about death and pain and Dark Lords and burning in flames. She was worried about you."

"I'm fine. I came to you today didn't I?"

"Because you needed optimum room to celebrate your uncle's death."

Harry sunk into his seat, shaking his head and folding his arms across his chest. "I can't believe she came to you. Why wouldn't she tell me she thought I was crazy?"

"She doesn't think you're crazy. She just thinks that you shouldn't give up therapy just yet."

"And if I do she thinks you should prescribe me medication to…what? Rid me of my paranoia? Get me addicted to dreamless sleep potions? Does she think I'm schizophrenic?"

"No. Just the first one."

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better."

"She loves you Harry. She was just trying to help."

"Well I don't want her help. That's what you're paid for."

"But you stopped coming to me. She was worried. She just wants you to be happy and healthy."

"I still can't believe she used the word medication. She always seemed happy with the way I was. I've always been just a little bit crazy and no one ever even mentioned therapy; just anger management, which never helped."

"The after-effects of the war are different than what you suffered in the past. You were so upset about the Slytherins and then your brother being born and your leg, you couldn't run. And you said your followers don't like your wife, Bonnie wanting to adopt and your fear of having children. And you still think about the war all the time. You can't repress all of it, Harry. Something is going to come out and Bonnie and I are just afraid of how it may affect you. And I'm sure if your family knew everything that was going on they would be just as worried."

"I'm a genius. I have my whole brain to hide things in."

"But don't you believe that there's a chance something will come back? Maybe something bad. Repressed memories have the possibility of being called back with triggers."

"Unless Voldemort comes back to life there is nothing to trigger those memories. The only other people who could would be Draco, who I've seen since the war, and the Queen, who I've also seen."

Josh was quiet, lowering his head. He sighed. "Let's move onto something else."

"As long as we both agree that nothing is going to come back. Everything is comfortably repressed into the back of my memory," Harry said stubbornly.

"For now, I'll let you win."

"Good. What else should we talk about?"

"Would you like to talk about children?"

Harry glared at the wall next to him.

"How about white?"

Harry was silent.

"Harry, I know you don't want to talk to me. But I think its best if we continue our meetings. You won't talk to Bonnie about the things we discuss and you don't talk to Fish about them. You keep too much inside and I don't want you to explode."

"I don't want to talk anymore today, okay? I think this has been enough. I'll see you again next week, okay?" Harry stood and headed to the door. Before Josh could call him back he apparated back to his parent's house.

"Harry, you're back already," Lily said. "That wasn't a very long meeting. Did Josh let you go or did you just pretend to go to therapy?"

"I went mum. Don't worry. Josh has just gone crazy so I left him to fester and fix his own head for a little while."

"Well that's nice of you," Bonnie said from behind him. She smiled and took his hand but he shook it off.

"I'm going to find Fish. So I know whose coming." He walked past Bonnie without looking at her.

Bonnie stood silent for a second, staring at his retreating back, wondering what the cold shoulder was for.

Lily came up beside her. "Are you alright sweetie?"

Bonnie smiled, familiar with shrugging off coldness. "I'm fine." Bonnie walked away to find her husband. When she found him, he was talking to Fish about whom he'd called and who was coming. She came up beside him and tried to take his hand but he shook her off again without a word. She knew Fish saw. He looked at her from the corner of his eye as he listened to Harry.

He was probably thinking the same thing Bonnie was. Harry was upset with her, but he wouldn't tell her why.

"Is Jack coming?" Harry asked.

"Uh…yeah," Fish said slowly, eyeing Harry's empty hand and Bonnie's sad, fidgety one beside it. "He said he's very excited to meet you. He sounded a little sarcastic though. He almost always does."

"Are the other two coming as well?"

"They said they might follow along but apparently they're very busy people," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Well good, I'm looking forward to meeting them. I have to go now. I'll be back later." Harry patted Bonnie's hand and then walked away.

Bonnie turned to Fish. "Did I do something?"

Fish shrugged. "I don't know. Did you?"

"Do you think Josh said something bad about me? I only told him Harry should go back to therapy. I told Harry that to his face. Why would he be upset?"

"Did you agree to let him prescribe medication? Cause I said no."

"I told him only if he started hallucinating, which was obviously sarcasm."

"Talk with him about it tonight. I'm sure it's a misunderstanding, whatever it is."

"Do you think it's because I wasn't as excited about his uncle's death? He doesn't seem angry with you."

Fish shrugged again. "Just don't say anything during the party. Let him have his fun and then later be up front and ask him what's going on," Fish suggested.

Bonnie nodded and then left to go find Ginny. Fish went to get the door but Harry beat him to it.

Standing at the door was a lanky boy with light brown hair and onyx colored eyes, wearing a dark blue T-shirt that said The Ravens and blue jeans with a big hole in the knee. He had a black piece of fabric wrapped around his wrist and every other fingernail was painted black.

"Hey Jack," Fish said from behind Harry, who was gawking.

"Why is the Savior gawking at me?" Jack asked, eyeing him up and down.

"I don't know. He's probably having an aneurism. Hey Lex, Mark."

Lex was taller, with a short, black Mohawk with blue streaks. He was wearing an over-sized, long-sleeved yellow shirt and black skinny jeans. Mark had short, dark brown hair and was dressed like a male model with a suit jacket, white t-shirt and fitted jeans.

"St. Jimmy, this is Jack. Jack this is St. Jimmy."

"Nice to meet you," Jack said, unsure. "Should I bow?"

"No, no!" Harry said quickly, grabbing Jack's arm and pulling him into the house. "Please come in." He wrapped his arm around Jack's shoulder. "You know you remind me a lot of myself when I was younger."

"We are the same age you know," Jack pointed out.

"I know. I'm just not as fun as I used to be. And that's good. Fish needs fun. Fish said you tried to hit on him, is that true?"

"He told you that?" Jack asked.

"Fish tells me everything. I would totally approve if Fish wasn't straight."

"Thanks," Jack said, suspiciously.

"Harry, don't scare my guitarist away with your creepiness," Fish said loudly.

"Shut up Fish. I'm bonding," Harry yelled back.

"Leave Jack alone. We have a gig tomorrow night," Fish said, pulling his new friend from his leader's clutches. "Go find your wife."

"I don't want to find Bonnie. I know her. I want to know Jack."

"Get to know Lex," Fish said. "I'm introducing Jack to your father. We'll be back when the party starts."

"That's nice Fish. Do we all have to hit on you to meet the Savior's family?" Mark yelled.

Fish stuck his tongue out at him. As he and Jack left the room Harry turned to the other two, crossing his arms over his chest and looking intimidating and not at all as friendly as he had been with Jack.

"So this is to celebrate your…uncle's death?" Lex asked.

"Yeah. He wasn't nice to me," Harry said.

The group went quiet. Lex and Mark looked at each other from the corner of their eyes.

"Do you want to meet Bonnie?" Harry asked, suddenly. "She's a bit more sociable than I am," he added.

"Sure," the two said quickly.

Harry nodded and opened his phone as they went upstairs. She was in his room. He went up and knocked. "Bonnie?"

The door opened immediately, Bonnie smiling at the sight of him. Ginny was standing behind her rolling her eyes. "Hey St. Jimmy."

"Your wife calls you St. Jimmy to?" Lex asked.

Harry ignored them. "Hey Pet. This is Fish's band. Fish stole Jack to show my parents but this is Lex and Mark."

"Oh, it's nice to meet you. I'm Bonnie. You probably know that. And this is my friend Ginny," she said, pulling her up beside him.

"Yeah, we've heard."

Ginny groaned and rolled her eyes, turning away.

"So what instruments do you two play?" Bonnie asked, grabbing Ginny again and leading them out of the room so she could shut the door behind her.

"Well I play the base," Mark said.

"And I play the drums," Lex added.

"And, I never asked, does Fish play an instrument or just sing?"

"He just sings. And then he gets all the girls and then Jack gets angry and then Fish takes his new girlfriend home and Fish leaves the apartment and we don't see him till the gig the next day."

"So Jack likes Fish a lot?" Harry asked.

"Fish says…" Lex hesitated, looking at Mark from the corner of his eye. "Well, Fish says that Jack stares at him like he sometimes stares at you. Did you and Fish once have some sort of relationship because Jack is a little jealous?"

"No, Fish and I never dated. Tell Jack he has no competition. He'll just have to fight Fish's straight side. I think he's pretty interested in girls."

"We know. He just likes to keep his options open," Lex said.

"How long have you two known Jack?" Bonnie asked.

"I've known him for two years. We went to Fish's audition together. We met Mark there."

"He's had girlfriends right?" Bonnie asked.

"Oh yeah. He's dated everyone. Gay guys, bi guys, straight girls, I think he once converted a straight guy and that's what he's trying to do with Fish. He's just not pushing him very hard in fear of ruining the band."

"Poor thing."

Lex rolled his eyes. "Let's stop talking about poor Jack and Fish. They'll kill us for telling you their personal stuff. Let's talk about you. You're uncle's death deserves a party?"

"Of course. Everyone is coming. At least they are if Fish called them all before he got distracted by Jack. Tim and Tom are going to visit me and bring their Japanese boyfriends. They're nice, they like me. They came to the hotel a few months ago, just them and asked me for my blessing. I feel like my follower's father."

"I can't believe they stayed away," Bonnie said. "They left again as soon as I got home. And Tim and Tom haven't visited."

"They've visited, you just weren't home," Harry said. "Lets all go downstairs. The others will be here soon and we still have to set up for the party. I'm going to put up streamers," Harry said happily.

/

During the party Bonnie stayed far across the room from wherever Harry was, giving him his space like Fish told her to. Harry wandered around the room, greeting all of his followers who congratulated him on his Uncle's death. Some of the girls, noticing that Bonnie wasn't glued to his side for once, tried to flirt with him—touching his chest and giggling—but Bonnie was pleased to notice that he didn't flirt back, which meant he wasn't terribly angry at her. He just smiled and stepped away from their hands before moving on to the others. Ial and Ma'am saved him a few times, Ma'am introducing Harry to her muggle boyfriend Patrick. Harry didn't feel like shaking his hand so kept his hands in his pocket and then pulled Ma'am aside to ask her about him.

"Is he nice?" he asked quietly, with his back to Patrick.

"Patrick is very nice St. Jimmy. There's no need to worry about him."

"Keep your wand on you, okay? We've had a lot of mishaps with the muggles recently."

"I can take care of myself St. Jimmy. You've trained me well."

"What happened to other guy?" he asked.

"It just didn't work out. And then I found Patrick. He's great."

"Are you living with him?"

"I just moved in, yeah. He's paying for me to stay with him."

"Well if anything happens, you know that you can always come to me or Fish or anyone else. That's why we're here."

"Why? Does Patrick seem like a bad guy to you?" Ma'am asked worriedly. She glanced at Patrick who smiled sweetly at her. She smiled back before turning back to Harry.

"He's fine. His mind is just a little…hard to read, so I don't want to take chances."

"I'll be fine. Now go greet your other followers. Avin wanted to talk to you."

Harry patted Ma'am on the head and headed in the other direction. He went to talk to Avin who was standing with Ial and Oye. Ial and Oye were poking each other in their sides and giggling while Avin leaned against a table, rolling his eyes at them both.

"Hey Avin. You look like you're having loads of fun," Harry said sarcastically, eyeing the vampire's mate and his childe.

"I'm considering killing Oye," he deadpanned.

Ial and Oye both looked at him; both shocked but Ial also disappointed and Oye fearful.

"I'm just kidding." He rolled his eyes again and stroked his fingers down Ial's shoulder. He looked back at Harry. "So… nice party for your uncle's death. I like the thought."

"I thought you would. I was so excited. He was lying there in the hospital bed, saying creepy things that one would only admit on their death bed and then I came home and Dudley sent me that message. 'He's gone.' It felt like how one would feel if they enjoyed their birthday."

"I'm happy for you. We were all waiting for him to die. I mean, he wasn't healthy anyway and after everything he did karma was bound to come around."

"I'm so glad we all believe in Karma. It's working out so well for us."

"Have you seen Ma'am's new boyfriend?"

"Yeah, have you noticed his weirdness? Is he something other than a muggle?"

"No. He's human. He's just…discomforting. I'd tell Dig to keep an eye on Ma'am."

"I'll let him know." They both looked over when they heard Ial scream and then she started giggling again, shoving Oye's hands away from her sides.

"Oye cut it out. You'll scare Avin," she giggled, pushing him away.

Avin rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around Ial's waist and pulled her against his side like a package.

"I'll go mingle so the others don't get jealous," Harry said, running his hand through his hair. "I'll make sure to talk to Dig. You three have fun." He waved to Ial, who waved back, still smiling like she was ten.

After speaking to a few more people Harry headed over to Dig, pulling him away from Omi to talk to him. Dig agreed to keep an eye on his friend though he said that Patrick seemed like an okay guy to him. Harry told him to keep an eye out just incase.

/

"Harry?" Bonnie said carefully, coming up behind Harry as he helped the maids clean up.

"I'm so tired Bonnie. I think I'm just going to go to bed," Harry said, without waiting for her to continue.

"Don't tell me that. You hardly sleep as it is. Please Harry," she said quietly, knowing that Fish and his band were still wandering around the room. "It's driving me nuts. Why aren't you talking to me?"

"What are you talking about? We're talking right now."

"You know what I mean. Every time I go to take your hand you push it away, you won't talk to me and…you won't look at me," she said, grabbing his arm and trying to turn him.

He shook her hand off his arm but turned around to face her. He sighed heavily. "Josh said if I cancelled our sessions together you would suggest that he prescribe medication."

"I would never say that Harry."

"You never said you wanted me on medication?" he asked, unbelieving.

"I told him that I wanted you to go back to therapy and that I was trying to talk you into going. He asked me if I would want you to be on some medication if you decided to stop going. I said, sarcastically, only if you start hallucinating. I never said that I wanted you to be put on medication."

Harry leaned against the table. "You don't think I'm crazy?" he pouted.

Bonnie smiled, taking his hands. "Only in a sweet, adorable type of way. I do hear you talking about horrible things when you do sleep but I only want you to go to therapy for it. I know how you feel about drugs, I would never suggest that. Josh only mixed up my words."

Harry lowered his head. "I'm sorry I ignored you. You know I hate to do that, I just felt really hurt that you would turn on me. But if you say you didn't say that I believe you."

Bonnie lifted his chin to look at her. "I would _never_ turn on you. You know that Kumquat. I'm loyal to you and always will be."

"I do know that Pet." He lifted her hands and kissed them. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry for being sarcastic and creating this mess. I shouldn't kid about something so serious. Josh, in therapist mode, probably doesn't understand sarcasm."

Harry stood up and wrapped his arms around Bonnie's waist and leaned toward her. "You want to abandon Fish and his friends and go home to crawl into bed? This is our first fight, no matter how small, and I heard makeup sex is awesome."

Bonnie smiled. "Okay."

"Fish!" Harry called. Fish looked over. "You and your friends can find your way out right?"

Fish nodded.

Harry grabbed his wife's hand and then apparated, together, back to the hotel. They apparated right into the bedroom and Bonnie fell backwards onto the bed, her legs hanging off the edge, as Harry slowly walked toward her. She leaned up on her elbows and enthusiastically pulled off her shirt and then lay back again as Harry kneeled onto the bed, straddling her thighs. She quivered quietly under him as he leaned over her, a low moan in his throat, and kissed her throat, slowly moving up across her jaw.

"St. Jimmy," she groaned, running her fingers into his hair, "I love you."

Harry replied with a fierce kiss that took her breath away while at the same time slipping off his own shirt. Bonnie moved her hands from his hair to his body, running them down his perfectly smooth chest and then wrapping around his back to pull him closer. She used what weight she had to push him and he changed their positions so she was on top, straddled over his waist. She separated their mouths and moved to his jaw and down his neck. "Tell me you love me St. Jimmy," she pleaded, running her fingers over his shoulders and down his sides until they reached his belt.

"I love you," he groaned, his voice husky with need, pulling her chin up to kiss her fiercely again. "I love you," he breathed again as she pulled away and kissed down his throat, over his chest and stomach as she unbuttoned his pants.


	4. Babies Are Such a Nice Way to Start Peo

Chapter 51

"Babies Are Such a Nice Way to Start People.¹"

.

"Harry, look at this," Bonnie said, following him excitedly down the stairs while she sensed and ignored the roll of his eyes. "I'm sure the people in China would give us a beautiful baby. A girl, easily. You like girls. And we'd only have to spend a month in China. We've been there before."

"Are we already talking about this?" Harry asked, taking Prose off the counter where he was sitting.

'_I think a baby would be a nice addition to the household'_ Prose hissed.

Harry hissed back his hateful reply.

"Prose agrees with me doesn't he?" Bonnie guessed.

"Prose is a snake. He gets no say in this."

"But Harry," she whined.

"Not yet Bonnie. We are not ready for a baby."

"My aunt is having a baby. They're not even married."

"We're younger then them," Harry fought.

"So. We're mature. You don't think we could take care of a baby? I think the Chinese government would disagree with you."

"Only because we have plenty of money and we're married."

"Why do you hate me? Why must you make me suffer so?" she whined, collapsing into the dining table chair.

"You're not suffering. You can get a baby. Just not right now. Patience is a virtue," he said, turning to her from the spot at the stove.

"Not to your mother."

"Just block it out, that's what I do," he replied as he started up lunch.

Bonnie paused, watching him cook lunch. "Fish agrees with me."

Harry stopped and glared at her. "Fish just wants someone else to stalk. Do you want him stalking our children Bonnie? Is that what you want? He'll be around all the time. And while I love him he's not always nice to you. And we won't be able to get a girl if we even mention adoption. He'll brainwash me into a getting a boy. All of them will. Brainwash me into getting an heir that they don't even need. It's as if they're expecting me to die soon. Do I look like I'm on my death bed?"

"No."

"No, I don't. I look very healthy. They don't need an heir. They have me. I don't even see the point. They can't follow him. Do they expect me to train my own son to be their leader for a war that's over? They'll be too old to fight in a war by the time he'd be ready. They're all just so paranoid. It's as if it's the fifteen hundreds. They think they really are in a cult."

"Harry, why don't you go for a run? You're babbling again and I think you need to calm down."

"Calm…right. I'll go run a few laps."

"You do that."

Harry left the house and Bonnie dropped her head onto the table on top of the adoption papers.

/

Harry came downstairs and looked at the front desk. The man, the one who had called him he guessed, waved and then pointed exaggeratedly toward the guest lounge. He turned the corner and entered the lounge to find his wife sitting asleep in one of the big chairs, leaned over the arm with a book ready to fall out of her hand. There were a group of tourists standing around, one of them snapping a photo of the Savior's sleeping wife.

Harry went over and moved the man with the camera out of the way. He shook Bonnie's shoulder and slipped the book out of her hand. **Baby Names**. Harry sighed and shook her shoulder again. "Pet. What are you doing down here?"

Bonnie groaned. "I was reading."

"Why couldn't you read upstairs? Come on; let's go back to our room."

"Okay," she mumbled, not even opening her eyes and automatically wrapping her arms around Harry's neck to let him carry her.

Harry gave in and put his arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders and lifted her off the chair and into his arms. She rested her head against his chest and he kicked a reporter in the leg, more of them gathering as he headed back toward the stairs. Dasin, Badey, Lawsin and Gardener were immediately between the reporters and the couple, following Harry up the stairs and blocking the media at the same time.

"I'm getting fat," Bonnie mumbled.

"You're not fat Pet."

"I am. I'm fat and baby-less and the reporters think I'm a _drunk,_" she groaned.

"That's not true."

"We'll see who's right when the paper comes out tomorrow," she said, as they went into their room. Harry carried her to the bedroom while Dasin shut the door and hoarded all of the media back downstairs. Harry laid her down and sat down beside her, stroking her hair. "I see you were reading up on your baby names. Don't you want to be creative?" he asked her jokingly.

"I just want to be prepared for when you stop torturing me," she said, tiredly touching his hand fondly every time it caressed her face or went through her hair.

Harry sighed heavily. "My nineteenth birthday is in two days. Yours is in six days. I still don't think now is the time to be having a baby. Don't you want to be young for just a little bit longer? To have it be just you and me for a few more years. Without war, or anything else keeping us apart. I enjoy being with just you. I know I get annoying sometimes but don't you like newlywed life to?"

Bonnie didn't answer. She fell asleep instead, whispering in their secret language as she went. "I just want a baby."

Harry sighed and sunk onto the floor beside the bed, letting Bonnie hold his hand while she slept.

He had nothing against children, besides the fact that he hated their dirty, sticky, gooey, spitty hands and mouths and their yelling and screaming and crying and altogether annoyingness. But he could get over all of that if it was truly what Bonnie _had to have_ and especially if it did actually happen. He'd have to get over it to keep his lover happy.

One thing he was happy about was that with adoption they could pick the one they wanted and he mainly wanted a girl. Someone to spoil and that would make his father happy as well. Someone who God couldn't punish because lucky for the female race God was apparently a sexist. (Or God's a woman and she wants the men to suffer. "?") And they couldn't have children of their own so the chances of that happening, even if they adopted a boy, were slim.

He was still awake when the paper was slipped under the door in the morning by one of the guards. Harry summoned it over to him.

**Savior's Wife Finally Pregnant**

"For the love of God," Harry mumbled, his eyes widening at the title. He read down.

.

**Last night Lady Potter was found passed out in a chair in the guest lounge of the hotel the Savior and his wife are currently residing in, in India. Lady Potter was found with a book of Baby Names in her hand and while Sir Potter was carrying his tired wife upstairs she was heard saying that she was getting fatter. **

** Sources say that Lady Potter had been talking about adopting a baby for a very long time but apparently she got pregnant instead. We're hoping to receive clarification from Sir or Lady Potter themselves so lets not get our hopes up too much. Let's just keep our fingers crossed. **

.

Harry sighed and grabbed his phone.

"Is this Marylyn Green?" Harry asked. "Yes, it's me again. I just wanted to discuss the article that came out this morning. You guessed right, it's not true. And do you know what I'm going to do to the Daily Prophet if my wife sees this? I'm going to kill the paper. I will _literally_ destroy it. There will be no more Daily Prophet. I will sue you for everything you have and give the winnings from the case to every poor, unfortunate soul that you've written about." He paused, waiting for her to finish apologizing incessantly. "I know you thought it was true but you can't go about writing articles like that with your only proof being a girl thinking she looks fat and a book of baby names. Girls do these things all the time. I know you're sorry Marylyn. If you can collect every paper before anyone reads it I won't be at all angry but if someone gets the opportunity to ask my wife when she's due I will come over there and strangle the writer of this article. And we don't want that do we? No. Thank you Marylyn. I expect to see this front page disappear and be replaced by something else. It will make me feel a lot better. Thank you Marylyn."

Harry hung up and glanced up at the bed to make sure Bonnie was still asleep. Once sure he looked back down at the paper and watched it slowly change the front page as someone wrote it up, very sloppy. The front page news was now **Girls Trampled Trying to Catch a Glimpse of Savior Outside His Hotel**.

"Why are you on the floor?"

Harry looked up at her as she leaned carefully over the side of the bed to see him.

"Just thinking."

"Would you do something for me Jimmy?"

"Sure," he smiled. "Anything you want."

"Would you apparate to Rome and buy me some Gilato for breakfast?"

Harry stared. "Is this a rhetorical question?"

Bonnie shook her head.

"Okay." He stood and let go of her hand for the first time all night. "Don't go downstairs while I'm gone though. We don't want the reporters coming to find you again."

Bonnie nodded and Harry apparted away.

When he was gone Bonnie lifted back the sheets and sat up to find blood on the bed between her legs. "Oh dear lord."

She crawled out of bed, using her wand to remove the stain from the sheets. She grabbed her phone and went to the bathroom. After upheaving her stomach into the toilet she sat on the tile floor and dialed Ginny's number.

"Ginny, you're ringing," Luna said to her as they sat at the breakfast table together at the new and improved Malfoy Manor. Blaise and Malfoy were away at work so Luna invited Ginny to eat breakfast with her.

"Oh!" She reached into her back pocket and took out her phone. "It's Bonnie," she said, confused. "Hello?"

"Hey Ginny, its Bonnie."

"I know. What's up?"

"I have a rather embarrassing question I need to ask. I would have called my mother but you were the first one on speed dial and the first one I thought to call."

"No problem. What's going on?"

"Well…I just started my period. Lucky Harry wasn't in the bed, though I doubt he would have noticed."

"What do you mean? Like a fluke? I thought your healers said you wouldn't get one. You don't have any eggs," she said.

"Well I'm going to make an appointment with my Healer later today and I'm sure my mother will go with me. Would you come to?"

"Of course. Draco should be home by then so that I can ditch Luna."

Luna rolled her eyes across the table from her.

"Oh, and one more thing. Do you know the spell for…you know?"

"Oh! Yeah. I'll text it to you in just a sec. Call me again when you want me to come by. I'll join you and your mother to the hospital."

/

"Pet! I'm back with Gilato!" Harry said as he came into the lounge part of their room with two cones of chocolate Gilato. He wasn't very good with handling Italian ice cream (because of all the sugar) but, 'what the hell?' he shrugged.

Bonnie came out of the bathroom, pretending everything was normal. "Hey. Thanks," she said, taking the ice cream cone from him.

"So what are we doing today?" he asked. "Staying in?" he suggested, wrapping his free arm seductively around her waist.

"Actually I was thinking about seeing my mother today."

"Oh. Okay." He backed up again, his hand settling on her hip, his thumb lazily running under her tank top and over her skin.

"And I thought you could visit your parents or Fish."

"I can find things to do without you, pet," Harry assured her.

"Right. Well once we finish our ice cream I have to get dressed to go. We're going out shopping and then to lunch and then maybe more shopping so I might not see you till dinner."

"Oh," Harry said sadly, pouting as his hand slipped from her waist. "All day?"

"We'll see each other all day tomorrow. I promise. I just haven't visited my mother, really, in a while. And I think after lunch we may bring along my grandmother."

"Oh. Well…try to have fun I guess."

"You to."

/

"Sweetie, I'm sure you're fine. Maybe you ate something that cut your stomach lining or some mysterious disease," Mrs. McNeal said.

"I'm fine if I have a mysterious disease?" Bonnie asked. "I told dad not to get cable."

"I'm just saying there is no need to worry. I'm sure it is nothing," she said, patting the padded seat for Bonnie to sit on.

Mrs. McNeal and Ginny took the comfortable couch against the wall of the very spacious and elegant clinical room; unlike the normal ones with dinosaur wallpaper. Bonnie's healer was a specialist that she had been seeing since she was eight when they told her mother and father she'd never have any children. She was a very expensive healer but they had continued to see her.

The healer walked in, her brown hair piled up in a sloppy bun that was slowly falling. "Good morning Lady Potter, Mrs. McNeal."

"This is my friend Ginny Weasley," Bonnie introduced.

"Nice to meet you dear. I'm Healer White. You can just call me May," she said, shaking her hand and then shutting the door to the room. "So, Bonnie. We didn't have any scheduled appointments. Is something wrong?"

"Well…" Bonnie told her about this morning and how she had been sick.

"Hmm. Let's just do a quick scan and see if anything is out of the ordinary."

Bonnie lay back on the comfortable bed and May went over her with her wand. She looked instantly confused with whatever results she was receiving. "Hmm." She wrote something down on her clipboard and asked Bonnie to sit up. "I'm going to take some blood sweetie and do some tests, alright? Just for some clarification."

She took a needle from the cabinet and Bonnie held out her arm. Once she had what she needed the healer left the room to go do her tests.

"What do you think she found?" Bonnie asked.

Ginny shrugged.

They waited in tense anticipation for the healer to come back. A few minutes later and May came back in with a huge smile on her face. She set her clipboard down on the counter and turned toward the three women. "Bonnie, I have wonderful news for you dear."

"What? What is it?" she asked, unable to imagine what wonderful news she could have after throwing up and bleeding for no reason.

May smiled, like she was trying to build suspense. "Bonnie…you're pregnant."

The room was silent as all three women stared at her. Bonnie spoke first. "That's not funny May. You know, obviously because you're the healer who diagnosed me, that I can't have children. It's impossible."

"Well that husband of yours must have some miracle sperm or something because your blood work and magical signature is telling me that you are three months pregnant."

"THREE MONTHS!"

"Isn't it wonderful? A little miracle has been growing for three months in your womb without you even knowing it. You must be so happy."

They all looked to Bonnie who looked to be in a state of shock. "Bonnie? Are you alright? I promise I'm being truthful, I would never lie like that."

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she collapsed back onto the bed.

/

"Bonnie, are you okay?" Ginny asked, watching her friend slowly sink into a mental breakdown. At least they were already in the hospital.

"Harry's going to divorce me. He'll want nothing to do with me or our baby."

"Bonnie, you know that's not true."

"DO I?"

"Yes, you do. Harry loves you. And he wouldn't leave you because you were having his baby. And he definitely wouldn't leave his own child."

"But Harry hates children."

Ginny sighed and wrapped her arm around her friend. "Bonnie, what would make Harry happy?"

"He always says it's anything that would make me happy."

"And what would make you happy?"

"A baby."

"So what would make Harry happy?"

"It_ wouldn't be a baby, Ginny_!" Bonnie said hysterically. She put her hands in her face. "What am I going to do? I finally got what I wanted after crying over not being able to have it and now I'm crying again because I finally do have it."

"Bonnie, it's not like Harry's going to make you get rid of it. He loves you and because of that he'll deal with it. And I never truly believed him when he said he didn't like kids. You know he was practically lying."

"Was he? How happy will he actually be that we're having a baby? I don't want him to have to pretend to be happy till our child moves out of the house."

"That's not going to happen."

"Yes it is. I'll have to break it to him very carefully," she said, standing as she thought over what she would have to do to keep him from freaking out when she told him she was pregnant. She'd have to get him very happy and relaxed.

"When are you going to tell him?" her mother asked.

"Tonight, I guess. I mean I'm three months along already. I can't keep this from him. He's not stupid. Even if it's not possible for me to be pregnant he's going to be suspicious when I gain twenty pounds."

"Sweetie," her mother said calmly. "Harry is a wonderful man. He is going to be happy for you."

Bonnie just sighed and dropped her face into her hands and started to sob.

Her mother wrapped her arm around her and pulled her to her. "Look on the bright side, baby. Your grandmother will be forced to like him won't she?"

Bonnie laughed. She couldn't help but laugh with her mother through the tears; because that may be the only bright side to the event. Except it may be too late.

/

Bonnie composed herself, making sure her eyes were all clear of puffiness and redness and she looked calm and composed, before apparating back to the hotel suite. She usually dropped her purse at the door with her coat where Harry would scoop it up later to organize in his weird, OCD system; but she only left her coat. If she didn't tell Harry tonight he wouldn't be happy with the things that could possibly fall out of her purse. She knew she was being just a little bit paranoid but that's what happened in situations like hers. She couldn't help it.

She dropped her coat at the door and Harry was already behind her to pick it up, as if he had read her mind. _Oh crap._ Living with a training Legillimens wasn't a lot of fun when you wanted to keep secrets from him. She put up what little brick wall she had managed to obtain but it was probably enough. Harry wasn't up to breaking down walls yet.

"You're home late," Harry said, sending her coat toward the closet where it would be alphabetized by color or something.

"Yeah, well…you know how my grandmother is."

Harry eyed her hands and noticed she was only holding her purse. "Didn't you buy anything?"

"Oh! Well, no. Nothing really caught my interest today."

"Well that's a first. I'm sorry you didn't find anything." He took her hand and walked her toward the lounge. "Did you have a good time with Ginny and your mother?" He asked as they sat down on the sofa.

"Yeah, it was great."

"Did you eat dinner? We could order room service," he offered.

"I'm not that hungry. We had a big lunch," she lied. She'd gone through bouts of shock and could hardly remember where she had been all day.

"Oh, okay. Well then…" He scooted forward, his other hand caressing her face. "Do you want to take some play time?"

"Actually…" she said, just as Harry was leaning forward, sure of her answer, "I'm kind of tired. Do you mind if we…just go to sleep?"

"No, of course. Sleep," he said, stroking her hair and standing up.

She stood. "I mean, you don't have to. You could…reorganize the book shelves."

"No, really." He faked a yawn and stretched. "I'm feeling kind of tired to."

Bonnie smiled and nodded, going over to the closet, still clutching her purse until she dropped it in the closet and covered it with another coat. She changed quickly into her pajamas before turning off the closet light to join Harry in bed. He quickly pulled the covers over them and pulled her to him, kissing her sweetly on the mouth before pulling her comfortably into his embrace.

"So what did you do all day?" Bonnie asked, fiddling with his shirt and trying to decide whether now was a good time to tell him. He seemed very relaxed.

"I went to see my dad but he was busy working on his classes for next year, my mother was very excited to see me but apparently she didn't want me there because she's planning a joint birthday party for us both with your mother. I guess she was working out kinks while your mother was gone. And so I went to see Fish but he was very busy and watching him yell at Jack wasn't very fun because Jack has this sweet, innocent expression that just shouldn't be yelled at. And when I realized all of my followers had lives of their own and couldn't entertain me I came home and sat around with Prose missing you and pelting Sixlets at preteen fan heads on the television."

"Aww, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was a nice day. Very stress free and all that. Alone time is good sometimes."

"You know what I just realized?" Bonnie asked.

"What's that?" Harry asked, running his hand over her hair.

"We missed our one year anniversary."

"No we didn't. I just didn't tell you. We celebrated, trust me."

Bonnie laughed, snuggling into his side. Despite her plan to get him when he was relaxed, he was, in a way, too relaxed. She couldn't be the reason he left this state. She'd tell him tomorrow. She had to.

"Night," she mumbled, wrapping her arms around his clothed stomach.

"Night," he mumbled back, turning off the lights and wrapping his arms around her while resting his face in her hair.

/

The next morning Bonnie woke up to rustling in the room. Her eyes flickered open and she glanced up to catch Harry looking at her as he pulled on a dark T-shirt.

"Morning Pet. I didn't mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep," he said, leaning over and kissing her lips.

"Where are you going?" she asked, for a second fearing that he had found her purse and looked through it suspecting, rightly, that she was hiding something.

"It's nothing to worry about. Just some government thing. Albus owled me about it a minute ago, he thinks I should be there. Something about revealing more or less information to the muggles. Personally, the way things are going, I think less is better but we'll see how well I can persuade them."

"Well we all know how well you sway a room," Bonnie mumbled, pleased that it wasn't about her.

Harry smiled and leaned over her, pressing his lips to hers in a heated kiss for one moment before pulling away. He smiled sadly. "I know we planned to spend the day together but I don't know how long I'll be so don't wait up, okay?"

Bonnie just nodded, used to this. He went to meetings about three times a month with Dumbledore and/or her father to talk with the rest of the world's leaders; both muggle and wizard.

Harry stroked her hair before apparating away. Bonnie collapsed back into bed, thinking of the day ahead of her that she had to plan ever so carefully.

Once Harry was gone Bonnie decided she couldn't waste any time. These meetings could last minutes to days. Harry usually never stayed longer than a day, he came back to go to sleep with her and eat breakfast with her before he headed back if the meeting was still going.

She crawled out of bed and got dressed casually and then went to the lounge and called the front desk. "Hello, this is Lady Potter from the suite upstairs."

"Good morning Lady Potter. How may I help you?"

"Can you connect me to the woman downstairs? I think her name is Athena Wells."

"Of course I can. Please hold, I'll connect you."

"Thanks."

Bonnie waited patiently.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Bonnie. You don't know me but I know that you're staying downstairs."

"Lady Potter?"

"Yes. I know this is a little rude, you're probably very busy but I really need some help. You're a chef, right?"

"Yes, my Lady."

"Well, I wanted to do something special for my husband and I unfortunately cannot cook so I was wondering if you could help me out. You don't have to but I would really appreciate it if you're not busy."

"I would enjoy helping you very much, my Lady."

"Thanks. I'll come pick you up downstairs and we can cook up here, okay?"

"I'll see you down here."

"Thank you so much." Bonnie hung up first, people usually refused to hang up before her or end a conversation before she did so officially. It was odd to be treated like royalty when it did happen; she and Harry didn't meet or talk to new people very often if they could avoid it.

Bonnie quickly brushed her teeth and washed her face, fixed up the room where she could with her wand and made sure everything Harry didn't want other people to see was hidden, before heading downstairs in the Suite Elevator.

She noticed Athena right away, waiting in her doorway with her little girl. They both had auburn colored hair and hazel eyes. Athena looked to be only a few years older than Bonnie and her little girl looked to be around five.

When Athena saw her coming she quickly curtsied and lowered her head, her daughter quickly followed by doing a jerky sort of curtsy that made Bonnie giggle. "You don't have to do that." Athena stood.

"My husband isn't home. I hope it's okay if I bring my daughter."

"Of course, its fine. Harry isn't home either." She turned to the little girl. "And what's your name?"

"Elana, your Ladyship," she mumbled with another jumbled curtsey.

"That's a beautiful name." Bonnie stood again and looked at Athena. "We should get upstairs. I'm expecting Harry to be gone till dinner but I can never be sure."

Athena followed her toward the elevator, Elena following on her mother's hand with her dolls in the other. They took the elevator up to the Suite. Elena gasped as the elevator doors opened to the elegant suite. They'd gotten the best suite in Umaid Bhawan Palace because Bonnie thought this one was pretty.

"This is a lovely room," Athena said.

"Yeah, I like it to. We've been here two months so I changed some of the furniture in the lounge that I didn't like. Um, Elena can stay wherever she wants, expect I prefer she not go into the bedroom."

"Of course not. She'll just sit at the table. She likes to watch me cook, don't you sweetie."

Elena nodded and sat down on the floor near the kitchen with her dolls. Athena turned to Bonnie. "So…my Lady, what did you have in mind?"

"You can just call me Bonnie and I wanted to plan dinner. He won't be home till late, I'm sure. Harry doesn't really have a favorite food; he'll eat anything since he doesn't eat much of it in the first place. What do you make for your husband?"

"Well, do you eat meat?"

"Yeah, sure. There were a few days where I couldn't look at chicken without being traumatized but I'm okay now."

Athena looked like she wanted to laugh but just smiled politely. "Well, yesterday, for dinner I made sautéed kale with smoked paprika and a main course of Chicken Pasta with thyme-mint cream."

"Sounds good to me."

"Shouldn't we go shopping?"

"Oh, we have everything you could ever need in this kitchen. Harry usually cooks all of the food, he has ingredients galore. If we need anything I'll send someone out."

"Okay. Well let's get started then," Athena said, stepping into the kitchen and thinking how she'd never met anyone who was so famous they avoided stepping outside if they had people who could do it for them.

They both headed into the kitchen and Athena started grabbing ingredients from cabinets and fridges. "May I ask why you didn't just order room service?"

"Well, my husband doesn't like people he doesn't know cooking his food. Especially these days, you know."

"Right. That makes sense. But he doesn't know me."

"But I'm right here. I'd notice if you had a malicious look on your face while you poured some poison into the food. And I'm a potion maker so I recognize poisons."

/

A few hours later, Athena and Bonnie were sitting on the couch watching satellite TV with Elena waiting for the food to cook, when Harry called.

"Hey Jimmy."

"Hey Pet. It looks like this is going to take a little longer than I expected."

"_Potter, this is a meeting. Put down the phone." _

"Shut up," Harry said to whoever was speaking in the background. "The people here are very unagreeable," Harry told her. "And quite rude. But Albus is doing a good job calming them down so I'll be home for dinner whether we're finished or not."

"Alright. I'll be waiting patiently for you. Going through my closet and putting on all of my pretty clothes while I go crazy without you."

Harry chuckled. "I'll be home as soon as possible to save you."

They both hung up and Bonnie looked back at the TV.

"You two sound adorable," Athena smiled.

"Oh, thanks," Bonnie said shyly. People—Harry's followers—usually thought they were annoying.

/

"Thanks so much for helping," Bonnie said, leading Athena and her daughter to the elevator. "We should hang out again."

"Sure. Come on honey," she said to her daughter. "I hope Sir Potter appreciates your hard work."

"Well, I hardly did anything but I hope he likes it."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Once she had them both out of the apartment she made sure to put a spell on the food to keep them warm and fresh till dinner, made herself some cereal for lunch and then headed to her room to shower and make herself look beautiful for tonight. She painted her nails black and let her curls fall over her shoulders, put on no makeup and looked through her closet for a nice, sweet, little black dress with a small bow in the back and thin straps. The wispy bottom graced her knees and she slipped on a pair of rounded-toe heels and checked herself in the mirror once more just as she heard someone apparate into the lounge.

She ran quickly to greet him. "Harry, you're home," she smiled excitedly.

His eyebrows rose at the sight of her, and his eyes went up and down as they looked her over. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek.

"You look nice."

"I dressed up just for you. I even painted my nails," she said, holding up her fingers.

"And what's the special occasion? Is this because you forgot we celebrated our anniversary?" he laughed, taking one of her curls and twirling it between his fingers.

"Well, I have some…news to tell you and I wanted it to be a _very_…special night," she said, taking a step forward and pressing a seductive kiss to his jaw.

"Oh, well…what's this news?" he asked, taking a step back.

"Let's wait till later," she said, stepping back and taking his hand from her hair, pulling him gently toward the dining room. She walked him to his seat at the table and sat him down. When he was seated, looking a little unsure and confused, she went to the kitchen and grabbed the first course, kale with paprika and put it down on the table in front of him and then sat down adjacent to him with her dish in front of her.

Harry stared into the dish in front of him and then looked up at his wife. Her smile was a little odd, a little nervous and scared. "You cooked?" he asked, at the same time trying to figure out what her news could be to make her nervous to tell him and go through all this.

"Actually, the woman downstairs, Athena, our neighbor, she helped me a little. I didn't want you to die trying to eat my latest creation."

"How sweet of you." He looked down and started to eat. She followed, glancing up at him every few moments either to make sure he wasn't being poisoned or to gage how much happier this was making him. "So, what is this news you have for me?"

"Not yet. We still have the main course and then another surprise to follow." When they finished the first course she took his plate and then delivered his dinner. "So how was the meeting?"

"Well we finished it. Albus and I won. It was a good thing the muggles weren't actually there; we would have had to fight with your father. And that would have been uncomfortable, telling your father reasons why he shouldn't know more about the wizard government and wizard secrets."

"I'm surprised it was hard to convince them. There are just some things we should keep to ourselves."

Harry squinted suspiciously at her. She usually fought for her father a little bit or a lot; not not at all. They weren't 'agree' type of people.

When they had finished dinner Bonnie took the plates and put them in the sink, washing them with her wand and putting them in the dishwasher before Harry could get to them. "Now you come with me Sir St. Jimmy," she said, tugging both of his hands toward the bedroom.

"Are we discussing this news in the bedroom?"

"No, this is the second part of the surprise." She pushed him down on the bed, spread his legs with hers and stood in-between them. Harry leaned up on his forearms to see her. Silently, she began to untie the straps of her dress but when she got to the zipper Harry interrupted.

"Bonnie," he said, grabbing her hand.

She pushed him away. "Don't interrupt. You're supposed to just lay there and enjoy."

"Why?" he asked. "Bonnie, how bad is this news that you have to bribe me with sex ahead of time?"

"I'm not bribing you. Can't a wife just want to please her husband?"

"Not when she refers to the sex as a present before she reveals the news," Harry pointed out. "Come on, what's going on?"

"Are you sure you don't want to have sex first? It was going to be good."

"Bonnie," he said strictly, no question in his voice.

"Fine. But just remember this." She zipped up what she had undone of her dress and sighed to prepare herself. "Remember how much you love me, okay? You love me right?"

"I do love you. And I always will."

"Always will. That's good. Just…remember what you just said when I'm telling you this news."

"Did you murder someone?" he asked jokingly. "Were you and Fish flirting behind my back?"

"No." She sighed sadly. "Harry…I…." She stopped. Harry raised his eyebrows waiting for her answer. "I'm…pregnant."

Harry paused, then slowly started to smile then chuckled. "What?"

"I'm…pregnant."

"You mean like…you forged my signature to the adoption papers?"

"No. Like I'm pregnant. Like sperm and egg and morning sickness and odd food cravings and getting fatter."

"You can't be serious," he said plainly.

"I am."

"When did this happen?"

"Well apparently three months ago."

"Three months?" he breathed. "You're three months pregnant? How did this happen?"

"Well yesterday when you were gone I wasn't shopping. I went to my healer, the one who told me I would never be able to have children, and she did some tests and she clarified it. She said it's a miracle."

"How could this happen?" Harry mumbled to himself. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"I know," Bonnie agreed, her eyes welling with tears. She stood quietly in front of him where he sat on the bed, watching him take it in. She knew Ginny was going to be wrong, she could see it in his face. She put her hands over her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Pet. It's not your fault."

"It is my fault. I've failed you as a wife. I've produced children that I medically wasn't supposed to and that you didn't want and I've made you unhappy." She wrapped one arm around her waist to hold herself up while she put the other over her mouth to muffle the sobs. She turned her back to him so he couldn't see her crying.

"Bonnie, you have not failed me as a wife. I love you and I'm not upset that you're pregnant."

"You're only saying that because I'm crying. You hate when I cry. If I hadn't started crying you'd be leaving now," she sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'll go into the bathroom so that you can leave." She walked away toward the bathroom and it took Harry until she shut the door to realize what was going on.

"Bonnie, what are you talking about?" he asked, standing and walking over to the bathroom. "I'm not leaving you."

"Just go," she wept, holding herself together in the middle with her arm and putting her head on her knees as she leaned against the bathroom door.

"Bonnie, I am not leaving. I love you. I'm not upset. Just come out of there so we can talk about this."

"I know you Harry. You don't want a baby. You didn't even want to adopt one. And neither of us would approve of getting rid of it and if I had the baby I wouldn't be able to give it up. So the only option is for us to get a divorce. I'll keep the baby and you can pretend that we don't exist."

"Bonnie, that is not going to happen."

"Well I don't see any other options."

"I could stay with you forever, we'll have the baby and then I'll move on."

"So you'll still want to keep me even when I'm fat and pregnant."

"Yes, of course."

"And then you'll leave us when the baby is born," she said.

"No! Bonnie, I'm not going to leave you. I meant that I'll get over it. I don't ever want to leave you. I'm not that objective to having children. It just happened a little sooner and a little differently than I expected."

"But you've told us all since you were seven—maybe even five, I wasn't there—that you never wanted children. What seven-year-old knows that he never wants children? One that is sure," she answered. She took a deep breath to calm her voice. "It's okay if you leave Harry. I won't tell the news or anything. I just want to keep the baby."

Harry groaned and sunk down on the wall, trying to think. He sat down and dropped his head against the door opposite Bonnie's. "Bonnie, please listen to me. I am not going to leave you. I love you more than anything. You being pregnant or us having a baby is not going to make me leave you."

Bonnie was silent and Harry waited anxiously for her sane answer or for the door to open. "I'll wait in here till morning. That should give you plenty of time to pack your things."

"Bonnie!" Harry said, almost angry now as he stood and pressed his hands against the door. She was being hysterical. It was always the baby subject that did it but never to this degree. She'd gone crazy. "Bonnie, come out of there right now or I'll come in there."

Bonnie pulled herself into a tighter ball, wrapping both her arms around her legs, pulling them tight and resting her head on her knees as she quietly wept. "Just go."

"Bonnie, get a hold of yourself and come out here. I'm not leaving."

She said nothing.

He went back to his sweet voice. "Bonnie," he mumbled, pleading. "Please come out. Please."

Bonnie sniffed and then continued to cry silently to herself, not paying any attention to his pleas.

Finally, Harry sunk silently to the floor, resting his head back against the wall and they were both silent.

/

Bonnie awoke quietly, kicking off her shoes and pushing herself off the floor and out of the awkward position she'd fallen asleep in—lying on her side in angle to the door and the wall. She looked at the door and wondered how long Harry had sat outside the door before finally leaving. She wondered where he went—to his parents, to Fish, Sirius or Remus, any one of his followers would take him in. Everyone would know by now what had happened unless he hadn't explained why he needed a place to stay. Maybe he said they had a fight and they were going to work it out later. Was he planning to come back to talk?

She slowly stood up and stood by the crack at the door and slowly cracked it open to peek out into the room. She looked down and saw that he was still sitting by door, asleep. He hadn't moved an inch all night. He hadn't left. Was he trying to make this harder? she asked herself. She closed the door again and leaned against it heavily.

"Bonnie?" Harry said as he woke up.

_Damn it!_ Bonnie thought. Maybe if she was quiet enough he'd think he imagined it.

"Bonnie, I heard you. I know you're awake," he said. She heard him stand and lean against the door. She heard his fingers, one by one press against the door in the exact same position that hers were. She pulled her hand off the door. "I didn't leave, as you know. I'm still here. I didn't leave." He paused. "Do you think we could talk?" He waited longer this time but she had nothing to say. "Please Bonnie."

"What do you want to say?"

"The same thing I said last night," he said quickly. "I'm not leaving you. I want to stay with you. I love you, Pet. Remember, you're mine and nothing can take you away from me. Not God, or a baby, or anything else could get me to leave you. I love you too much to let anything come between us."

"But…what about the baby? You don't want a baby. You'll be unhappy and that'll be just as bad as you not being there at all."

"But it's not true. I want a baby; I just wasn't expecting one to come so suddenly. I didn't want one before because I was scared but now that it's inevitable I'll just have to follow you. You'll have to know now that you'll be the parent, really. I'll just spoil it. But I want to be there. Especially if we have a girl. You know I love girls." Bonnie smiled slightly. "A baby girl with messy, blonde curls and green eyes. I'd love that."

Bonnie put her fingers back on the door. "Really?"

"Yes, really."

"What if it's a boy? Will you love him?"

"Of course. I'd love him just as much as I would if he were a girl. I'd just have to suffer through the first stressful years where we don't know if he'll be like me."

"He won't be like you. The war is over."

"We'll talk about that when we find out the sex of the baby. But like your healer said, it's a miracle. And despite how fearful I am of what this means—having a baby at nineteen, having been raised the way I was—I also can't help but be happy for us both."

He stepped back from the door as, slowly, it opened and Bonnie stood leaning against the doorframe. "You're really not angry?"

"No, of course not."

Bonnie smiled and took another step toward him. "You want to stay with me and have a baby with me?"

"Yes, I want to stay with you forever and have what is inevitably going to be a beautiful baby with you."

"And you'll even love it if it's a boy?"

"Even if it's a boy. But let's cross our fingers for a girl anyway, shall we?"

Bonnie smiled and stepped forward again. "I'm sorry for freaking out last night. And for making us both sleep on the floor."

"That's alright. I'm used to sleeping on the floor, I don't mind. And you still look pretty as ever, of course."

Bonnie took another step forward, bringing them inches apart. "How did I get so lucky?"

"I don't know. How did I?" He ran his hands down her hips and pulled her closer. "Now, just for future reference. No matter what happens, big or small…I will never leave you."

"Are you sure? A few days ago you were quite angry when you thought I wanted to put you on meds."

"That's different. That's upset, not 'planning to leave you.' No matter what. If you cheat on me with Fish or anyone else I will be very upset, I may even kill you both, but I would die right after and meet you in heaven," he smiled.

Bonnie giggled at the absurdity of him. "Alright. I'll remember that."

Harry lifted her chin and pressed his lips to hers.

"What a nice way to start the morning," Bonnie mumbled, running her fingers into his hair before his tongue traced her bottom lip. She stood on her tip-toes and Harry held her up off the floor as his tongue ventured into her open mouth.

"The other thing about having a baby," Harry said as Bonnie moved to his neck. "No more sex."

"We'll work it out," Bonnie said, as Harry carried her toward the bed they'd abandoned last night. They both lay down beside each other, Harry pressing sweet kisses to her lips every few moments.

"Just one important question left," Harry said.

"What's that?"

"Who do we tell first?"

/

"And here I thought you never wanted to see me again. It's been what, a year since you've spoken to your poor, lonely grandmother?"

"You're not lonely. You have tons of friends," Bonnie said, rolling her eyes.

"Don't try to make excuses for yourself dear," Mrs. Mrs. McNeal said, setting down her cup of tea for the third time without drinking it. She looked at Harry. "And you had to bring the dirty husband along. I was hoping the wedding would have been the last time I would have to see you," she directed at Harry who just forced a smile.

"You won't be saying that when I tell you the good news," Bonnie said, taking Harry's hand. "Mother already knows and so does Ginny because they were there when I found out, but I wanted you to be the first person we told."

"And what is this news?"

Bonnie smiled. "I'm pregnant. Three months pregnant in fact."

"That is not at all funny Bonnevilla Jackline."

"I'm not kidding. It's a miracle. I went to my healer the other day because I wasn't feeling well, I took mother and Ginny with me because I had some…interesting symptoms. And she did some tests and…well. In six months you'll be a great-grandmother."

"You're serious?"

"Very serious."

Mrs. Mrs. McNeal stood. "Come here darling, I'm so happy for you." She wrapped her granddaughter up. "To think I was trying to set you up with Jacobie. I'm so sorry dear."

"Does this mean you're accepting Harry?" Bonnie asked, excitedly.

"Of course. Welcome to the family Potter," she smiled, holding out her arms to him.

Harry cringed as he leaned into her. He'd never hugged her before, and he still didn't want to. Her niceness was creepier than her evilness. He pulled away quickly when she started to squeeze him tighter—unsure if that was because she was angry it was him who got her pregnant or because she was happy—trying to smile at her. "Thanks."

"So only six months to go. You both must be very excited. When are you going to tell everyone else?"

"We planned to get everyone together tomorrow. We told them we have important news. They probably think we're adopting," Harry said. "Bonnie's mother will be there, along with Ginny, to keep up the impression that nobody knows."

"Have you told your grandfather?"

"No. He's coming by tomorrow with everyone else."

"Well good luck. I expect to hear from you very soon, Bonnie, for a shopping trip for the baby."

"I will owl you as soon as everyone knows."

/

"What do you think the news is?" James asked, sitting down beside his wife in the lounge where everyone was meeting.

"Maybe Bonnie finally convinced Harry to adopt," Ron said.

"It's too early for that," Fish said. "He's still fighting. He told me yesterday. And Bonnie called to ask me to convince him. I told her I couldn't."

"Why not?" Lily asked.

"It's against the rules. Harry doesn't like talking about his heir. We've kept silent for twelve years, I'm not about to get my legs broken now."

"What else could it be?" Cameron asked. "Maybe they're buying a house."

"Why is that big news? Harry should have a house by now, they don't have to announce it," Remus said.

"Maybe it's a really _big_ house," Sirius said.

"Maybe all of you should let us give the news instead of guessing," Harry said as he entered the lounge with Bonnie at his hand.

"And what is the big news?" James asked. "Are you finally adopting? Are you taking another trip?"

"No, no trips. And no, we're not adopting," Harry smiled.

Bonnie tugged on his arm, wanting to be the one to tell them. Harry smiled at her and nodded for her to tell them. Bonnie turned to them, smiling, looking mainly toward her father. "I'm pregnant. Harry and I are having a baby."

There was silence for a moment, but before anyone could cheer for them Fish had already sprung from his chair and lifted Bonnie off the ground.

"Fish, she's pregnant. Don't scare her," Harry warned.

Fish set her back on the ground. "Sorry Bonnie. I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I'm sorry I was ever mean to you or said anything bad about you." He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arm around her waist, hugging her.

"That's…okay," she said uncomfortably, patting his blonde hair.

"Fish, you're scaring her. Give the others a chance to congratulate us," Harry said, glaring at his friend.

"I'm the only congratulations you really need," Fish said jokingly, but standing up and stepping away. He looked at Harry. "It's a boy. I can sense it."

Harry hit the back of his head. "It is not."

Cameron came up next to hug his daughter and everyone followed after to congratulate them, the initial shock not exactly setting in yet.

"Three months," Lily said. "You'll be able to know the sex in one month."

"One month," Fish scoffed. "I already know it's a boy. We don't need anyone else to tell us all that I'm right."

"Fish, shut up or I'm going to smack you," Harry said.

"You already have."

"Well I'll do it again."

Fish gasped excitedly. "When are you going to tell all of the followers?" He held up his hands before Harry answered. "_I_ will tell all the followers."

"You will not. I will tell them."

"But I always tell followers the news. Why can't I tell them about this? It's mostly follower news anyway. We're probably more excited then you are."

"It's my baby. How is that possible?"

"Because you won't be truly excited until you find out it's a girl, which it won't be." Harry smacked the back of his head again.

"Have Tim and Tom help you," Harry said.

Fish sat down on the couch beside Sirius and Jackline and pulled out his phone to call Tim and Tom. "Tim, you'll never guess what Harry has just told us." There was a pause as he listened to Tim's guess. "No, why would Harry be telling me that? Actually, Bonnie is pregnant. No, I'm not joking with you again. Tell Tom and you both have to meet me at the SCCSGP house so that we can tell everyone else."

He hung up and went back over to Bonnie to hug her once more before leaving the room to meet Tim and Tom outside.

"At least Fish is happy," Bonnie smiled.

"He won't be as happy when he finds out it's a girl."

"IT'S A BOY!" Fish yelled from down the hallway.

"YOU SHUT UP!" Harry yelled back.

"I agree with Fish," Sirius said. "I think its going to be a boy."

"Sirius, how could you say that?"

"Well, your parents had a boy and Jackline and I are having a boy…anytime now," he said, glancing at her very round stomach. "It just makes sense that you would have a boy to."

"No, what makes sense is that I would have a girl, because that's what I want."

"That's awfully selfish Harry," Lily said. "I agree with Fish as well. I think it's a boy."

"Why are you all doing this to me? Why can't I ever have what I want? Why must you all gang up on me? If it's a boy, not only shall God be punished but all of you shall be punished. Because it will be _all your fault_."

"ST. JIMMY!" cheers rejoiced down the hallway until all of the neighbors had joined them in the room, luckily it was a big room. "Fish just told us," Pim said excitedly. "He said it's a boy."

"IT'S NOT A BOY!" Harry yelled again. "And I liked it better when you were all courteous and bowed at me instead of jumping all over the place," he said as Kim peeled herself off of him.

"We're sorry. We thought you'd gotten over the hugging thing." As one, they all took a step back and bowed or curtsied in front of him. Then Pim took a step forward again. "So we're having an heir?"

"No, we're not having a boy! There is no heir. We're having a girl. And its not _we_. _I _am having a girl. We are not _all_ having a baby. _We_ didn't all sleep with Bonnie," he said angrily.

"Bonnie!" they all rejoiced as one, moving Harry out of the way to get to his wife. "May we hug you Lady St. Jimmy?" Pim asked.

Bonnie smiled, having always wanted Harry's followers to accept her. "Of course." One by they curtsied or bowed to her before pulling her into a very tight hug. "This is fun," Bonnie mumbled over Trick's shoulder while Harry glared at them all, his arms crossed over his shoulder.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself because it won't last. As soon as they realize the baby is a girl they won't be nearly as happy and then she'll be all mine."

"And mine," Bonnie argued, as Hyp hugged her tightly. "If we have a girl, I get to dress her. In anything I want."

"Black clothes."

"White."

"Black."

"You can dress your son in your punk clothes if you want. But if it's a girl and especially if it looks more like me I'm dressing it in pastels. I kind of miss pastels."

"You do not."

"But little girls look so nice in pastels."

"If you must I'll give you till age seven. That's how old you were when you started wearing black."

"But by that time you may be over your phobia."

Harry grimaced. "I don't think so."

"Why not? You're working on it with Josh, aren't you?"

"Of course I am," Harry said, his eyes shifting away from hers.

"Harry!"

"Let's not get into it. We're supposed to be celebrating."

"I agree with Bonnie," Haim said.

"You." He pointed at Haim, glaring. "You be quiet."

"Harry," Bonnie whined. "You've never bought little girl's clothes."

"Thank God."

Fish snorted.

"I meant, you've never even been to a mall or any other place where you can purchase clothes besides a thrift store, and boy or girl we are not dressing our children in hand-me-downs. And you wanna know something else? Unless your son or daughter is going to a funeral they don't have black baby clothes. Babies are pretty and fresh in yellows and whites and pinks and blues. Not black and dark blue."

"I found clothes that fit me that were all black and I was the skinniest kid in all of England."

"You made your own clothes out of thrift store finds."

"And you liked my outfits."

"Because you were hot and wild. And you were seven."

"I said I would give you till age seven."

"If it's a boy, when he is seven, I will let you dress him in whatever your little heart desires but every girl is entitled to having a little girl to dress up like a Barbie doll. Right mom?"

"That's true. I wished for a daughter but your grandmother dressed you. I wanted to put you in hippie, organic clothes but she refused to let me. Your father refused to."

"And did you want a daughter Mister Price or were you hoping for a boy?"

Cameron looked to his daughter who was still hugging the followers. "I won't be offended daddy."

He turned to Harry. "I wanted a daughter."

"And would you like a granddaughter or a grandson?"

"A granddaughter?" he answered unsure.

"And my dad wants a granddaughter even though he's being evil and expecting a boy. I think its fairly good odds that if we all hope for a girl, the healer will tell us it's a girl."

Bonnie walked up to Harry. "You have to make me a promise."

Harry stood. "What for?"

"If it's a boy, you can't freak out. And—" she continued before he could protest, "I get to name him."

"Do I get to name her if she a girl?"

"Since you're so excited about girls." She held out her hand. "Deal?"

Harry took her hand and shook it. "Deal."

.

.

1. Title is a quote by Don Herrold.


	5. I've Broken the Hotel Room

Chapter 52

"I've Broken the Hotel Room"

"Bonnie, you can't eat that," Harry said, snatching the raw cookie dough out of her hand.

"But it sounds so good. It won't hurt anything to have just a bite," she argued.

"It's uncooked, it could hurt the baby. You can eat it after it's been cooked."

"That doesn't sound appetizing at all." She leaned back in her chair in the kitchen, putting her feet up on the table and her hand on her bump, which she had been ignoring before she had gone to see her healer. She bent her head back to look at Harry where he stood at the counter. "Will you make me pancakes with some ketchup and mashed potatoes? Cook the potatoes and ketchup into the pancakes."

Harry glanced at her over her shoulder with raised eyebrows. "You won't eat that once you see it."

"How do you know?" She pouted, leaning her head back again, watching Harry bend to put the tray of cookies in the oven. "Merlin, you're so hot."

Harry turned to her, chuckling. "Thanks."

She looked down at her stomach. "And while you just keep getting more attractive every day, I keep getting fatter and disgusting."

"You're not fat, and you're definitely not disgusting." He leaned over to kiss her. "You're pregnant. And I think you look beautiful."

Bonnie smiled. "That's the old fashioned you speaking. Deep down you wanted a wife who would give you babies and cooked you dinner and took off your coat and shoes when you got home from work."

Harry snorted, with a small smile. "You don't really believe that do you?"

"I think deep down every man wants that. Your mother and father have that?"

"You think my mother takes off my dad's shoes and coat when he comes home and has dinner ready on the table like it's the 1950's."

"Well your mother is an awesome cook. She still reminds me of Samantha from Bewitched."

"Well I don't want that. I like cooking for you and, even though you're not allowed to tell anyone about it, I like fixing your dresses for you. Because I like to make you happy."

"You're such a good husband. Would you like to play in the bedroom while the cookies are baking?" she asked, shifting her eyebrows.

Harry chuckled, pulling her out of her chair and into his arms, kissing her deeply while carrying her to the bedroom. He set her more gently on the bed then he normally did, but Bonnie didn't complain knowing it was pointless to fight him on it. Now that she was pregnant he believed her to be more fragile.

She ran her hands under his shirt and pushed him over onto his back, kissing his neck and jaw while running her fingers up his shirt. She pulled away to slip off his shirt, then unbuckled his pants and pulled them off leaving him in his boxers. She sat up to stare for a second until Harry sat up and wrapped his arms around her back and kissed her neck.

"What are you doing?" he asked when she didn't respond, running his hands up her skirt and over her thighs, sucking on her neck.

"I was trying to admire you and you interrupted."

"Well you can do that later," he said, slipping his hands farther up her skirt only to be interrupted by the phone on the wall ringing. Bonnie pulled away from Harry to get up and answer it. Harry, already worked up, stood off the bed, lifted Bonnie into his arms and pressed her against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, pressing his body against hers. "Pet, you initiated the sex," Harry whined, pushing down the sleeves of his shirt that she was currently wearing to nibble her shoulders.

"It comes and goes," she said, nonchalantly. "Hello?"

"Lady Potter, I tried to stop her but your grandmother?" the man at the front desk said. "She's very scary. I was forced to give her a key to your elevator. I'm not a wizard, my lady. She scared me."

"Thank you for calling," she said, before hanging up and dropping the phone and letting it hang from the hook. "Harry, we have to stop. My grandmother is coming up as I speak."

"Your grandmother doesn't have a key," Harry mumbled against her neck.

"Hello?" a voice called from the front door called.

"_Fuck_," Harry mumbled, letting Bonnie slip down so she could stand.

"Is anybody here?" she called again. "Let an old woman stand at the front door with her bag."

Bonnie adjusted her clothes and her hair before leaving Harry to put all of his clothes back on. "Grandmamma, how lovely to see you. What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you."

"You look a bit rumpled dear. What were you doing?" she asked suspiciously. "You shouldn't be doing too much work around the house; or should I say the hotel room. It's not safe for the baby. You should be resting."

"Oh, grandmamma, May said it was fine for me to move around. And Harry doesn't let me do any housework."

"How nice," she said, plainly. "So, are you going to offer me some tea?"

"Oh, sorry. Would you like some tea?"

"I'd love some dear. But have the husband do it," she said, taking Bonnie over to the lounge sofa and sat them both down, knee to knee. "Where is he?"

"Oh, he's just…" She glanced over to find Harry coming out of the bedroom, fully dressed and normally ruffled hair. "There he is now. Harry, look who decided to pay us a visit."

"How nice. It's lovely to see you Mrs. McNeal. Tea?"

"That would be lovely Potter," Mrs. Mrs. McNeal said. She smiled before returning her attention to her granddaughter. "So my dear. How is the baby? Is it moving yet?"

"No. May says the baby shouldn't be moving till next month, after we find out the sex of the baby."

"Which is in two weeks, you told your mother."

"Yes. Would you like to see the photos May took yesterday? Harry was the only one who went with me. May had scheduled it the day I found out I was pregnant. She didn't want to do anything on that day because I was _fragile._"

"I'd love to see them," Mrs. Mrs. McNeal said just as Harry brought them their tea.

"Harry," Bonnie smiled sweetly. "Would you fetch the photos May took yesterday from my purse?"

"Of course _dear_," he smiled, though Bonnie saw it was a little strained. She could feel the use of the word 'fetch' was the wrong decision. He returned a moment later with the photos and handed them to her. "Thanks. Um, you can go to Fish's like you were going to earlier. I'm sure grandmamma will take care of me."

Without saying anything he walked out of the room and Bonnie heard him apparate from the bedroom.

"Gotten quieter, hasn't he?" Mrs. Mrs. McNeal said, taking a sip of her tea. "Oh, but a lovely cup of tea he makes."

Bonnie smiled. "Yeah. Here he is," she said, handing her grandmother the photos of the baby.

"So you think it's a boy?"

"I don't know. Around Harry I'm supposed to use 'she' because it makes him happy when I do. He really doesn't want a boy."

"Well that's odd. Have you been having any dreams about the sex of the baby? Do you sense anything?"

"Not really," she lied. She had dreamt last night that she was holding a baby wrapped in blue blankets in her arms. But that could just have to do with the fact that she and Harry had made a deal that she would get to name the baby if it was a boy. Things that happen during the day end up in your dreams in some form, she had told herself.

"I can tell you're lying, Bonnevilla," Mrs. Mrs. McNeal teased, prodding for information.

"Well, I had one dream, about a boy. But I don't think it was foresight or anything. Just a normal jumble of things that happened during the day."

"You had a baby boy this past week?" she joked.

"You know what I mean grandmamma. But I don't want to scare Harry so I'm just going to wait for May to tell me before I give him reason to start freaking out."

"Well, I wanted to take you shopping for some maternity clothes. Once you start gaining weight you'll need something other than your _husband's_ tattered old shirts to wear."

"Oh," Bonnie said, noticing her outfit. "Well I just wear them around the house because they're comfortable."

"Well I'm sure we'll find you something just as comfortable that wasn't bought at a poor store. You go and change and I'll take you shopping. Go on dear." She patted Bonnie's shoulder.

Bonnie stood and headed back to the room to change while her grandmother looked over the pictures of the baby.

/

Meanwhile, Harry decided to visit Ron and they both ended up playing a game of Quidditch.

"Harry?" Ron asked as they sat on their brooms, resting.

Harry was leaning forward on his broom, laying his cheek on his hands where they folded together on the handle. "Yeah?" he replied without looking up.

"Is everything okay? You've been kind of quiet. Just came over, asked if I wanted to play Quidditch and you didn't even wait for my answer. Where's Bonnie? Aren't you two attached at the hip?"

"She's _fetching_ some things with dear old grandmamma. I hate that woman."

"I thought you two were getting along well now that Bonnie's pregnant. That's what Bonnie said when we were all at your parent's house."

Harry spit on the ground. "I mine-as-well be a sperm donor for all she cares. She's pleased that Bonnie's pregnant but that doesn't mean she's happy that the child is also mine. I'm sure she would have been happy if I had been unhappy about it and left."

"I'm sure that's not true."

Harry looked up and raised his eyebrows. "You're sure."

"Well…."

"It's okay Ron. She's never liked me before and I'm not fond of her either. I'm not losing anything. Except Bonnie."

"You're not losing Bonnie."

"I don't like her when she's around her grandmother." He sat up and looked down at his broom. "Ron, I've found a fault in my wife." He looked up at him. "She acts like the people I hate when she's around her grandmother, and it makes me angry at her."

Ron sighed at his friend. "Well, you can't find perfection in everyone Harry."

"I thought I had. Just the sight of her grandmother and suddenly I'm the poor servant she's sneaking around with."

"Was it just the one thing she said? Maybe you just took it the wrong way."

"No, it's always been like this. I've just ignored it. But now that we're always together I can see the changes so much more easily."

"I'm sure everything is fine Harry," Ron said, scooting his broom a bit closer. "Perhaps you're just paranoid, like always."

Harry chuckled and Ron joined him, glad to see Harry smile again.

/

When Bonnie returned from shopping and dinner with her grandmother at the mansion she noticed that the suite was silent. Everything was spotless as always, everything in its proper place but there was something eerie about the silence. She dropped her coat by the door and went to the bedroom with her new bags. There she found Harry already in bed, in just his pants, facing away from her.

Bonnie dropped her bags by the closet, changed out of her dress and into a nightgown and went to the bed. Harry was now facing the opposite direction, toward the door. She crawled into bed behind him and ran her hand down his chest and over his stomach.

Harry took her hand. Bonnie smiled. Then he pushed it away.

"Harry?" Bonnie asked, sadly.

"I'm just not in the mood tonight," he said. "I'm tired."

Bonnie didn't fight with him. He didn't look like he was in the mood and she wasn't sure what she could say to make a difference. He was upset with her. Instead, she lay back down and curled up against his bare back. This was the first night since they'd been married that he'd slept with his back to her.

Harry stared silently at the wall, waiting for Bonnie to fall asleep. When she was he left the bed and went to put her coat in its proper place and sent all of her new clothes into the closet with a wave of his hand. He glanced at Bonnie asleep in bed, slipping over into his abandoned side and clutching the blankets, and then retreated to the kitchen where he poured himself a glass of water and promptly fell asleep at the table.

/

"Harry?"

Harry winced at the quiet noise that invaded his sleep and then cringed at the feeling on his back.

"Harry? Wake up. It's past noon."

"What?" Harry mumbled, opening his eyes and rolling over to look around. Bonnie was kneeling beside him under the table. He must have fallen off of his chair while he was sleeping, though he thought that would have woken him up.

Bonnie ran her hand through his hair. "Are you okay? What were you doing in the kitchen?"

"Nothing," he lied.

"You want me to order room service for breakfast? I'll make sure nothing is poisoned."

"No. Don't. I'll make something, are you hungry?" Harry asked quickly, crawling off the floor.

"No, Harry," Bonnie said, pushing him back down. "I'm fine. You don't look well; you should go back to bed. I can make myself a salad."

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, fine." He crawled out from under the table and helped Bonnie out once he was standing. She went to sit at the table, watching her husband carefully as he went to the fridge.

"St. Jimmy?"

"Yeah?" he asked, his voice tired and uncaring.

"Are you mad at me?"

He went silent for a moment, staring at the stove. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

Bonnie nodded silently, crossing her arms across her stomach and becoming silent. A few minutes later Harry placed her lunch in front of her and then walked out of the room, back to the bedroom. She watched him go and then looked back down at her plate. She wasn't really hungry anymore as she wasn't that hungry to begin with but she ate anyway because Harry made it for her.

When she was finished she walked silently toward the room and poked her head in. Harry was sitting curled up in the corner with his drawing pad, which she realized she hadn't seen in a year or two.

/

The next day Harry seemed a little better but Bonnie put it on the fact that they were off to find out the sex of the baby. Bonnie wasn't allowed to apparate so they had earlier set up a floo in their hotel room and Bonnie covered up in her red cloak to keep from swallowing the smoke, which was also bad for the baby.

Bonnie couldn't help but smile at her husband, despite the fact that she knew the baby was the only thing making him slightly happy at the moment, which was ironic. He looked scared and held tightly to her hand as they sat in May's office waiting for her to arrive.

May entered with a smile. "Good morning Sir Potter. It's nice to see you again."

Harry nodded.

Bonnie giggled. "Harry can't answer. He's too nervous."

"Well we'll get straight to it then," May smiled, motioning for Bonnie to sit in the chair by the monitor. "Now we do use a monitor to look at the baby, the muggles did make great advances in that but we have a much easier way than staring at blurry screen or taking blood to decipher the sex of the baby. Would you like to see your baby again before you learn the sex?"

Bonnie nodded eagerly.

May turned the screen on and ran the attachment over Bonnie's exposed stomach. "Alright, there's your baby. Beautiful, I can tell already."

"I think Harry's going to squeeze off my hand if we don't find out the sex soon so we should probably move to that."

May giggled, "Okay." She turned off the screen and pushed it back and waved her wand over Bonnie's stomach saying a spell under her breath. "We should know in just a second. If pink smoke, it's a girl. If it's blue, that means you're having a boy."

Harry stared at the wand without blinking until the smoke came.

May turned to them with a smile. "Congratulations, you're having a girl."

Harry smiled and quickly jumped out of his seat to pull Bonnie out of hers. All very quickly he grabbed her, hugged her and kissed her passionately. "I told you it would be a girl. I love you. Thank you." He turned to May and pulled her into a tight hug as well. "Thank you so much."

"Well you two really did all the work," she laughed, a bit flustered from having the Savior hug her. Usually he just sat there quietly, smiling only when Bonnie looked at him. It was nice to see him show enthusiasm.

Harry pulled Bonnie into his lap and continued to kiss her.

May blushed and turned away. "I'll just leave you two alone, shall I?" She walked out and closed the door.

/

"So dear, you have some news," Lily said gently, eyeing her son from across the table. His head was down as he stared at his untouched dinner; his hair was all black, lacking its usual white streak. Bonnie leaned in lightly and patted his hand under the table. She whispered and Harry nodded lightly.

"Yes, we have some news. We went to see my healer yesterday to find out the sex of the baby. We were…a little…stunned at the results and…well…."

They were all leaning forward, waiting. Harry was right, she thought silently, they're all betting on it.

"Yes?" Sirius asked first, sounding aggravated.

"The baby…" She paused, watching them lean into the table.

"It's a girl!" Harry said loudly. He turned to Bonnie. "I told you to make it suspenseful not torture them."

Ron jumped out of his seat. "I'm rich."

"You're already rich Ginger," Sirius said dejectedly, pulling money out of his pocket and smacking it down on the center of the table.

"But it's always nice to be richer," Ron smiled, taking Sirius's money. Everyone else put their money on the table and Ron snatched it up. "You never bet against Harry," he said, counting his money.

"Thank you Ron. At least I know I have one true friend," he said, glaring at Fish and mouthing the word, "traitor."

"I wasn't betting on you," Fish said, slouching in his seat, folding his arms across his chest and pouting.

"You were being awfully mean," Harry said, pushing him in the side. "I told you I was having a girl and you just kept on going. _It's a boy St. Jimmy. It's a boy._"

"It's not my fault you're weird and have odd powers like getting girls pregnant and deciding the gender of their baby."

"Yes, it's a wonderful power, isn't it?" Harry said, smiling at Bonnie.

Bonnie giggled. "I enjoy it to, not just because we're having a baby but because now I don't have to worry about you having a panic attack and it makes you so happy."

"It does. And now _I_ get to read the Baby Names book."

The next day Ginny and Hermione went out with Mrs. McNeal to look at baby girl things and put them on the baby registry for the party Harry's mother was now excitedly planning. Harry, meanwhile, was alone at home reading a book he'd found at Voldemort's lair a few days ago. When Bonnie was out he still visited sometimes to see if he found anything like the cure to the Dark Mark. He hid the books from Bonnie in places she wouldn't look—like the food cupboards.

He looked up from his book when he heard a knock on the door. Fish was at a very intense band practice this afternoon, Ron and Hermione were both at work as was his father, Sirius and Remus and his mother was at home planning his and Bonnie's baby shower. He couldn't think of one person who could be standing at his door.

He slid his book under the couch to hide it and then walked up to the door. "Who is it?" he asked, leaning against it, listening.

"It's Mrs. McNeal. May I come in?"

Harry winced at the sickly sweet tone of his wife's grandmother and then peeked his eye through the peephole. He pulled away and unlocked the door, looking out into the hallway where she stood. "Mrs. McNeal. Um…Bonnie's not in right now. She just left to go registering with her mother and her friends."

"Yes, I know. They called. But I'm not here to see my granddaughter. I'm here to see you."

"Oh!" His eyes widened with surprise and he stood for a second before widening the entrance to let her in.

"Thank you."

Harry closed the door behind him and watched as Mrs. McNeal looked around the room again, as though looking for something against him. "Would you like some tea?" Harry asked, only to be polite.

"No thank you. I'm fine and I won't be staying long."

Harry was just slightly worried. The only times she ever sought him out to speak to him privately was when she wanted to insult him. But Bonnie was pregnant—despite what he knew of how she felt about him she couldn't still hate him…it was just dislike. Right?

He took a step forward. "So, what did you want to see me for?"

"Well…take a seat Harry."

Harry watched her carefully as she sat down before sitting down across from him. She was wearing a simple white pencil skirt, a white shirt and a light blue cardigan; her hair was the same blonde color as Bonnie's but in a short, straight bob. He kept his hands folded in his lap, trying to tell himself she wasn't wearing so much white to make him uncomfortable like she used to. Even when fashion was supposedly against white after Labor Day.

"Now Harry—"

It didn't take him long to notice how she used his first name. He wasn't sure what to think about that.

"You know how I've always felt about you. I've made my feelings toward you and your union with my granddaughter very clear ever since I heard about you when she was seven. So sure that she was going to marry you. And I was against it and told her it wouldn't happen but here we are."

Harry squirmed in his seat. This was the way all of her sweet tirades started. She sounded nice while everything that came out of her mouth was against him.

"Now, I know you love my granddaughter and I know she loves you but its perfect timing." She smiled like a crazy person trying to convince themselves as much as everyone else. "She told me how she reacted to your reaction when she told you she was pregnant. She thought you were going to leave her and she would have dealt with it as long as you let her keep the baby. And it would have made more sense for you to do it. You don't like children. We all know it. They make you uncomfortable. And we all know you're just a little crazy," she laughed, as though they were old friends who could make such jokes.

Harry glared at her but she didn't seem to notice.

"How are you going to take care of a baby? How do you know that one night the crying isn't going to just become too much for you? A lot of _sane_ mothers have been known to do horrible things for less.

"The crying and the diapers. Babies are not always clean and smelling of powder you know. You're not stable and I think it would be in the best interest of everyone if you just left now. Before you and Bonnie make the mistake of having another child. Perhaps a son, who you will ignore and resent; you know it as well as everyone else does, because that's what your uncle did to you. And two years of therapy isn't going to end that Harry." She smiled. "You can't put that all behind you so easily. I'm sure that therapist of yours would agree, especially since you've recently stopped going to him. And you don't want to hurt Bonnie do you?"

"I would never—"

"Of course you wouldn't hurt her. You love her. But when the crying and the dirt everywhere and the fear of turning into your uncle tip you over the edge who knows what you'll do." This seemed to be the end of her speech. "So, all things considered, and I'm only looking out for yours and Bonnie's best interests, I think that if you left right now things would turn out alright. As long as you never made contact again. We would want to be cautious, wouldn't we?" she added sweetly. "Bonnie would get over it eventually, she would have the baby, which I think would be enough for her and I could find her another suitable husband who could take your place. Someone who was raised in a good home and would be sure to keep her safe. You want what is best for her and your baby don't you?"

Harry just nodded silently, looking at the coffee table in front of him.

"Well that's wonderful. I'm glad we could finally see eye to eye. We've never been on the same page before and I think this is a good time for us to be together on something. Especially something so important."

She stood from the couch.

Harry stayed seated, unable to move.

"I think that maybe packing up and leaving before Bonnie gets home is the best plan but if you would like to give yourself more time tomorrow would be just as good. You might want to leave while Bonnie is gone. It will be less to discuss; she'll figure it out, she's a smart girl." She looked down at him, adjusting her purse in her hands. "Well I can see that you're considering this all very seriously and I won't bother you. I'll just let myself out."

She walked to the door and quietly she let herself out and closed the door behind her.

Harry sat on the couch, his hands clenching into fists.

/

"Harry, I'm home!" Bonnie yelled as she came through the front door. When she looked up she dropped her bag, but not on purpose this time. As she looked around the room she noticed the kitchen; the dining table tipped over, some legs broken off and most of it just in pieces, some crumpled tiles, everything from the cupboards pulled out and lying sprawled and some open across the floor. The living room wasn't much better; the couch looked like knives had stabbed it and it was tipped over on its back and was split in half like the Titanic. The wide, flat screen TV had a hole in it the size of a book and that was enough to make the rest of it shatter and apparently fall backward onto the floor. It looked dead. A window to the right of it was shattered and some of the carpeting was torn up like the tiles in the kitchen. She was a little worried to walk toward the bedroom.

She dropped her coat on the rubble beside her purse and walked slowly towards it. The first things she noticed was that the bed was practically in pieces and littered around the room like someone was still building it except that the mattress was in pretty bad shape. The wallpaper was scratched away in spots like someone had dug their nails into it and then sat down without letting go. She could see some blood on the wall. It looked like a murder scene. Another window was broken and the carpeting was just as bad as the lounge. She noticed that the closet hadn't been touched before she found Harry sitting huddled in a corner near it. She ran over quickly but Harry stopped her, holding out his hand.

"Don't come near me. I might _hurt _you." He practically spit the words but the hint of sarcasm in his voice told her that he didn't mean the anger to be directed at her. He raised his head and lifted his eyes to look at her. She could see the fury ruling his green eyes and every pore of his face.

Bonnie waited patiently for an explanation.

"Do you know who came by today for a visit?" Harry asked.

Bonnie paused to see if he actually wanted an answer. "Fish?" she offered hopefully.

"No. Your grandmother."

"Oh!" she replied, looking just as surprised as he had been. She kneeled down on the floor across from him, knowing not to get too close. He wasn't finished letting out his anger.

"She came by to talk about the baby and you…and me. She still hasn't let it go. She told me it would be better if I left you and the baby because children make me uncomfortable. She said I was dangerous and that she would find you a better husband who would take care of you and _my_ baby, a husband that would make sure you were safe." Bonnie's eyes widened in shock but she didn't interrupt. "Now I know I'm dangerous sometimes, I know myself better than anyone else, but I am always in control. I would never hurt you. But she thinks that because of my upbringing…." He couldn't even bring himself to say it, he just shook his head. "She has…_no right_…to bring up my childhood. _NO RIGHT!"_ He took a deep breath trying to calm down. "My uncle just died, Bonnie. That was supposed to be the end of it. I was happy he was dead, it pleased me greatly and I do not need your grandmother coming over to tell me I'm going to be just like him. Like I'm going to torture my children. And how easily she thought I was _agreeing_ with her…" He closed his eyes to compose himself again. "I don't ever want to speak with her again, I don't ever want to see her again, I don't ever want to be in the same room as her again, or the same floor or the same building." He looked up at his wife who was listening patiently. "I love you Bonnie. You know that. And I can't ask you to choose between us, even if I know you would choose me over her."

Bonnie nodded though he wasn't asking for a reply.

"I wouldn't do that because it would be cruel of me to ask. But if you visit her I don't want to be near you either, at least not while you're with her. If you go out with her I don't want to hear what she said or what she did or her opinion on anything. I want to hear nothing to do with her and if she shows up to see me again I'm calling my followers to get her away from me because I don't know what would happen if she got near me again. Sometimes my magic has a mind of its own and I can't control it when I'm angry enough."

Bonnie nodded. She waited a few seconds to make sure he was finished before crawling over to him through the wreckage and pulling him into her arms. "You'll never have to hear of her again. I promise." She silently ran her fingers through his hair, letting him calm down now that he had everything settled and out of his system.

It was quiet for a little while. Bonnie thought they might have sat in the rubble of their apartment in silence for around an hour before Harry spoke again.

"I've broken the hotel room."

"I know….It's okay," Bonnie said, wanting to keep him calm. "I'll talk to the owner tomorrow morning. We'll just sleep on the floor tonight."

"Don't be silly. That's not good for the baby," he said. With a wave of his hand the mattress was under then both and perfectly back together as though he'd never torn it apart in the first place.

/

"I'm so sorry about it," Bonnie apologized as the owner of the hotel and the manager looked around the room inspecting the damage.

Harry sat in a repaired chair in the corner putting the wallpaper back up on the other side of the room.

Bonnie glanced at her husband. "It was a bad day. But we'll make all of the repairs. Magic makes it a bit easier but I'm afraid some things just won't go back to the way they were," she said, holding up the tiny shards of tile that used to be the kitchen floor.

"It's alright my Lady. It was just thousand dollar tile," the manager said.

"We'll pay for all of the damages."

"That's alright," the owner agreed. "We'll take care of this for you."

"Uh, gentlemen, could I speak to you for a second? Pet, go check out the bedroom, 'kay?"

Bonnie raised an eyebrow at him but left the room.

Harry walked up to the two men. "Now, just so you know, I loved living here. Everything was perfect; I'll be writing a perfect review for the hotel. But I think that the wife and I, as soon as all of the repairs are done and I've paid for everything, are going to find a place in England so that we can be closer to family while we're waiting for the baby."

Both of them nodded. "We'll draw up the papers for you sir and send someone up tomorrow to look at the damage."

"Thank you. I'll finish up what I can."

He sent them both out the door and Bonnie came back into the room. "We're going back to England?" she asked, her eyebrows raised as she walked over to the kitchen.

Harry walked over and wrapped his arms around her from behind and turned her back toward the lounge. "You don't want to go back to England?"

"Well, I do love England. I just didn't know that you wanted to leave."

"I just think that it would be easier. The secret penthouse upstairs that you have to call before you can come up may get on the soon-to-be-grandparents nerves."

Bonnie just nodded as Harry rested his chin on her shoulder. He kissed her neck and directed her to the couch he had already fixed in the lounge. "You sit here," he said. "Rest and try to fix the television without standing. And don't strain yourself. I'll start on the kitchen," he said, running his fingers through her hair as he walked away.

Bonnie, currently distracted with her duty of putting the television back together, didn't notice as Harry gathered all of the books from the corner of the kitchen where he had thrown them last night. He carried them back to the bedroom and placed them in his trunk, hiding them with the rest of his books.

"Harry! Harry, come look!" Bonnie yelled from the other room.

Harry shut the trunk and shoved it back in the closet before walking back to the room. "What is it?" He leaned over the couch behind her to look at the Daily Prophet in her hands.

.

**Savior's Wife Pregnant With Baby Girl**

.

Harry kissed the top of her hair. "How do they think up such rumors?" he said.

Bonnie could feel him smiling as he kissed her hair again. He breathed in her scent and sighed contentedly. "Did I ever tell you how very, very happy you've made me?"

"You know, I don't think you have."

Harry smiled, wrapping his arms around her shoulders from behind her and kissing her neck. "Well, you have made me a very, very happy man."

/

Harry woke to Bonnie shoving his ribs with her elbow. He groaned. "What?" he mumbled. He hadn't slept in a while; this was the first night in four days. Not because of Bonnie but just because it wasn't restful like sleep should be.

"Answer your phone," Bonnie mumbled, turning over to lie against his chest.

Harry suddenly heard the faint ringing on the floor beside their mattress and reached over Bonnie to grab it. He flipped it open and put it to his ear. "Hello?"

"St. Jimmy?" a girl whispered over the phone.

Harry cinched his brow in thought, trying to recognize the soft voice. "Ma'am?"

"Morning," she giggled, but Harry sensed a hint of hysteria. She sniffed. "Um, can you come get me or send Fish? I don't want to be alone. I'm worried he'll wake up." Harry could hear her tears and immediately knew what had happened.

"I'll be right over, okay? You just stay where you are. Keep your cell on so I can track it." He sensed her nod and waited for her to hang up before quickly texting Fish.

He wriggled down to be face to face with Bonnie and caught her mouth. It was quick but enough to wake her up. "I have to go get Ma'am. I'll be back in an hour or so. Just go back to sleep and I'll be back when you wake up alright?"

Bonnie nodded silently, looking up at him.

He heard Fish apparate into the other room and leaned down to kiss his wife again before dressing quickly and heading out to meet Fish.

"Jimmy, what the fuck did you do to your hotel room?"

"I'll tell you about it later. Come on." He pressed his calf to Fish's as the other yawned and apparated to the point marked on his phone. They arrived on a sleeping street full of little, slightly run down houses. They both walked to the house that was marked on their phones and up to the door.

Harry knocked quietly and waited for a second. When he didn't get an answer he went to open the door and unlocked it with a flash of his hand. He pushed the door open and looked around the room. It was open, not like they wanted to emphasize the space but as though they didn't have enough to fill it with. The one couch in the room was knocked over and Harry was reminded of his own previous night, except Bonnie wasn't home when he went into a rage. It seemed that Ma'am was when Patrick did.

In the other room, the dining room, they found Ma'am sitting quietly under the table with her cell phone clutched to her chest like a cross and lying in front of her a few feet away against the wall was Patrick, who they had met a few months ago. His head was bleeding just slightly onto the rug but other than that it didn't look like much was wrong with him. He seemed to be breathing as far as Harry could tell. Ma'am on the other hand didn't look as great. Her eye was already turning a dark shade of purple and was swelling and she had a cut on her exposed arm where her dress had been torn. There were some fading bruises in places usually hidden by clothes like her knees, thighs and collarbone. The floor creaked and she looked up at them.

Harry smiled slightly and got down on the floor beside her under the table, wrapping his arms around her waist. "It's okay."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and put her face in his neck without saying anything. Silent tears wet his shoulder.

Fish moved the table back and Harry lifted Ma'am off the floor.

"We'll take care of it," Harry whispered softly in her ear, holding her close.

There was a groan from the floor and Fish shoved his foot into Patrick's ribs.

"Don't hurt him!" Ma'am shouted loudly. "He didn't mean it. I made him angry. I—"

"Emily." She looked up at Harry when she heard the sound of her name. He'd never said her real name before and he said it in such a pretty voice, she thought. "Be quiet," he ordered.

She laid her chin on his shoulder, looking at Fish behind Harry. He stood over Patrick with his foot poised and ready to kick again. Harry turned her away but she listened to him talk.

"Just leave him here. We'll let the police take care of this one." He turned to Ma'am. "What did he do?"

"I told him Bonnie was pregnant because I was so excited and I was talking about what you would name the baby and what the sex was and hoping you would tell us at the next Sober Day. He asked me if he could come to Sober Day with me and I said I would have to ask. Avin didn't seem to like Patrick and I didn't want him to be uncomfortable. But he took serious offense to it and he slapped me. He wanted to meet you. He said I made him look bad at your party. He kept hitting me so I hit him back and I guess I hit him kind of hard and he passed out."

"What about the fading bruises?"

Ma'am snuggled into his shoulder. "They were accidents. He didn't mean them."

Harry shook his head. "Come on Fish. Just tie him up and put a note on him. I'll call the police when we've taken care of Ma'am." Fish did as Harry said and then came up behind them. "Come on baby," he said to Ma'am, "we'll take you home to Dig."

Harry took her outside; Fish pressed his leg against Harry's and they apparated to the Sub-Gossip House across the street from his parents. Fish still had a key and he took them into the house while Harry texted Dig who was upstairs. Harry took Ma'am to the lounge and sat her down on a couch to wait.

"I'm so glad you called me," he said, stroking her hair. "I told you I would come no matter what."

Ma'am nodded solemnly, leaning on his shoulder.

"Why didn't you call me earlier?" he asked, running his fingers over her bruising eye. It faded a little but didn't completely disappear. "When the _accidents_ started?"

"I thought I could take care of it. It wasn't that bad. I've taken worse and he was so nice to me the rest of the time. He always apologized. He was sorry he did it. But tonight, he scared me. And I know I deserve better."

"Good. So I don't have to get you therapy. Dig will take care of you."

"What's wrong?"

They all looked up to see Dig standing at the stairs in his pajamas. He took one look at Ma'am and immediately knew what had happened. He took her out of Harry's arms and into his own. "Ma'am, what happened? What did he do?" He looked to Harry and Fish as they sat on the couch. "Did you kill him?"

"No. We tied him up and put a note on him. I'll call the police and make sure they pick him up. We have some connections in the police department now. He'll be tried in two courts because he abused a witch. He'll be going away. Don't worry."

Dig held Ma'am at arms length. "You'll sleep in my room. I'll keep you safe. Okay?"

Ma'am nodded and smiled. "Thanks Jimmy."

"No problem. You go on and get some sleep."

She nodded and turned to the stairs with Dig.

"Oh, and Ma'am?" She turned to him with raised eyebrows. He smiled. "It's a girl."

Ma'am let go of Dig and ran back to give him a hug. "Congratulations St. Jimmy."

/

Harry and Fish waited at the side of the house and watched the cop car pull up in the driveway. Two cops went in, fumbled around in the house and Patrick came out with them, shaking his head, no handcuffs. He looked like he was explaining something and Harry listened closely for his words.

"She just went nuts. Knocked over all the furniture, slammed all of the plates just because I told her I wasn't St. Jimmy."

"Who's St. Jimmy?" the one cop asked.

"The Savior, she's one of his stupid followers. They're all in love with him, like he's some God. She was becoming hysterical so I hit her. I guess it was a little harder then I meant to. He trained them all for that war; I wasn't expecting her to let me. But then she freaked out and the next thing I knew I was knocked out and waking up on the floor with you two untying me."

"Well, just keep her out of the house. If she presses charges just call us."

"Will do." Patrick was still shaking his head as he waved them off, the cops getting into their cars and driving off.

"Ma'am didn't go crazy, did she?" Fish asked, looking at Harry, sure he already knew the answer.

"No. Patrick apparently did though." He nodded to Fish. "Come on. We'll take care of this first and then go to Ma'am and ask her why she never told us he was friends with the pigs."

Fish followed Harry up to the door just as they snuck up behind Patrick. He was just opening the door when he heard someone step up behind him. He turned to look at Harry who stared at him, bored. "Morning Patrick," Harry said.

Patrick eyes widened but he didn't get the chance to reply as Harry shoved him roughly into the house, followed by Fish who closed the door as he came in after.

/

It was practically eight o'clock in the morning when Harry got back to the house. He slipped back into bed beside Bonnie, wrapping his arms around her and resting against her back.

"You've been gone for eight hours," Bonnie mumbled.

"I'm sorry sweetie. I had some things to take care of. Follower business," he said softly, placing a kiss on her neck. Bonnie was silent but Harry could tell she wasn't asleep. "I love you." He sensed her smile and turned her over to face him. "I have a surprise for you later," he said, holding her close. "So let's get back to sleep, alright?"

"'Kay," she agreed, snuggling into his shirt and going back to sleep.

/

"Harry? Where are we going?" Bonnie asked as she put on her shoes.

"I told you. It's a surprise."

"Why is it a surprise?"

"I can't give you presents anymore?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Of course you can. Do we really have to go somewhere to give it to me?"

Harry smiled and took her hand to pull her out of the bedroom. She quickly snatched her purse off the floor and let him pull her along toward the door. They took the elevator down with the guards and left the hotel, climbing into a black car waiting for them before anyone around them realized who they were. The Savior hardly ever left the hotel as far as they were concerned since he always left and arrived through the floo.

"It's going to be a long ride. Why don't you go back to sleep?" Harry said, stroking her hair.

"I can't sleep when I'm anxious! Tell me what this is all about."

"I'm not telling. Calm down."

Bonnie put her hands in her lap and leaned back in her seat, ready for the long ride ahead. She thought silently to herself as they drove. The windows in the back were tinted so much she couldn't see outside. Probably why Harry asked her to take a nap. So she thought it must be something big, like he was taking her to a building that would give away the surprise. He could be taking her to the museum but what kind of surprise would that be for her? She couldn't think of anywhere else they were going until the car stopped and her door was opened.

She looked up to find herself at the airport, the private airport. She looked at Harry? "Are we going somewhere?"

"I told you it was a long ride. But just think, you get to spend it with me," he smiled, taking her hand.

She followed him to the plane, their guards following and leading closely. They climbed onto their plane and Bonnie decided to take a nap like Harry suggested. She curled up on her seat and laid her head in Harry's lap and he played with her hair. He woke her up when they arrived back in England and they climbed into a new black car.

"I promise this is the last car we're getting into."

Bonnie leaned her head against his shoulder and hooked their arms together. "This better be a good surprise," she said, curling into his side.

"I think it's a great surprise," Harry said smugly.

They drove for around an hour, listening to the radio and looking through the baby name book that Bonnie had brought along for Harry.

"We're here sir," the driver announced.

"Finally," Bonnie whined, reaching for the door.

Harry grabbed her hand to stop her. "Not yet." He grabbed a black cloth from his pocket and wrapped it around her eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"I want it to be a good surprise."

He opened his door and held both her hands to help her out.

"This is silly," Bonnie whined as Harry turned her and she heard the door shut behind her. He put his hands on her shoulders.

"Ready?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes," Bonnie replied impatiently.

Harry untied the cloth and pulled it away.

Bonnie took in the sight slowly. First that they were standing in front of the car in a large courtyard surrounded by organized shrubbery and trees that filled out a garden. About ten yards away from where they stood were very expansive stone steps that led to the last thing she glanced at because once she looked at it she couldn't take her eyes away. The vast house or mansion or manor or whatever it should be classified as was a cross between the detail and elegance of Versailles and the beautiful English feel of Pemberly from Pride & Predjudice.

She vaguely felt Harry's arms wrap around her and his voice whisper in her ear, "Welcome home."

/

"Bonnie, don't run!" Harry yelled as she ran—more like walked quickly in her heels—worried for her safety. Once up the stairs she ran toward the side door into the house. As soon as she was inside she realized the charm this held for both of them. For her it was the fact that it looked so much like Mr. Darcy's home from one of her favorite Jane Austen books and for Harry, well, it looked like the inside of Mr. Darcy's home as well, which meant it was full of historical art painted directly on the walls and the ceilings.

"Harry," Bonnie cried.

Harry thought she sounded whiny and immediately started to worry that he had thought wrong when he decided to get a big, old, artsy house like Pemberly. His head was down looking sorrowfully at the limestone and granite floor design and so he didn't notice his wife coming over to him until her arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding his arms down without thinking and crying on his chest.

"It's so beautiful. I love it."

"You do?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Of course I do. It's the most beautiful house I've ever seen. How did you pay for this? This house must be priceless."

Harry smiled and wrapped his arms around her. "Not to sound like one of your snobby, rich cousins but…well, there isn't much you can't buy."

"All that's left is true friendship and you," Bonnie said jokingly. "But this must have cost a fortune," she said, turning to look up at the ceiling and a huge fireplace on one wall with such intricate carvings it could only have been made before advanced technology (which killed the art in architecture).

"There is a lot of gold in the vault my father made me take. It's still three-quarters full and we have many others that are just as full. Oh to be the descendent of Merlin," Harry sighed dreamily. "I just want to make arrangements for our little girl," he said, touching Bonnie's stomach. "She must have everything. Everything I didn't have. Even things _you_ didn't have."

"Are you trying to turn our daughter into my cousins?"

"_God _no! That could never happen. Not if we raise her. She can be spoiled and still be socially conscious. I just want to make sure she has a nice house and nice things because that's what she deserves. Our little miracle deserves anything that life can give her. Or that I can." He kissed her neck. "Plus we have no neighbors and the gates and pond make for great security."

Bonnie rolled her eyes. Of course Harry would be thinking of his stalkers. But he was right, the fans got quite annoying sometimes at the hotel. At least now she had plenty of space to wander around instead of just the three rooms. She turned and smiled deviously. "Where's the bedroom?" she asked, stroking her hand down his chest and then back up under his shirt.

"There isn't a bed in it yet. Our things arrive in two hours."

"I can't wait that long," she said, leading him backward and pushing him against the wall.

"Did you want to go shopping for furniture now?" Harry asked, pretending to be oblivious, smiling.

Bonnie pressed herself against him, pressing her lips against his. "The wall will do," she mumbled against his mouth.

Harry switched their places and pressed her back against the wall.

/

"I'm sure you'd all be happy to know, Remus especially," Harry said, glaring at Remus across the table, "that Bonnie and I have moved out of the hotel. I thought it was about time."

"I heard you went crazy on your hotel room and destroyed it," Sirius said.

Harry glared at him. "I offered to pay for everything. It was time to move anyway. So Bonnie and I are inviting you to see our new house tomorrow. Bonnie's already had half the place decorated. Looks like a scene from Pride and Prejudice in there. Very eighteen hundreds vintage."

"Little eighteenth century fixer-upper?" Ron asked.

"Ron! I'm having a baby. Besides, you don't think Bonnie would live in a fixer-upper? She'd never accept it. You'll see tomorrow when you come to visit."

"I guess I don't have a choice, do I?" Ron joked.

"No, not really."

"Ginny," Bonnie said, turning to her friend beside her. "We haven't spent much time alone recently. I was wondering if you wanted to go out today to go furniture shopping with me. I'll buy you lunch," she offered.

"I can't actually. I'm busy tonight," she said vaguely.

"Doing what? Did you find a job?"

"No, not yet."

"Are you still living with your parents?" Hermione asked.

"No."

"Why can't you come shopping with me?"

"I um…" Her eyes went over toward Fish.

He was the first to notice. "Geese Gin, get over it. I don't think they'll be shocked to discover you're going on a date tonight. I'm sure they know we're not getting back together. It's been a year."

"Who are you going on a date with?" Bonnie asked excitedly. "Did Luna set you up with someone?"

"Well…not exactly." She paused but the eyes staring at her forced her answer quicker. "Blaise is taking me to dinner tonight. We've been going out for six months now. I've been staying with him."

Everyone leaned back in their seats again, shocked.

"Oh," Bonnie said slowly.

"It's not as bad as it sounds. My mother knows I'm living with him. She likes Blaise and so does my dad."

"How come I didn't know about this?" Ron asked.

"It was none of your business," Ginny snuffed.

"But…Blaise."

"We talked a lot at Luna's wedding and whenever I went over to her new house, Malfoy and him being friends and all, he visited a lot. He asked me out and it's been going really well."

"How long have you been living with him?" Bonnie asked.

"Four months. I really don't feel like talking about this with everyone at the table. It's private." She stood and looked to Bonnie. "We'll talk more tomorrow, okay? I have to go." She left the room and headed out of the house.

They all looked to Fish. He looked calm and composed, and he was the only one at the table who did. He looked up at them all. "What?"

"Did you know?" Bonnie asked.

"No. But it was bound to happen. Like you said, big news, remember? It would be less news if they were dating and then living together. And who cared if I was dating her at the time. It's not like I complained to the papers."

"Fish," Ron said slowly. "Are you dating someone?"

Fish rolled his eyes. "I'm dating my groupies. I have sixteen to twenty girlfriends."

"That can't be healthy," Lily mumbled from the other end of the table, though everyone heard her.

"I'm quite happy with my love life. Not that it's any of your business," he said to the table.

"How does Jack feel about that?" Harry asked.

"I'm not turning gay for anyone but you Harry dear and you're going to be a father so I think my chances of being gay are over. Besides, Jack stole one of my groupies from me yesterday. He can't be that bad off."

"I remember that life," Sirius mumbled, forgetting who he was sitting next to until she smacked him. "But I like this one better. It's much better," he said quickly, touching her nine month along stomach. He looked up at Harry. "Our kids may be in the same year. That's creepy. Makes me feel younger though."

"Any day now," Jackline said, rubbing her stomach. "It's actually getting quite annoying. I just want it out now. After the seventh month it's just not fun anymore."

"It's not fun the other months either," Lily laughed; "morning sickness and aching and the weird food cravings and the other horrible things that go with pregnancy that I won't announce at the table."

Jackline laughed and then stopped, gasping sharply and putting her hand on her stomach.

"Are you okay?"

She took a deep breath. "I'm fine," she said, breathing deep. "It's probably just false labor." She smiled at Sirius and took his hand.

"Jackline, you're gripping my hand kind of hard there."

She gasped again. And then her hand went lack. She made small noise of shock. "Oh no. I think my water just broke."

"What?" Sirius said loudly.

Lily was over in a flash. "We'll get you upstairs and call the healer. No apparating or flooing. It's very dangerous."

"Lily, I'm so sorry about your chairs," Jackline said.

"Oh, that's alright." Lily waved her wand and the floor and chair were clean again. "Come on. Bonnie, would you call your mother and your grandmother and your grandfather. And Harry, would you take care of your brother?"

Bonnie grabbed her cell phone and started dialing.

Harry grabbed little Sirius from his chair. "Quick, lets get upstairs to your room with Fish before the evil wicked lady gets here."

Little Sirius giggled and took Harry's hand, dragging him toward the stairs opposite the ones they were taking Jackline up. Sirius was following worriedly behind her and Lily, and James and Remus were around him, supportively. Bonnie was following them while she was on the phone. She asked Lily where they would be and went to wait by the floo for her family so she could show them the way.

Harry sat on the floor in his brother's room beside Fish. Little Sirius was entranced by Fish as he played the guitar and sang little songs Sirius could understand. Fifteen minutes later Sirius found a coloring book to give Fish a break.

Fish turned to Harry and set his guitar down. "When did Bonnie's grandmother turn into the evil wicked lady?"

"Remember when you saw that I had destroyed my apartment?"

Fish nodded.

"Well that's because Grandmamma Evil went a little too far this time and I told Bonnie that I never wanted to see her again."

"What exactly did she say?" Fish asked.

Unable to forget a single thing she said Harry told Fish about the one-way conversation he had had with Mrs. Mrs. McNeal.

"And what did Bonnie say?" Fish asked.

"She just said okay."

"Well that was nice of her," Fish said, watching Sirius as he brought his coloring book over to Harry and handed his brother a crayon.

"Yeah, we haven't seen much of her lately so that's good. I don't know if Bonnie spoke to her of not coming to visit because she had been coming to take Bonnie shopping all the time but she hasn't come over so something must have happened. She never came back to see if I had left Bonnie," Harry thought aloud as he colored a picture of a cow while Sirius colored the two pigs on the others side green.

/

Meanwhile, Bonnie leaned against the wall in Jackline's room, far away from the birthing area with her hand over her eyes trying to block out the sounds of Jackline's yelling. She wanted to see her cousin being born but she just couldn't take it. She peeked out between her fingers.

Her aunt was lying on her bed, sweaty and her hair all messed and a horrible, pained look on her face. Lily was standing beside Mrs. McNeal who was brushing back her sister's hair and coaching her through her breathing. Sirius stood on her other side, his hand clutched tightly in his girlfriend's hand as she swore at him, told him she hated him and how she wanted to kill him for doing this to her.

She felt a hand at her back and looked up to see James and Remus standing behind him. "Let's go stand out in the hallway, hmm?" James asked. "There are too many people in here anyway." He and Remus led her out of the room and into the hallway.

Bonnie leaned against the wall and took a deep breath.

"You okay sweetie?" Remus asked gently.

"She was screaming…a lot."

"Yeah. Lily said it was quite painful," James said. "Like pulling your bottom lip over your head to touch your neck. Only worse." Remus shoved him in the side and he looked back at Bonnie who's eyes were wide and her mouth open. "Oh! But she was always so happy afterward. You never remember the pain once you hold that beautiful baby in your arms."

"She sounded like she would remember it. And she was swearing at Sirius. Yelling at him. Telling him that she regretted ever meeting him." She looked up at the two men. "Will I say things like that to Harry? I never swear at Harry. Ever."

"If you do he'll know that you don't mean it. You're free to say whatever you like when you're in labor." James tried to smile comfortingly. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll be just fine."

"I'm gonna go wait with Harry in little Sirius's room. Would you come get me when…it's over."

"Sure sweetie."

Bonnie nodded and walked away toward the other side of the house. She let herself into little Sirius's room where Fish and Harry were on the floor, Harry and little Sirius still coloring and Fish watching.

They both looked up when she entered the room. "Hey pet," Harry said. "She have the baby already?"

Bonnie just shook her head and sat down beside Fish.

"You can come sit by me Pet," he said sweetly, holding out his hand to her.

She just shook her head. "I'm okay here," she said, resting her head on Fish's shoulder.

Fish looked at Harry with wide eyes that said, 'what the hell is she doing?'

Harry just shook his head, just as confused. Besides the one moment Fish had been happy to see her—when he found out she was pregnant—Fish had never really liked Bonnie that much and Bonnie knew it. They didn't cuddle like friends or even talk that much except for that one time at Christmas. Fish was just polite to her and Bonnie was always her overly kind self to him.

He just sat there, because there was really nothing he could do to stop her without upsetting her, letting her cuddle his arm.

"Something happen in the other room, Pet?" Harry asked, concerned.

Bonnie just shook her head. "Just the normal swearing, screaming in pain, wishing Sirius was dead for getting her pregnant."

Fish just patted her head and Harry smiled, knowing that she was scared of the pain now that she saw it and, oddly enough, of yelling at him.

Little Sirius took his coloring book from Harry and set it in front of Bonnie, holding out a pink crayon for her and turning to a picture of a princess. He laid down on his stomach and colored the other page.

Bonnie smiled and sat up to color the page Sirius gave her.

Twenty minutes later James and Remus came to tell them they could come see the baby now. Sirius was sitting on the bed beside Jackline holding his new son who had wavy black hair and very long eyelashes for a baby. He looked just like Sirius; wrapped in a blue blanket. He looked up at the new group that came in, James and Remus following.

"Bonnie, would you like to meet your cousin. I think he's a keeper," he joked.

Bonnie smiled and went over to hold him. "He's so pretty. What are you going to name him?"

"James," Sirius said without flaw.

They all looked at him, eyebrows raised.

"I'm just kidding. We won't do that again. Jackline and I agreed on Mason."

"That's adorable."

"Harry, would you like to hold your…" She thought for a second. "Cousin-in-law or something."

"That's okay. You can hold him," Harry said, standing at the other end of the room.

"I wanna hold my godson," Remus said, coming over to take him. "He looks eerily like you Sirius. Just like Harry looked like James when he was a baby."

"I know. We have such pretty people in this family. We just keep passing on the beauty. Whenever will you pass on yours Moony?"

"At some point. We're just taking our time."

"I'm sure that's not how Tonks puts it," James laughed.

/

"Bonnie!" Ginny said when her friend picked up.

"Hey Gin. What are you doing?" she asked as she danced around her aunt's room with her cousin in one arm and the phone in the other.

"I'm…UH! I'm trying to get ready for this stupid date but I have absolutely nothing to wear. Are you at the Potter's?"

"Yeah, you wanna come over and look through my closet?" she asked.

"I'll be over in a few minutes."

Ginny hung up and Bonnie did too. She turned to Jackline but she was asleep. She went downstairs to find Sirius or Remus. Sirius was more than happy to take his son and let Bonnie head to the floo to meet Ginny.

They went up to Bonnie's room and into her closet. Ginny sat in a chair while Bonnie looked for outfits she thought Ginny should wear on her date.

She sighed heavily as she set them on the bed. "It'll be a while before I can wear these again," she said sadly. "I like this one. Where are you going?" she asked, holding a lacy dark blue dress up to Ginny.

"He just said we're going out to dinner." Ginny looked down at the dresses sadly. "I'm sorry for not telling you Bonnie. It's just, I cheated on Fish with Blaise and I was afraid if I told you that you would tell Harry and Harry would tell Fish or that you yourself would hate me for it."

"No, its fine. I'm surprised you moved in with him though. That's kind of weird don't you think? Did you ask him or…"

"No. He asked me. When I got out of school I went back home with my parents. I went to visit Luna because she went straight home with Draco when she got out. And while I was there visiting one week Blaise was there and asked me out. The next week he said he wanted to offer me a place to live because I still hadn't figured out what I wanted to do and all of my friends were married so I couldn't share an apartment with them. When I asked my parents, oddly enough they agreed even though I'm their only daughter and the last to leave the house. Deep down, however sad it is, I don't think they ever really liked Fish and were happy to see me with someone else. So I moved in with him. He gave me my own room, the polite gentleman that he is. After a while though I just moved into his," she said shyly, blushing. "And we've been dating ever since."

"That's sweet of him," Bonnie said. "Here, this one is the best date outfit. I could never wear it around Harry but I wore it to a Beauxbatons dance once and that was the week Fleur tried to straighten my hair in my sleep because all the boys were staring at me."

It was a knee-length shimmery, light plum colored dress with small buttons down the chest surrounded by ruffles stopping at the sash around the waist. The hem had four layers of ruffles as well.

"You look lovely. Are you going to show up at my house tomorrow? You can tell me how your date went."

"Sure."

Bonnie rushed back to her closet and her bathroom and came back with a cute clutch purse and some makeup. She pulled Ginny's hair into a clip on one side and gave her some lip gloss, mascara and eye liner. "Perfect."

Ginny giggled. "I'll remind Harry to take you on a date after you have your baby."

"Have fun," Bonnie said.

Ginny stepped outside and apparated back to Blaise's house, which, like Draco, he had inherited from his parents after the war. They weren't dead but in his family when the children got older they inherited the land and the parents moved into the summer home. She had been living with him for four months but she still couldn't think of it as her house. She was just a resident.

"Ginny? Is that you?"

She looked at the stairs just as Blaise was coming down in a perfectly pressed suit. He always looked great. His prefect black Italian curls and beautiful body that was always dressed so well.

"Hey, you look great. Beautiful, as always," he said. Something about his voice made Ginny think he was nervous about something.

"You look great to. So where are we going?" Ginny asked, taking one of his hands in hers.

"Just to dinner. Maybe we'll go for a walk or something afterward."

"That sounds nice."

Blaise laced their fingers together and side apparted them both to the wizard restaurant. Most pureblood wizards wouldn't step foot in a muggle restaurant or establishment in fear that there may be a sudden rebellion.

The restaurant was beautiful. It wasn't like she'd never been to fancy restaurant before, since Blaise had been taking her on dates for a while now, but it still felt like such a treat. Her family, having been poor, never went out to eat let alone to anywhere near as nice as the places Blaise went. And she was still wearing Bonnie's clothes on all of the dates she went on with him, except for one that she'd bought for herself from the money she'd saved from her little job at the book store. She reminded herself to tell Bonnie about that to. It had been a long time since they'd really talked. She'd been spending most of her time with Luna.

She followed Blaise up to the podium where the host stood. "Mister Zabini, we have your table ready for you. If you'll just follow me," he said, grabbing two menus and leading the way to a private corner of the restaurant lit by candle light. He pulled out a chair for Ginny and she sat and thanked him. Blaise sat down across from her as the host handed them their menus. He stepped away and immediately another man stepped up to the table. "Can I get you something to drink tonight?"

"Mmm, a martini please," Ginny said first.

"Firewhiskey, with ice," Blaise said.

"I'll bring those right up."

Once he was gone Ginny opened her menu to look at the list of entrees. Light and airy music played in the background to enhance the romantic atmosphere of the restaurant. Blaise looked quite pretty in the candlelight but his face was a bit distorted by his nerves though she could tell he was trying to hide it. Always the Slytherin.

"Have you been here before?" Ginny asked.

"Oh, a few times."

"Any suggestions?"

He pointed out a few things on the menu that he thought were particularly good the times he had come but told her to get whatever she wanted. She decided on what she wanted and stared silently at the table cloth and the room with her hands lying in her lap.

"Gin?" Blaise said, bringing her attention back. He held out his hand for hers. She smiled and placed her hand in his and they stayed like that until the food came.

Ginny stabbed one of the pieces of chicken lightly set in Alfredo sauce.

"Ginny?" Blaise said.

She looked up at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I love you."

Ginny blushed as she swallowed, which was difficult. "I love you to, Blaise," she said earnestly. She smiled shyly.

"I guess I have since Bonnie showed up and we spent that day in Hogsmeade together. Really, that's why I didn't say no that one night last year…even though I knew you were with Harry's friend."

He sounded guilty and Ginny didn't want him to be. "Don't be like that. If Fish was hurt that was my fault. And it's all resolved now. He knows we're dating and he's fine. He has his hoard of groupies. And I don't regret it. I think everything turned out pretty well, don't you?"

Blaise smiled and nodded. "I do. I really like how things turned out."

"Good."

Ginny returned to her dinner, aware that Blaise was still staring at her and blushing madly but she was starved so she couldn't look up to meet his gaze until she had a few more bites. "This is really good. You want some?"

"That's alright."

She glanced at his plate. "You haven't eaten much. Aren't you hungry?"

"I like watching you more."

She blushed again.

"Did you want desert?" he asked, taking a sip of his whiskey.

"No. I'm good. You?"

"Maybe if we find something on our walk."

Ginny nodded. Ice cream in a cone sounded good. Blaise paid for the dinner and led her back out of the restaurant hand in hand. He told her there was a park close by where he thought they would take a stroll. Ginny agreed and they walked in the cool night breeze, at least it was with the warming charms on their coats. Blaise slid his arm around Ginny's waist and led her toward a park bench to sit down.

"Ginny?" Blaise said carefully.

"Yes?" Ginny smiled, finding the cool air refreshing against her cheeks that had been blushing all through dinner.

"We've been dating for only a little while now, but it feels like it's been a really long time. Right?"

She paused to think. "Sure," she agreed, just to calm him down. Though the more she thought about it the more it seemed like the wrong answer. Maybe it had been _too_ long of a time.

"But I think that we make a really good couple and I care a lot for you. I love you."

"I love you to," she said nervously.

Her breathing stopped when he stood up, thinking that he was going to say goodbye and walk away but then he did something else that didn't help her breathing at all. He took her hand and got down on one knee in front of her and the bench. "Ginny, I know this is a bit strange as we haven't been dating that long but I really love you and I want to take care of you…forever. I want to give you everything you want and a home to keep you safe. I know you probably know what I'm going to say and I know you're probably thinking this is all very sudden and very fast but I think this is the right thing." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a little black box and popped it open. Inside was a beautiful princess cut canary diamond on a vintage gold ring. "Ginny Weasley, will you marry me?"

Ginny stared at the ring, and then back at Blaise. She stuttered for a moment, unable to get the words out. "Uh…I…Y…" Seeing Blaise's face forced the words out. "Yes." She smiled in relief. "Yes, I'll marry you."

Blaise smiled to. He slipped the ring on her finger and they both leaned in to kiss softly.

They ended up occupying the park bench for a half an hour after, sporadically leaning in to kiss. Ginny had her arm curled around Blaise's, holding her close and he held her legs over his knees. She held out her hand and stared down at her ring, mesmerized by the color.

"It's so pretty," she said, tilting her head to see its angles.

"I'm glad you like it," he said, pleased and kissing her cheek. "I'm glad you said yes."

"Me to!" she said dramatically. She giggled and leaned her head on his shoulder. "What a nice night." She turned to look up at him. "Thank you."

"Your welcome. Thank you for coming and agreeing to marry me."

"Your welcome," she smiled, leaning in for another kiss. She pressed her hand to his cheek while they kissed, to prolong the moment. She wanted this night to last forever. When she woke up in the morning it would probably turn out to be a dream.

"How about some ice cream now?" he asked while their lips still touched.

"Ooh, that sounds good. Strawberry ice cream," she said, kissing him again, excitedly.

"I think there's a vendor in the park somewhere. It's only nine o'clock."

"That seems like a reasonable hour."

Blaise stood, lifting her off the bench with him and then setting her down on her feet. Blaise led her to the ice cream, his arm wrapped around his new fiancé's waist pleased at how happy he'd made her. And even more pleased at how happy a simple strawberry ice cream cone could make her.

/

Ginny woke up the next morning to Blaise's arms wrapped around her waist. Suddenly the events of the previous night flooded her mind and she smiled, glancing down at her pretty new ring. She turned onto her back and held it up, letting the sunlight from the windows dance across it. She looked down at the man who'd given it to her, her new fiancé. He was curled up, his face against her shoulder and one arm draped across her stomach.

They lay in the center of Blaise's king size bed; the house elves had pulled back the shimmery off-white drapes so the sun could reach them. She turned to Blaise and ran her hand into his hair. "Blaise, wake up," she said sweetly.

"I'm awake," he mumbled sleepily.

"Do you want to make a surprise visit to my parent's house to tell them the good news? Or shall we go see your mother first?"

"Let's tell them later," he said, wrapping his arm more tightly around her waist and trying to go back to sleep.

"I can't. I promised Bonnie that I would go see her new house today."

"Why'd you do that?" he grumbled.

"Well I didn't know I would be engaged today," she smiled, enjoying the word associated with herself.

Blaise seemed to as well. He moaned in his slumber and smiled against her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to her arm.

"You go and visit your friend later and we'll tell your parents this morning. Let them know we'll be joining them for breakfast. We'll talk to my mother tomorrow, or the next day. Whenever."

Ginny giggled. "I'll get dressed and go floo my mother. You call the house elves for coffee so you can wake up." She leaned over him and kissed his cheek before climbing out of bed.

/

Her mother was ecstatic to have them for breakfast and so, once dressed, Ginny and Blaise made their way over to the house. It wasn't hard to see that her parents preferred Blaise over Fish. She couldn't even remember a time when Fish had spoken to her parents. They welcomed Blaise with open arms; the proper, rich pureblood gentleman for their only daughter. So it wasn't hard to convince either of them that she was old enough or knew Blaise well enough to marry him. All she really had to do was let her mother catch sight of the ring in the middle of breakfast.

"Ginny, what is that?" her mother asked, with a knowing smile, pointing at the canary diamond on her thin finger.

"Oh, well actually, that's why Blaise and I came over this morning. We wanted to tell you that—"

"YOU'RE ENGAGED!" Mrs. Weasley shouted happily. She rushed over to her daughter and pulled her into a hug. "I'm so happy for you sweet heart. You're such an adorable couple. You'll be so happy."

"Thanks mum."

Arthur welcomed Blaise to the family and gave them his blessing before hugging his daughter as well.

Mrs. Weasley asked them to stay longer but Ginny said she had to go see Harry and Bonnie's new house. So they left together and apparated back to Blaise's house. She changed into jeans and a T-shirt before kissing Blaise goodbye. "Do you wanna come? I'm sure Harry and Bonnie won't mind."

"No, that's alright. I'm sure Fish will be there and I don't want to make things uncomfortable."

"You wouldn't make things uncomfortable," she lied unconvincingly.

Blaise eyed her, knowing she was lying. "Let's just keep things nice for a little while before I shove myself into the little group you all have. I don't think I'll be having breakfast with the Potters anytime in the near, or distant for that matter, future."

Ginny leaned up on her toes, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you too. Have fun."

Ginny apparated to the Potter house. She'd be taking a car with them to Harry and Bonnie's house since they hadn't seen it so they couldn't apparate there and floo wasn't good for the baby. She slid into one of the two limos and realized she was sitting beside Fish, across from Ron and Hermione. She hadn't taken her ring off and she'd kind of hoped she wouldn't have to see them until after she'd told Bonnie. Especially Fish.

"Morning," she said softly, looking down at her lap. "So are all of the adults in the other limo?"

"Yeah. Everyone. We got the smaller limo," Hermione said. "So…" She glanced at Fish who just raised his eyebrows curiously. She looked back at Ginny. "How was your date with Blaise?"

"Oh! Um, it was fine."

There was silence as the car started to pull away and drive. After they'd been driving for a little while Fish broke the silence. "That's a nice ring," he said, nodding toward Ginny's hand. "Was it a gift?"

"Oh, yeah. Blaise gave it to me."

"Jealous?" Fish asked.

"What?"

"You're wearing a diamond ring on the same finger Bonnie wears her wedding ring," he pointed out.

"Oh." She looked at Fish. Some part of him, hidden by a mask, looked sad but he also looked calm and at ease with what he was saying.

"Ginny!" Hermionie interrupted. "Blaise proposed?"

"No! It's just a gift."

"It's no use lying. You'll just have to tell them later that you lied. It's easier to let them know they're right," Fish said.

"Ginny?" Ron said.

"I wanted to tell Bonnie first," she pouted.

"Why? I'm your brother!" Ron said angrily. "Do mom and dad know?"

"Yes, Blaise and I went to see them this morning. They're ecstatic."

"Well I'm glad. My little sister, my only sister, is marrying someone I hardly know and who she's only been dating for four months."

"So, what color dress are you wearing down the isle?" Fish asked, laughing at his own joke.

Hermione and Ron both glared at him hatefully.

He rolled his eyes at their inability to take a joke and looked out the window.

"When I get married and how long I've known my boyfriend is none of your business. I'm a big girl; I can make my own decisions."

"Sure you can," Ron said, crossing his arms over his chest angrily. He sat back in his seat and looked away from his sister.

Ginny looked at Hermione to hear her opinion.

Hermione looked uncomfortable. "I don't know Ginny. You hardly know him. Harry and Bonnie got married young but nobody questioned that because Harry is nuts anyway and they've known each other since they were kids."

"And they wanted to have sex," Fish said. "But you've already done that. Just another reason off your list."

"Would you shut up," Hermione said.

Fish turned away again.

"Ginny, I'm not trying to rain on your parade but I just think you should have thought about this a little more."

"You're ruining my day. I should have stayed home," she mumbled.

"Well I think it's wonderful," Fish said, patting her head. "Congratulations."

"Why are you so understanding? Are you on drugs?" Hermione asked.

"No. Drug free," Fish said, slightly offended. He leaned back and put his feet up on the seat beside Hermione. "I had good sex last night."

"That's so crude."

"Sex is not crude, it's natural. What is crude is ruining Ginny's happy day."

"Yeah," Ginny agreed quietly, fiddling with her ring.

"Are you sure you're not high or drunk or something?" Hermione asked.

Fish glared at her and stared out the window.

The rest of the ride continued in silence, all of them looking away from each other until they arrived at the front of Harry and Bonnie's beautiful new house.

Fish was the first person to say something after everyone had stepped out of their cars. "See what babies do to people?" The house seemed to piss him off but Hermione and Ron just brushed it off. Together they all admired the outside of the house while the cars went around the driveway that was curved around a fountain; then followed each other up to the door. Despite its grandeur the first thing they heard was yelling inside.

"Harry! They're going to be here any second. Could you please get off the phone?"

Harry's screaming in the background was muffled and they couldn't tell what he was saying.

James knocked and they heard a rustling as Bonnie ran to the door. She opened it with a smile, dressed in a neat dark blue dress and flats, her pregnant stomach only slightly noticeable in the end of her fourth month. "Morning everyone. Glad you could come," she said, inviting them all into the main room with the limestone diamond floor and the grand fireplace; the first room Bonnie saw.

"Harry was here a second ago but he keeps walking around from room to room yelling at somebody on the phone."

"Who is he talking to?" Lily asked.

"IT'S THE _FUCKING_ POPE!" Harry yelled from the doorway as he walked past the room and into another.

"Why is he yelling at the Pope?"

Bonnie just shrugged and shut the door behind them.

"NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE HER! _Why? _Because I don't like you and I don't want her in your presence."

"I'd guess they're talking about you," Ginny said.

"No," Bonnie laughed.

"Bonnie!" Harry yelled from the doorway. When he looked over to find he had her attention he spoke more gently. "Do you want to visit the Pope and promote how _God_ led you on your cure for Cancer?"

"_Nnn,_ no."

"Did you hear that? She said no," Harry said rudely at the Pope. "Because God didn't help her make the cure. She's not even religious."

The room listened intently to the one-sided conversation.

"Well she's Irish to but I still married her, would you like to talk about that? I guessed not. Now stop calling me or I'll change my number again. And if I get another call from anyone saying that you told the artists that I said yes to the statue I'll _come down there_ and make you sorry you told lies," he said coldly.

He hung up and turned to everyone with a smile. "Hi."

"Harry, you talk to the Pope like that?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, he's so mean. I read the bible last summer, again and realized there's nothing about a Pope. And he lives in a house bigger than mine; I don't think God would be very happy with that."

"Let's not talk about Harry's relationship with the Pope. Let's have a tour around the house," Bonnie said, grabbing Ginny's wrist and pulling her along. They all followed Bonnie through the house. She showed them the kitchen with the black and white stone floor and large fireplace that used to be used for cooking that they probably wouldn't end up using, then the library that was only half full with Harry and Bonnie's collection of books; most of which were Harry's. There was also a music room with a place set up for a piano that Harry hadn't picked out yet and a lounge, dining room and a room of art, which was both old from the previous owners and Harry's art and finally the potion's room downstairs that Bonnie wasn't allowed to use until after the baby came.

"It's lovely Bonnie," Lily said. Then she reached for her son and pulled him into her arms. "Perhaps we'll have Christmas here now."

"Yes, we'll have the enslaved house elves cut down a tree, decorate it for Jesus and put it in the foyer."

"You're awfully cynical today," James said.

"Sorry, it's the statue they're trying to erect in my honor. I told them not till I die but the Pope, who apparently believes himself to be my agent, keeps telling them to go ahead."

"I think you should let them," Sirius said. "Where are they putting it?"

"The center of London where everyone can see it. I don't know how they'll fit it in as they plan to make it fifty feet tall."

They all walked into the lounge and sat down to talk more. "So Fish," Sirius said. "We haven't heard much from you. What have you been up to?"

"Oh yeah, that reminds me," Fish said, pulling the back of his graphic T-shirt up and grabbing a folded magazine out of his back pocket. He handed it to Harry. "Jimmy, you may see first."

Harry opened the magazine and gaped at the cover. Under the title of the magazine, Rolling Stone, were the words in big letters,

AS

A

BEE

Beside the words were the three members of Fish's band covering the front cover without him. "How come you're not on here? Rolling Stone is your dream."

"No, see I let them have the cover by themselves and Rolling Stone gave me this." He grabbed the magazine and flipped to the article on his band and turned it vertical. He grabbed the center of the page and held it up, letting the other pages fall open to reveal his very large centerfold picture where he was half-naked. His blond hair falling into his face hiding his eyes that were lined very thickly with black eyeliner, his sleek torso covered most of the page, and his hands were shoved so deeply into his pockets it pulled his pants down slightly to hang lowly off his hips showing part of the words 'St. Jimmy' that curved over his hip.

Lily put her hand over her youngest son's eyes.

"Fish! You're a male centerfold," Harry laughed. "You actually look pretty hot too."

"I know. I'm an idol. I'm hanging over every young girl's bed. Rolling Stone said it's their best selling magazine since The Beatles." He closed the magazine.

"Do you have Harry's nickname tattooed on your hip?" Sirius asked.

"Yes I do," Fish admitted. "And now that girls know who he is I have to cover it up every time I want to sleep with someone."

"When did you get that?" Harry asked, pulling at the hip of Fish's pants trying to find the tattoo.

"You gave it to me," Fish said, struggling to push Harry's hands away. "You were drunk. Sometime after Bonnie left. But that's not the point. Aren't you happy for me?"

"Yes I am. I'm very happy for you. I can't believe you named your band after yourself."

"No, I didn't. I broke it up and still haven't told anyone what it meant. So keep it to yourself and continue to call me Fish."

"What's your real name?" Sirius asked, snatching the magazine. He read the title slowly. "As A Bee. Asa Bee?" He looked up at Fish. "Your name is Asa Bee? I thought your last name was Hatch."

Fish grabbed the magazine back and glared at him. "It is." He turned to Jimmy. "Your godfather is so nosy."

He could hear Sirius across the room, pronouncing it differently over and over.

"For Merlin's sake Sirius," Remus said. "His name is Asabee Hatch."

"Why'd you have to help Remus? He never would have gotten it," Fish complained.

"Why don't you like your name?"

"It's a long story," Fish said, opening his magazine again to look at himself.

"Give me that," Harry said, snatching it away. "You don't want to get a big head; your hair will look funny."

"How did your girlfriends react to your picture?" James asked.

"Oh, they're gone now. I'm single again. I can't be tied down to one group of girls."

"It seems you left just in time Gin," Bonnie said, without really thinking.

Fish glared at her from the corner of his eyes.

"Not that I'm condoning cheating," she added.

/

They all talked for another half an hour but Hermione, James, Sirius and Remus had to return to the school, Ron had to go back to the Ministry and Lily and Jackline went home. Fish convinced Harry to leave the house to come hang out with his band and he finally agreed leaving Ginny and Bonnie alone in the house. They both stayed in the sitting room talking about what had been going on.

"So, you said you would tell me. How did the date go?" Bonnie asked excitedly.

"Oh, you know. It was a date. Nothing big. What about you? I see the decorating went well."

"Oh, yeah. Harry wouldn't let me decorate the room that he claimed as his study though. I had a lot of great ideas for it but he says he wants it to be his personal part of the house since I have the dungeon where I'll be able to do my potions once Sophia is born."

"Sophia?"

"Oh." Bonnie blushed. "We haven't really decided but I think we're almost set on Sophia, or Sophie. Harry picked it out but I'm not sure if I'm positive about agreeing with it just yet."

"I like it."

"Yeah." She left that as her answer, staring at her tea. "So how are things…living with Blaise and all? Comfortable?"

"Yeah. He's really nice and sweet. And attractive too of course. But I like living with him. He does like to spoil me a little more than I deserve though; always taking me out to fancy places, always taking me on dates every weekend. Oh, and I forgot to tell you that I _do_ have a job. It's just a small thing at a bookstore. It's not a career path or anything but I'm still not sure."

"Well that's okay. Not everyone knows what they're going to do right away. I just happened to fall into having a talent for potions. And I'm not even really working. I'd be more like a housewife if my husband went to work on a day to day basis."

"Do you wish you went to work on a daily basis? See more people more often, meet new people?"

"Personally I really do think I have enough people to talk to. You and Hermione when she's not busy, my mother, Lily and Harry is always free. He's paranoid so he's either with me or with Fish or Josh at all times."

"Blaise is gone a lot. But he and Draco go to work together so we usually have breakfast with the Malfoys, the guys go to work, I go to work and I hang out with Luna when I get off and then Blaise and Draco meet us there for dinner."

"Sounds like you've got your own little…group going on. Are the Potters getting boring?" she asked, a bit of a hysterical note in her voice.

"No. It is fun hanging out with people who aren't majority-wise Gryffindors. Actually, we all are. Slytherins and Ravenclaw are just a change of scenery. But you'll never get boring."

"Thanks."

"Is…never mind."

"No, what?"

"Is…Harry getting boring?"

Bonnie giggled. "Not yet. I do think he's a little worried about the baby though. But nothing to worry about I think."

Ginny nodded. "Bonnie?"

"Yeah?"

"I lied. My date with Blaise wasn't boring. He took me out to a restaurant last night and he seemed really nervous about something. I thought he was going to break up with me. And then when we were sitting together last night in the park he stood up and when I thought he was going to walk away he got down on one knee and proposed." She stuck out her hand to show Bonnie her ring.

Bonnie's jaw dropped to the floor. She stood to meet Ginny on the other side of the coffee table but Ginny hurried to come to her.

"Well, it's beautiful. It's a Canary diamond, of course it's beautiful," she remarked to herself. "But…"

"I know. You just found out we were dating yesterday but we have been dating for a little while and Fish already knows."

"What?"

"He found out in the limo when he spotted my ring and blurted it out to Ron and Hermione. He seemed completely fine with it. And…I really do love Blaise. I like spending time with him, he's nice to me, he cares for me, he doesn't care that I'm poor and career-less and my parents like him. He said he's loved me ever since we hung out together when you had your little escapade with Draco. And I think I must have felt something to or I wouldn't have been able to cheat on Fish with him, which he feels horrible about by the way. I know he isn't really part of this little group that we've all put ourselves in but I really think that he's the one."

Bonnie waited for a moment after she'd finished to absorb the steady stream of information. "Well…I guess as long as you love each other. That's the only concept me and Harry put in our relationship besides the fact that we can both tolerate each other."

"So if I brought him over to meet you and Harry, you would be okay with that?"

"Well… the Harry part is a bit iffy. He's a little rough around people who screw over his friends and since _you_ _count_ as a friend he probably places the blame of Fish's reign of sadness on Blaise so…sure, I wouldn't mind seeing Blaise again but I'll get back to you on Harry."

"Close enough. But it's not like we have to go on double dates or anything or do all that "getting together with other married couples thing. Harry would probably hate that."

"I could only hope so," Bonnie added. She smiled at her friend. "I'm happy for you Ginny."

"Thanks."

"I'll help you plan the wedding. Have you set a date yet?"

"Not yet. We still have to tell his mother we're engaged. I've only met her once but I think she was a little tipsy when I spoke to her so she might be more surprised than you were."


	6. Coming Soon: The Baby's Room

Chapter 53

Coming Soon: The Baby's Room

"Grandmama, I told you. You are not allowed in the house."

"You can't keep your own grandmother out in the cold," Mrs. Mrs. McNeal cried, scandalized by her granddaughter.

Bonnie scoffed at her while trying to close the door. "You can apparate. And it's your own fault for insulting and angering my husband. He's ignored your comments since he was seven but you went too far this time and I can't deal with it either. Maybe I'll see you soon but Harry almost never leaves the house so…I'll see you in the future." She slammed the door shut and pressed her back against it. Her eyes went up to find Harry standing at the bottom of the stairs, staring at her.

"Thanks," he said quietly.

Bonnie smiled and locked the door. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. "Anything for you St. Jimmy. I love you too much to let her hurt you anymore," she said, kissing his chest.

Harry stepped down to her level and untied her arms from around his waist. She looked confused as to why he pushed her away until he put an arm under her legs and lifted her into his arms. "Let's go lay down okay? You don't want to be doing too much," he said as he carried her up the stairs. "And I don't want anything happening to either of you," he said, pressing his lips to hers lovingly.

"It's only the fifth month Harry." He just ignored her comments. "Will you grab me a book from the library?" Bonnie asked, resting her head on his shoulder as they headed toward the bedroom.

"Of course."

Harry pressed the door open and laid Bonnie on the bed. He lay down beside her and summoned a book for her from the library. He handed it to her and she turned to her favorite parts and started to read. Harry lay across the bed to put his cheek on Bonnie's stomach. Yesterday she had claimed to have felt the baby move but he had missed it and the baby hadn't moved since. He hoped to catch it this time.

"Sophia," he whispered quietly calling to her through Bonnie's stomach. He and Bonnie had already agreed on a name. Harry had picked Sophia and Bonnie thought it was adorable but they had no middle name for her yet though Harry actually wanted to name her Sophia James Potter, but he wasn't sure how Bonnie would feel about giving her only daughter a male name.

He ran his hand over Bonnie's stomach. "Where are you Sophia? Wouldn't you like to say hello to daddy? You moved for mommy," he pouted. It was still a little odd to think of them both as parents but enjoyed it on some level.

He lay there, mumbling little things to his sleeping daughter when all of a sudden he felt a little bump against his cheek. He gasped and moved away before quickly going back in case he missed it again.

"Did you feel it?" Bonnie asked, having felt it from inside her stomach.

Harry just nodded without lifting his head, putting his hand beside his face on her stomach. He felt it again and smiled, exhilarated. "Hi Sophia," he mumbled.

"Aww, she likes you."

"Of course she does, how could she not," Harry said with a smile. "I have a pleasant sort of voice, don't you think?" he asked, looking up at his wife for confirmation while keeping his hand on her stomach so he wouldn't miss anything.

"It's lovely Harry. No girl could resist."

Harry nodded and put his cheek back to her stomach. "Sophia will be daddy's little girl. I'll give you whatever you want, no matter how hard it is to get. I'll give you the sun and the moon and more."

"Don't you think it's a little early to be promising her things, Jimmy," Bonnie joked. "You want to spoil her before she's even out of the womb?"

"There's no better time to start," he said. "That's right Sophia. When you're born the first person you'll see is some hideous doctor. Just don't look at him, okay? The first face you want to remember is your mother's. She'll look beautiful of course, even after just giving birth to you because your mother always looks pretty. You'll love her. And then I'll be the one right next to her. We look really different but I know that together we've made a very pretty you. You'll be the prettiest baby in the whole world and the press and media and family will all confirm it. You know you can trust the media to be truthful with these types of things because they can be real horrid sometimes. We'll keep you far away from them. Of course the camera would love you but we don't like to encourage them."

"Turning her into a hermit to?" Bonnie asked.

"She'll be a very pretty hermit," Harry offered.

Bonnie rolled her eyes and ran a hand into his hair.

"Pet?" Harry asked as he ran his hand gently over her 18-weeks-along stomach.

"Yes Jimmy?" she asked, putting her hand over her mouth as she yawned.

"What do you think of naming her Sophia…James Potter," he asked.

She thought for a second. "You mean like…after your father, James?" she asked.

"Yeah?" He looked up at her. "What do you think?"

She thought for a second, saying it aloud to herself. "Sophia James. Sophia James Potter. I like it. The two names sound good together, I think."

"Yeah?"

"Mhmm."

"Did you hear that Sophia?" Harry asked his daughter. "Your name will be Sophia James Potter, after your grandfather. He'll be so excited."

/

The next morning they both had to get up to receive the new furniture Bonnie had ordered over the internet. When the two front doors opened the group of men carrying boxes and couches and beds walked in. Harry stood to the side, beside one of his guards, his white hair hiding most of his face from them. Bonnie directed them where to place things and Harry and his guards followed them around the house to make sure they left what they were supposed to and didn't take anything with them.

Harry felt bad about it when they were gone. When he was young he used to steal people's fancy cars and crash them into trees, sneak into people's houses and snatch their belongings, though they were always cheap things. But he did it because most of the people whose houses he visited deserved to have their valuables or small things taken away. Harry's or Bonnie's things, if stolen, would be announced in the papers and then sold at auction.

It wasn't the same.

But he still felt bad.

When they were gone he fell onto the vintage-looking chaise with his legs hanging over the head of the armchair and his head lying at the end. He looked over at his wife who smiled at him from across the room. She stepped forward as he reached out to take her hand.

"Is the furniture comfortable?" she asked.

"It's fine," he said offhandedly. He was silent for a moment while she sat down by his hand and played with his fingers. "Pet?"

"Yes dear?"

"Don't call me that," he sighed.

"Why not?"

Harry just shook his head. "Do you think I've changed a lot from who I used to be?" he asked.

"Well yeah." Harry looked up at her for clarification. "It's called growing up Harry. You can't be a bad boy forever."

"I think I could be."

"But you're going to be a father now. You can't be cold and cynical and swear all the time like you used to. You spend most of your time with me and you were never like that with me after the first few weeks I met you."

Harry sighed heavily.

"You can't stay in one time forever. You're still the sexy bad boy I always knew and loved."

"Sure. Oh. I promised Fish I would go to his concert tomorrow night with Tim and Tom. You wanna come or do you wanna stay here? You can have Ginny or Hermionie come over."

"I'll stay home. I listened to Fish's CD. I don't know how much little Sophia James will enjoy it."

"Well it's been a long while since I've been to a concert so…you don't mind that I go, right?"

"No, of course not. You have fun with Fish and the boys. Are you going to be staying out all night? I'll have Ginny or whoever's not busy stay the night."

"Go ahead. I'll stay with Fish if the concert has an after party. I'll call so you know."

"Kay."

/

"Fish! Aren't you going to help?" Jack asked as he took his second guitar off the stage and walked toward the back with it.

"Isn't that what the roadies are for?" he asked, handing his own guitar to one of them. "I'll be down with the fans."

Jack rolled his eyes as Fish walked down the stairs in the back and made his way to the bar where a thin girl with messy black hair sat drinking lemonade and looking around the room. She caught his eyes and found him staring and looked back at the counter.

Finding this interesting he sat down on the stool beside her. "Hi."

She glanced at him quickly. "Hi," she replied and then looked away.

"What's your name?"

She paused for a moment. "Becky."

Fish thought for a moment, staring at her glass where her hands wrapped around it. "Really?"

She turned to look at him. "No. It's Annalyse."

"I'm Fish."

She just nodded, ignoring him.

"Did you like the music?"

"It was alright."

"Just alright? Who'd you come here to see?"

"My friend's forced me to come." She glanced at him. Her eyes widened in realization. "Oh. You're in the band aren't you?"

"Yeah. Do you know which one?"

She smiled shyly and slowly shook her head.

"As A Bee. I'm the lead singer."

"Oh. Weird name for a band. I think you're the guy my friends are here to see. Something about a picture of you in Rolling Stone."

"Yeah? Where are they?"

"Oh, they left me here to watch their drinks while they went to the bathroom."

"That wasn't very nice."

She just shrugged and looked back at her lemonade.

"You wanna come back stage?" he asked, nodding toward the stage.

She looked unsure and clarified that she definitely wasn't a groupie. "I shouldn't worry my friend. Plus they would hate me if I went and they didn't."

"Right. So how did they get you to come tonight?" he asked leaning in. She wasn't a groupie but it was always fun to see how far he got with the non-fans. They were more challenging.

"Like I said," She sighed, "force. They held me down and did my hair and makeup and paid for my ticked to get in. I really don't go out very much. My friends like to force me away from my books when it's been a while."

"Well that's kind of nice of them. They don't want to desert you."

"Yeah. Didn't really follow through though did they?" she asked, waving to the three empty seats.

"Yeah, I guess so," he chuckled. "So are you going to school then or do you just like to read?"

"I'm a student at Cambridge."

"Oh yeah? My friends go there. Two of them."

She snorted. "Yeah, alright," she said disbelieving.

"They do. They've been there for two years now. I didn't ask what they were studying. I think Toilet is studying English though."

"You know Toilet?"

"Yeah. Since we were, like, eight."

"He's a genius. He's a straight _A_ student."

"That's because he has OCD and we grew up with St. Jimmy, who is, in fact, a genius. Made him repeat things over and over. Copied his homework over and over. Over the years he really formed some kind of easy absorption kind of brain."

"Who's St. Jimmy?"

Fish paused for a second, wondering if he should clarify. "You know…The Savior."

"I thought the Savior's name was Sir Harry Potter."

"It is but his followers call him St. Jimmy."

"Oh. How do you know this?"

"I'm a follower. I met Harry when we were four going on five."

"And you're still friends?"

"Yeah. He came to see my concert tonight with our friend Tim and Tom. Or at least he was supposed to," he said, looking around the bar. "He may be in disguise. If not I'm going to kill him tomorrow." He turned back to her. She looked thoughtful. "So more about you. What are you studying at Cambridge?"

"Oh. Um…theater and art."

"Very nice."

"Did you go to college?" she asked, already guessing the answer.

"No I did not. When I got out of Hogwarts at seventeen I joined the Sex Pistols. But they were mean to me so…here I am."

"So you're a wizard to?"

"Yeah. You're not one of those muggle fascists against wizards, are you?"

"No, I find it very interesting. I'm quite open to change."

"Good. We've had a lot of problems with that recently."

"Fishy?"

The two turned to find Harry walked up to them with Tim and Tom behind him. "Very awesome show Fishy. I love that one song where I can tell that it's about me. Tim made it my new ring tone." He took out his phone and played it for them, moving his head side to side with the beat. Tom slipped it out of his hand and turned it off.

"Excuse him," Tim said.

"He's had some liquor," Tom finished.

"I did. I swallowed. I haven't had any alcohol in four years. Not counting my wedding. I didn't swallow." He turned to Annalyse. "And who are you?"

"This is Annalyse. We just met. She goes to Cambridge with Toilet."

"Well it's very nice to meet you Miss Lyse. I'm St. Jimmy and I'm having a baby. A girl, gladly." He turned to Fish. "If it had been a boy I may have killed her grandmother."

"Who let him drink?" Fish asked the twins.

"He was in a bad mood," Tim said.

"We thought it was about the house," Tom added.

Harry took a seat at the bar and slapped his hand against the counter. "Bar…keep. Let's have a round of shots for the whole room," he said, waving his hand behind him and then leaning back against counter. "Starting with me."

"Well he's fun isn't he? Are you four always like this?" Annalyse asked.

"No. He doesn't get out much anymore."

Harry finished his shot. "I got married and paranoid so I spent all my time with her. Then she got pregnant. I'm going to be a father." He slumped against the counter.

"You're happy about that though," Fish said. "You're having a daughter. No big deal. You love girls."

"Where did my life go? When did I go from fun psychopath to married family man?" he whined. He lifted his head to do another shot.

"Alright Jimmy, that's enough for you," Fish said, waving the bartender away.

"I need it."

Fish turned to Annalyse. "I have to go. My friend is having a mid-life crisis. And he's only nineteen. So…" He took out a pen from his pocket and grabbed her hand. He held her palm toward him and wrote his number on her hand. "Please call me."

She just nodded as Fish pulled his friend off the counter. "Let's go to the bathroom Jimmy. Jack doesn't like drunks and I can't send you home to Bonnie like that."

Once in the bathroom Harry pulled Fish into a hug. "I like her Fish. You should date her."

"Jimmy, how much did you drink?"

"Not much."

"Was all that just a show?"

"No. I am having a mid-life crisis but I think the first bout of alcohol is wearing off now. The next bout will come in just a few seconds. But how'd you meet her. She's not a groupie," he said, leaning against the other wall.

"Her friends brought her here. I don't think she'll call me."

"I'll go ask her for her phone number," Harry said.

"No Jimmy, don't. I don't want to stalk her. If she wants to talk to me, she'll call."

Harry pouted but then walked away to throw up in one of the stalls.

/

"Why did you bring him home with you?" Jack asked, sounding like he was talking about a stray puppy. "Why not send his drunk ass home to his wife?"

"That's the Savior you're talking about," Fish said.

"Don't give me that. He's your drunk friend."

"Technically, I'm not drunk anymore and the non-Savior can hear you from the other room."

"I didn't mean you weren't the Savior Sir," Jack apologized.

"I know what you meant. Could I please stay here? I won't bother you. I'm totally sober now."

"Fine." Jack left to his room and shut the door.

"Your friend mentions my drunk ass and then calls me Sir," Harry said as he walked into Fish's room across the hall.

"He's been a little pushy lately," Fish said, sitting down on his bed. His room was very simple just like it was at home with his parents; a simple bed (basically a mattress on the floor) with black sheets and black blankets (a kind of open welcome for whenever and if-ever Harry came to visit) and posters of bands and one of his own covering his off-white walls. "Do you want to talk about this mid-life crisis you're having?" Fish asked, shutting the door on his own room.

"You were right. We got married too young."

"No, that's just me. You love Bonnie. You two are the perfect couple." He meant it but Harry could tell it took a lot to force the words out.

"But you and I, we're the same. In most ways anyway. I love Bonnie and I love being married to her but I miss the wild parties and the wild Sober Days. What will Sober Day be like in a year? Over? Me and Bonnie and the baby? I don't want to be an adult anymore. I want to be a teen. I've never liked adults, and now I'm one of them."

"In one year neither of us will truly be teens."

"Yes, but you will be fucking barely legal girls while I play house."

"Jimmy, yes, it's different. Life can't go on the same way forever. Without change, things would get boring. You just have to adjust."

"Oh, I'm adjusting to this life. When the movers came to our house I followed them to all of the rooms to make sure they didn't steal anything."

Fish winced.

Harry saw it and threw himself off the bed and onto the floor. "I've disgusted my follower, I've disgraced my name. I'm a horrible person if you're ashamed of me. You think everything I do is right."

"Except Bonnie."

"Except Bonnie," Harry edited.

"Harry, I'm not ashamed of you. I'm just a little shocked."

"It's the same thing," Harry mumbled, his voice muffled by the carpeted floor.

"No its not," Fish said, getting on the floor with him. "I'd never be ashamed of you. You're my leader and my friend. But as my lifelong friend, what you just told me is a little shocking."

"I'm a bad person, aren't I Fishy? I don't believe in the goodness of people anymore. At least my unconscious mind doesn't. I don't think about that stuff anymore. I'm selfish and arrogant and I deserve to be thrown into the pit with Bonnie's cousins."

"St. Jimmy, I know you still believe in the goodness of people. It's just the way you are, that piece of you will never go away. You've just been spending way too much time alone with your pampered, spoiled and properly raised wife. She's pregnant, sure, but your father was at school the whole time your mother was pregnant, and it was a time of war. She was fine. Get Bonnie a…a nurse or something. Then, go to Africa, donate some money and help some poor impoverished families, make crude remarks to bad leaders and when you get back we'll drag Toilet out of school and Tim and Tom away from their boyfriends and some of the other guys and we'll find a party with some of the bands I've gotten to know." He gasped as an idea came to him. "I'm going to the playboy mansion next week. You can come with me."

"Bonnie wouldn't like that. And my mother would kill me for leaving my pregnant wife for half-naked girls."

"You don't have to tell her you're going."

"I don't lie to Bonnie," Harry said, turning to lie on his back to look up at Fish who sat beside him.

"You told her your parents worked for the CIA and that me and the twins were the ones to murder her rabbit, Hippity. And then you told her she shouldn't have forgiven us and hit us with rocks."

"It was just easier for her to believe you did it. She thought a lot of me."

"And she still believes that story to be the truth."

"But she's forgiven you. That's the important thing. Who knows what she would do now, being pregnant and all."

"So come with me, yeah? Don't you still owe me for hitting me with that rock?"

"Owe you," Harry scoffed.

"And I feel so rejected," Fish moped, hanging his head as he pouted so that his pretty blonde hair hung over his face. "I hardly ever see you anymore. I blame Bonnie mostly but you could come and visit if you wanted to. I've had a band for a long time now and this is the first concert you've seen me play at."

Harry rolled his eyes knowing that Fish (though deep down probably meant it) was just trying to guilt him into going.

"Fine then. But after Africa."

Fish smiled. "Now that that's settled, where are you going to sleep?"

"Oh, you know you love me enough to share your bed with me," Harry said, pulling Fish into his bed with him.

Fish rolled his eyes and lay down next to him. "Just remember I'm not your wife," Fish said, pulling up the sheets.

Harry snorted. "You wish." They both laughed.

Harry woke first the next morning. It was odd sleeping in a different bed without Bonnie but he found he slept well enough with Fish. It was just different. Fish slept the same way Bonnie did, spreading himself across the bed and Harry but Fish's hard, toned body was a lot heavier than Bonnie's, even with the baby weight.

Fish was currently using Harry as his pillow, his cheek against Harry's chest where he dreamt and drooled contentedly. Harry carefully shrugged his friend off and crawled out of the bed. He didn't bother to wait for Fish before heading down the hall to the kitchen. He found Jack, Lex and Mike hanging around with cups of black coffee already wide-awake. Jack was sitting on the counter as he came in, sipping at his cup. Mike and Lex were at the table with some toast, Lex tapping his drumsticks on the table, Mike's guitar leaning against his thigh while he picked at his bread.

"You three must live very exciting lives," Harry said, gaining the threes attention.

"Fish still sleeping?" Lex asked, stopping suddenly with his tapping.

"He was when I left the room. Does he sleep in a lot?" Harry asked, feeling like he hardly knew his friend anymore.

"Not as long as I've known him," Jack said. "He usually doesn't sleep at all. He's usually in the kitchen with a cup of tea at three working on songs and whatever. Waiting for his latest groupie escapade to get out of his bed."

Harry could hear the resentment in Jack's tone. "He used to sleep like this," Harry commented. "Like the dead, you know."

"How's your mid-life crisis going?" Mark asked, through a mouthful of toast.

"Fine, thanks."

"Fish said you're having a girl. Decide on a name yet?" Jack asked.

"Sophia James Potter."

"Awwww," the three boys chorused.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I love her and all, I'm excited to have a baby but I just wish she hadn't come so soon. It's a little much for me."

"You'll get over it," Lex said. "My dad did. Sure, every once in a while he would look at me, then he'd sigh heavily and say, 'I could have done something with my life.' But he stayed and besides, you've already done something with your life. What else is there but to raise a kid?"

Mark leaned over and smacked the back of his head.

"Oww, what did I say?"

"Yeah, I guess there really isn't anything left. Um, where's the bathroom?"

Jack pointed down the hallway and Harry left the room. Jack turned to glare at Lex. "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"What's going on?" Fish asked as he walked tiredly into the room, running his hand through his hair. "Where's Harry?"

"He went to the bathroom. Mark said something to him about how his father would sigh heavily and complain that he could have done something and that there was nothing left to do but raise a kid anyway." He looked to Lex. "Idiot."

Fish rolled his eyes and headed to the bathroom. "Harry?"

A few seconds of silence and then Harry opened the door.

"You okay?"

"Sure, fine. My life is over, there's nothing left for me to do but raise a kid, why would that upset me? There are no battles to fight, no real breathtaking action excitement to be had."

Fish glared at him. "There will be plenty of excitement. Look at the excitement now; you're having a breakdown at nineteen. How much more exciting can you get?"

Harry tilted his head, looking at Fish like, 'do you have to ask?'

Fish leaned against the door frame and leaned forward seductively, raising one eyebrow toward his friend. "You wanna have a steamy affair?" he asked.

Harry glared at him but couldn't help smiling. "No. But thank you for offering."

"No problem," Fish said, straightening up. "I am always available if you change your mind. As much as I don't condone leaving your children I can't just give up on you," he joked. "But don't you worry about a thing. We'll get you over this hill."

/

Fish dropped Harry off in the floo room at his new house before heading back to his apartment. Bonnie was there to greet him a second later, running up to him in her white and red floral maternity dress, designer of course. She wrapped her arms around him tightly before quickly pulling back again, apologizing. She leaned forward and kissed his lips softly. "I missed you. Did you miss me?"

"Of course," he smiled, running his fingers over one of her curls.

She giggled. "Did you miss Sophia as well?"

"Very much." He leaned in to kiss her more deeply. "Where's Ginny? She didn't leave early, did she?"

"No, but there's something I should tell you—"

"Sir Potter?"

Harry turned and saw Blaise Zabini standing in the doorway to the floo room. "What are you doing here?"

"I—"

"Talk my wife into having an affair to?"

"Harry!" Bonnie said, shocked at his words.

"Actually I'm just visiting with Ginny," Blaise said calmly, always composed.

I'd be able to stay composed to if I'd stayed in Switzerland during the war, Harry thought angrily.

"They're engaged," Bonnie mumbled.

Harry looked down at her.

"She told me yesterday after everyone had left. And I wanted to get to know my best friend's future husband a little better."

"Oh," was all Harry said.

Ginny came rushing in a second later while they all stood staring silently and awkwardly together. "I'm sorry Harry. I told Blaise we should leave. I didn't want to intrude."

"No, it's fine." They all looked at him shocked. "As long as you were taking care of Bonnie. But if you wouldn't mind I have to talk to Bonnie now, so…"

"Right," Ginny said first, grabbing Blaise by the wrist. "We'll just leave you two alone and visit again soon. Bye." She pulled Blaise out of the room, leaving as quickly as possible.

"I think they make a cute couple, don't you?" Bonnie said.

Harry looked down at her, his eyebrows raised, questioning her seriousness.

"Fish has gotten over it, why can't you?"

"Fish gets over everything easily, or at least he looks like he does. You just don't know him like I do. He hasn't quit smoking which means he's still not completely over it."

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "But—"

"This isn't what I wanted to talk about. Come on," he said, pulling her toward the sitting room. "Did you eat?"

"Yes. Ginny cooked."

"Good." They went into the sitting room and Bonnie went to sit down while Harry closed the door. She wasn't sure why he did this, though he always did even though they were always alone in the house. She just put it all on his paranoia. He came over and sat down next to her, taking her hands.

"How was your night out with Fish and the boys?" Bonnie asked curiously.

"Oh, it was fine. Fish's band is nice, I watched Fish try to pick up a girl who wasn't a groupie, she seemed nice, I got a little drunk, threw up and went home with Fish," he explained skipping all of the sequences of the night where he was having a mental breakdown.

"Sounds like loads of fun," she said sarcastically.

"It was. But then me and Fish kind of got to talking and…remember the other day when I was talking to you about 'changing from who I used to be' and stuff."

"Kind of."

"Well, Fish thinks that it stems from us spending too much time together and…I kind of agree with him. You know, ever since we got married we only spend time with each other and if we do see other people it's…together." Bonnie just nodded. She didn't look angry or upset so he continued. "And I was thinking that maybe sometimes we should spend some time apart. Since we don't have jobs like normal people we're spending an extra, abnormal amount of time with each other and while I love you an extra, abnormal amount than normal people I still think it would be a good idea to spend time with people besides each other every once in a while. Jack says Fish hasn't been sleeping well, he gets back from parties at three and wakes up at three and, while I'm not trying to be self-centered or anything, I think it may have something to do with me because Tim and Tom used to tell me he didn't sleep when I was away at school. And while I give you every right to be selfish because Fish is mean to you, I won't deny it, he needs me to and I've been ignoring my duties as his friend. And I know that Ginny's now got a wedding to plan you'll be needing to spend a lot of time with her and if she's busy without you and Hermione is busy you can visit your mother…or your grandmother. And…I guess that's the end of my speech."

Bonnie was quiet for a few moments and Harry gave her the time to absorb his statements. She looked up at him curiously. "You want to do this…thing, while I'm pregnant?"

"Well…yes. Not, because you're pregnant. That's not the reason. But…yes. When my mother was pregnant with me my dad was an auror during the time of Voldemort, always busy and when she was pregnant with Sirius my dad was always at school being a teacher and she was just fine hanging out with her friends. And it was a stressful time."

"I don't mind I just…" She sighed heavily. "I guess I don't really have reasons I _don't_ want to not spend time with you." She laughed at her statement. "I guess I can pin myself to Ginny for a while. When did you want to…spend time away from each other?"

"Um…in two days and…next week. I thought I would go to Africa for some…donating and stuff, it always makes me feel better and then Fish invited me to a party next week…" He looked down at his knees, away from her face that would surely shame him at his next words, "At the Playboy mansion."

Bonnie blinked. "You want to leave me for a party at the Playboy Mansion?"

"No, it's just where we happen to be going."

"You want to leave me for blonde bimbos with skinny bodies and big boobs," she stated, ignoring his words.

"No, I don't. I just want to hang out with Fish. He's going for the blonde bimbos."

"You want to leave me during my time of need because I'm fat and bloated and hideous and disgusting."

"Bonnie, you know that's not true. You're always beautiful. You're the prettiest pregnant woman ever."

"You're lying. You've always been a good liar that's how you got away with things so easily. But it's so obvious now."

"But I'm not lying."

"You're just lying again."

"I'm not. What can I do to prove that I'm not lying?"

/

An hour later they both lay on their backs in the bed panting heavily under the sheets; Harry on his back staring up at the ceiling and Bonnie lying beside him. She reached over without looking and patted his bare chest.

"Okay," Bonnie said. "You can go. I needed that."

Harry turned his head to look at her.

"You kept being so damn gentle every time we had sex; it was starting to get on my nerves."

"Sorry, I wasn't sure…you know."

"I know. You never got the whole sex talk, you kept interrupting." She sighed contentedly. "That was nice."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. So I can go to the Playboy Mansion without you thinking that I find you disgusting and without you thinking that I want to go to sleep with blonde bimbos?"

"Yes, you can go. I'll hang out with Ginny. She never does anything."

Harry turned on his side and pulled Bonnie closer to him and kissed her neck. "I love you."

"I know," she sighed.

Harry rolled his eyes but continued to hold her close.

"So when are you leaving?"

"For Africa? Two days. I'll just stay for a few days, and then I'll come back and then next Saturday I'll go out with Fish. And, you and Ginny can go out to. I'll leave Dasin and Badey with you."

"Okay."

Harry rolled over and moved back her hair. He pressed his lips to her neck under her ear. "I love you."

"I love you to."

Harry crawled out of the bed and pulled on his boxers.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to call Fish and tell him I can go with him."

"You don't want to lye with me for a little while?" she asked, sadly.

Harry sighed and turned back onto the bed, curling up beside her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

/

Two days later Harry was in Africa. He would have taken Bonnie along but going to Africa in her condition wouldn't have been healthy for the baby. Last time they were here she enjoyed helping the doctors that were always working in the slums. They'd made friends in Africa during their honeymoon and so Harry stayed with them for the week. He'd brought gifts from England for them and in return they made room for him in their small house. It reminded him of childhood, when he had nothing; when he was forced to sleep on the porch or in the slide at the park. Sometimes Fish would join him out of respect. Sleeping in the dirt or on a wood board in dirty clothes was more familiar than his cushy bed at home. These were things Josh always found interesting when they were in therapy, which was why Harry didn't enjoy going to him anymore. He was starting to feel like an experiment.

When the week was over he said goodbye to everyone, promising to come back for a visit soon and then left for his flight back to England. He walked into the house and took his things upstairs, calling for Bonnie. When his things were in the room he flipped open his phone and tracked her inside the house. He went downstairs where his phone said she was in the drawing room.

"Bonnie?"

"Hey Kumquat," she greeted.

Harry looked her over. She was wearing another one of her cutest maternity outfits, her big black hat, sitting at the poker table across from Potions Master Severus Snape.

"Ginny was busy today so I called Severus. He came to play poker with me and talk about potions."

Harry leaned against the door frame as she talked.

"I've been so out of the loop with potions. Come look." She folded her cards on the table and reached across the table to take the letters Severus handed her. "My fans, they wrote me letters thanking me for curing cancer. This one woman wrote me thanking me for saving her mother. Ask Severus, I was sobbing terribly," she giggled.

Harry walked over silently and took the letter Bonnie handed him, smiling brightly.

"Isn't that sweet," she said.

"That's nice," Harry said, leaning down to kiss her hair. He glanced at Snape. "How's the girlfriend?"

"She's fine. She's at work. She's the only one really running the apothecary today. Everyone canceled on her."

"Shouldn't _you _be at work?"

"Third year blew up the classroom, I canceled classes."

"That's convenient for you. Why didn't you go to help Rebecca?"

"She said it would be more considerate of me to keep my lonely, pregnant student, whose husband deserted her for a country, company."

"I did not desert her," Harry said defensively. "And I was only gone for one week."

Bonnie reached over and took his hand in hers.

"You're right Potter. I'm sorry."

Bonnie, cheery with pregnancy hormones, smiled at both of them.

"Well, now that your husband is back I guess I will go offer Rebecca some help at the shop," Severus told Bonnie, standing from his chair. Bonnie made a motion to stand up pulling at Harry's hand to help her but Severus held up his hand to stop her. "It's fine. I'll show myself out. You rest," he said. He nodded goodbye to Harry, who replied the same, before leaving the room.

When Harry heard the door close he sat down across from Bonnie, her still holding his hand. She put her other hand on the table, leaving it open for him to take. Silently, he took up her hand and pulled it forward to kiss her fingers. Bonnie smiled at him. She didn't seem to want to talk so Harry stayed silent, letting her stare at him for at least half an hour. He felt the time apart had done something for them but apparently Bonnie just felt abandoned. She stared at him like he used to stare at her or Fish when he hadn't seen them in a while. He'd never been on the receiving end of this stare.

They sat there, for an hour or so, just staring at each other. Bonnie would sometimes run her fingers over the back of his hand but was otherwise unmoving and quiet.

When she released one of his hands Harry knew she was finished. He walked over to sit beside her, wondering if maybe he should completely rule out his going to the party at the Playboy Mansion. It would do Bonnie more harm than good, even if she didn't admit it. He sat down beside her, keeping her hand, and kissed her forehead.

"You know, I don't have to go to the party with Fish."

"What? No, you should go. It's just one night anyway. I'll be fine," she assured him. "I've already made plans with Ginny and everything. Don't cancel."

Harry thought carefully, afraid of hurting her but then agreed.

/

The next day Harry joined Fish at his apartment and along with the rest of the band they were welcomed into the Playboy Mansion. Perfect women sat by the pool in their bikinis and slips, tanning or drinking with their friends. A group of girls were in the pool. There were few men around, maybe one to every five women. Fish, who apparently knew some of them or was just very sociable himself, took a seat at the edge of the pool and started talking to a group of blondes. They all seemed very interested in the sexy lead singer of the new popular band of England and the States. The three other boys made themselves comfortable on the patio where a couple girls poured them drinks and became flustered over them. Harry took a seat in one of the lounge chairs by the pool between a girl who was very tan and pink and another girl who was sunbathing topless. He tried not to look at her.

An hour later found him in the same position. Two of the boys had followed a few girls into the house at some point and had yet to return. Fish and Lex were hanging out and playing some sort of game with the girls in the pool. Harry was still in the same place he had started. He had come to a sudden realization he must have been ignoring when he'd tried to plan a recovery for his mid-life crisis.

Harry wasn't a people person. He liked listening to his followers talk, listening to people's life problems, maybe offering some advice and what not. But he was not a party person. He did not join in with others in pool time games and he didn't strike up conversations by the pool with women that weren't his wife or follower. He forgot that there was a reason he spent the majority of his time with Bonnie. The same reason he married her. She was one of the few people he could easily socialize with. He missed her now. He considered going over to Fish and telling him that he was leaving but he was sure it would disappoint him.

Fish had almost seemed happy for his mid-life crisis because he was now able to get Harry to do stuff with him, stuff like go to parties. This wouldn't last long but the least he could do was stick this one out.

He laid back in his chair and tried to endure.

"You don't look like you're having a very good time baby," said the girl beside him as she finished her tan and sat up to look at him.

"Oh," Harry said, glancing at her slightly. "I forgot I'm not social."

She stared at him and he returned his attention to the pool. "Aren't you the Savior?"

Harry sighed. "Yes."

"I didn't know you were coming." She scooted closer off her seat and pressed her hand to one of his legs. "Aren't you married?"

"Yes."

"How come your wife didn't come? She would be welcome to the party to."

"She's not really a Playboy Mansion kind of girl."

"A conservative?" she asked.

"Not all the time."

"How's the baby?" she asked, pulling her chair closer and busying herself while she talked by putting on some Post-tanner Sun Screen.

"Fine. Thanks." Sometimes it was shocking when he remembered how many people were involved in his social life.

"That's so cute that you two are having a baby. Are you really excited?"

"Um..." Harry looked around uncomfortably.

"Oh, are you one of those paranoid fathers? I'm sure you'd be a great father. You're the savior. Your kids would really look up to you."

"Yeah, I'm just not a kid person and especially not a baby person. I've never liked them."

"But you always feel differently about your own children. They're your flesh and blood. You can't help it."

"My own flesh and blood couldn't tolerate me."

"That doesn't count. I have nieces I can't stand but you always love your own children. Besides, you're a good person, you won't be one of those bad parents, so even if you don't like them you'll still love them."

"I love her already. And there's other stuff."

/

An hour later, Lex and Jack walked over from out of the house and found five women surrounding Harry who was obviously telling stories of his glory days. "So he really is a lady's man isn't he?" Lex said as they stared at the edge of the pool. "I thought Fish was just telling stories."

"It wasn't _that_ hard to believe. He is the Savior after all. He must have some kind of appeal."

"You're gay. How come you don't see it?"

Jack glared at him.

"Hey, where did Fish go?" Lex asked.

/

"So which one is your bedroom?" Fish asked as he walked upstairs with playboy bunny Katherine.

"The one on the left," she whispered seductively in his ear, nibbling it playfully as they walked.

Fish walked faster toward her door and pushed it open, pulling her in and pushing it shut behind her. He looked around. He was suddenly reminded of Bonnie's childhood room. There was a dog in the corner in a fluffy pink bed, sleeping, and the rest of the room was very pink and white. He swallowed heavily. "Nice."

"Thanks. But I don't need your opinion. Just your body," she said, pushing him toward her bed.

"Oh good. Straight to business then," he said, pulling her arms away and pressing his mouth to hers, reaching his arms around to untie the top of her bikini. As he ran her hands up her shoulder to finish the tie on her neck he felt her hands pulling at his swim shorts.

"Do you really have the Savior's nickname tattooed on your hip?" she asked, her lips against his mouth.

"Please don't ask about my tattoo," he mumbled as he tried to kiss her.

"Can I see it?" she asked, looking him in the eye, smiling like a giggly school girl.

"Why?"

"Why not?" She pulled down his shorts and looked. She pouted. "Hey. Where is it?"

"I had it removed. Can we have sex now? I could just go find someone else if you were only interested in my tattoo," he said grumpily.

"Stop whining," she said, slipping down onto her knees.

/

"Where have you been?" Lex asked as he and Jack saw Fish walk out of the house that night. They were all dressed now and drinking around a fire in the backyard.

"Getting laid. Where's Harry and Mark?"

"Mark is still somewhere in the house with Annabelle and Harry was over there entertaining ladies with tales of his Hogwarts days but then he got drunk, got kind of weird and passed out. Badey and Lawsin took him inside and put him on a couch. Don't worry. The girls made the Savior and your leader plenty comfortable."

Fish rolled his eyes.

"How was your lay?"

Fish sighed heavily. "Alright. Questioned the tattoo again. Maybe I should have a time slot on the news and tell everyone I had it removed."

"Word will get around if you sleep with enough girls with it covered up," Lex said.

/

The next morning Harry went home, pulled his beautiful wife upstairs and made love to her many times. She was very excited, especially since he started with undressing her and telling her how much he missed her and how he missed her naturally blonde locks. And Lex calling before Harry even got home and telling her that Harry did nothing but talk to the bunnies about her all night until he passed out pleased her even more.

The next week Harry began a small project and refused to let Bonnie come near a certain part of the house. She obeyed but was skeptical. Fish came around every once in a while and then left again saying that he was just doing errands.

Finally, one morning, he planned to spring the surprise on her. She was asleep in bed, curled up in her blankets and her nightgown. Harry crawled into the bed and knelt behind her. He brushed back her hair gently and whispered to her. "Pet. Are you awake?"

Bonnie groaned. "I'm too tired for sex Kumquat, maybe later."

"That's not it sweetie. Come get out of bed. I want to show you something."

"Can I look at it later?" she groaned as Harry helped her sit up and dragged the warm blankets off of her.

"No, I want you to see it now." Harry helped her stand and led her from the room. "Keep your eyes closed, okay? It's a surprise."

"Oh, I'll try," she said sarcastically, still practically sleeping.

Harry let go of one of her hands and opened the door to the baby's room. He led Bonnie inside and positioned her to where she could see everything and then closed the door. He came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. He didn't want to block her view. He whispered "lumos" and she felt the lights in the room slowly come on. "You can open your eyes now," he said.

Bonnie slowly tugged her eyes open and glanced around her. It took her a moment to realize what she was looking at. The room's walls were a pastel, very sweet pink with beautifully painted white fairies that moved around on the walls. Against one wall that was covered with white, fluffy curtains was a sleigh crib painted a slightly darker pink than the walls. The center of the adjacent wall was a large bay window that was pushed open, the light breeze drifting inside. Beside it was a cushioned rocking chair in another shade of pink and a black leather chair on the other side, most likely for Harry. The floor was a white wood with a large knitted pink rug from the crib to the chairs, so light it was almost white itself. On the wall opposing the crib was a cushy bin full of stuffed animals and soft toys.

"Look up," Harry muttered excitedly.

Bonnie did as he said and noticed the floating lights drifting around in the ceiling, looking like balloons with candles inside. Harry raised his long arm and hit one like it was a balloon and it floated slowly away from them.

"You did all of this?" Bonnie asked, still in shock.

"Yes. I even tailored all of the white and pink fabric for curtains and sheets. I had Fish shrink the furniture, which he bought with specific orders, so that he could sneak it in. And yes, I did use white paint. Because I love you and I love our baby," he said stroking her curls off her shoulders. "And I'm so happy to be having a little girl with you that nothing could cause me pain." He placed a kiss on her neck. "She'll be the most beautiful little girl in the whole world and I want her to have everything. She'll probably look like Snow White," he thought aloud.

Bonnie giggled. She carefully pulled away from his arms and he let her go. She went over to the little crib. She stroked her fingers over the smooth cotton and silk trim blanket as her eyes welled with tears. "It's beautiful, Harry."

Harry smiled from the door. "I'm glad you like it," he said, watching, as though looking into his future, as his wife reached into the crib of their unborn child, smiling sweetly.


	7. Everything Is Falling

AN: Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. And ironically this is the shortest chapter I think I've ever written for this story. But I'll post the next one soon. I just read over everything I've written and I think the majority is in working order so I hope you enjoy, review and the rest will be up soon.

Chapter 54

Everything is Falling

In the next month Fish got a new group of girlfriends out of his groupies, but the band and Harry noticed as the weeks passed that he seemed to be getting more and more solemn. This was followed by a magazine article on a leak about him.

Fish, of As A Bee, Rich Bachelor

Famous lead singer of the popular new band As A Bee is not letting on what a great catch he really is. Living in a shabby apartment with his band mates and the rumors from his exes about how he lives, you would never guess that he was already worth over a million dollars. We questioned his ex-girlfriends about him after they left him. "When he took me back to his apartment I felt like I was in the wrong place. I thought, wasn't he a follower of the Savior? Did he spend all of his government money on drugs and booze or what? He sleeps on a mattress on the floor and the whole room is very small and very plain. It's like sleeping in a closet."

What did happen to all of that money, which Fish was paid alongside all of the Savior's followers for playing such a large role in the War? Well, our best guess is that its all just sitting around in a bank or his pockets. His girlfriends and friends report that he doesn't shop and lives off Ramen. What a waste of his fortune.

/

Harry questioned his followers but nobody talked so they guessed that the "friends" that the article referenced weren't actually friends.

And then, when they thought things couldn't get any worse for him, Wednesday came.

"I'm coming! I'm coming! Hold on!" Fish yelled as he set his beer down on the kitchen table and walked swiftly to the door. He was alone in the apartment, writing music and playing his guitar at the kitchen table with a beer. He unlocked the door and pulled it open. Standing there, with a huge and dangerous smile, was Fish's father. His real father. "Dad? What are you doing here?"

"Well I came to see my son of course. I saw that article in US magazine. Well, my girlfriend did actually, and I just felt so proud that my own flesh and blood was so famous."

"So now I'm your flesh and blood?" Fish asked angrily. "What happened to me being the scab they pulled off my mother's womb?"

"Things have changed."

"Yeah, now I have money and now you need some from me. Don't bother. Mum already came by and I turned her down to."

"Well, I don't really think you have a choice in the matter." Up behind him three large men made an appearance. "Asabee, I really need a hit and I need your money to pay for it. Why don't you just hand it all over and we'll go."

Fish paused and then, trying to catch them off guard, slammed the door in their faces before running to find his wand, which he knew was on the floor in his bedroom. Before he got there he heard feet stomp behind him and then his own feet came out from beneath him. He pushed and shoved the heavy men off and used all of his strength to use wandless magic but he had been in such an awful mood for months it just wasn't coming out full force.

"There's nothing here," Fish mumbled, curled up on his side as his father kicked him. "I don't keep it in my pockets _you ass_."

"Oh, I bet you do." He got down to Fish's level and tilted his head to look at his face. "Where's your money Asabee? I know its here. You cheap guys don't put your money in banks. You keep it in the walls and your pockets."

"I only have a hundred dollars on me."

His father kicked him again and his friend shoved his hands in Fish's pockets pulling out crumpled dollar bills.

"Where's the rest?"

"I won't tell you you fucking bastard. I hope you suffer deeply in your withdrawal. I hope it kills you," he glared, then hawked and spit on the older man.

"That wasn't nice son."

"I'm not your son. Mum doesn't know who she was sleeping with. It could be him," he mumbled, nodding his head back toward the guy who was searching the cupboards.

"I don't appreciate that. I took care of you. Till you were seven. It wasn't my fault your mother kicked me out."

"You abused me."

"You deserved it. You were a bad child."

His father stood up and walked away.

"Oh, sorry. Almost forgot," he said. Fish heard his heavy boots on the floor as he came back. "Don't want you interfering." He lifted his boot and kicked him around with the help of his friends until Fish blacked out.

/

"Harry, would you please calm down?" Bonnie asked as she chased after him. "On the phone Elizabeth sounded very calm. She said he was fine."

Harry didn't reply back to her but continued to walk quickly into the waiting room. Elizabeth was sitting on a couch in front of a coffee table full of different candies, chips, pretzels and drinks. Her friend beside her seemed to have raided the whole candy and drink machine.

Elizabeth stood quickly when she saw him arrive.

"Where is he?"

"Now Harry, don't get all worked up. Fish is just fine. The healer was just here and told us he would be just fine. The boys are in there with him right now."

"Where is he, Elizabeth?" he growled, his voice emanating anger and power.

Elizabeth sat back down, staring at him. "He's in 212. It's on the right, down the hall."

Harry turned and walked down the hall without another word.

Bonnie walked over to the two girls and sat down across from them. "Is he really okay?"

"Oh, the doctor said he'll better in no time. Just a little bruised. He'll be out in a day or two." She looked down the hall as Harry came up to Fish's door. "I guess the boys will be out in a couple seconds. Harry's really very scary when Fish is ill."

/

Harry stood in the doorway of the open room 212. The first thing he saw was Fish, lying in the white bed sheets and in a disturbing, checkered nightgown. His hair was pushed back, a little greasy with a few strands hanging in his face. One of his pretty blue eyes was lined with black and purple but the swelling was gone. A few fading bruises on his cheeks and jaw and neck, down to his collar bone, his arms and disappearing under the blankets. He was leaned up against his pillows listening to his three band mates talk but not including himself. The four looked up when they heard him enter.

"Hey Harry," Jack greeted.

"Out."

The three boys stood quickly and left the room. Harry walked over to sit in the abandoned chair.

"You didn't have to come Harry. I'm sure Liz told you. I'm just fine."

"What happened?"

Fish sighed heavily." My dad saw me in that magazine that said I was a rich bachelor. I was in our apartment by myself when my dad and some of his friends came by for some drug money. When I refused they beat the crap out of me. Happened all the time when we were kids, remember? No biggie."

"I'll find your father," Harry said.

"No. Harry, I don't want you to. He only stole a couple hundreds. I don't know how much he expected me to have on me," he laughed. "Just forget about it."

"You want me to let them get away with beating you up?" he asked. "You know me better than that; well enough to know that I'd never let anyone get away with touching you."

"We never went after your uncle because you told us not to and he tortured you for almost fifteen years."

"Yeah, well those are the perks of being the leader. I get to decide who we kill and who we don't." Fish went to speak again but Harry pressed his hand over Fish's mouth. "I have the final word. You were always such a good follower, don't fall just because he's your father."

Fish pushed his hand away to speak. "But he is my father."

"Yeah, but he's not a very good one. Don't worry about it. I won't ask you to participate or to be there...unless you want to be. It'll be quick and painless if you want. But there must be a consequence."

Fish huffed quietly but didn't comment anymore than that. He looked away, irked that Harry wouldn't take his suggestion.

"Hey," Harry said, turning Fish's face toward him. "How are you? Mentally, physically? Overall?"

"I told you. I'm fine. The healer says I should be out in a couple of days," he said, refusing to look at him.

Harry leaned onto the bed and—unable to make Fish look at him- turned to face him. Before Fish could prepare himself Harry pressed their lips together.

Soft, full lips, Fish thought as they smoothed over his, light and gentle. But it was different. He didn't want to be comforted this way anymore. Harry's tongue glossed over Fish's bottom lip, Fish unconsciously inhaling the scent Harry breathed, before pushing him away.

"Jimmy...don't."

Harry moved away, back to his chair. "Sorry. I know I shouldn't. It bothers you. But it always used to work so well in cheering you up."

"And I still love you Harry but its just...I love kissing you and we're too old for it to be a way for you to comfort me."

Harry nodded. "You're right. I'll stop."

Fish nodded once to.

/

Later that day, while Fish was still in the hospital, Harry made some calls to his other followers to track down Fish's father. It didn't take very long to find him since a lot of his followers were still involved, if not personally but socially, in the drug world. As soon as he found him, Harry took some of his closest followers aside from Fish to find him. He left Bonnie with Ginny since he was gone for a few days. When they returned Fish was home again and there was no mention whatsoever as to what had happened.

/

The next month, Bonnie went into labor.

"How are we doing?" the healer asked excitedly, walking in and right over to Bonnie's vitals.

"Fine," Bonnie said, not acting like a normal woman in labor. She was stressed and in pain but she was terribly excited. Nothing could damper her mood, even the most awful pain known to man. "I'm prepared. Just let me know when its time."

Harry smiled at the healer. "She's very excited."

Bonnie turned to Harry, taking his hands. "I can't wait to see her. She'll be beautiful."

"Well you've got some time to go still. You can have some family come in in the meantime."

"Will you tell our parents to come in?" Harry asked.

"Sure," he agreed and then left.

A few minutes later Harry and Bonnie's parents both came in to keep them company for the next hour until Bonnie went into full labor. The parents were forced to leave and Bonnie was told to push.

/

Harry turned and smiled at Bonnie as the healers took their daughter to the table to clean her up. Bonnie breathed heavily but her body was relaxed and she looked pleased with herself. Harry gripped her hand and she smiled back at him, excited to finally meet her daughter. His smile then faltered, realizing how very silent it was in the room aside from the whispering healers. Harry turned to look at the healers who were hovering over the motionless form of his baby girl.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, his voice fierce.

Their healer slowly turned back to them and lowered his head as he answered. He lifted his head and looked Harry in the eye, though it took everything in him to do it, fearful for his own life. His voice shook as he spoke. "I'm sorry Sir. She was stillborn. There was nothing we could do."

"That's not possible," Harry growled.

"I am so sorry, Sir."

Harry's eyes traveled to the tiny figure in the pink blanket on the table. "Get out," he said quietly.

"Sir—"

"I SAID, GET OUT!" he repeated loudly. A powerful hex sent them flying toward the door and fire licked their heels as they ran the last bit of the way. The door slammed loudly behind them. Harry let go of Bonnie's hand without looking at her.

"Harry…" she said quietly, unsure, but didn't say anything else. She went silent as he went to the table and stood over the pink bundle. His fingertips ran gently down the side of the blankets as he gazed into them. Slowly and cautiously, he lifted the bundle into his arms and ran his fingertips over her forehead, down her nose, across her cheekbones and down her chin. A white light emitted from the blankets and Harry waited…and waited…and waited.

In slow motion he sunk down to the floor, clutching his first child in his arms.


	8. Weddings

AN: Thanks to everyone for all of the reviews. The last chapter was kind of short but I had a lot to get through in this chapter so its a lot longer. Lots of shockers! Hope you enjoy.

.

Chapter 55

Weddings

.

"Harry?" Bonnie asked tentatively, near sobs now, thinking that her baby was as the healers said and Harry was just confirming it. Harry stood up from the floor, holding his baby.

"Shh, its okay pet," he said softly. "I got her back." He went to her and sat down on the bed and with some effort he gave the bundle of blankets up to his wife.

As Harry passed it to her she suddenly heard the faint cooing that slowly became louder. Then she looked down into them and saw her daughter, her cheeks flushed and full of life. "Oh thank God," Bonnie cried, hushed with sobs. "She's okay."

"God had nothing to do with it," Harry said cynically. "He tried to take her and I won't let him." He pulled his legs up on the bed and wrapped his arms around Bonnie and their daughter. He kissed the top of his wife's head and together they looked down at her. "Let's not say anything, alright? Fish and my parents and the others may figure it out on their own if the healers tell them she was... But no one else will know how it happened."

"I never want to mention it," Bonnie told him, stroking Sophia's face with the tips of her fingers, as gently as possible. "It never happened."

"That's right baby," Harry said, resting his cheek on her head. "She's fine and everything is okay."

"You should go get the healers and tell them she's fine. They'll be suspicious."

"It's none of their business," Harry growled possessively.

"Harry," she warned.

"Fine." He stood up, leaned forward to kiss her and then kissed Sophia on the head. He was pained to leave them but he forced himself to go and went toward the waiting room where the healers would no doubt be telling his family the bad news. He heard the healer's voice, somber but more confident now that Harry wasn't around. Family he could deal with, not the all-powerful and ominous father. "Excuse me," Harry said, coming up on the side of the waiting room where his parents, Sirius, Jackline, Remus, little Sirius, Bonnie's parents, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fish, Tim and Tom had all been waiting for better news.

"Sir Potter," the healer said worriedly. "Are you—"

"She's fine," he stated.

The healers all stared at him. "What?" asked the first.

"I said, she's fine. You can all come and see her if you'd like. Though I doubt Bonnie will give her up, what with the scare the healers gave us."

James got up first and went to his son. He wrapped his arms around Harry and put a hand comfortingly on the back of his neck. He whispered in his ear so no one else could hear them. "Are you sure she's okay, Harry?" he questioned, stroking his hair. "And you're okay?"

Harry nodded into his shoulder. "She's fine dad. I made sure she was okay."

James pulled back and smiled at him, pushing his hair back from his forehead. He put his arm around him and turned to the others. "I guess we should go see her then," he said.

Everyone stood, hesitant but excited, and Harry led everyone to Bonnie's room. The healer followed behind them all. Harry walked quickly, worried about how long he left Bonnie alone. When they returned he could hear Sophia crying softly in her blankets and Bonnie was stroking her hair and talking to her, trying to calm her down and Harry's heart stopped beating so rapidly at his relief. He quickly headed over to his girls and sat down beside them. "How is she?"

"Perfectly fine."

"Sir," the Healer started. "I just don't understand."

"Leave us alone," Harry ordered.

"We were sure she—"

Before he could finish Fish and Tim shoved him out the door and shut it behind him.

"Thank you," Harry said.

"Harry," Ron said questioningly. "Did you—"

Harry held a finger to his lips and gave him a look that told him to be quiet. "It's done. We're not talking about it. Sophia is healthy and beautiful. There's no reason to mention the healer's misunderstanding."

Everyone just nodded, agreeing in that moment that they would never again discuss why Sophia was still alive.

Bonnie and Sophia had to stay in the hospital for two more days just to make sure everything was still okay and Bonnie learned how to feed Sophia and everything that the doctors could help her with. Finally, Harry was allowed to take them both home. They both introduced Sophia to her pretty new room which she loved. With huge bright blue eyes, deep like water and sparkling like ice, she looked up at the moving balls of light in her ceiling.

"She kind of looks like Fish," Harry said with a tilt of his head as they looked at her in her crib.

"Don't say that to him. The jokes will never end," Bonnie complained. "She looks so adorable in her new little outfits." She turned to Harry and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Your father was so happy to hear her middle name. I've never seen him smile so much."

"Especially after you actually let people hold her," Harry smirked.

"I...I was scared."

"No need pet. She's perfectly healthy, even the healers confirmed it. Who knows the long-term effects of that spell on a new born against something that wasn't magic, but she's alive and that's all that matters."

"Thank you for saving her," she whispered, leaning forward, moving up on the tips of her toes to brush her lips against his.

"Thank you for having her," he smiled. He lowered his head and nuzzled her neck. "I love you."

"I love you too."

/-

A few weeks later Harry and Fish were left with Sophia while Bonnie went out wedding dress shopping with Ginny. It took almost three hours to convince Bonnie that it was okay to leave the house and that Harry and Fish would be fine. She practically smothered Sophia with love, kissed Harry passionately and then smothered Sophia with more love before Ginny finally dragged her out of the house.

"I can't believe she's marrying him," Fish said as he and Harry sat on the floor in Sophia's room. Fish was playing his guitar and Harry was drawing, Sophia was asleep in her crib.

"She's been talking about it for months," Harry reminded him.

"That's not what I mean," Fish groaned.

Harry was silent for a moment then sighed and asked. "Are you still in love with her?"

Fish paused in thought and then answered, sure of his response. "No. I'm just a little insulted still. That not only did she cheat on me but she also didn't stay guilty for very long and she moved on to her happy, perfect pureblood life fast enough."

"You'll find someone Fishy. You're a great guy. I love you. And then when you find her you'll be able to show off to."

"You don't know that it will happen. It's possible, but it doesn't happen for everyone."

"Fish, I am the Savior of the World, I am all-powerful and great. If I say you'll find someone, it will happen."

.

Three months later, Southern Kentucky, United States

.

Kacy laid tiredly in her bed, her arms crossed over her stomach. Her lips and cheeks were flushed and her skin was washed out and pasty as she had just returned from the bathroom where she'd been sick again. A bout of nausea came over her again but instead of running to the bathroom she tried to suppress it. She squeezed her eyes shut then opened them, focusing her attention on the poster on her ceiling that her friend Michelle had put up for her.

Like any normal girl she was deeply in love with the lead singer of As A Bee and so her friend had bought her the poster to cheer her up. That was just a few hours after the doctors had told her there was nothing else they could do; that she was dying and she would pass no later than eight months from now. Their expiration date for her was eight months but every person was different.

At last, the nausea passed again. She thought for a few moments on whether she cared enough to risk getting up and going to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Getting up so soon after could mean bringing on a whole new bout of sickness. She decided to just stay still, lying motionless with her eyes on Fish. She stayed motionless even as she heard the doorway creak and her mother's footsteps in the doorway. "Hey honey, are you feeling better?" she asked softly, her sweet mom voice making Kacy want to cry.

"Yeah mom, I think its passed," she said, focusing on the ceiling and breathing deeply.

"Do you want me to bring you a water or stir up some 7-Up for you?"

"No mom. That's okay. I just want to lay here."

"Alright. Just call if you want anything baby. I'll be in the living room." Her mother left and Kacy was left alone again.

A few minutes later her mother rushed back into the room holding the house phone. Kacy turned her head and looked at her this time, noticing the huge smile plastered on her mother's face. "What is it?"

"Sweetie, the Make A Wish Foundation is on the phone. They want to know what they can do for you?"

"What?"

Her mother walked over and handed her the phone. Kacy put it up to her ear and listened to the man at the other end tell her how everyone in the Foundation had heard her story and wanted to help make her dream come true and then give her the rules followed by asking her what she wished for.

She laid there silently, feeling her mother's stare and the man waiting on the phone waiting for her answer. "I don't know."

"Well, we can give you time to think about it."

Kacy was quiet for a moment, still in shock and looked back up at the ceiling, taking deep breaths as she felt her nausea come back. She wondered quickly, what had she always wanted that she wouldn't get in the next four months? She didn't want an expensive laptop, or fancy clothes or frilly shoes. What would she do with materials things when she would only have them for four months?

"Ms. Maine?" the man on the phone asked again. "Would you like more time?"

Kacy giggled. "I would love more time."

She could feel the man on the phone become uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry. Um, no. I think I know what I want."

"That's wonderful. What is it?"

/-

"She's so pretty. Don't you love her new outfit Harry?" Bonnie gushed, holding up her beautiful new daughter in her white bonnet and frilly pink gown. She looked like a pink, frilly bean with pink shoes and bobby socks. Bonnie had just finished dressing her, setting her back down in the crib and looking over at her pride and joy.

Harry sighed heavily in the doorway. "I miss Fish," he mumbled, holding the lip of a Fire Whiskey bottle between his fingers.

"What was that Harry?" Bonnie asked, prodding her baby in her crib, adjusting the strings of her bonnet and the frills of her dress.

"Nothing." He leaned back against the wall. "Why are you dressing her up? We can't leave the house."

Bonnie straightened and looked up at him. "Why can't we?"

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Pet, we never leave the house."

"We can though, can't we?" she asked, prancing over to him. "We should take Sophia out to dinner or something. Maybe we could show her Diagon Alley."

"Pet," Harry mumbled, running his fingers over her curls. "That wouldn't be very safe for Sophia. She's...new. I wouldn't want to put her in harms way."

Bonnie sighed heavily. "Alright. Can we visit your parents?"

"Again?" Harry groaned. "I think they're _actually_ getting tired of me."

"They're not getting tired of Sophia," Bonnie smiled. She turned and went back to her darling child. "Who could tire of such a perfect little baby? She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"How could I disagree? You've said nothing else since she was born," Harry complained.

"Harry!"

"What? It's true. I love her Bonnie. But does she have to be the center of our world now? What happened to you and me?"

"She's three months old Harry. We're supposed to be bonding with her."

"How can I bond with her?" Harry argued, his voice raising more than an octave. "You're always with her, dressing her in all white like you don't want me to touch her. You hardly ever let go of her. You never let me feed her, dress her, hold her, or put her to sleep." He paused, taking a step forward and Bonnie took a step back. "And then," he continued, "when we're alone, when we're sleeping, you won't have sex with me either. We hardly even kiss anymore. You won't let me touch you and you won't let me touch our baby. A family is nice Bonnie but what is this?" he yelled, keeping his voice down for his daughter's benefit. "Its you and her, I just provided the house and the shadow of a father standing in the corner drinking a whiskey. Talk about the picture of a 1950's family, hey Pet?" He leaned against the door frame, glaring at the other side, gripping the bottle tightly between his fingers and grinding his teeth. He'd been bottling up his anger over the situation for about a week.

He turned to her with a glare, even more upset that she was shamefully cowering over the crib. "I'll be locked in my office. I thought I would let you know, in case you need me to stand in the corner and watch you be a mother."

He stormed out of the nursery and down to his office. Bonnie winced as she heard him slam the door shut, feeling the house shudder in fear at his strength.

Sophia started whimpering and Bonnie turned to her instantly.

/-

Harry stomped over to his desk and threw himself into his chair. "Bring people back to life and they _bond_ with each other and _ignore_ you. No wonder Avin is always in such a _bad_ mood," he grumbled. He picked up a black book that sat on his desk and threw it at the floor to ceiling door that was locked with an immense load of spells he knew Bonnie would never make it through.

His office was wide and round and shaped like an eight sided circle, the walls painted a shade of gray. The ceilings were tall and open. One window was behind his desk, to the left of his chair, to the ceiling and a few feet above the floor. Black curtains hung over it to hide the light but a lit, multi-tiered black chandelier hung over the room lighting it enough to read. About a yard from the door of the office was his large black desk, spacious and covered in books and papers. Behind him, beside his window, was a bookcase that went to the ceiling and took up the corner of the room, half the wall behind him and the rest of the wall beside him. Casing a collection of personal books from his grandfather's vault and the other from Voldemort's.

Harry leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, trying to remember the relaxation methods that Josh had gone over so many times. Five minutes later when he was still stressed he gave up. He ran his hands over his face, his skin tight on his bones, and breathed deeply.

"Alright then Tom. What do you have for me?" he asked to himself, pushing back his chair and turning to reach up on the tall bookshelf behind him to grab a tomb that was covered in black paper.

He threw back his Fire Whiskey before setting the empty bottle on his desk and opening the book to the page he had left off on.

Possession.

/-

Three months later...

Fish looked over the scene before him. The fresh pansy flowers, the linen, the ribbon, the suits, the white dress, the dance floor in the middle of the empty field. Expensive grass. It was all so disturbing, more than Bonnie and Harry's wedding. This was Ginny's wedding, the one girl he had felt something for that was more than just sexual. She was so happy, flouncing around in her pricey white gown, greeting her cheerful guests with her hand wrapped in her new 'tall-dark-and-handsome' husband's. Her mother and father were bursting with joy, probably because she was married instead of wasting her life with the rock singer.

He couldn't look anymore. He grabbed the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and put one between his lips. He lit it with a match and took a breath on it before slowly breathing it out.

He sensed someone staring and looked over to see Bonnie and Harry, who he had completely forgotten about. Bonnie was staring at him innocently, like she didn't want to upset him by asking him to put it out. Harry just glared at him, clearly thinking of the effects poisonous smoke would have on his six month month old daughter.

Fish took one more breath of the cigarette and then put it out. "Sorry, I forgot." He blew smoke out the side of his mouth, away from Bonnie and Sophia, who was in her mother's arms in a pretty sun dress.

"It's alright Fish," Bonnie said, resting her hand on his. "We know this is hard for you."

Fish sighed heavily, pulling his hand away. "I can't believe I came."

"You promised Ginny you would."

"Screw Ginny," he mumbled. "She made me come to her stupid wedding. Guilt-tripped and everything."

Bonnie turned to Harry, immediately worried for him. Harry didn't seem worried. She turned back to Fish. "Fish?"

"What?"

"Do you want to hold Sophia? You're her godfather."

"I've held her before Bonnie. Thank you."

"But you've held her the least. I think she should know you better," she said, standing and moving to the chair beside him.

Fish rolled his eyes. "Fine." He took Sophia in his arms and cooed over her. "She really does look like me, doesn't she?" Fish said pompously. He noticed Harry glare at Bonnie across the table and sink into his chair.

The three looked up from the baby when everyone started clinking their glasses with their forks. "Whoever thought up that tradition should be shot," Fish mumbled.

It was just the three of them at the table. They'd separated themselves from the rest of the party, just like at Jacobie's except Ginny was their friend. Bonnie was the maid of honor. She should have been socializing but she'd rather sit with her husband and her husband was pissed at the groom. Fish was the ex-boyfriend of the bride who just shouldn't have come, so he pretended he hadn't. They were the wedding outcasts, except Bonnie, who just enjoyed hanging out with outcasts.

They watched the happy couple kiss again. Everyone applauded.

"If I ever get married, if anyone taps their glass with their silverware they're getting beaten up. I'll have Tim and Tom do it."

"And when will that happen Fish?" Bonnie asked.

"In the near or distant future," he said vaguely. "Or not at all. Maybe I'll just live vicariously through you and Harry, getting my kicks when I can."

"Your 'kicks'?" Harry asked. "Running out of slang, you have to steal from 1960's American women?"

"What can I say? The cigarettes are eating away at my braincells." He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. "Oh, here Bonnie. Take Sophia," he said, holding the baby out to her mother and then reached into his pocket to grab his phone. He didn't recognize the number but picked up anyway. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Mr. Hatch, also known as Fish, lead singer of As A Bee?"

Fish paused, surprised at being addressed so specifically. "Uh, yeah.. Who is this?"

"My name is Theodore Greg from the Make A Wish Foundation."

"The Make a Wish Foundation?" Fish asked, glancing at Harry and Bonnie across the table with raised eyebrows.

They both shrugged.

"We are a Foundation that grants wishes to terminally ill patients. We try to grant them their final wish."

"That's...nice. I'm feeling fine, thanks."

"Actually, sir, we have a very serious question to ask you to consider. One of our most recent clients has a wish which involves you."

"Can you hold on for a second?" Fish asked. He put his hand over the mouth piece and stood from the table. "I'll be right back," he said to Bonnie and Harry before walking away. He headed to an empty part of the field, lighting a new cigarette. "I'm sorry, what can I do for you?"

The man continued to go over details of what had happened, the client's illness, and their wish.

"I didn't know people did things like this," Fish said.

"This is actually a special case. We've never attempted to go through with this kind of request but it was the only thing they asked for."

"Do I have time to think it over?" Fish asked.

"We would like your answer as soon as possible. We understand if you wouldn't like to be involved, it is a lot to ask someone, a lot to risk, and a very strange situation."

"How fast is soon as possible?"

"The end of the day if possible. We know you're in England so the end of your day is fine."

"And this is the only thing they asked for?"

"She couldn't think of anything else to ask for. She's a sweet girl."

Fish paused thoughtfully and slid down the tree, sitting on the ground with his back to it, watching the wedding party and all of its happy couples while he sucked on his cigarette.

"I'll do it."

"You will? That's wonderful sir. She'll be so happy to hear it. I will call you back with the details. Roughly, we'll meet you at the airport nearest your home in England."

"Um, can I have her mother's phone number?"

"May I ask why?"

"It's personal. I would just like to speak to her parents."

The man agreed and recited the number twice. Fish programmed the man's number into his phone and then the mother's. He called quickly, the mother was so excited, and asked the questions he needed answered. He promised to call again before hanging up and heading back to the table.

"What was that?" Harry asked once Fish was sitting down at the table.

"They want me to meet a terminally ill patient."

"That's really nice of you Fish," Bonnie said happily. "What do they have?"

"I don't know. I just know that they're dying."

"Poor thing. You better be really nice to them."

Fish rolled his eyes. He was being very nice.

/-

Fish sat on the floor in the terminal waiting for the flight from the United States to come in. He listened as the announcements overhead said that the flight was landed. The doors opened and flocks of people started to file out of the hallway into the waiting area to meet friends and family. Fish stood, leaning against the wall, waiting. Theodore said that they would find him since obviously they knew what he looked like.

Amidst the crowd a girl came flying out, her hand cupped over her mouth, and went running past him followed by an older woman he guessed was her mother.

"I'm going to guess that that was her," Fish mumbled to himself.

"Mr. Hatch," said a male voice. Fish turned and an older man was walking up to him. The older man held his hand out to Fish. "I'm Kacy's father. Eric Maine."

"It's a pleasure to meet you sir," Fish said, accepting his hand. He looked the man over once to get a good look at him. He was dressed simply in jeans and a T-shirt, but who bothered to dress up for a plane ride?He had a strong face and jaw but his eyes were a friendly blue. "Is she okay?" Fish asked, nodding over his shoulder.

"Oh yes. She's fine," he said sadly. "Nausea is a significant symptom of her new medication."

"So, if you don't mind me asking, how does this work exactly? Do I have to sign something that says that this is a part of the foundation or is it just...we get together."

"You don't have to sign anything for the Foundation," he assured Fish. "They just set it up."

"Great." They stood in an uncomfortable silence waiting for his daughter to return from the bathroom. "So, this is kind of weird, huh? I can't believe you guys let her do this."

"It's not really about us. She only has five months left and she should be allowed to live them however she wants."

"Mr. Hatch!" Both men turned to see Mrs. Maine walking back to them, excited and holding her arms out. Her very curly, dark brown hair a stark contrast to her husband, but she had similar friendly eyes in a muted green. She was a slim woman with average curves and she to had dressed them in a simple black tiered springy skirt and a T-shirt. She reached out for Fish and pulled him into a hug. "It's so nice to meet you. We just want to thank you so much for agreeing to this. You're a very sweet man."

"It's alright, really."

He glanced over the woman's shoulder as she pulled away. Kacy stood behind her, her face flushed and pale but beautiful. She had dirty blonde hair, simple and kind of lank but it framed her face beautifully and her bangs swooped widely over her forehead. She pulled her hair back to her neck and then foreword, pulling it all over one shoulder. She had brown eyes, deep and warm, framed by thick lashes. She wore simple jeans and a T-shirt with his band on it. It was handmade, he could tell she had taken a photo from a magazine they had been in and copied it onto the shirt, writing his name and the name of his band mates in glittery fabric glue. This made him smile and he couldn't help it but it must have made her self-conscious because she pulled her sweater more tightly around her.

He slowly stepped away from Mrs. Maine and over to Kacy. She was about a head shorter than he was and he had to look down, though there was no point since she refused to look at him. "Hi," he greeted softly, wishing she would look at him so he didn't feel so stupid. He didn't even know this girl, she wanted him here. It was like someone coming up to you at the bar to pick you up and then expecting you to start the conversation. He didn't mind though. She was cute.

"Hi," she mumbled softly, looking down at his shoes and fiddling with a necklace around her neck. It had little pink hearts, obviously cheap metal in heart shapes painted lightly, some of the paint chipped off. He noticed her nails scratching at it.

"Um, I got you a ring," he said, reaching into the pocket of his light black jacket and pulling out a small black box.

Finally she looked up at him and then down at the box in his hand. Her lips turned up. "You didn't have to get me a ring."

"Ah, well, its tradition." He took the ring out of the box and put the box in his pocket. He took her hand and slipped onto one knee on the floor, holding the ring out to her. "Kacy Maine? I know we don't know each other very well, but you would make me the happiest man if you would be my wife. Will you marry me?"

Kacy bit her lip to keep from smiling so big. She had heard great things about Fish. He didn't care about material things, he was loyal to his friends, he was funny and just simply a good person. She had heard a lot of bad things to but she hoped they were rumors like she always believed. She nodded her head softly.

Fish smiled up at her and slipped the shiny ring from Tiffany's on her finger. He had called Ma'am to help him go pick the ring out because he didn't want Harry and Bonnie or the rest of the family to know yet. He stood up from the floor, still holding her hand and leaned forward, kissing her softly and gently on the lips. They had just met and her parents were standing behind them so he didn't want to outlandishly kiss her. When he stood back her face was practically all red.

"So, um, what were we planning? Did you want to go to the court house or did you want an actual wedding. Either is fine with me."

"I thought we would just go to the court house. I packed a white dress. If that's okay with you."

"That's fine. Whatever you want." He smiled cockily. "It's your day."

Kacy giggled nervously and looked away.

"So, also." He glanced over his shoulder at her parents and Theodore who were watching them chat but also not focusing on them. Fish leaned closer to her to speak softly. "Um, did you want a honeymoon? We can go to the beach or something. Whatever you want."

"I'm not really up for travel and too much sun kind of makes me sick actually. But I would really like if you showed me the sights in London or the country. I think that would be fun."

"Alright. London it is. And after the wedding? You're...moving in with me?"

She looked shy and unsure of herself. "I thought that, that was how it worked."

"I was just asking," Fish quickly assured her. "I didn't want to drag you home with me against your will," he laughed. "Do you mind that I live with my band?"

"No. I'll be fine," she said calmly.

"So, I guess I'll be driving. Wanna go pick up your things?"

She nodded and Fish followed her to the bag pick up area.

"Don't you want to tell your friends first?"

"I'll tell them after. That way Harry won't be able to say anything about it."

"You're worried?"

"Oh, no. He'll like you. I just don't feel like making a big deal about it. Ready to go?"

Kacy just nodded at his answer. She didn't know him at all well enough to question him about his reasons to hide this from his friends. "Do you drive a car?"

"I borrowed Mark's car. I don't have a license but he taught me how to drive it and they won't pull me over."

"Why's that?" Mr. Maine asked.

"Cause I'm the Savior's very close friend. Sometimes, especially with the muggle laws, we find ourselves above them." He took Kacy's hand. "Ready?"

They walked out to the parking lot. Fish put Kacy and her parent's things in the trunk of the refineshed black 1989 BMW. He opened Kacy's door and helped her in and drove them to the local court house. Fish and Mr. Maine were sitting outside the courtroom on a bench in the hallway, filling out some forms and waiting for Kacy and her mother to return. Kacy was still seventeen so she needed her parents permission to get married. Kacy had gone to the bathroom with her mother to put on her dress and do up her hair. Fish was already wearing black trousers and a black suit jacket over a white button up shirt.

"Mr. Hatch—"

"Fish. You can call me Fish sir."

"Fish," he said tentatively. "I was wondering how you felt about my daughter. I know that she likes you as a musician and because you're famous but I want her to be happy and content and I want you to take care of her, even if there isn't much time left."

"I can promise you sir, I will take loving care of your daughter. I'm not a bad guy, I've just got a stupid name," he joked.

"And that's not the same name you're putting on your marriage certificate, right?"

"No. I usually don't tell people my real name but I'll tell Kacy. I don't like to talk about why."

Kacy came into the room a moment later and Fish smiled widely. "Kacy, you look beautiful," he said, looking her up and down at her tea length white dress, her little white flats and her hair was up in a messy bun.

"Thanks." She sat down beside Fish. "How is the paper work going?" she asked, her sweet little Southern Belle accent becoming more and more endearing to him.

"Very well. You're well on your way to being my wife. Just a few more signatures and then some vows."

Mr. Maine handed the papers and a pen to Kacy. When they'd signed everything and handed a few things in they headed into the room and watched other couples get married while they waited for their turn.

After an hour, during which Kacy had rushed to the bathroom twice, they were called to the front of the room to say their vows. They recited traditional promises after the court representative, both of them wincing a bit at the line "till death do you part." Then finally, Fish kissed his bride. "I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs..." He glanced at Fish. "Hatch."

When the wedding was over they all gathered outside. Fish turned to them. Theodore congratulated them and then Fish wanted to know what was going to happen now.

"Well, I suppose my husband and I and Mr. Greg will take in some sights and leave you two to do what you want."

"Would you like me to suggest some places for you?" Fish asked.

"We brought some pamphlets of places we were going to see. We've also made plans to stay at a nice hotel for a few weeks so that we know Kacy is settling in okay," Mrs. Maine explained. She turned to her daughter and pulled her into a hug. She leaned in to speak softly. "If you need us for anything we're just a phone call away. Just because you're his wife doesn't mean you have to do anything you don't want to do. Be safe and remember to take your medicine."

"I know mom. Thanks." They kissed each other on the cheek and Mrs. Maine turned to smile at everyone. "Well, we will be off. Fish, you take good care of my daughter."

"Yes ma'am."

The three adults caught a cab and left and Fish was left alone with his new wife in his friend's car. "Um, we're gonna stop by Harry's house. It's lunch time on a Saturday so everyone should be there. Is that okay if we do that?"

"Um sure. Do you mind if I change my clothes? I don't want to meet your friends in my dress. It might be a little obvious."

"Sure, um, I can do it for you so we don't have to stop. What do you want to wear?" he asked, grabbing his wand from inside his sleeve.

Her eyes widened at it. "I forgot you were a wizard."

"Kind of a hard thing to forget."

"Sorry."

"I'm not offended love," he assured her. "So, what will it be?"

"Um, a knee-length skirt and a T-shirt?"

Fish swished his wand and her outfit changed instantly. "That okay?"

"That's great. Thank you. And so cool to. Magic," she mumbled to herself and giggled.

Fish reached over and took her hand from her lap. He wrapped his fingers around it and held it on his leg. It was a fairly long drive to Bonnie and Harry's house and Fish glanced over at his bride every few minutes, hoping she was feeling okay and she wasn't getting nervous or uncomfortable with him. "Are you feeling okay?" he finally asked as they got closer.

"Oh yeah. I'm fine."

"Good. You just let me know okay? If you need water or food or something, I don't know what makes you feel better, but anything you need just let me know."

"Thank you. I will."

"Bonnie is the ultimate hostess, she'll be sure to treat you if you need anything." They pulled up in the driveway and Fish walked around to help her out of the car on the other side.

"Aren't you a gentleman," she complimented.

He walked her up to the front of the house and knocked, just in case no one but Bonnie and Harry was home and they were doing something weird, though that was a lot less likely now with Sophia and their unending fight about her. After a few minutes, when no one answered, he just walked in. "Hello!"

"Fishy!" Harry cried, coming out from behind a wall. "Thank God. I thought you were Bonnie's grandmother. We've all been hiding in the dining room and ignoring the knocking." He walked over and looked at Kacy instantly. "Hi."

Kacy blushed and didn't look him in the eye. Fish felt her hand grip his tightly. "Hi."

Fish saw Harry's polite smile grow into one of sincerity. Harry loved a blushing girl. He found it very honest. "This is Kacy Maine," Fish introduced. "Kacy this is Harry. You don't have to call him Sir or anything."

"Yeah. Come on. Fish, my mother was having a moment and decided to make lunch so come join us. You came on a very special day Kacy. My mother hardly ever cooks and when she does, its like eating a piece of heavenly cloud."

"Sounds trippy."

Harry laughed and walked them both to the dining room. The room was filled. The Potters, Sirius, Jackline, Bonnie's parents, Ron, Hermione, Tim, Tom and of course Bonnie holding baby Sophia.

As soon as Kacy walked into the room she could feel everyone's eyes on her. She didn't know what kind of girls Fish usually took home or if he ever did at all. She felt very self-conscious. She suddenly felt nauseous for a whole new reason as she realized she was being judged by the Savior and his family, the hierarchy of the magical community. And she was a terminally ill patient who had to request a husband before she died. She clutched Fish's hand tightly.

"Hey everyone," Fish greeted. "I wanted you all to meet Kacy," he said, turning to her.

"Hi," everyone said sporadically, unsure how to speak to her since they didn't really know who she was. Was she a new girlfriend, was she his favorite groupie? Fish didn't usually bring them over.

Kacy smiled awkwardly and lifted her hand. "Hi. It's really nice to meet y'all."

Bonnie stood first and came over to hug her with one arm. "Are you Fish's girlfriend?" she asked forwardly. Bonnie had to admit the girl was very sweet. She had an adorable southern accent and had one of those personalities that made her automatically likeable.

"Uh..."

Harry noticed strangely how tightly she gripped Fish's hand and then he noticed the ring on her finger and the wall that kept him from invading people's minds slipped. "Fish..." he mumbled.

"Kacy is my wife," Fish said before Harry could say anything more.

Everyone stopped suddenly in the middle of eating. Bonnie's eyes widened, her hand still on Kacy's arm, holding onto her. "But we didn't even know you were dating."

"We weren't, actually." Fish paused, wondering how to explain.

Kacy spoke up for him, feeling responsible for making him nervous to explain it to his family. "Fish agreed to marry me as part of a Foundation that grants wishes to terminally ill patients. A month ago I received a call from the Make a Wish Foundation, they asked me what I wanted to do before I died, and the only thing I could come up with was something every girl wants; to be married. And Fish was nice enough to agree to marry me."

"You're..." Bonnie stepped back, dropping her hand from Kacy's skin in shock.

"The doctors gave me five more months."

"And you wanted to spend it married to Fish?" Tim and Tom asked.

"Hey," Fish said insulted.

"I was actually looking at him when they asked me what I wanted. My friend had bought me a poster," she admitted, blushingly. "I didn't have any real crushes, I'd never dated. In five months what can you really have aside from romance?"

"So you're...moving in with him and everything?" James asked.

"Yeah."

"How old are you?" Lily asked.

"I turned seventeen last month."

Lily got up from the table and gave her a hug as well. "You poor baby." Fish tried to let go of her hand as it was getting kind of crowded, but Kacy tightened her grip. "Where are your parents? You're from the states? Did they just let you go?"

"Oh no!" She assured the older woman. "Don't worry. They were at our wedding and everything and they're staying at a hotel for a few weeks to make sure I'm happy and they'll be back to visit all the time. Now that there aren't anymore pointless treatments to pay for they've got a lot more cash to spend."

"You should bring them by. For dinner tomorrow."

"I'm sure they would like that."

Lily went to sit back down and Bonnie shoved Fish in the chest. "I can't believe you didn't take me ring shopping."

"I didn't want you to know then. Harry would have said something."

"What? No I wouldn't. If you want to get married I won't say anything." He sunk down in his seat at the head of the table.

"Come sit down," Bonnie said, taking Kacy's other hand and leading her to a seat. "We have plenty of food. How was the wedding? Why was I not invited?"

"We went to the court house," Fish explained as they sat.

"My mother took pictures," Kacy said, taking out her phone and turning on the pictures so that Bonnie could look at them. Hermione, Jackline and Lily gathered around to look as well. "What a pretty dress. You look beautiful."

"Thanks. You know you guys are a lot nicer than the papers say."

Everyone looked up from their lunch and away from the photos to stare at her. "What?" James asked.

"What? Oh, nothing. I just meant, in the U.S. Some of the papers are kind of mean to everyone and they said some things about the...family."

"What family?" Harry asked.

"Yours. You know, your parents are really young, your godfather married your wife's aunt, the whole drama with Bonnie's grandmother. They like to make drama."

"How did you read about all this stuff?" Sirius asked.

"My friends are huge As A Bee fans so they follow everything around him to. You're all in the papers."

"We are?"

"Yeah. You...didn't know?"

"Not that that much was in there. Why would I be in there?"

"Because you're just so sexy Sirius," Remus said.

"Oh yeah. I forgot," he said, touching his long hair haughtily.

/-

They both left an hour later, after lunch so that that Kacy could get settled in at the apartment. He could tell toward the end of the meal that she wasn't feeling very well and thought it best to get her settled in and calm.

Kacy turned to him in the car. "This isn't how I normally am. It's just the new medication they have me on that's making me sick but it should calm down eventually."

"I know. Your father told me earlier," Fish told her.

"Oh," she said, leaning back in her seat again, self-consciously.

She was surprised again when he reached over her lap and took one her hands, holding it firmly in his own and taking it to rest on his thigh.

A few minutes later they arrived at the apartment. Fish grabbed her things out of the trunk and carried them upstairs to the four-bedroom apartment. When they walked in he set her bags down and took her hand to show her a quick tour. A kitchen was at the entrance to the right, straight ahead was the door to one bedroom and to the left was another, to the right was a bathroom, around the corner was another bedroom and a living room. "This is my room," he said, opening the door to the last room. "Sorry its nothing special. I like minimalism."

"That's fine. I like it."

Fish grabbed her bags and brought them into the bedroom. "Um, you can have the bed tonight. I'll sleep on the couch," he said.

"Oh, you don't have to do that."

"I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I won't be. Really, its alright." She turned and smiled at him, reaching out to take his hand. "You're my husband, right?" She pulled him over to the bed and sat down.

"That's right."

"So we can share a bed. We could even share the bed right now," she said, smiling as seductively as possible. She released his hand and pulled herself back on the bed toward the pillows.

Fish stared at her, not completely sure why he was filled with nerves. His breathing became heavier with excitement at what she was suggesting, at staring at her so relaxed and leaned back on his mattress.

"Come 'ere," she said, not sure if she was altogether succeeding at her attempts to seduce him.

Fish looked away. "I'm not sure I can."

"What! Why?" she asked, sitting up. "Is it me? Is it because I'm sick? I swear my nausea is completely gone now or I wouldn't have suggested it," she said, moving to the edge of the bed to be closer to him again.

"That's not it sweetie."

"Is it because you don't like me?" she asked, worried. "You don't...find me attractive?"

"That's really not it," he said, sitting down beside her. "All I've wanted to do since I first saw you was kiss you and snog you. You're very attractive. But, don't you want to get to know each other better first?"

"I would. But like I said, I really don't have very much time. The time frame they gave me was just an estimate. For all they know I could go tomorrow." She leaned forward, really trying now, putting her fingers on his belt. "I understand if you're uncomfortable, we don't have to. But I would _really_ like to. With you."

"You're sure?" he asked.

She nodded, biting her lip and smiling, insecure and excited at once. "It's a good time, right? No one is home."

Fish hesitated, thinking about it. He wanted to sleep with her, he wanted to kiss her and to be her first. But he also thought it was a little early. He'd slept with girls on first meeting them plenty of times but she was different. He liked her. But it didn't seem like turning her down was an option. She really seemed very excited and eager to sleep with him. Resolved, he stroked her cheek. "Let me just put up the 'do not disturb' sign."

Kacy smiled excitedly, feeling giggly and excited as she moved back on the bed and Fish went to close and lock the door. Then he turned back to Kacy, walked to the bed, and crawled onto it over to her until he was able to kiss her.

"If you start to feel uncomfortable with anything, just let me know," Fish told her, kissing down her neck and putting his hands on her waist. Kacy just nodded, trying to enjoy. Fish was an expert, she thought. A known playboy. This would be great. What else could it possibly be? He was attractive, sweet, gentle, he smelled good. He tasted good, she discovered as he kissed her mouth again.

His hands went up her shirt, raising her arms over her head as he pushed her shirt up. He sat up over her waist and removed his own shirt then before returning to her. "You. Are. so. Lovely," he mumbled kissing down her neck and collarbone and between her breasts to her stomach.

Kacy blushed red. "You're not so bad yourself."

He leaned back over her and smiled. "Thanks so much." He kissed her again, tucking his thumbs into her skirt and pulling it down. Kacy undid his belt and pushed down his jeans.

As they continued she became a little more nervous the closer they got. Her thoughts turned to his lower half. She wouldn't die a virgin. It was going to happen. Any second now.

Fish whispered 'nox' and spelled the curtains shut to make it dark and pulled the blankets over them before pulling off his last layer of clothing and then hers, slipping her undergarments away carefully.

She gasped at his sudden movement and then he stilled his body and she stilled hers. He kissed her lips slowly, softly and lovingly stroked her hair. "It's alright," he said, kissing her neck. "The pain is over."

He moved.

It was the weirdest moment she would ever have the chance to experience. Being connected to another human being, so literally, was beyond her until now. She held him closer, pulling him in, becoming more and more one with him.

"Fish," she mumbled, breathing deep and heavy.

"Yes," he moaned back.

"Tell me that you love me. Please. Say it to me. Even if its a lie," she pleaded.

He kissed her neck and then her lips, moving and kissing her deeply. "I love you, Kacy," he told her. It wasn't hard to say. Deep down, he knew it was true. He would tell her every day so that she knew it was true. "I love you."

/-

The next morning Fish smiled in his sleep, remembering his night before he even opened his eyes. He tightened his arms, wanting to hold his wife closer to him, only to discover that she wasn't there. His eyes shot open and he looked down at the empty blankets beside him.

Disappointed, he sighed heavily as he ran his hands over the still warm sheets. He sat up in bed, reached around on the floor for his boxers and headed out of the room. He headed into the kitchen where he discovered his wife at the stove, dancing to music that blared from her headphones attached to her iPod wearing pajama shorts and a tank top. She was cooking breakfast. Mark, Lex and Jack were sitting at the breakfast bar behind her, still and watching her dance.

Fish rolled his eyes and walked over. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, surprising her. He took one of her ear buds out. "What are you listening to?" he asked softly. He held it to his ear and listened to the poppy dance music. "Interesting," he mumbled.

"I have musical interests aside from rock," she said.

"Mmm," he mumbled, nuzzling her neck and then kissing her shoulders.

"Fish! I'm trying to cook."

He pressed himself against her backside making her gasp in surprise. "I think you should come back to bed with me," he mumbled. She turned in his arms and smirked. He kissed her quickly and deeply, lifting her off the floor and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"What about breakfast?" she mumbled.

"The boys will fend for themselves," he told her, taking her back to the bedroom.

"Flip the bacon," Kacy yelled before he shut the door.

Fish carried Kacy over to his bed and laid her down before crawling over to her and pulling her in close to him. "Why didn't you stay in bed with me?" he asked, reaching up to run his fingers through her hair, pushing it away from her face.

"I thought you would like breakfast," she mumbled, looking at him, feeling their connection.

"I would like to wake up beside you more," he told her, leaning over to kiss her deeply. Kacy wrapped her arms around his shoulders and responded, already eager since he was already undressed.

"Are we going to have sex again?" she asked, smiling at him.

"Would you like to?" he asked, staring down at her, running his fingers down her stomach under her shirt.

She nodded and they revisited the events of several hours before.

/-

Fifteen minutes later...

Fish stood at the bathroom door with his ear against the wood. "Kacy? Are you okay?" he asked when he heard the coughing stop.

"I'm so sorry Fish," she said, completely humiliated and also worried that she had offended him.

"No baby, its okay. We can do it later. Do you need me to get you anything?"

"No thank you. I just need a few minutes."

"Okay," Fish said, feeling useless. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything."

"Thanks."


	9. She's Baack

AN: Took a long time to upload this chapter, I wanted to make sure it all came together okay. Hope you enjoy. I really like this chapter but I hope no one becomes too upset with me over it. :)

Chapter 56

She's Ba-ack.

.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!" the crowd shouted excitedly as they all stood in the ballroom together. Lily had thrown yet another grand party, not themed, except that it was a surprise. Bonnie had tried to tell her mother-in-law that Harry was in no mood recently for a surprise party but Lily didn't really care.

They held the party at the Potter mansion because Harry hardly went anywhere but his own house and his parent's house. Everybody was there, even the babies. Sirius, Jackline, Mason; Remus, Tonks; his parents, little Sirius; Cameron and Mrs. McNeal; Ginny without Blaise; Draco and Luna; Fish and his wife Kacy who looked well today and happy; Tim and Tom with their boyfriends; Fish's band; and, of course, Bonnie and Sophia.

James was the first one to come up to hug him but stopped short. "What is in your ear?" he asked suspiciously.

Harry reached up to the cross that dangled there. "I pierced my ear. I was bored."

"Why? Why didn't you pierce the other side of your lip or something?"

"Don't you like it?"

James shrugged. "I guess."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Well, happy twentieth," James said, pulling Harry into a hug.

Harry shook his head grumpily. "I hate you all."

"Why are you so morbid today?" James asked. "Its your birthday. You're out of your teens," he said excitedly.

"Exactly."

"James," Fish said, coming up to him. "Stop upsetting him. Harry doesn't want to be an adult."

"Well suck it up. I'm celebrating," James said.

Lily introduced everyone to the food that she had made and they all spread out to eat it, telling Harry Happy Birthday when he passed.

Harry was in a bad mood and had no desire to talk to anyone, least of all Bonnie who tried to come up to him, holding Sophia farther back on her hip than normal. He turned and walked away from her; dealing with her happy family pretenses at home were enough. He grabbed Little Sirius, who looked up at him when he walked toward them. He was holding onto Lily's hand as the adults talked, Mason on Jackline's hip. Sirius let go of his mother and Harry picked him up and went to the other side of the room from his wife.

He sat Sirius down at one of the tables. "How are you buddy?"

"Fine." He glanced at Bonnie who paused across the room staring at them. He looked back at Harry. "Are you and Bonnie fighting?"

Harry sighed heavily. "It's complicated Sirius."

"Why? Why are you fighting?" he asked curiously.

"Because she's being very selfish. It's like if you bought your bestest friend a very expensive toy and then he refused to let you play with it." He quickly changed the subject. "Speaking of such, how are you and your friend…what was his name? Bryan?"

"His name is Doug," Sirius corrected.

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Doug?" he asked. "He sounds very dull."

Sirius giggled. "He's not. He's really cool. His parents are artists. He brought his mum and dad to our house Thursday and his dad wanted to paint mummy. It was so funny. Daddy looked pissed."

Harry looked around them to make sure his mother didn't hear. "Sirius, I told you not to swear in public."

Sirius covered his mouth. "Sorry."

"But yes. That's a very funny story. What did mummy say?"

"She was…flattered," he stuttered, trying to remember the word. "But daddy said no."

"Well of course he did. Did they get along well?"

"Mhmm," he agreed.

Harry saw Sirius's eyes look over Harry's shoulder, seeing something that made him uncomfortable.

"You haven't been having any visions or experiencing any sudden strength have you?" Harry asked to distract him. But he had asked this question multiple times since Sirius had turned four six months ago and so he had begun to expect it.

"No," he answered without looking at his brother. Sirius looked down at his shoes and then back up at what was distracting him.

Harry turned around to see only to catch Bonnie turning and walking away to talk to Ginny. Harry looked back at Sirius. "Stop looking at her."

"She looks really sad brother."

"She should. She's being a bitch." He regretted saying it the moment it came out, not because it wasn't true, just because he had never thought Bonnie such a thing in his whole life, let alone called her such a thing, aloud.

"You look sad to," Sirius pointed out, not at all alarmed by his brother's dirty mouth. His frown deepened. "You always look sad."

"Well then it should be no surprise to you," he joked. When Sirius didn't laugh he sighed heavily. "Hey, don't you worry about me. I'm perfectly fine. And Bonnie and I are just fighting, in time we'll forgive each other and everything will be fine again."

When Sirius seemed appeased they moved on to other subjects. "Do you want to meet Doug?"

Harry cringed. "Was he invited?"

"No, but he'll be here tomorrow. It would be cool if I could show him my made-up brother."

"Alright. I will come by tomorrow to meet this friend of yours…Doug. Are you going to go over all of the rules with him about having clean hands and not touching me either way."

"I'll go over everything with him. I'm so excited!" Sirius said, sitting on his legs to become taller in his chair.

James came up behind his oldest son without announcing himself but Harry sensed him coming. He put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "What are you both talking about?"

Sirius grinned, showing all of his teeth. "Harry is coming over tomorrow to meet Doug."

"He is? Well isn't that exciting. Why don't you go on and tell your mother?"

"Okay." He looked at Harry. "Don't go without a goodbye."

"I won't. I will track you down before I even consider leaving."

Sirius ran off to find his mother again. James took his abandoned chair. "So you're coming by tomorrow. Wouldn't you rather be with your wife?"

"Your son already reprimanded me about how sad she is, are you going to scold me as well?" Harry asked.

"Of course not. Your relationship is your own issue. I'm sure you're fine. People fight. I was actually going to question your decision to meet young _Doug_." The way that James said the kid's name made Harry regret his promise to Sirius.

"What's wrong with him?"

James leaned into the table. "He is _so _annoying. I don't understand what Sirius sees in him as a friend. He's a nice kid but…" He sighed. "Do you remember kids from when you were little, the kind of kid everyone avoided who always looked like he had a cold and he kind of complained about everything like how much dust was in the house and how it bothered his allergies."

"There is not a speck of dust in this house dad. Sirius assures me of that fact every time I visit."

"I know. But _Doug_….Maybe he creates the dust and then complains about it."

"Maybe he's evil. Is he a wizard?"

"He is. I doubt he's evil. He may be trying to annoy me to death though with all of his stupid questions. And then his parents are always there and we _have_ to spend time with them because they're supposed to drop _Doug_ off and leave but instead they stay and talk to us about their art and how wonderful their son is."

"What are their last names?"

"Shepherd."

Harry's eyes narrowed at his father. "_Alan_ Shepherd?"

James looked back suspiciously. "Yes."

Harry nodded.

"Why? Do you know him?"

Harry nodded slowly. "He's the director of the art gallery where they hung one of my pieces."

"Really? He never mentioned it."

"Its not under my name. The plaque underneath would say Anonymous or HIMSELF. That was my title when I was at school so that they were still able to take ten percent of my earnings."

"Oh. Well then that's great. Maybe we can go there tomorrow instead of sitting at the house. Your mother and I have always wanted to see some of your art."

"I would rather you didn't actually."

"Why not? Please. Let us do something other than listen to him talk about paint. You can join us. Explain your painting," he pleaded, very excitedly.

"It's pretty self-explanatory. You and mum will understand it."

"Well now I'm really interested. You can't keep it from us forever. Don't you think this is fate?"

"Not really," Harry mumbled. "But I suppose if you really want to see it I'll go with you."

"Wonderful. I'm looking forward to it." He stood up from his chair. "I expect to see you back here in the morning. Around eleven. We'll have lunch before _Doug_ arrives." He leaned over and kissed the top of his son's head. "Happy Birthday Harry. And don't ignore your wife."

Harry scoffed. "Ignore her? I live with her."

/

The next morning Harry told Bonnie that he would be gone for the afternoon to spend time with his parents and meet his brother's new friend. He dressed in fitted jeans, a v-neck black T-shirt and converse.

He went to his parent's house, landing directly in front of the opening to the dining room where they were having tea. Lily got up immediately and grabbed him. "Harry, I'm so happy to see you sweetheart."

"You saw me yesterday, mum."

"You're my baby. I like seeing you everyday," she said, stroking his hair.

"Sirius is your baby. I'm _twenty_ now remember? I'm _old_ now."

"Excuse me?" James asked offensively from the table.. "Your parents are nearing their thirties at twenty-eight years old and we don't feel the least bit old."

"Well I do." He followed his mother to the table and plopped down in a seat next to Sirius. He greeted him hello and then did a double-take at his brother. "What happened to you?"

"What?" Sirius asked self-conciously. His hair was combed to the side neatly and proper, his slacks were pressed and he wore a little jacket and white shirt.

"You look so…proper."

"We're going to the museum Harry. I wanted him dressed nicely," Lily explained.

"Oh please. I spent my childhood in art galleries, its not this big of a deal." He grabbed the leg of Sirius's chair and swung him around to face him. He put his fingers through Sirius's auburn hair and messed it up, using magic to make it stay a little messy but also sleek, more like Fish's hair. He waved his hand over him to turn his white shirt into a red plaid collared shirt, a hipster jacket and a pair of black jeans and red converse. "There, you look much better." He looked his brother over once more and sighed heavily. "I spend far too much time with Bonnie and her fashion obsession." He swung Sirius's chair back around, making his brother giggle excitedly at the swift adjustment. He looked over his outfit, analyzing the stark change his brother had made.

While the rest of the Potters drank their tea, James and Lily making conversation amongst themselves, Harry stared into his tea cup, continuing to stir the sugar into his warm drink long after it had dissolved.

The Shepherds arrived promptly at noon, welcomed at the front door by a maid Harry didn't know they had and delivered to the dining room by the same maid. Everyone was introduced, except for Doug, who L. Sirius grabbed quickly and took to the side to explain the rules.

"Harry, this is Mr. Alan Shepherd and Mrs. Margaret Shepherd, Doug's parents. Alan, Margaret, this is our son Harry."

"It's an honor to meet you Sir," Alan greeted formally, holding out his hand for Harry.

"Its nice to meet you both as well," Harry replied, pretending that the hand didn't exist. He wasn't really in the mood to touch people today and since people already thought of him as the moody savior since he was not seen outside the house with his wife and daughter in over six months he figured the man probably wouldn't take offense to it.

He seemed a little dissatisfied and his father cleared his throat uncomfortably but no one seemed very perturbed.

"Mr. Shepherd," Lily intervened. "James and I were hoping you would be kind enough to spend your day off at work. We would be very interested to see your art gallery if you would show us and I think the boys would find it very interesting."

"I would _love_ to!" Alan said with much enthusiasm. James and Lily had no doubt he would say yes as when he was away from the gallery it seemed to be all he spoke of. "Doug has been to the gallery many times before but perhaps being with friends who appreciate art will change his mind about art being _dull_ as he says."

Harry resisted the urge to glare at the five year old that he could feel staring into the back of his head.

Harry was finally introduced to Doug, the somewhat pudgy young brunette holding his hands behind his back as Sirius probably instructed him. He didn't seem at all as his father had told him to expect with an arrogant expression and ready to open his mouth to spread his complaints. Instead he looked rather scared and pathetic in his sport jacket and slacks, similar to what Lily had previously had Sirius in. He wasn't sure, but it looked like Doug was ready to wet himself. Perhaps it was Harry's intimidating expression that he didn't realize he had. He didn't meet new people under the age of fifteen very often.

He tried to loosen his expression to something less intimidating and said hello. Doug simply nodded and walked over to his parents. Harry looked to Sirius questioningly but his brother was just giggling at him. Harry glared at him.

The gallery had a floo in the back of the building so they went to the floo room to leave and arrive in the new building where Mr. Shepherd excitedly showed them to the front to start the tour. It wasn't long before they arrived at Harry's painting and the recognition to James and Lily was instantaneous.

It was a large painting, taking up the majority of a wall, at least seven feet tall and five feet across. They looked at it from the center of the hall, a few feet away, to look at it properly. Alan Shepherd explained the history of the piece, that a young man from a private school had been showing his work with his teachers and they had picked it up immediately afraid to pass it up. The entire work was done anonymously, the only name they were left with was HIMSELF, in capitals, left at the bottom of the painting. The painting was even untitled but there was no denying what it meant.

The edges of the painting were black and a green light, beginning at the top of the painting and seeming to coming straight out at you with long, thick, heavy strokes of emerald green paint. The effect of it moving and emerging toward you was extremely talented but also tremendously disturbing to say the least.

They all three stared at the painting, side by side, Harry and his parents. Harry turned his head slowly to glance at them beside each other, their hands reaching out to each other to hold in comfort.

"I'm so sorry," he mumbled so that the Shepherds and Sirius a few paintings away couldn't hear him.

They both turned to look at him. "Why Harry?"

Harry breathed in softly and looked back up at his art. "Because… we are the only three people in the entire world who understands what this painting truly means." He paused, biting his bottom lip and they sensed tears in his voice. He excused himself softly and walked away towards the men's room.

Alan came over to them both curiously. "Is something wrong?"

James smiled assuredly. "No. He's fine. He really loves the painting."

"Oh yeah. Me to. One of my favorites. Never really understood it but it gives me a strong sense of eeriness. Its almost disturbing somehow in its simpleness." He actually shivered and then walked away from it, as though it were haunted and going to curse him.

/

When Harry returned he seemed to be feeling much better, smiling even in a way James found disturbing considering how he had been moments before.

"Are you okay?" James asked for assurance, even though Harry didn't look like he was trying to hide any feelings either.

"Fine. Guess I had to…." He paused as though he couldn't remember what he had been doing in the bathroom. "Anyway, lets go look at more shall we? Where's Sirius gone?"

James and Lily watched him curiously but followed him to find Sirius and the Shepherds. The painting, and Harry's feelings toward it, was never mentioned again.

/

A couple of weeks passed. Harry and Bonnie were still fighting and the entire family could see it. Bonnie had made multiple attempts to apologize but in Harry's eyes, she just wasn't doing it right. For one, she always had Sophia with her when she said it. Sophia was always dressed, cleaned and pretty and in Bonnie's arms when she came to Harry to make her newest speech about how she didn't understand and how she was sorry if he felt she was leaving him out. The one thing he accepted was when Bonnie allowed him to hold her.

Last week Bonnie had dressed Sophia James up in her cutest outfit, a light blue dress and a light blue bonnet and told Harry she was sorry and that he could, of course, hold Sophia whenever he wanted. So Harry did. He wrapped her in a little black blanket and took her in his arms, breathing in her soft baby smell, and then retreated with her into his office. It wasn't a minute later that Bonnie came banging on the door begging him to give her back. Making his point to her not doing it right. She was letting him hold the baby...in her presence. As soon as he was alone with her she went insane and started crying.

He could sense her curled up in a ball in front of the door of his office, crying and banging on the door. "Please give her back Harry. I'm sorry. Please."

He looked down at Sophia, so peaceful and doughy, her plump cheeks and pale skin and big blue eyes like a Disney character. He could have sworn she almost smiled at him. He ran his fingers down her face and they stared into each others eyes. "We'll work it out my pretty girl," he told her. "I promise." He kissed her forehead and then opened the door to his office. He gave Sophia back to Bonnie and then slammed the door shut again.

He heard Bonnie's muffled, teary apology through the door.

/

"Are you both still fighting?" Fish asked as he came to visit with Kacy a few days later.

"We're not fighting. We're just not speaking right now. Actually, sometimes we speak. We're...avoiding each other. I'm irritated and waiting for her to realize what she's doing."

"And what is she doing? Being a mother? All mother's obsess over their babies."

"To this extent? She's completely healed, Fish. She has been. There's never been a rule about no sex. No one ever said I wasn't allowed to be alone with my daughter. No one ever said I was a danger to her. Not even I said that and now she's making me doubt myself. Is she just obsessed with the fact that she finally got what she wanted or is she afraid of what I'll do, what mistake I'll end up making. _I _saved her."

"Maybe Bonnie needs therapy."

"Not everything can be solved with therapy. You should know that."

"The therapists at school hardly had a license to practice at all, far be it they actually be good at what they were hired to do. But you're right. Bonnie's a smart girl."

"How is everything with your wife?" Harry asked, wanting to change the subject.

Fish smiled and turned to look at Kacy who was talking to Lily and Bonnie. Ginny was there to but she wasn't participating, she just continued to stare at Kacy curiously. He turned back to Harry with a grin. "I think I'm in love with her."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "But, Fish..."

"What?"

"She's dying."

Fish looked down at his shoes. "I know. But its not like I can help it. It just...happened. The only thing I can do now is enjoy the time I have with her and make sure she has a great day until I no longer have any control over the situation."

"Did you..." Harry paused and glanced at the girls. "Did you ask Bonnie—"

"Kacy said there's nothing she can do. It's a rare disease and nothing like Cancer. She got all the medical treatment, the best, that she could get. They did everything they could. She lived and grew up in a warm, healthy state. Not like here where when you get sick they send you away to southern France. It's just...going to happen."

Harry nodded. "Are you prepared?"

"I'm working on it."

/

A few days later Bonnie and Harry were alone in the house again with Sophia. The house was quiet and Harry came into the kitchen with the mail. Bonnie was sitting at the table, dressed in dark blue like it would make him happy. It worked a little. Sophia was sitting in her lap as Bonnie picked at some food it didn't look like she would eat.

"Did I get any mail?" Bonnie asked, tentatively and sweetly.

"Just from Satan in his truest form," he said, giving her a letter from her grandmother. Bonnie took it and he looked through the rest of the mail, sorting bills, follower letters and stopping at one that looked familiar. It was a personal letter considering the handwriting on the front of the muggle envelope. In the left corner of the envelope was an emblem with the title North Hill Mental Hospital.

"I'll be in my office," Harry said, heading out of the room without waiting for an answer.

"Okay," Bonnie replied, watching him leave. "I'll...be here."

Harry stomped quickly back to his office, shut the door and slid back into his chair. He set the letter down on his desk, leaned back in his winged back chair and stared at it.

There were few people who would send him letters from a mental institution. He could only think of one and he had a feeling it was her. But whether to open it or not, to read her words. How? He wondered. How could he do it? Ten years later. Had it really been that long?

Then he wondered why he was being so strange with the letter. It obviously wasn't from her, he decided. If she was still in a mental institution somewhere, there was no way they would allow her to write to him. It was illegal, going against his restraining order and the court's ruling.

He touched the envelope and felt differently about his judgment that it wasn't from her. It was as though he could feel her through the paper. But by that point he was already intent on opening the letter and reading it. He grabbed the letter opener on his desk and tore it open and slipped the letter out. It was two pages long and he lifted the first page. There, at the bottom of the second page, was just one name that brought on a tsunami of emotions.

"Ashley."

His breathing became heavy. There came the emotions. Those awful, tormenting emotions, thoughts, feelings that he had been successfully avoiding for a solid three or so years. He turned back to the first page and read:

_**.**_

_**Dear St. Jimmy,**_

_**This is completely against my therapist's rules for me and also against the restraining order you have against me but I needed to send this. It's important. **_

_**Before you disregard anything I say after this I must let you know that I've gotten better after years in therapy; no more obsessive personality, I promise. I'm taking medication for my illness and continuing therapy.**_

_**I realized a few weeks ago, when a few other girls in my former ward and I were trying to think of a solution to our small problem, that you never tore up my contract as your follower. That means a lot to me St. Jimmy. And I know its probably inappropriate to ask something of you after all this time and after what I put you through, but I really do need your help.**_

_**If you're not too angry at me still, I would hope that you would meet me this Tuesday afternoon at _ to talk. If you can't make it, I'll understand. I just thought I would try. It would mean the world to me if you would come. I really need you. I'll be waiting at the specified place for you, you don't have to message me back. **_

_**Anyway, I'll stop babbling. You've probably already thrown this letter out but I hope to see you soon St. Jimmy. **_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Ashley**_

.

Harry read over the letter a few times, memorizing every word before setting it back down on his desk. He leaned back in his chair, staring at it with narrowed eyes trying to decide what to do with it. He reached for a drawer to his bulky desk, unlocked it with a wave of his hand and a folder levitated out into his hands. He opened it with a wave of his palm and lifted out the paper inside. A restraining order.

.

**It is further ordered that the following additional relief is granted.**

** No contact in person, by phone, BY MAIL, by third party, or by any other means.**

.

If he was honest with himself, sane, and did what Cameron told him to do if this situation ever arose he would call the police right now. If he had really been smart he would never have read the letter at all but it was too late to avoid that.

He had never had a reason to call. He hadn't seen or heard from Ashley, aside from his dreams, in eleven years. She said she was better now but she said that all the time. In his head. He knew he should call the police. His phone was in his pocket. He should call Cameron. Cameron would make the call for him. He could call his father, his father would contact someone. He didn't have to turn on Ashley. It didn't have to be him.

His eyes turned slowly to the letter and it was too painful not to let them. _**I promise. **_

_**It's important.**_

_**I really need your help.**_

/

As the hours passed his fingers wouldn't stop tapping on the arm of his chair, his eyes wouldn't stop staring at the letter; the words he couldn't even see across the room when he stopped tapping and started pacing repeated themselves over and over again in his head like the spell he had used to kill everyone continued to play in his thoughts after the war. Then her name.

God, Ashley, he would think. "Why did you have to do this to me? Eleven years. Eleven _bloody_ years and you do this to me now. Why not then? But then, who knows what I would have done then? Would I have been just as screwed up and willing to see you as I was then? If my wife wasn't currently insane and my daughter held hostage away from me by her mother would I still care? Probably. Would I still be considering it like this? Who knows?

"Just listen to me. I sound like I'm deciding on whether or not to have an affair with the girl. I don't want to sleep with Ashley I just want to see her. I want to see her sane and mature. And she _needs _me. All I've ever wanted to do was help her, save her from herself or whatever was hurting her."

He threw himself back down in his chair.

Tuesday. Tomorrow. London. To a restaurant he had never heard of before. How would he even get there? Would he take his guards? His guards would tell Bonnie. Bonnie would be terribly suspicious. She hated and still hated Ashley. Though she had never admitted it he knew that she thought he loved Ashley. If anyone found out that he had visited her...

Everyone would be upset, worried about his sanity, suspicious. Fish would think it was part of his mid-life crisis, especially considering the fight he was currently having with Bonnie. There was nothing good that could come out of a decision to go meet her. To see her.

Except, if by going to see her, he got closure. Perhaps what she needed was something that he could solve simply. He could see her, help her, get his closure and leave without anyone being the wiser.

Unless his closure with Ashley led to endless guilt for lying to Bonnie. He was not going to use the excuse that she was being mean to him to excuse himself. He wasn't five.

He stood again and walked laps around his desk, stepping over stacks of books and tripping and knocking over the rest of them. "Oh God. Why? Was I not supposed to survive this long? Is that why you're being so cruel? My wife, my daughter, I can't even enjoy my fame. I can't enjoy anything. The walls that keep my sanity separate from my pain so that it doesn't shatter what's left, those are cracking. Things seep out every day and there is no one to repair them. A moment here, a moment there, out through the cracks, spreading the cracks, creating bigger, wider cracks that will lead to a completely broken wall where everything will just flood through and kill me (shatter my existence). Then you throw Ashley at me as well. Are you trying to kill me? Are you torturing me? Really?" he yelled. "_Really_!"

He sat down on the floor and put his head between his knees.

"Harry?"

He looked up at the door.

"It's Bonnie. Um...I made dinner. It's probably not very good. But...well I'll be in the dining room if you decide to come down. I'll keep some warm for you, though it will probably be inedible."

He felt her waiting at the door, probably waiting for a reply. He heard her sigh.

"Okay. Well...okay."

He listened to her flats tapping on the tile as she walked away. He laid down on the floor and stared at his high ceilings and the detailed molding that made arches across it.

He wanted to go see Bonnie. Maybe she was making an effort tonight. Would he be able to look at her knowing that there was a letter from Ashley sitting on his desk. He decided he would see. If he could get through dinner without telling her then that was that. If not, then he told her and he wouldn't have to feel guilty about not telling her when he decided to go see Ashley tomorrow.

He stood up and left his office and headed downstairs to the dinning room. Bonnie sat in her usual spot, the chair beside the head of the table. Sophia sat in her highchair between the two chairs. Bonnie wasn't eating, she just sat in her designer chair, the one she had picked out herself, picking at the food on her plate.

She looked up at him when he made his way further into the room. Her smile was overtly pleased but nervous. "Harry. You came."

Harry smiled halfheartedly and looked down at the plate she had set hopefully for him. "What did you make?"

"Spaghetti. The noodles are burnt and so is the sauce. Did you know you can burn pasta sauce?"

Harry smiled at his plate. "Yeah. You're supposed to stir."

"I did. It didn't work."

Harry turned to look at Sophia. Her hair was getting a little longer, creating thin ringlets of white blonde hair. She was wearing a very dark green dress and little black tights. "Look at you Sophia," he mumbled. "You look very pretty. Is that a new dress?" he asked, stroking her cheek. Sophia looked up at him with her large blue eyes.

"I got her a lot of new outfits. Not so light colored as the ones I had gotten before. It was stupid of me to assemble a wardrobe like that."

"Bonnie-"

"I am _so sorry_ Harry," she said devotedly, throwing her silver down, not caring if she scratched her plates. "I don't know what happened to me. I just knew that she would love you no matter what, just like I do. You're irresistible no matter what position you take. And you saved her." She put her hand over her eyes as she started to cry. "She died. My baby wasn't breathing when she left me. It was my fault. I didn't take good enough care of her. You took care of her. You brought her back. I wanted to protect her to. I wanted her to like me to."

"Bonnie, she loves you," he said, leaving his chair for the one on her other side and taking her free hand in his. "It wasn't your fault what happened. It was just...God. He's being an idiot. I'm thinking of converting he's being so mean."

"But I was carrying her. I wasn't supposed to have her and she was a miracle and I let her down. I let you down. She'd love you anyway but I had to make sure she would love me. I had to make sure she wouldn't hate me for...for...letting her die."

"Bonnie, she didn't die. She's fine. She's sitting next to you. She's happy, she's healthy and I'm sure she loves you. I can't even be sure she loves me. I hardly know her."

She started to sob.

"What did I say?"

"I'm so sorry Harry. For making you hate me while I tried to make her love me. For pushing you away. I was just jealous and confused."

"I forgive you pet. You don't have to cry." He pushed her hand away from her face and wiped her tears away. "Everything will be okay Bonnie. You don't have to try so hard. You will be a great mother and we will both love you, forever. You won't be able to get rid of either of us if you try." He took her face in his hands and pulled her in to kiss her. It wasn't as passionate as their kisses used to be but it was the first they had shared in a long while and it was deep and loving.

"I missed you," she mumbled against his mouth.

"I think we should go to our room," Harry suggested.

"What about Sophia?" They both turned to their daughter who stared at them with her big eyes and smiled at them.

Harry stood up and went to his daughter. "Sophia, daddy has not had any fun with your mother for almost seven months. We need some adult time. With that said, I think its bed time for you. Do you think you could fall asleep?"

Sophia just smiled up at him.

"I think she's agreeing with me. I'll put her to bed, if you don't mind."

Bonnie shook her head with a smile.

"Meet me in our room?"

She nodded.

"See you in a few minutes."

Bonnie put the dishes away and Harry took Sophia upstairs to put her to bed. "Now, Sophia, if you need something it would be nice if you held out for a couple of hours while your parents have some alone time. We're still young and we've been arguing for a little while and daddy is not used to not getting any since he's been married. So, if you promise to go to sleep and be a good little girl, when you get a little older daddy will buy you a pony."

Sophia grabbed her feet and smiled at him.

"I'll take that as a yes." He kissed her forehead and turned out the lights, leaving the small orbs floating around her ceiling as her night-lights. He then left and headed for his bedroom where Bonnie was waiting for him, ready and wanting.

/

Bonnie got up early the next morning. She crawled over to Harry and kissed his chest lovingly. "Harry?" she mumbled sweetly.

"Yeah pet?" he asked, running his fingers through her hair.

"Last night was great. I really enjoyed it." She caressed his chest. "But while we were having our minor disagreement I kind of made plans to hang out with Ginny today. I was going to go over to her house."

"Oh, that's fine," he said.

"You're welcome to come along. Its almost likely that Blaise will be there but you can come."

"That's okay. You and Sophia have fun with Ginny and I will see you at dinner. We didn't actually eat last night so I'll make something good."

Bonnie smiled and leaned up to kiss him. "You are such a good husband," she said as she climbed off the bed and went to her closet.

"I know," Harry mumbled, not believing it himself.

When Bonnie and Sophia were both dressed for their outing Harry kissed them both goodbye and they left through the floo. Harry then went back to his room to get dressed. He had made up his mind on his Ashley situation. He and Bonnie were in a good place, they were happy, which meant that his being upset with her or her being upset with him couldn't be the reason he was going to see Ashley. Plus, Bonnie and Sophia were both out which meant that he wouldn't have to make up an excuse as to why _he_ was leaving the house. It was perfect timing. Though he realized that not being able to tell Bonnie where he was going if he had to tell her was a bad sign, but he ignored that one over the many more preferable ones.

When his guards realized he was leaving the house they wanted to know where they were going. He told them he was going alone, he would be fine without them for a few hours. They were curious and worried but he reminded them he had gotten along fine before. He told them that they knew nothing about where he was going, if Bonnie asked he never left the house and he was home all day in his office per usual.

After pulling on his boots over his straight leg jeans he apparated to the coffee shop Ashley specified. It was almost exactly twelve. He wondered if she would be here already or if he should find a booth to wait for her.

He looked around the room, looking for dark hair. But in eleven years who knew if even that was the same. Girls dyed their hair all the time. He lowered his head and walked around glancing at the people in the tables and the booths. He stopped suddenly two booths away from a girl on her own who looked about his age, long brown hair to her shoulders and straight bangs hanging over her eyes. She was leaned over a glass of sweet tea, chewing on the straw and reading the advertisements on the paper place mat.

Harry took a few steps toward her and tilted his head to see if he could catch sight of her face. "Ashley?" he asked cautiously.

She responded to the name and looked up at him, bright brown eyes wide and staring at him, surrounded by long thick lashes. She stood quickly and he looked her over. She grabbed at her hair and pulled it back; she wore a white collared shirt under a dark cardigan. Her jeans were dark wash and folded up at the bottom to show her ankles just a little between her hem and her converse. Harry couldn't help but smile at her.

"St. Jimmy! You actually came!"

Harry grabbed her hand. "Of course I came. I would never leave a follower in need, right?"

Ashley smiled.

Harry wanted to be close to her so he joined her on her side of the booth. She didn't seem to mind.

"I can't believe you came. I was sure you never wanted to see me again, that maybe you had forgotten I even existed."

"You're a hard person to forget Ashley."

She blushed. "I'm really sorry about everything Harry. All the things that happened when we were younger, you know...trying to murder you and all."

Harry put his arm around her shoulders and stroked her hair. "I forgive you sweetie. It's been a long time since then and...you were sick. You're better now, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I was let out of the hospital three months ago. I stole some of their stationary as you may have noticed," she giggled, blushing. "I'm doing much better now. I have an apartment with a friend of mine who was released a month before me. We've been helping each other and keeping in touch with our friends who are still in the hospital. I'm doing really well."

"That's good Ashley. I'm really proud of you," Harry smiled, tightening his arm around her shoulders. "Really, it wasn't all your fault. I was awful to you. You were my follower and I...shunned you."

"You didn't-"

"Yes, I did. It was wrong of me. You were one of my favorites but because of Fish and Bonnie and the other's influence, I was mean to you. I didn't mean to be, I really wanted to help you and make you part of the group and it all just went wrong. I've been regretting the way I treated you ever since they took you away from me. I felt bad that I hurt you so much, made it worse for you, and wasn't able to help you at all. That's why I came. I want to make it up to you. You said you needed my help and I think, maybe now that you're better and healing, if it wouldn't interfere with your getting better, it would be nice if we could be friends again."

Ashley smiled and looked up at him. "I would love it if we could be friends again."

Harry stared at her for a few moments, quiet and dazedly. Finally he broke his trance and looking down at the table. "So, what's happening? You said in your letter you really needed me."

"I do. Um..." She pulled away from him and he was surprised to find himself reluctant to let her go. He allowed her to scoot away and took his arm back. "You see, when I was still in the hospital there were these...guards. We complained about them before but when you're on so much medication and the majority of girls agreeing with you suffer from delusions, its kind of hard to get people in charge to believe you. Well, I was finally released but the other girls are still there and from their letters the guards are still bothering them."

"And what are these guards doing?" Harry asked.

"Um...well they're the night guards. In the middle of the night they're supposed to check and make sure we're still in our rooms and haven't run away but sometimes they...stay a little longer."

"Are you saying they raped you?"

"We called it sexual assault when we reported it. It was never...intercourse. Not to me. But the girls have reported worse and so has my friend. And the other girls are still there, the same guards are still working the same shifts on the same floor and same ward and no one is going to get rid of them. We didn't know where else to turn and...well its been a while but I guessed that you would be able to help somehow. I didn't know who else to turn to."

Harry touched her face. "Of course I'll help you Ash. The more I can do for you the better I'll feel about how I failed you when we were younger."

"You didn't fail me St. Jimmy. It was all me. You did the best you could. I'll admit it," she laughed. "I was crazy."

"So what do you want me to do then? I can call the police and make them do me a favor or I can just beat the crap out of them myself."

"I would prefer that we not involve the police. Then I'll be arrested for going against the restraining order."

"Oh, I wouldn't let you be arrested," he smiled, stroking her jaw with his thumb. He wasn't sure why he couldn't stop touching her. Maybe he really had missed her and he was trying to fit in eleven years worth of contact with her into a few hours.

"Still, it would be easiest if you just took care of it...right?"

"If that's what you want. You just have to show me where they are, when their shift starts and I'll take care of everything."

Ashley leaned in and wrapped her arms around him. "Thanks so much St. Jimmy. You're so sweet to do this." She pulled away and looked up at him.

Harry smiled. "It's not a problem at all Ash. Really. I owe it to you."

"No."

They were quiet and Harry continued to hold her face, running his fingers along her jaw. She didn't seem to mind and he wasn't sure if that was because she was still suffering from her previous obsession in the smallest sense or she just didn't mind him at all. She seemed slightly surprised, and he was with himself as well, when his thumb ran over her plump, light pink bottom lip that was silky and moist from a thin layer of lip gloss.

He had no idea what he was doing or why he was doing it. It was just that Ashley...was Ashley. His Ashley, who was taken away for eleven years and then presented back into his world. And she was still very pretty but in a way she had not been able to master when she had been imitating Britney Spears.

"St. Jimmy," she mumbled, when his finger slipped below her lip.

And then he leaned in and softly captured her lips. As though his brain had gone numb and any memory he had of his wedding and his baby were pushed to the back to make room for memories of the torturous moments when he remembered Ashley. He wasn't taking the moment to explain it to himself; it could be because he missed her so much, because she had been gone for so long, because she was sane but still his again, or simply because deep down he had a crush on her.

Momentarily, his focus was centered on her mouth, which was soft and responsive and warm. He ran his tongue along her bottom lip where he'd recently ran his thumb. He could feel her soft skin under his fingers, pulsing with her racing heart beat. He could smell the warm scent of her skin, completely different from what he was used to. It was darker, warmer and reminded him of something he hadn't had in a while.

He pushed himself further into her body, moving them against the wall and wrapping his arm around her waist.

Ashley put her hand on his cheek and pulled away to breathe. His breath still touched her lips. "St. Jimmy."

Harry opened his eyes and moved further away. "Oh God," he mumbled in shock, his mind coming back to him now, filling the haze that had previously been in control.

"What?" she asked.

He moved away from her quickly. "I'm so sorry Ashley. I didn't mean to..."

"St. Jimmy, its okay."

"I have a wife," Harry suddenly remembered.

"It was just a kiss. Besides, she'll never know."

"We should go. I have to...stand up. I have to go outside."

"Okay. We'll go. I'll show you the hospital," she said, taking out a few dollars for her drink.

Harry stood and left the booth, lowering his head and heading out of the restaurant with Ashley following behind him. Once they were outside Harry leaned against a wall. "What the hell was I thinking? I knew I shouldn't have come. This was a mistake."

"No," Ashley said, stepping in front of him. "You said you would help me." She grabbed his hands but he pulled them away, turning his face so he didn't look at her. "St. Jimmy, please. You made a mistake but people make mistakes all the time."

"Not me, not mistakes like this."

"You have to help me though. I need you. You're all I have, please."

Harry sighed and nodded solemnly. "You're right. I'm sorry. You didn't make me kiss you, you shouldn't be punished because I did something stupid."

"Thank you."

Harry lowered his head. "I can't believe I kissed you. I don't know why I did it. I'm so sorry Ashley."

"It's...okay." She saw him lick his lower lip as he stared at the ground and she did the same; she was still able to taste him there. "I still like the idea of being friends," she offered.

Harry looked less enthusiastic but gave her a half smile.

"Lets go to the hospital. You can beat some bad guys up and you'll feel a lot better right?"

Harry nodded. "I guess that's true."

Ashley led him into the parking lot to her cheap little clunker car. Harry got in the passenger side and Ashley got in to drive. "It will be a short drive to the hospital, I promise. They should all be on duty in an hour or so." She looked at Harry who was staring at his knees… and then at hers. She wasn't sure what he saw in her suddenly that made her irresistible but of course she didn't mind. He was St. Jimmy. Who would say no?

She wished he wasn't married to Bonnie and raising a child with her or she would screw her therapy and let him jump her bones and egg him on. She wanted to encourage him but she knew he wouldn't appreciate it. She gripped the steering wheel tightly so as not to tempt herself.

She glanced at the water bottle sitting in her cup holder. She grabbed it and held it out to him. "Are you thirsty? You didn't drink anything at the coffee shop."

Harry lazily accepted the bottle and sipped at it. He glanced at it after a few more. "How long has this been sitting in your car?"

"Just an hour. I got it before I came," she told him.

He shrugged and continued to drink it.

She glanced over at him as the minutes passed and noticed him becoming more lethargic.

Harry looked down at his hands and the empty water bottle dropped onto the floor at his feet. "Ashley, I think something is wrong."

Ashley sighed heavily. "I know."

He looked at her, his lids heavy over his eyes. He licked his bottom lip again, still tasting her there. "Why is everything moving so slowly?"

"I drugged you," Ashley admitted, staring ahead at the road while glancing at him sporadically. "We know you're immune to a lot of drugs but you've told me before when we were younger the things your body doesn't work with. I'm sorry she used my knowledge against you. I'm also sorry I let her use me as bait. I didn't think you would come but she knew you would. I don't know how she knew."

"Who is we?" he asked slowly, licking his bottom lip again. He was sunk into his seat now, losing the strength to work his limbs and muscles. "You taste so nice Ashley."

She smiled and looked at him. "Thanks." She reached over and put her hand on his leg. "And I'll introduce you to everyone when we get to the house."

"What about the hospital? And all the girls?"

"Don't worry St. Jimmy. They'll be fine. You just take a nice nap and we'll be there in no time."

Harry smiled at her. "Okay." His eyes closed slowly and his head fell to one side. "I really missed you Ash."

"I really missed you to St. Jimmy."

/

Hours later Harry woke up to that wonderfully warm and dark scent that he had been so captivated with earlier. He breathed deeply.

"St. Jimmy?" he heard Ashley's voice whisper close to his ear. "Are you awake yet?"

He groaned.

"It's okay. You take your time," she mumbled softly. He could hear the smile in her voice and felt her hand in his hair, brushing it softly away from his face. "I'll be right here when you're ready to wake up."

"What happened?" Harry asked tiredly without opening his eyes. With his other senses he tried to picture where he was. All he could smell was Ashley and he could feel the warmth of her body near him. His cheek, that one side of his body, and his hand were pressed against something cold and from the texture he figured he was lying on a cold concrete floor.

"Oh. Yeah. I'm real sorry I had to knock you out but she told me it had to be done this way."

"She who?"

"Me," came a new voice that he recognized but couldn't place. "Oh," she whined in a babyish voice. "Is he not awake yet? Poor thing. Ashley, I told you to wake him up."

"But he's tired. He's had a rough day. Did I tell you that he kissed me?" she asked.

The other girl sighed heavily. "Yes Ashley. I heard. It's very exciting sweetie. But right now I need to get to work so I need you to wake the boy up."

"Alright," Ashley sighed. He felt her moving and then her hands were on his shoulder and rolled his lank body over onto his back. Though the drugs they used were waring off his mind they were still in control of his muscle functions. At least for the moment. "St. Jimmy," Ashley sang. "You have to wake up now. Ganelle wants to talk to you," Ashley said.

Harry finally opened his eyes and looked up at the young woman standing over him. "Ganelle?"

She smiled, the same way she had when he had first met the American girl. Ganelle Huntrew, American, came to his seventeenth birthday party and that was the last time he had seen her. And the first. He hadn't met her before she became a follower, someone else, a general in the States, had interviewed her and watched her sign the papers. He was wrong to let these things happen. He should have interviewed everyone who became a follower. He shouldn't let others do this work for him. Because _these_ things happened. Ganelle would gather Ashley, the lover of all things American, to kidnap him.

"That's right. Its really nice to see you again _St. Jimmy_," she said as she walked slow circles around his limp form in her bare feet. "I'm really glad that you could be here with us today."

"Whatever you're planning is not going to work. As soon as I get my hands working again you're going to be in big trouble."

"Oh, that's what you think. But see here," she said, roughly grabbing Ashley's arm and dragging her off the floor. "I've got your girl."

Harry shook his head. "Ashley is not my girl. Bonnie is-"

"Don't keep fooling yourself Jimmy. I've talked to _all_ of the followers and received some prime information on you that you don't even know about yourself. Don't correct _me_." She shoved Ashley into a nearby chair. Ashley quickly adjusted herself, pushing her hair off her face and pulling at her shirt. Harry looked back to Ganelle who smiled at him, finding it amusing that he even looked at Ashley. "You see, you may not have seen it, but everyone else did. Oh sure, Bonnie this and Bonnie that. We all understand, you love her. She's your soul mate, we all believe you. Even Bonnie does. Heck, even Ashley does. But you know what?" She knelt on the floor beside him, sitting on her heels. "We know something you don't know. You talk about Ashley more than you realize. You think about her, you dream about her, you're as obsessed about her as she is about you. She's just more obvious about it."

"That's not true. I haven't thought about Ashley before today in four years."

"That's what your brain tells you, but your brain is full of these little holes where things disappear when you want them to. Its all jam packed with memories of your home life, your suicide attempts that Fish kept you from, and, of course, Ashley. You don't have to hide Bonnie, she's the obvious choice. She's quite a catch. Your blonde bombshell, housewife, curls, likes to shop, perfect skin, does what you tell her to." She giggled at her words before she said them. "Has a baby when you suddenly want one."

"I didn't—"

"Let's not argue pretty boy." She got off her knees and continued her walk around him. "Now, we have veered off conversation. You're not going to hurt me because I've got Ashley, and you wouldn't hurt Ashley because deep down you're completely in love with her. She may not be your soul mate but she's non-recyclable." She turned to Ashley with a big smile. "Right Ashley?"

Ashley blushed and tried not to look at Harry as she licked her bottom lip.

Harry licked his bottom lip.

"You two are adorable," Ganelle giggled. "So," she continued, going back to her track. "When you do finally get the control of your body back there are no worries. I'll keep Ashley around as a shield. And in case she doesn't hold up as a defense as I've planned I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve to grab at. I also have a wand, which I believe I'm very talented with. I was trained by some of the best. They're not you, but they're good.

"Ashley does not have a wand. She never went to school or anything. Poor thing. We also have rope if we have to tie you up, and-" She pulled off her sweater to reveal a pure white T-shirt underneath and then took off one gray skirt to reveal a white layer underneath. "Some of your friends let me in on a little secret. They heard from Fish that you were getting some therapy for it but that you gave up on it. I thought it would help me." She flicked her wand around. "Don't you worry about me. I'll be perfectly alright. I'm not afraid of The Savior.

"Now that that's covered, lets talk about me. I really do enjoy talking about myself. Like most villains, right?" She ran her fingers through the waves of strawberry blonde hair hanging over her shoulder. "Now, when I was young I grew up in Old Bennington, Vermont. A small town, population 228. God it was boring there with my stupid parents and their stupid pretty house. So when I finally turned fifteen, an age where people will hire you for a paying job, I moved out and went to New York. When I got there I was going to be an actress but of course the normal route to becoming an actress is be a waitress, sleep with some photographers. I did. I ended up working for a small fashion magazine. I organized mail, but at least I was working in New York at a company that _I believed in._

"So a couple of months went by and that is when I met one of your generals in the states. He told me _all about you_. He was one of your dedicated, loving, believing followers. He really believed in the cause and the idea that you would save them all from themselves. But Jimmy,_ I_ don't need to be saved from myself and I didn't expect you to do it anyway. I had only met you once and you didn't even like me. I thought you were pretty rude in fact. I didn't like that.

"So, on that very same day that I met you I also met another young lady that you were not so fond of for the same reasons. She also liked to flirt. Your right hand man, Fish, was more than willing to give her the time of day, but like Ashley here, you all let her stay close by and cling to your pant legs while you treated her like crap.

"Hanna?"

Out of the other room, through an elegant door of a white frame around squares of glass, walked Hanna. Her black hair was long and out of the dreadlocks she had used to wear them in. It was pin straight to her waist, her eyes were lined with thick eyeliner and fake eyelashes but it was all done elegantly like the lipstick and her outfit, which was nothing like the clothing she used to wear where it looked like she was trying too hard.

"I gave her a little makeover after you fired her," Ganelle explained as Hanna walked over. "Hanna here is the mastermind behind everything I plan to do. She learned everything there is to know about you. You all underestimate the information she was able to gather in your group while she was there and is still gathering now from followers that she is still in contact with. Information about you is easy to gather from the other followers. Its amazing how much they know about you, even the ones you don't talk to. She knows your fears, your likes, the gossip, everything you need to know _about_ your leader..." She knelt down on the floor in front of him again and put her hand to his cheek. "To _torture_ your leader."

Harry stared up at her, then looked at Hanna who smiled at him like she used to and then at Ashley who pulled her feet up beside her on the chair and looked at him pityingly. She tried to raise a side of her mouth but it fell. She put her fingers to her bottom lip. He looked back to Ganelle. "What?"


	10. Your Dark Lord Knows Best The Consequen

Chapter 57

Your Dark Lord Knows Best (The Consequences of Cheating)

"HAAR-RRYYY!" Bonnie sang as they came through the floor with the two guards following behind them with their bags, Sophia in Bonnie's arms. "We're home kumquat. We bought some really cute things." She went up to their room and told the guards to leave the bags at the door. She put Sophia in the center of the bed and removed her coat. "Harry?" she called. "Are you in here?" She looked around the room and then came back to make sure Sophia hadn't moved. She sat down on the bed and took out her phone to track him. She went to the tracking device and it turned up blank. She checked Fish's tracking device to make sure her phone was working.

Fish was in his room at his apartment.

She went back to Harry's tracker. "Harry?" she wondered aloud. "Why is your phone off?"

/-

"Pick him up," Ganelle ordered the other two girls.

Ashley got out of her chair and helped Hanna drag Harry's body over to a sturdy metal chair that had been painted white. They had to get him tied down before his body started working again. It was easier to fight him off if they just had to keep retying the white rope that they were using to strap him down.

Hanna was really good with ropes and tying knots. Harry had taught her that.

Harry looked up at Ashley. "Sweetie. You don't have to do this. You could just tell her no and let me go. You're more than this," he told her.

Ashley smiled at him.

"St. Jimmy," Ganelle interrupted. "Don't talk to her. She's done her job, she's just here to watch. If you can't focus on the point of this exercise I will have to ask her to leave."

Harry looked at Ganelle. "I thought she was your shield."

Ganelle just smiled, like she knew everything that was going on and she knew that Harry knew nothing.

But Harry knew some things. "He told me this would happen."

Ganelle knelt in front of him, folding her arms over his knees and looking up at him. "Who's that Jimmy? Who told you these things that shatter your made up perfect little world?"

"Voldemort. He told me that my followers would turn on me. He said it was inevitable. Its impossible to make everyone happy."

"That's very true. Your nemesis was a smart man. But I'm not going to take pity on you just because you understand what is happening and just because it was inevitable. You took on this challenge and now you must live with the consequences." She patted his knee. "Let's get started, shall we?"

/-

"I don't know where he went. His phone is off, his guards say they were under the impression that he would only be gone a few hours. He told them to lie to me and tell me he was in his office all day." Bonnie explained as she led Ron, Fish, Hermione and Albus to Harry's office door. "There must be some evidence of where he went in his office."

"Maybe he was just taking some time alone," Hermione suggested.

"Why would he turn off his phone so that I wouldn't know if he was dead or alive? Why wouldn't he be home by now if he told his guards he would be. Sure, he'll be upset that we invaded his office but not if he's in danger."

Albus ran his wand over Harry's office door as they came upon it, looking for the magic guarding it. Bonnie didn't even try to take it down herself knowing that Harry would litter it with spells she wouldn't know. "You were right. They're very advanced. Mr. Weasley," he said, moving aside so that Ron could take a crack at it. Being one of the Unspeakables, they teach you a lot of new things. They watched him remove a few spells that a new Unspeakable gadget detected for him and then Albus took over to finish the rest. Fish turned the handle and they all followed in, gathering around the doorway in shock.

"Oh. My God," Fish mumbled as they all stared at the mess their friend had been living in. Harry never left this office anymore, he spent all of his free time reading and writing only God knew what in his office. Fish walked over to the desk and picked up the first book lying there, read the title of the chapter and then looked up at the others. "Bonnie, how much time does he spend in here?"

"Well, we were fighting. He doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep. For a couple weeks he has spent a lot of time in here. Why? What is he reading?"

"It's dark magic."

"He must be reading it for reference," she said without pause. "Everybody should know what they're fighting, right?"

Fish shook his head to himself and sat down in his leader's chair looking around at the books around him. "He's obviously got a lot on his mind Bonnie. Maybe you just overreacted. Maybe he's just out for a long walk and lost track of time."

"That's not what is happening Fish and you know it. Something is terribly wrong here. Even when we were fighting Harry would tell me if he was leaving the house. When we weren't, he would tell me if he was planning to take a walk even. And he wouldn't leave the house without bringing his guards or telling them where he was going, unless he was doing something stupid and secretive."

She handed Sophia to Hermione and walked over to the desk. She shuffled around some papers, looking for clues, something recent. She stopped at the unfolded letter sitting under a few notes in Harry's handwriting. She knew she recognized this writing on the letter. It was familiar in a very hazy sort of way. She read it over, recognized the date and quickly turned to the bottom of the second page with realization.

_**Ashley.**_

"Oh no."

/-

"Sir St. Jimmy," Ganelle said as she walked around his chair thoughtfully, her fingers lazily drifting over his shoulders as she walked behind him. "I've heard a lot about you the few years that I've been a part of this cult."

"Its not a—"

"Sh-hh," Ganelle hushed angrily, holding her finger to her lips like a kindergarten teacher. "I am talking right now and it is very rude to interrupt." She rolled her eyes and continued her walk. "God, I can't get a word in without you interrupting. No wonder Voldemort wanted to kill you. Now, where was I? Right, I have learned a lot about you St. Jimmy. You're a pretty interesting guy. You're a good person, people love you, you survive deadly situations all over the place." She dropped to her knees in front of him, putting her elbow on one of his knees and her chin in her hand. "Lets talk about those deadly situations. I am _really_ interested in hearing about them."

"That's what my therapist is for," Harry reminded her, glaring.

"Oh, but what could you tell him? He's _paid_ to listen to you. _I'm_ here for you St. Jimmy, I'll listen. I've _tied_ you up and I'm _forcing_ you to tell meeverything," she stated emphatically. "_That's_ how much I care. That's how much I _need_ to know. I _need _to know what is going on inside that little head of yours. I want you to tell me things—and the other girls of course—things you have never told anyone else. I want to get everything out of that little head of yours. I want to get through those broken walls and get to everything. I want to help _you_ get to everything to." She put her hand on his knee and rested the side of her face on the palm of her hand, looking up into his eyes. "I'm going to delve into those black holes and help you come to terms with the things you hide from yourself. I am going to _force_ you to.

"Its not right for good people to hide the darkness from themselves; you have no right to pretend you're better than the rest of us when you're _cheating_."

"I'm not—"

Ganelle just shook her head and Harry went quiet. She smiled sadistically. "That's a good boy. Lets talk about Voldemort first. Its most recent and it might hurt but we won't lose you as quickly as we would with my other subject options."

Harry sighed heavily. "You can't make me talk to you."

"Silly St. Jimmy. I know how this works. It will be just like therapy only a little bit harder on you and not as relaxing. It's not going to come out nice and easy at your pace in your own time. I'm going to _force_ it out of you." She climbed up onto the chair, straddling his body, and put her hand on his cheek. He leaned away from her, trying not to come in contact with her white clothes. "If I paint nice enough pictures and bring up the outside of that setting enough, at some point we are going to go in."

Harry looked away from her.

Ganelle smiled. "Let's start talking St. Jimmy. Lets talk about that battle. Was it just you and Voldemort in that room? Not from what I read. How many people were in the room Jimmy? How were you able to kill all those death eaters and fend off Voldemort? How many people were there Jimmy?"

"There were one hundred and fifty two."

"_Oh wow!_" She smiled. "You must feel _really bad_. I mean, you murdered a lot of people. About half of them probably didn't deserve it, right?"

"They were death eaters. They were on the other side. There was no time to decide who was good and who wasn't. They should have decided before hand."

Ganelle smiled. "That was sweet St. Jimmy. Very Jesus of Suburbia of you."

"Ganelle?"

Harry and Ganelle both turned to look at Ashley who was sitting on the floor against the wall closest to them.

Ganelle smiled pleasantly. "Yes Ashley?"

"Um, I don't want to interrupt or question your methods but...it...bothers me. Having you sitting on him like that. I just..."

"Don't worry Ashley. I understand." She climbed off of Harry's lap. "I'm sorry for sitting on him. That was wrong of me." She walked over to Ashley and lifted the girl's chin. "I won't move in on your territory sweetie. No worries. Maybe I'll give you some time with him in a little while."

Ashley smiled excitedly but held back.

"Ganelle?" Hanna interrupted. Ashley and her looked to Hanna who pointed to Harry. He had turned his hands to the side at an awkward angle to set fire to the white ropes around his wrists.

Ganelle gasped and turned to him. "St. Jimmy! What the hell are you doing? Are you undermining me? I thought we were going to work together on this. I thought we were going to be in this together."

Harry turned his hand toward her and pushed the flames toward her skirt, which caught fire. She pulled it together to put it out as he went back to working on the ropes that were cracking.

"Hanna," Ganelle said quickly. "Grab those buckets of water."

Hanna went to a tall white box in the corner and grabbed two buckets and carried them over to the center of the room where Harry was. Ganelle grabbed one of the buckets and Hanna took the other and they poured the almost frozen ice water over Harry's hands, putting out the fire in his hands. Harry took deep breaths, trying to come over the shock of the ice water.

"I can't believe you St. Jimmy. I was _trying _to be nice to you. I started off simple and easy and if you were a good boy we could have stayed that way. But now we must move on and I'm going to have to make it more difficult on you.

"Ashley, would you retie those ropes quickly while I get my tools?"

Ashley nodded, grabbing more white rope and crawling over to Harry.

"Watch her," Ganelle said to Hanna.

Harry was shivering, his hands dripping with ice that melted on his skin. "Ashley," Harry mumbled.

She looked up at him and smiled. "I'm really sorry about this St. Jimmy."

"Why are you doing this for her?" Harry asked as she pulled the knots tight around his wrists. He had taught her how to tie knots to. He used to play games with her to train her. When the others weren't around, when they were busy and he and Ashley were alone...

_**.**_

_**Harry sat on the floor in front of Ashley's bed. One of his wrists was already tied to her green bed post and she sat on the bed at the post trying to fix it. She was wearing an outfit that made Harry happy, he had made her change when he came over. A little printed green top and black corduroys, her hair pulled back in a high pony tail so that he could see her face. Little strands of hair from her grown out bangs hung in her eyes. **_

"_**It's not tight enough Ash. I could still escape just by pulling my arm away," Harry told her, leaning his head back to lay it on the bed, looking up at her. **_

_**Ashley dropped her hands and tried to force strands of hair behind her ear. "It's not working. The ropes won't get any tighter."**_

"_**If you knot the ropes in the right way it won't matter how tightly you're able to pull them. Try again."**_

_**Ashley rolled her eyes and pulled the ropes off to try to tie them again the way Harry had demonstrated a few minutes ago. **_

"_**Ashley!" her mother called from downstairs. "Do you and your friend want some snacks?"**_

_**Ashley looked down at Harry, who was still resting his head back on her bed. He shook his head. "No thanks mummy."**_

_**She turned back to Harry and smiled down at him. She started work on the ropes again. "Is this feeling better?" she asked.**_

"_**Its better sweetie. Keep practicing." He reached up to her face and twirled a dark strand of her hair around his finger. **_

_**She blushed and turned back to the knots. When she was finished Harry pulled at the ropes to test their strength. "That's really good sweetie. I'm really proud. See, if you put your mind to it you can learn anything easily enough."**_

"_**Thanks." She sunk down on the bed and laid on her back so that her head laid next to Harry's. They both turned to look at each other. "St. Jimmy?"**_

"_**Yeah sweetie?"**_

"_**Sometimes I miss you. Even when I'm next to you, sometimes even when I'm talking to you. It's like I'm not really there with you sometimes. Not like right now. Do you sometimes miss me St. Jimmy? Like that?"**_

_**Harry smiled and touched her cheek. "Yeah. All the time."**_

.

Ashley didn't respond to his question. In a few seconds Harry's expression had changed from curiosity to want.

"St. Jimmy?" she asked curiously.

"I want to kiss you again."

Ashley smiled, blushing. "It was a nice kiss."

Harry looked down, ashamed of himself. "I can't understand myself. I feel like I'm being cursed."

"It's alright. Its not your fault. Its just human nature." She put her hand over his hand softly, comfortingly and Harry breathed deeply of her scent and appreciated the moment he had with her. Then she moved her hand and started to knot the ropes on his other wrist.

"Sweetie?" he asked. "Were you really sexually assaulted? You could have written to me earlier, I would have helped."

Ashley smiled at him and shook her head. "No, I made that up. The guards at the hospital are mainly women in the women's ward except one man and I'm pretty sure he's gay."

Harry leaned back in his seat. "Well, at least you're okay."

Ashley smiled as she pulled tightly at the rope, so hard it made Harry wince a little.

"You've gotten better at tightening those, huh?"

"St. Jimmy?" she asked, taking position straddling over him like Ganelle had previously. "If you don't object, I'm going to kiss you now."

Harry stared up at her. When Ganelle had been near him he had just been annoyed, she was just another enemy, he wasn't attracted to her. He could feel the heat of Ashley's body against him, smell her, she filled every sense. The taste of her on his mouth from hours earlier was gone and he wanted it back, he wanted to kiss her, to taste her again. He already missed her. He was so tired of missing her.

"Okay," he mumbled.

Ashley smiled and touched his cheek lovingly, brushing his hair back behind his ear and leaned in slowly. He realized she was going to tease him, she was going to join in on the torture. She crouched in his lap and breathed heavily against his neck. He groaned deep in his throat, intoxicated by the smell of her, the feel of her heart beat and the scent of her skin. She was so close, he thought if he turned his head he would be able to taste her neck.

"Ashley," he breathed, shivering and rolling his head back as she lapped her tongue up his throat.

"Mmm," she sighed.

He watched her pull her tongue back into her mouth, touch the back of her teeth with it and then swallow heavily. He couldn't believe her change from the un-talkative, shy Ashley to the girl completely seducing him.

She let him breathe and then leaned in to caress his lips lightly with her own. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip like he had to her and he willingly opened his mouth to receive it. Her arms wrapped around his neck and he raised his body up to participate, struggling against the restraints, wanting to be able to touch her. He couldn't believe the wonderful feeling of her tongue and the taste of her mouth and her lips and the smell of her skin. Everything about her was so warm and familiar and his.

"Ashley," he mumbled against her mouth.

She replied by grinding her hips into him and he groaned in her mouth and kissed her harder.

"Untie me Ashley," he breathed, kissing her lips as she kissed his. "We'll leave. I'll take you out of here. I'll kiss you. I'll make love to you." He breathed her in as she kissed him deeply, bit his bottom lip and devoted her mouth to his. "You just have to untie me sweetie. We can go."

"I can't do that St. Jimmy," she said knowingly, pecking him on the lips over and over. "You'll go back to your wife. You'll feel guilty. But here, now, you don't have to feel guilty about this. Because by the time Ganelle is finished with you, you'll be so out of it, no one will be able to be angry at you." She held his face between her hands.

"Ashley—"

"Shh," she whispered, putting her finger to his lips. "She's giving us a few minutes alone and we can't waste it talking." She kissed him again, pressing her whole body into him, and grinding into him.

For a moment, Harry tried to resist. The first couple of times, the kissing in the beginning was wrong and he knew that. He would feel guilty over it for the rest of his life every time he looked at Bonnie. And his only excuse was that he was completely high on the smell of his follower's skin. But he knew he had just promised to take her away and sleep with her and he wasn't sure how far he would let himself go with her if he didn't stop her now.

But she didn't pull her mouth and tongue away long enough for him to interrupt and stop her and the more she kissed him the more he forgot.

A few minutes later, when Hanna had disappeared and the two girls still hadn't interrupted, Ashley crawled off his lap and started to unzip her pants.

"What are you doing?" he asked, shocked, nervous and still wishing she would come back.

"I want you St. Jimmy," she mumbled, stepping out of her jeans and shoes and standing in front of him, barefoot, in her black underwear and her cardigan. She crawled back onto his lap and he moved uncomfortably but still wanting. "Don't you want me?" She ran her fingers to his waist and unzipped his pants.

Harry didn't say anything and he didn't object, he just let her continue.

/-

"He's been gone for hours," Bonnie said again as she paced back and forth in Lily and James's lounge. Lily was holding Sophia. "She took him, I know she did. That little conniving little _twat_ stole my husband," she mumbled angrily. She glared at the carpet and spat at it in anger as she spoke. "She probably didn't even have to try very hard. She probably told him some sob story and he probably followed. The Savior to everyone, _especially_ the crazy ones. He's more pliable in the department of what he's willing to give up these days than he used to be." She turned to Fish. "He's probably sleeping with her. I can feel it in my bones. He's cheating on me with her, the _bastard_," she hissed hysterically.

"Bonnie," James said quickly, taking her shoulders to stop her pacing. "There's no need to worry like that. Harry would never cheat on you. I'm sure he's fine."

Bonnie turned to him and shook her head. "You don't know Ashley. She was his other love." She put her hand to her face and instantly started to sob.

James pulled her into a hug. "It will be okay sweetie."

Bonnie shoved him away. "Don't call me that. That's what he calls _her_. She's sweetie. Sweetie, Baby, Ash, Ashley. She's crazy like he is, his crazy friend. I'm not crazy like they are, I can't relate. I had to _make up_ problems to get that close to him."

"Would you like a calming drought dear?" Lily asked.

Bonnie sighed and sat on the floor. "I would love one."

Lily sent the nanny off to collect a calming drought. Little Sirius turned to his mother. "Why is Harry sleeping with his friend? Why isn't he sleeping at home?"

Lily shook her head. "Now isn't the time sweetheart."

"Where do we start looking for him?" Fish asked. "Even if he's fine we should still see where he's gone. Check on him. Make sure Bonnie's as crazy as she sounds."

"We have everyone keeping an eye out for him," Tim said.

"One of them is bound to hear something," Tom added.

Bonnie got her calming drought, drank the whole thing and passed out on the floor. Fish picked her up and put her on the couch, taking her seat on the floor. He put his arm around Kacy who sat beside him, resting her head on his shoulder as he took his phone out of his pocket and stared at it, waiting for someone to call. Lily took care of Sophia, James tried to explain to Little Sirius what was going on without actually explaining anything. Everyone else just sat around waiting for information.

An hour later, after Kacy had fallen asleep with her head on Fish's lap, she woke to his phone ringing though he answered it quickly enough. "Anything?" He listened quietly and the others in the room watched him as he waited, putting his hand to his mouth. "Okay," he replied. "Thanks." He paused. "And do you know where she's living here? What area at the least?" He waited for a reply. "Okay, maybe Tim and Tom can search it out. Maybe Avin can sniff her out. He knows bad blood. Good job. I'll get back to you." He hung up and looked over at Bonnie passed out on the couch still. "Harry has been kidnapped. Apparently this girl Ganelle from the States joined forces with our good friend Hanna and they used Ashley as bait. Ashley was released from the hospital just a couple of months ago but the others have heard that Ganelle convinces her not to take her medication. Ganelle has been living somewhere in England with Hanna for almost five months. He says he doesn't know what they want with Harry but Ganelle isn't a very loving type of girl and if she shares Hanna's feelings they can't be in good moods." He turned to Tim and Tom.

"Already at work, Fish," they mumbled as they each got their laptops out of their bags.

"Harry," Bonnie whispered painfully in her sleep and they all turned to look at her. "Don't."

/-

Ashley had readjusted the ropes so that Harry's hands could reach her just enough to hold her hips, pulling her back down onto him roughly as he came, kissing her mouth sloppily as neither could control their mouths properly in their climax.

When they were both finished Ashley pulled away to adjust herself and zip his pants back up. Harry dragged his fingernails along her hips, hard enough to leave marks, when she pulled away to get her pants. He sunk into his chair, still breathing heavily as he watched with half-lidded eyes as she pulled her jeans back on. She smiled ecstatically at him. "It was good, wasn't it?" She zipped up her pants and pulled down her shirt and sweater before crawling back onto his lap. "You could hardly move and it was great."

"If you untied me I could take you out and make it better," he offered.

She pressed her lips to his again. "Fun time is over St. Jimmy. Its time for your punishment now."

"I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life over this and go to Hell for it probably to. Can't that be my punishment?"

"Ganelle says its necessary for it to be this way."

"Are you going to listen to what this girl has to say over what I say?" he asked, pulling at her jeans, looking up at her with lusty yet hopeful eyes. "I thought my word meant everything to you."

Ashley opened her mouth to reply but Ganelle spoke up from behind her.

"That's enough now you two. I've given you plenty of time alone together." She stepped into the room and over to them, Hanna following quietly behind.

Harry looked up at her, gripping Ashley's jeans in his fingers. "We were talking."

Ganelle lowered her face to be even with him. "She doesn't have anything more to say to you."

"She has an answer," Harry replied.

"I don't think its in your favor. You didn't save her then and you can't save her now. _Stop_. _Trying_." Before he could respond she grabbed Ashley's arms and Hanna pried Harry's fingers off her jeans. "Come on Ashley. You've gotten what you wanted, I have work to do now."

"Thank you Ganelle," Ashley said with a smile. She turned and kissed Harry one last time and Harry responded eagerly until Hanna put a hand on his chest and shoved him back in his seat as Ganelle pulled Ashley off the chair. "Go sit down Ashley," Ganelle said.

Ashley grabbed her shoes and went to sit in a ball in the corner.

Ganelle placed herself front and center before Harry. "I see Ashley readjusted your knots. She wasn't supposed to do that. But no worries. I brought my bag of tricks to keep you in your place this time. Your magic fire won't stop these." She pulled a little black cloth bag out from behind her back. "Now I told you before, didn't I? I asked you. What did you think you were going to do St. Jimmy? Save everyone by treating them like your pets, calling them your followers and then abandoning them? Not happening," she said, shaking her head. "No way. I won't allow it. That's why I brought these." She pulled two large metal stakes out of her cloth bag. Harry raised his eyebrows at them. "Made special for the Jesus of Suburbia, tortured to insanity for the sins of his people." She giggled.

Harry struggled in the tight ropes on his wrists and around legs.

"You really did teach your followers well didn't you?" she taunted. "Taught them just how to take you down. By making them your friends.

"And do you know what else you did for me, making my job so simple? You made my connections for me. Everyone knows everyone else, all I had to do was trace some lines to get where I wanted to be. Once I met Hanna by going to your birthday party with the guys, Hanna of course knows everyone and so she told me about Ashley and with a little work we met someone else that you know quite well. And _he _is going to help us get you out of this chair and onto that wall over there where I want you."

She turned to look up at the open doorway where her and Hanna had reentered the room. "You can come in now," she called.

Harry turned his head and watched, as who else should walk through that door, but Lucius Malfoy.

Harry sighed heavily. "My enemy's followers are turning on me to?" he asked.


	11. Really? Jesus References?

AN: Thanks for waiting and thanks for the eager reviews. I was a little scared to post this chapter because I like it very much and I didn't want it to be disappointing. EveryRoseHasIt'sThorns made me really want to post this but I'll also try to post the next one as soon as possible. Thank you for the encouragement, I'm so very glad that it hasn't disappointed you. :) I hope this next chapter doesn't either. Its really quite sad, I think, but I really liked writing it so I hope you like reading it.

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Chapter 58

Really? Jesus References?

.

"Don't worry Potter," Lucius smiled, stretching his fingers as Harry leaned his head back from the blow. "My hand won't get tired," he assured him before punching him again, throwing Harry's head back hard enough that Ashley winced every time, afraid that Harry's neck would snap.

Meanwhile, Ganelle knelt on the floor beside Harry, talking and explaining. "You see, these are special stakes that I had made for you. You see, when we hammer them in place, these other little hooks shoot out the sides at the bottom to keep the stakes in place so that if you try to pull them out you'll just continue to irritate your wound. Cool, huh?"

Harry's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"Don't kill him!" Ashley shouted.

"Don't you worry dear," Lucius assured her. "He's not getting off that easily." He turned to Ganelle. "He's nearly unconscious. I can feel it in his pulse. He can't do that on his own, can he?"

Ganelle looked to Hanna who shook her head.

Lucius and Ganelle started to untie the ropes and Lucius dragged Harry's limp body over to the cement wall across from the tall windows where the light shone through. Ganelle wanted good lighting.

Hanna held one of Harry's arms up against the wall and Lucius held the other, putting Harry's body in the position they wanted him. Lucius suggested that it would be better if they put his hands over his head and lifted his knees up closer to his chest so that he would hang forward slightly and put more weight on his hands. Since the steaks wouldn't come out of the wall once they were inserted they wouldn't have to worry about his weight pulling them out.

It was Ashley's job to wake him up since Ganelle wanted him somewhat conscious to feel the pain. When his eyes were open Ashley stepped away and Ganelle positioned the steak in the center of his palm, the back of his hand pressed against the wall. Excited to use her new tools she lifted her hammer and knocked the steak through Harry's skin and bones listening to the crack and his whimpers. She knocked it again to make it a little deeper and then waited, listening to the hooks shoot out inside the wall and grab hold. Hanna released his hand and the two girls cheered at the success of Ganelle's devices.

She then started work on his other hand, taking pleasure in his wince and groan and guttural moan of pain. You could feel her happiness in her deep breath and sigh and she knelt on the floor with her last two stakes. "This is the best day of my life. I'll remember it forever."

"You're lucky he even feels it," Hanna told Ganelle as she sat on the floor beside her, holding the other steak while Ganelle positioned one point on the front of his shoe. "He has a high tolerance for pain."

"Oh, he feels it because he wants to feel it. He _wants_ to be punished." She looked up at Harry with a smile. "Don't you St. Jimmy?" She hammered the steak through his foot and giggled, listening to him groan in pain.

"You bitch," he mumbled.

"Don't be mean St. Jimmy. There's no need to be ashamed." She lined the last steak up with his foot and hammered it in. Harry whimpered and lowered his head. Ganelle stood up off the floor and took his face in her hands. "It hurts, doesn't it St. Jimmy? To have none of it left. None of that pain you were so used to. No one to torture you, cut up your arms, try and poison you, threaten you, mess with your head. First it was your uncle, right? He tortured you; physically and mentally. He was the best at it. At least, so I've heard. He put you in that little cupboard under his stairs, left you in the dark with eight-legged creatures, left you alone, hungry and dirty. What was that like, huh? Did you hate him for that?"

"I didn't hate my family," Harry mumbled. "They let me survive."

"Don't you have the right to survive St. Jimmy? That's not really their decision, is it?" Hanna leaned over to whisper something in Ganelle's ear. "Oh right. You didn't want to survive, did you St. Jimmy? You tried to commit suicide at four for God sakes." She stroked his cheek. "You always had such a passion for death, didn't you?"

"I was young," Harry mumbled. "I just wanted to be with my parents."

"We get that. You poor thing, missed your mummy, did you?" She stepped back and sat down in a wooden chair directly in front of him a couple feet back. Lucius stood in the corner of the room and let her work. Hanna and Ashley stood off to the side. "You like that feeling of death, don't you St. Jimmy? Its always been a close personal friend of yours. Its been near to you your entire life, since you were one and Voldemort first tried to kill you. You were so close. And then every time you nearly passed out from the pain and suffering, every moment you lay bleeding to death on the floor, each time so close to death you could almost feel it there waiting for you to finish breathing. You wouldn't even try to stay if you were at the end. Some people, they hold on to that string, that lifeline, as they say. But you, when you get close you reach out to death hoping he cuts the cord early.

"I heard from some followers after the war that you got really close after your fight with Voldemort. That you took a breath only every couple of minutes but it was enough to keep you from passing on. Your dad got you just in time." She leaned forward in her chair to look at him. He was swayed forward from the wall, his face lowered and his hair fallen over it to hide his reactions. "What was that like St. Jimmy? To be so close to what you've always wanted, peace. And then to have your own father take it away from you. Is that why you're always saying he doesn't like you? So that you can go without leaving him behind? You're so sentimental."

Harry shook his head, almost unnoticed.

"Why don't you tell me how it felt St. Jimmy? How close were you?" she asked curiously like she was getting started on a good book that she read straight out of his thoughts. "Were you back in that cool darkness that your uncle put you in? Did you feel the spiders crawling on your skin like pin-pricks in sleeping limbs? Did you feel death's shadow come over you? Did you feel his breath on the back of your neck, his grasp reaching out to save you from a life of simplicity and normalcy? From boredom?

"How long were you forced to lay there in that dark room, waiting? Was it torture to wait for that peace? Was it torture to think of how many people could take you from it? Was it torture to feel your father hold on to you instead of death? Did you think it was that man in the dark cloak before you realized? Did you breathe a sigh of relief before you broke?"

"I don't want to die," Harry argued, shaky, though Ganelle's smile told the others she sensed lying, even if they didn't hear it. "I love my family."

Ganelle smiled. "No one ever said...that you didn't love them. I simply said, you preferred death...over the convenience of a menial life so far from it. You were supposed to die a hero, right? That's why you went that long. You were okay dying on the battle field doing what you were destined to do. How are you supposed to have a satisfying death now? From old age? A heart attack? Maybe you'll fall down the stairs. What an exciting news headline that will make. Great and Powerful Savior of the World Falls Down His Stairs and Dies.

"Personally, if I were you, I'd have preferred dying of starvation in the cupboard."

"Stop it," Harry mumbled, his voice soft and wispy. Hanna could almost hear the sounds of defeat in her ex-leader's voice. The voice once so strung with power it used to give her the shivers and made any girl in the room kind of horny. It was great revenge, even if she wasn't sure how Ganelle really did it, but it was also kind of depressing.

Since she had met Ganelle the girl just had a gift. She could read people somehow, she had a way about her mind and it was probably what made her crazy. She saw things in people with the help of some small clues, which Hanna gave her. The rest of it she just picked up, like she was pulling tiny pieces of it from Harry's mind.

"I can't stop now St. Jimmy," Ganelle argued. "I can feel the walls a' crackin. I'm curious St. Jimmy, when did you first build those walls, huh? How would a kid know to make them? And why aren't they holding up so well? Only so many near-death experiences per warranty?"

She switched subjects quickly.

"What I don't understand is why you went ahead and married Bonnie? You obviously wanted death, or at the very least, torture and pain that would let you feel near to it again like your uncle gave you. Bonnie wasn't going to give you that. She was going to give you the day to day life of a married couple, paying for all of her clothes and visiting the family, sitting around a lot being comfortable and happy. St. Jimmy doesn't do comfortable. Its not even dramatic. You have money, a big house, a pretty baby. What's left to live for even? You're not close to death and you're out of exciting things to do while you're still alive. The only things you can do to get by now is have lots of sex and drink a lot. Ashley recently covered one of those areas for you earlier."

"Please, kill me now," Harry mumbled.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic. I'm definitely not going to kill you. What kind of professional would I be if I let you go easy?"

The four went quiet as they heard him respond strangely. At first they thought maybe he was whispering to himself, mumbling or maybe breathing heavily. Then Hanna realized it first. That St. Jimmy was crying. She couldn't remember her powerful leader ever crying. Fish once told her how uncomfortable he had been seeing Harry shed tears when Bonnie almost died and she could remember herself walking away with Ma'am and Toilet when Bonnie told St. Jimmy she was leaving for France. And even though she was semi-numbed to the fascinating effects of his power, it was eerie to watch his breaking. St. Jimmy only cried when he felt that the world was ending when he had told it not to.

Ganelle's jaw hung open in shock at her accomplishment. When she recovered she smiled and chuckled at the success. Then she leaned forward maliciously to poke at him while he was down. "Oh, St. Jimmy. Is that black hole falling apart? Is the steel door on that dark cave falling off? I know that's how you used to explain it. Is the cave opening yet? Is the door falling off the hinges? Are the memories seeping out through the cracks? I think they are. What happened St. Jimmy? You can talk to me. Come on. You don't have to say it aloud. It doesn't have to come out of your mouth. Its just going to come out of that door. Its going to seep into your mind and you won't be able to hold it in. And then I'll see it and I'll help you remember it and I'll help you bring it to the surface.

"It will probably be so painful you may even scream. But that's just wishful thinking on my part. I've never seen that happen. And really, how much more screwed up could you be than you are right now?" She leaned forward in her chair, her chin resting on her hand thoughtfully and excited to see. "Hmm, lets find out, shall we?"

/

Harry sat leaned back against the wall, his head propped up and his arms lying numb at his sides, his legs stretched out in front of him. He felt so tired, so tired and so ill. His stomach hurt, mostly from the lack of food but also in his side, his ribs, where he had fallen on some rocks outside in the backyard when Uncle Vernon had pushed him.

He took deep breaths. It was hard to breathe when you hadn't eaten. This was the second time he'd gone so long without food but it hurt worse this time. He couldn't move anymore, it was too tiring, and he couldn't lay down because he was too sore to lay down or sit in any position but the one he was in.

He breathed deeply.

He could feel the weight of the bags under his eyes, the weight of his shoulders sagging and they were hard to lift to breathe. He could feel his eyelids begin to droop. But he couldn't sleep. Not yet. If he went to sleep he wouldn't hear his uncle coming, he wouldn't know to hide in the back of the cupboard where the man's short arm couldn't reach in the dark; drunk and tired.

They hadn't gone to bed yet. Uncle Vernon had stayed in the kitchen, long after Aunt Petunia had cleared the table and cleaned every inch of the kitchen. She had disappeared upstairs and come back down. She had peaked into his little cupboard, probably to see if he was asleep, which he pretended he was. She whispered to him in the dark, deep seeded hating things that made him shiver in his simulated sleep. Things about his skin and bones and the way she wanted to touch it in painful ways. And she did. She reached over with her thin, bony fingers and pinched his skin, reaching under his worn black T-shirt three sizes too large to scratch and pinch at his scar and swelling injury.

He hissed in pain but didn't look at her. She knew he was awake. St. Jimmy didn't feel pain at all in his sleep. She knew.

She giggled at him and moved back again, closing the door on him and locking it but keeping the little window open. He glanced out when he heard her walking away and heard her going to the kitchen.

He breathed deeply, forcing his chest to expand for the oxygen.

They breathed to. A lot. He could hear them clearly. Uncle Vernon wasn't the quietest man in the world. He yelled loud enough when he was angry for anyone to guess what his sex voice sounded like.

Most seven year olds probably didn't understand what sex was or even acknowledge that it existed. That made sense. But Harry did. He knew exactly what it was. It was almost like they wanted him to know. They had done it right in front of him once. When he was lying in bed their activities continued in the hallway in front of his open door.

He couldn't close his eyes.

He breathed in again. He wished he could block it out, the thoughts, memories, the noises echoing in the house. He wished he could black out unconsciously and wake up only when someone said his name. But people couldn't control their minds like that. Could they?

.

"POTTER! I'M GONNA KILL YOU. YOU FREAK! I KNOW YOU DID IT! GET BACK OVER HERE SO I CAN BEAT YOU!"

Harry hid under the table and clung to the leg. "I didn't do it. I didn't," he whispered to himself, pressing his forehead into the lines of the wood. The pain of it was better than the words his uncle screamed at him.

The meaty arms found him and pulled him from the table. Despite the strength of Harry's hands Vernon tore him out from under the table after simply breaking Harry's fingers. Harry screamed as Vernon dragged him up the stairs to Dudley's play room and slammed the door shut.

"Stop touching me! I didn't do it! I swear."

"What am I punishing you for boy?" Vernon asked as he shoved Harry up against a wall so hard he slid down it to the floor, laying on his stomach.

Harry pushed himself up sorely and crawled to the corner of the room. "I don't know. But I haven't done anything."

"If you don't know what you're being punished for then how do you know you don't deserve it?" Vernon told him, his logic good enough for him. He walked toward Harry in the corner of the room, grabbed the collar of his shirt and dragged him to the center of the room, into the light from the window. Harry was choking from the pressure of the collar around his neck.

Since challenging him wasn't helping him he apologized, for what he didn't know. "I'm sorry then. I didn't mean to. I won't do it again."

"Yes you will. You're the scum of the Earth and mold is hard to get rid of." Vernon threw him onto the floor and Harry's head hit the wood hard. His thoughts went woozy and so did his vision. He saw the fist come toward his eyes and then it was black.

.

The room was so dark, not an inch of light could get in here. He liked the dark, it was safe here. It reminded him of the moments when the pain was so bad he just stopped feeling it. He wondered if this was what death felt like. Sure, death probably hurt on the way there, probably like torture, but it wouldn't be nearly as long as the torture in the house was.

He missed Bonnie.

Her and Fish were the only things good in the light.

And sometimes Ashley. He missed her to. But sometimes she reminded him of pain and it was so hard to stay away from the door he had made when he was near her. He thought a lot about death when he was around her. Not because she was depressing in any way but because he liked being alone with her. It was really quiet and not boring all at the same time. She reminded him of what he thought death must be like. Sort of numb but really peaceful, simple and finished. Uncomplicated. She didn't involve a lot of work like Fish and Bonnie did. He always felt like impressing Bonnie by telling her things he'd done and lying about his home life. And Fish…Fish wouldn't let him go. Not ever.

The door opened but he wasn't listening. He had his eyes closed and directed at the wall, concentrating on keeping the door closed. That door would last forever, he was sure of it. He'd made it from a strong frame. It would probably last as long as it took to accomplish his task, maybe twelve or fifteen years before it started to fall apart.

Then death would come for him and along with it, peace.

A strong hand came from behind and wrapped around his small neck, another aligned with the back of his skull and slammed his face into the wall.

.

Fish kicked the door down and for a moment the group in the wide, open cement room were caught off guard. James caught Lucius before he could lift his wand and he went down with one spell. Sirius ran across the room and pushed him into a corner and made sure he was out. Bonnie, who was pissed and insisted on coming, leaving Sophia with Lily and her mother, stomped into the room in her black pumps, which she had happened to be wearing when she found out and never thought to change. She pointed her wand at Ganelle, who sat leaned back in her chair with her eyebrows raised at them, unenthused with the dramatics of the situation.

"If Sarah Michelle Gellar can kick ass in heels than so can I. Don't mess with me. Where's my husband?"

Ganelle smirked at her and simply moved her hand delicately to motion to Harry like Vanna White. Bonnie looked at the wall where Harry was hanging, his arms spread out from his body and slightly above his head, his hands nailed into the wall with large spikes. Blood spread out around the steak, dripping from his palms and creating a drying pool of it on the floor. His body was lack the rest of the way down, his knees bent forward so that his body leaned into the room, putting weight on his hands. A second pair of steaks held his bare feet to the wall, also pooling blood around the edges of the wound and dripping onto the floor. His black hair hung over his face, hidden from them. The streak of white that hid his scar with his magic was faded to a strange, unnatural gray color.

"Oh my _God_!" Bonnie cried, putting one hand over her mouth as the others took in the sight. "What the Hell is wrong with you?"

"We were just playing a game," Ganelle shrugged playfully with a friendly smile. "He was having _a lot_ of fun. Especially when we got really into it. It almost makes me shiver just thinking about it. What a day."

Bonnie turned to Fish. "Get him down."

Fish went over to Harry and so did James as Bonnie went to Ganelle, putting her wand to the girl's throat.

"Harry?" James asked as he reached for his son. He looked at Fish when he realized that he heard the sounds to. "Are you breathing okay? We're going to get you down, don't worry." He was making a strange sound, like he was trying to breathe or form words.

"She stripped his vocal chords," Ashley spoke up, standing from a darkened corner of the room where she and Hanna had watched. It had gotten sort of scary toward the end, with Ganelle hearing things none of them could and hearing her laugh the more Harry screamed until she took that away to. "The Jesus of Suburbia must suffer for our sins in silence," she told them, since thats what Hanna had said, prompting Ganelle to perform the dark spell.

Sirius, with his foot on Lucius, pointed his wand at Ashley.

"I knew you were a part of this," Bonnie said, glaring at her. "I found your stupid letter. Cured my ass," she cursed. "You should sue the hospital, they didn't do a damn thing to help you."

"Ganelle told me that my meds would never make me feel as good as the way I could feel working with her. So I stopped taking them."

Harry made a noise from the wall and they all turned their attention back to him.

"Sorry baby," James apologized. "We'll get you down." Fish held him up while James grabbed the spike to pull it out. Harry made a strangled sound of pain and winced noticeably from under his hair.

"They're bolted in from inside the wall," Hanna informed them, coming out as well.

"What is this? Revenge for him not sleeping with you or what?" Fish asked.

"Well Hanna and I were offended of course," Ganelle interjected, "but we didn't feel as deceived as Ashley there, so we agreed that she would be the fortunate one to sample the awesome power of St. Jimmy's manhood." She grinned evilly at Harry's lank form in front of her.

Bonnie looked down at Ganelle, then Hanna and stopped at Ashley who stared down at her feet even though Bonnie knew the girl felt no guilt. Even at seven they had been fighting over Harry and because Ashley was mental Bonnie had won. Or so she had thought.

"He sounded like he _really_ enjoyed it," Ganelle giggled. "We heard from the other room."

Bonnie jabbed her wand into the girl's neck.

"Oww," she whined quietly.

"That's enough!" Fish yelled. "How do we get these out?"

The three girls just shrugged unhelpfully.

Ron came over from the door, leaving Tim and Tom to point their wands at Ashley and Hanna. He started a spell drilling a hole into the cement wall and cutting Harry out of it. Fish and James held him up when the first steak fell out and Ron went to work on the second. Finally they had him completely off and they sat him on his knees on the floor.

James kneeled down beside him to talk.

/

"Harry," he heard his father say and felt his hand on his shoulder. But everything was just background noise to the show before him, projecting from inside his head. They weren't flashes anymore, they took up the room in his head, filled his eyes and wouldn't go away.

YOU FREAK!

"Harry? Its okay now. I'm right here."

CUT IT! Vernon yelled at him. Everything was deafening, every sound amplified in his head. CUT IT YOU FUCKING FREAK. TAKE IT AND BLEED.

He watched his hand, holding the kitchen knife in his hand and putting it to his skin. He watched his own hand press the knife down on it and drag it until the blood came up the center.

DO IT YOURSELF YOU PARASITIC LOUSE! YOU DESERVE THIS! YOU DESERVE THIS PAIN. THIS IS YOUR LIFE.

/

Back in the room, in reality, the others watched Harry rock himself back and forth on the ground, his arms wrapped around himself, staring at the floor. His hands and feet were bleeding profusely and it soaked into his shirt.

"Harry," James said, trying to speak more loudly now so that Harry could hear him over the delusions, though they didn't know that that was the reason he wasn't responding. But the girls did. "We're going to take you home now. We're going home."

.

THIS IS WHERE YOU LIVE YOU FREAK. Harry felt the kick in his ribs and a cough well up in his throat that he couldn't get rid of. Like choking. THIS IS WHERE YOU LIVE. YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE THIS PAIN, THIS TORTURE, THIS TIME (MIND) OF YOURS. YOU'LL ALWAYS BE HERE. YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE. THIS IS WHERE YOU LIVE YOU FREAK. THIS IS WHERE YOU'LL DIE. THIS IS WHERE YOU WILL DECOMPOSE. UNDER MY FLOORBOARDS. ALONE.

/

Bonnie knocked the girls out and kicked Ashley with her heel for good measure because she felt like it and they dragged the kidnappers and Harry back to the house. They locked the four in one room to decide what to do with them later. They took Harry into the lounge and laid him on the couch. Josh came over to try to check on him but Fish stopped him, informing him that Ganelle had stripped his vocal chords and he couldn't speak.

"Besides, he doesn't seem to be with us mentally anyway," Sirius pointed out.

Albus went to work with Hermionie and Lily and Ron to find a spell to reverse his speaking situation. Josh did a few spells to check his physical condition otherwise.

"Oh my God," he sighed.

"What? What is it?" Bonnie asked from across the room. She still wasn't sure what to think of Ganelle's story of Harry and Ashley.

"Ganelle, she gave him E."

"You mean like Ecstasy?" Fish asked. "Like the drug?"

"Looks like it. She probably gave it to him to make him less likely to fight back. He is susceptible to it."

Fish turned to Bonnie. "Well that could be why he…if he did." He went over to her. "We know Harry cant take drugs. He'd go crazy. He wouldn't be consciously doing it, if he did it at all. And I doubt what she said was true anyway Bonnie. I mean, they were all just there to hurt Harry. They all disliked you to. They're not great sources."

Bonnie sighed and looked at Harry lying on the couch, helpless, his hands and feet wrapped in gauze to stop the blood while the spells Albus used worked their magic. She didn't believe that Ashley and Ganelle were credible sources, except for the fact that she almost believed Harry capable of it. If tempted, if given the chance, the excuse, if he had lost his mind enough, she believed he would do it. For Ashley. He wouldn't break his vows for Ganelle and never for Hanna. But maybe for Ashley.

He loved Ashley.

Bonnie followed Fish over slowly and kneeled down by Harry's side. She ran her hand over his hair and rested her forehead on the couch.

"How long till he comes out of it?" Fish asked.

Josh just shrugged so they all got comfortable on the couch to wait out Harry's drug induced hallucinations, which made him shiver, whimper, moan without sound and twitch.

Twenty minutes later, with the help of Bonnie keeping him calm and relaxed he fell asleep.

Albus, Lily and Hermione returned with the spell and waited for Harry to awaken to perform it so that when he woke up he could talk to them. Josh figured that by that time the drug should have worn off.

/

It was hours before there was any movement. Fish and Kacy had gone home to get her medication and come back only to fall asleep on the other couch together in the lounge. Bonnie had put Sophia to bed and then returned to sit by Harry, more and more assured as time passed that he hadn't done anything with Ashley, and if he had, he had been drugged. She wasn't sure how much of it was just lying to herself to make herself feel better.

She was the only one awake and in the room when Harry first stirred. She felt his hand move in hers and lifted her head to look at him. She noticed Fish and Kacy still asleep on the couch, James and Lily were curled up on a chair by the dead fireplace, Sirius and Jackline and Ron and Hermione were camped out on the floor where they had simply conked out waiting. Albus had left as he had a school to run and Josh was in the other room watching the captives, waiting for someone to get him.

When he opened his eyes and looked at her she forgot any suspicions she may have had about what had gone on and was simply happy to see him awake. He sat up slowly and looked at his hand and down at his feet, bleeding and wrapped.

"Kumquat?"

He turned to look at her when she spoke.

She smiled sweetly. "Hi Harry. How are you feeling?" she asked, sitting up on the couch with him and running her fingers through his hair.

Harry cleared his throat quietly and opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He made a strangled sound.

"Oh, sorry. Hermione and Albus got a spell to reverse that. I'll go wake up Hermione, hold on."

She pat his hand and left him, leaving the lack grip of his hand on the couch beside her. She went to Hermione and woke her up. Hermione went straight to Harry and smiled at him. "Hey Harry. Don't you worry about anything. Josh is in the next room and we found the spell to reverse the one that Ganelle used. Everything is going to be okay."

While she was performing the spell Bonnie woke everyone and Ron went to get Josh from the other room so that Bonnie could go back to Harry. When the spell was finished Harry asked the first question, his voice tired and husky.

"Where are we?"

"We're home, Harry. We're all safe and at home now."

"Our house?" he asked, confused, as though he didn't recognize the furniture or the shape of the room.

Bonnie nodded. "Of course."

"Where's Sofia?"

"She's in her room, sleeping. The nanny is watching her and the boys." She ran her hand through his hair softly. "How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?"

Harry didn't answer. He was silent for a very long time and the group waited for his answer. "Where are the girls? And Lucius? Someone should tell Draco that we found Lucius."

"The four are in the other room with an auror now," Sirius said.

"And I wrote Luna," Hermione said. "She said Draco is at work right now but she'll pass on the message."

Harry sat up further and tried to get up.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Bonnie asked.

"I have to get up. I can't sit here."

"Why?"

"I have to talk to you."

"Well you can talk to me in here. Sitting down. You have gaping holes in your hands and feet, we can't have you walking around."

Harry grabbed Bonnie's hands while she was trying to talk. "Bonnie! I'm so sorry."

Bonnie paused, putting a back story to the simple apology in three seconds and then forcing it to the back of her mind and smiling at him. "About what Harry? You were kidnapped, nobody blames you. Just relax."

"Bonnie, I think we should talk in private."

"Why? Why in private? What would you have to say?"

"Bonnie…" He paused, glancing at the others in the room who were trying to move to the doorway without too much noise but not very quickly because they were mostly curious. "Bonnie, I cheated on you."

Bonnie lowered her eyes and then looked back at him, sadness in her eyes but not anger. "You slept with Ashley?"

Harry was surprised but nodded.

"Its okay. Harry," she said, patting his leg. "You were drugged. Ganelle gave you ecstasy and you know how you react to stimulant drugs. It could have driven you mad. Its amazing that you're still speaking to me. You can't control what you may have done while you were on drugs and I won't hold you accountable."

"I wasn't on drugs."

Bonnie froze, her whole body and her brain reconnecting with the assumption that she had made earlier but deemed nearly impossible and moved to the back of her thoughts. It was the forefront now as Harry stared at their hands. The group at the door stood frozen in surprise and still curiosity.

"What do you mean?"

"Bonnie, I don't want to hurt you. I love you. I never wanted to hurt you. I don't know what-"

"What do you mean, you weren't on drugs?" Bonnie ordered, demanding that he give her answers.

"I…I wasn't on drugs when I slept with her."

"How do you know? Why don't you just start from the beginning?"

Harry lowered his head and decided to tell it as quickly as possible. "I got a letter from Ashley the other day. She said that she needed my help. And I hadn't heard from her in such a long time and she had recovered and had been let go from the hospital, cured, so I went to see her. I didn't mean to lie to you about it but I didn't really understand why I was going in the first place so I didn't know what I would say to you. So I just went. And when I went…I don't know what happened. I kissed her."

"You initiated it?"

Harry nodded. "I didn't think about it. I had no intentions of doing it when I left the house or when I sat with her at the restaurant. It just happened. I was going to leave after that and tell you but she explained her story again and I agreed to still help her since it wasn't her fault I was loosing my mind. So I went with her. That's when she drugged me."

"So you only kissed her?" Bonnie asked, hopeful. She could forgive a kiss. She didn't understand why Harry was making such a big deal. Then…

"No. She drugged me to knock me out. And when I woke up I was tied to a chair. Ashley and Hanna tied the knots. I taught everyone to tie good knots, especially Ashley. I taught my followers to destroy me," he said. His tone went somewhere else and so did his expression and he dropped Bonnie's hand.

"Harry! Stay with me. What happened?" Bonnie insisted. Harry could get his therapy over the whole incident later, right now she wanted to know how angry with him she should be. Pissed or divorce?

Harry put his head in his hands. "I tried to break the knots, to burn them, but Ganelle caught me and she made Ashley retie them. Hanna and Ganelle left us alone. That's when she took her jeans off."

Bonnie stood and took a deep breath to calm herself. "You had sex with her while you were tied to a chair in the room where they would torture you?" Bonnie asked, glaring at him. She was glad he had let go of her hand. She was beyond furious. She wasn't even thinking about his mentality after his torture. He had cheated.

Harry nodded.

"You could have stopped her. You're stronger than that, you could have gotten out if you wanted to, couldn't you? You know a lot more than they do, wandless magic, you work with fire. You defeated Voldemort and yet you can't stop a crazy, skinny brunette from _raping_ you?"

"Bonnie!" James defended.

She turned to glare at him and he shut up. He wasn't sure how much he was allowed to defend his son when he cheated on his wife.

She turned back to Harry. "Why?"

Harry lifted his head. "_You_ think _I_ know? You think I can remember why I had sex with Ashley? Why I kept licking my lips to taste her when I looked at her, or why I slept with her even though I knew I would go to hell for it and hate myself forever for doing that to you? Right now my mind is swirling with memories far worse, things I haven't thought about since I was five but still all I feel is guilt over what I've done to you."

"That doesn't excuse you," Bonnie argued, though deep down she was hurting for her husband and his current mentality. "You have to be able to give me a reason."

"I CANT!" Harry yelled, looking up at her tragically. His tone softened and he took a calming breath. He got down off the couch in front of her, onto his knees. "Bonnie, I am so sorry. I don't know what more I can say. I slept with Ashley, I cheated on you and I deeply, deeply regret doing it. I should have stopped it and I don't know why I didn't. I can't analyze it right now. I…can't. So all I can give you is that I'm sorry. I will spend my entire life trying to make this up to you if its at all possible. I love you and I regret hurting you, I regret doing what I did and I'm so, very sorry," he said, trying to take her hands, on his knees in front of her.

Bonnie was quiet. She didn't speak for a few moments leaving Harry in a state of torture, not knowing what she would say to him. She swallowed and looked at the floor for a second and then back at Harry who waited patiently, his breathing uneven and his expression chaotic with emotions. "I understand what position you're in now. I understand that you've been…in a situation for hours and you're not now what you were when I last saw you and you can't completely explain yourself and what you did. But there was one very important phrase that you left out of your "Cheating Husband" speech."

His voice very small and weak Harry replied, "What's that?"

Bonnie glared at him. "It didn't mean anything to me." She pushed his hands away. "I'm going to my parents and taking Sophia with me. Call me when you've talked to Josh and you've come up with better excuses." She turned toward the group and they parted so that she could leave.

When she was gone they all turned to look at Harry who looked like he was staring into nothingness.

James went to him first and kneeled down on the floor in front of his son. "Harry? Are you okay? Don't worry. She'll be back. Everything will be okay."

Harry shook his head. "Everything won't be okay. I've ruined my whole life. Ashley has ruined everything. I cheated on my wife, I can't even come up with the reason why, she's taken my daughter and…" He put his hands over his face and broke down. "And I can't get these images out of my head. I keep seeing everything. I worked so hard to block it all out and they ruined _everything_. Ganelle ruined everything. She's destroyed me. I can't get it all back in. It won't stay. I try to force it back and it just comes back. If it wasn't so traumatizing it would be funny like when the closet is so full the door won't stay closed anymore."

"Harry, Josh is here and he'll talk it out with you."

"I don't _fucking_ want to talk to Josh," he growled, his emotions going from one spectrum to the other. He took a deep breath and brushed his hair back with his hand, the white in his hair now a defined section of gray, like an old man. "I don't want to talk anymore. There's no stopping it. Its all here. Every moment, every second, every itch and scratch I've avoided for sixteen, almost seventeen years, is flooding in front of my eyes and I can't stop it," he cringed.

"I can hear her scratching at my skin; her perfectly polished pastel colored nails drawing along my skin like the spiders in the cupboard, so similar, sometimes I couldn't tell the difference. But it was always, it was always one of the two and neither was worse than the other."

"Harry," James said, softly, reaching out to put a hand on his son's shoulder.

Harry jerked away, getting up and walking, ignoring the pain, to the wall and sitting down again. His hands went into his hair, his fingers so tightly gripped they thought he would rip it out. He pressed his palms to his temples and cupped his hands over his ears. "The sound won't go away. The voices keep coming back, his and hers and everyone's and the images keep popping up, flashing me with the memory like I don't already remember."

"Harry?" James asked softly, walking toward him but keeping a safe distance so that he didn't scare him again. "We're going to leave the room for a couple of minutes but we don't want to leave you by yourself. Is there anyone specific you would like to stay with you? Do you want Fish or me or anyone?"

Harry looked up at him. "If mum isn't terribly disgusted with me and wouldn't mind staying by me."

"No, of course not sweetheart," Lily said immediately, walking over and kneeling beside James. "Of course I'm not disgusted with you. I love you."

Harry lowered his head again and James turned to kiss his wife. "We'll be next door if something goes wrong."

"I'm sure he'll be fine."

The group left, James included and Lily sat down and pulled off her black flats. She was dressed simply in a casual flowy dress to her ankles. She curled her legs up beside her and watched her son while he rocked himself back and forth in front of the wall.

"Harry?" Lily asked carefully, worried that she would just make things worse by talking. "Do you want to sit by me, or I can come to you?"

Harry looked up at her. "Are you ashamed of me for what I did to Bonnie?"

Lily wasn't sure how to answer. Saying no would be an obvious lie since Harry knew what he did was wrong. "Well, of course I'm very upset, I suppose, at what has happened, but I'm not _ashamed_ of you. I'm your mother. I'll always love you, no matter what you do. I just want you to be happy. And right now, I can tell you're not and we're all very worried."

Harry moved away from the wall and crawled across the room to her. Lily opened her arms to welcome him and he laid his head down on her lap. She softly ran her fingers through his hair and leaned down to kiss his bruised temples, bruised because he pressed on them so hard.

"Do you want to talk about it with me at all? We don't have to but if it might make you feel better..."

Harry shook his head and gripped her soft skirt in his fist. "I don't think anything will ever make me feel better except maybe a lobotomy or death."

Lily looked uncomfortably toward the door where everyone had left her. She really hoped she would be able to stop her very powerful son if he decided he needed to commit suicide.

/

"Look, James, I know you're his dad and Josh, you're his therapist, but I'm telling you as the only person in this room who has known Harry for seventeen years, he can't go to a mental institution. St. Jimmy doesn't belong in an institution."

"Fish, you're too involved and that's why we can't take your opinion," Josh said. "You only see him as St. Jimmy, your leader, who can solve everything on his own and never needs help even if it seems like he's going off the deep end. But he is Fish. He really is this time. Harry _needs_ professional help and _I_ can't do it on my own."

"You don't have to put him away," Fish insisted.

"What other choice do we have?" James asked. "Do you have a better idea? Are you going to help him? Do you really think he looks like he can help himself?" James asked, pointing to his son in the other room.

Fish turned to look at Harry sitting with his mother across the hall. His whole body screamed weak to him but part of him could never believe it. Harry wasn't weak and he didn't like depending on other people.

Then again, not too long ago, Harry had admitted to not being the same person he used to be.

.

.

* * *

><p>AN: I know this didn't answer the questions everyone was dying to know but this will drag out a few chapters, which I promise to get up as soon as possible. Despite its lack of answers I love this chapter and I hope you liked it. Please review and let me know what you thought.<p> 


	12. I Shut My Eyes and The World Drops Dead

AN: Sorry for the long wait. I was working on a later chapter and I wanted to have it more finished before I posted a new chapter. I hope you enjoy and I will try to update the next one a little sooner. :) Enjoy! and Review!

Chapter 59

"I Shut My Eyes and The World Drops Dead¹."

Cameron sat down on the bed beside his daughter in her old bedroom. She had come home, told her parents nothing, dropped her bags on the floor and went up to her room to curl up in her old bed with Sophia secure in the makeshift crib close by. As soon as he sat down beside her he saw the light reflect off the tears on her face. "James called," he said, running his hand over her hair. "He told me what happened."

"Oh, so you know what a freaking idiot I am for marrying a great big _ass_hole," she growled, pulling her knees up and crossing her ankles, knocking the heels of her expensive red Louis Vuitton's together.

"You're not an idiot Bonnie. Everybody makes mistakes and Harry is no different."

"So you're taking _his_ side?" she accused.

"_No, of course not. _I'm on your side, all the way. I'll have Harry arrested if you want me to."

Bonnie nuzzled back down in her pillows. "Don't bother." She put her hands together and set them under her cheek. "I knew it. I knew when I saw her letter sitting there on his desk. Her signature, so pretty and simple. I always knew. He loves her," she said, starting to cry. "The only reason he married me instead is because she went crazy and they took her away."

"That is not true Bonnie. Harry loves you and always meant to be with you."

"That's not what I got from him. He said so much, how much pain he was in, how sorry he was that it happened, but never _once_ did he say that it didn't _mean_ anything to him. He couldn't even lie and say it because he knew for a fact that it did. He wanted to sleep with her. It wasn't an accident. He kissed her, he didn't try to fight it he _instigated_ it."

"I'm sure you both just need to discuss it more. I'm sure he can explain."

"I'm sure he can. I just…" She sighed heavily. "I just need some time to think about things. Could you leave me alone?"

Cameron sighed and smiled half-heartedly. "Sure. I'll be downstairs with your mother. Do you want me to take Sophia?"

She glanced over at Sophia in the makeshift white crib beside her bed. "I suppose so."

Cameron came over and picked Sophia up from the crib and rested her on his hip. "Alright. Come down when you want to talk. We'll be having dinner in a little while."

Bonnie said nothing as he walked out and shut the door. "Today, Bonnie my dear…" She sighed heavily to herself, "Today your husband is an awful, awful man."

/-

He could smell the sanitary disinfectant. He could see the white sheets and white walls and white floor before he opened his eyes. He could taste the insanity on his tongue. It was the strongest hint before opening his eyes to greet the barred windows of his shared room in the psychiatric hospital. He sat up in bed and looked around noticing immediately that he was still wearing his own clothes minus his belt. His black jeans didn't have a zipper, just buttons, so they were non-lethal he supposed and his v-neck T-shirt was thin and safe. Wrapped around his wrist was a wrist-band, like the ones they gave you when you went to the hospital for a surgery so that they didn't misplace you. Written on it was his own name SIR POTTER, HARRY JAMES and the name of the hospital, BETHLEM ROYAL HOSPITAL.

"Oh my God, they've committed me to Bedlam." He looked around the room to take it all in. His own bed wasn't white like he had suspected, it was laid with a light blue comforter, quite hideous actually, even by his own standards. Maybe he had been living with Bonnie too long.

At the thought of her he didn't bother to look any further and curled back into a ball. He stared at the wall, which was white, and wondered how he got there. He wondered if maybe he passed out or did his father drug him to get him there? Well, Josh would have done it. He wondered how Bonnie was, if she was crying. He hoped she didn't cry. He would rather she be angry at him, just angry. But he knew that wouldn't be the case. Bonnie would surely be upset by the fact that her husband slept with someone else. He wondered how Sophia was; his sweet, dear daughter that he had hardly seen much of before now. He missed her. He missed her sweet cherub shaped face like an angel with rosy cheeks and fair skin and eyes the color of oceans before mankind.

He fell back to sleep thinking about Sophia and her mother.

/-

"Sir Potter?"

Harry breathed deeply of the disinfectant, an immediate reminder to where he was. He turned over in his hideous, itchy bed and looked up at an orderly in a gray uniform. "What?"

"You've been here twenty-four hours, in solitude. Its customary that you now go to meet your counselor for a customary meet and greet."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "A meet and greet."

"Yes, he will talk to you for an hour and decide how to diagnose you for now and then he'll show you around the hospital."

"Is my counselor Josh?" Harry asked curiously.

"No, though Josh and your father have both talked to your counselor to let him know why they would like you stay here for the next few weeks. For observation. He will go over that with you."

Harry rolled over again and moved out of the bed and stood tall in front of the orderly. "Alright. Take me to him."

The orderly led him out of his room and into the hallway. The walls of the hospital were cream colored and cold, the tile floor square and white but each door to each separate room, solid and impenetrable, was each painted their own separate color of the rainbow. Harry found it far more disturbing to his psyche than if it had all been painted white. He hated when hospitals made it look like they were trying too hard to put patients in a better mood. If you're really depressed would bright colors really help you? It never had before.

They passed a few areas of the hospital on the way to the counselor's office, most of them empty but one, with a TV and a card table, which was filled with the majority of patients. The orderly stopped in front of a gray door with two long glass panels down the length of it. The orderly opened the door and nodded to the secretary.

"Sir Potter is here for his meeting with Dr. Ross."

"You can go right in Sir," the secretary said to Harry with a pleasant grin, full of perfect white teeth.

"Hmmm, nice to know I still get my title in a mental hospital," Harry said as he walked to the door and turned the handle. He shut the wood door behind him as he analyzed the man in the black leather chair behind a sleek, modern black desk in a sleek modern office that seemed to have been designed by IKEA. Bonnie would know for sure.

He took a few steps forward, lightheaded, and reached for the chair as he thought of her and fell in. Dr. Ross was an older man, stylish with that light black hair dusted just a bit with gray and one streak of gray down the side of his hair adjacent to his sideburns. He was covered in wrinkles, aging gracefully in a world where everyone was Benjamin Button. Dr. Ross probably thought it made him look wise and full of psychological knowledge. Like, if he looked sixty he must have spent twenty years in school and twenty working for and learning from his patients.

"How are you feeling Mr. Potter?"

Harry paused, surprised by the title when everyone he had met today before now had used his proper one. Harry sighed heavily. "Its Sir Potter. And if you call me Mister Potter this won't work and I'll probably end up strangling you before the day ends."

Harry could see him try to hide his fear but he saw it. He reorganized papers on his desk. "So sorry Sir Potter. My mistake. It won't happen again. Now, I suppose we'll begin with why you are here. You were brought home from being kidnapped less than two days ago, is that correct?"

Harry winced, lifting his eyebrows to stretch his skin-it felt tight-and then answered, "I have no idea. I was apparently on drugs."

"Yes, E. Was it your captors who gave you the drugs?"

"Well, _I _know that any kind of hallucinatory drugs could have dire consequences, especially on one such as myself, leaving me in a comatose or constant state of delusions, though my captors also knew that, but since my hands were either tied to a chair or staked to a wall I would have to assume that I did not put the E in my mouth by my own doing, nor do I remember asking to be drugged by my kidnappers to drive me further insane. So yes, my captors gave me the drugs."

Dr. Ross nodded slowly. "Your father said that you were seeing things. You mentioned memories coming through like a full closet when the door won't close. Were you repressing things, Harry?"

Harry looked at his knees and was silent for a long moment but the doctor waited for him. "As a child, I repressed things. I didn't realize I was doing it at first, I thought I was blacking out from the pain from beatings my uncle would give me, but then I realized I was repressing moments. Five or six minutes of time when I had been talking to someone about something would be gone but the rest of the conversation would be there in my memory, like I had edited it, poorly, to fit my needs. I stopped repressing as much when I was eleven, when I went to Hogwarts because I wasn't at home as much but I guess the battle was too much. I knew the walls I had put up to hold it all in where I didn't have to think about it were breaking down but they were strong enough." He paused thoughtfully and continued even more softly. "Until Ganelle pulled at it until it broke."

"Are you still seeing these…memories? Are you seeing them right now? Are they like hallucinations?"

"Yes and no. I see them, now, but they're not like hallucinations. My uncle isn't standing over my shoulder calling _me _a bastard or anything. Its kind of like there's a screen on the wall and I'm watching it happen over and over and there's a box in my ear doing the sound effects, like when you go to a drive-through and there's those little boxes you put on your window to hear the movie."

"You seem much more calm then when your father was explaining yesterday."

"Well, you see, that was yesterday, a few moments after I had been kidnapped, driven further insane and coming off of Ecstacy. Now that I've had twenty-four hours of sleep and time has passed I'm able to concentrate on more things. But don't worry, you can still work on me if you like. I'm still crazy, I can still feel fingernails on my cheeks, my wife hates me and my daughter is unknowingly hating me with her. I'll probably need to be medicated and you'll probably have to strap me down to do it because I'm severely fearful of doctors, needles and terribly against medication; I think its the downfall of modern society. And I may be suicidal, I can't tell yet. I'm a very religious person and suicide is the worst sin as its against God's master plan but who could possibly care now? I'm going to hell anyway after committing adultery, all the murders I've committed, sitting around my house for a couple of years without doing anything for society. I've never committed gluttony though. Plus, the movie for the next hour for me is going to be my uncle, staring at me with an expression that very obviously says he is plotting, not my demise, but my next undoing.

"So," he said, leaning back his chair, "do you still offer lobotomies or do I have to wait until I'm as far gone as I'm going to get, because I'm fairly certain that Bonnie is never coming back. It's all down hill from here."

Dr. Ross leaned back in his chair for a moment and stared at the composed gentleman in the seat before him, he almost wondered how much of it was a lie. But Josh had brought him in and Josh was a great therapist and he knew a liar. Dr. Ross reached forward to press a white button on a speaker box. "Ms. Edwards, please bring a Prozac for Sir Potter. And please have two orderlies bring it in." He turned to Harry. "Are you going to take it willingly?"

Harry looked at him and then back at the orderlies as they walked into the room. "This is a muggle hospital, isn't it?"

"This is the wing for magical patients. I am a wizard and so are the orderlies behind you. Miss Edwards is a muggle. Unfortunately, except for sleep aids and calming draughts, the wizarding world has made very little advances in psychological cures or aids."

"But, if I wanted to leave, could you really stop me?" he asked curiously, analyzing the room.

"I am not sure Sir Potter. I have never seen you in action. But I'm going to guess not, which is why I ask. The only improvements we can make are ones we accomplish with your cooperation."

Harry nodded and, without much thought, he held out his hand to the orderly for the small pill.

"Its a light dose. We may start you on a few things and change the doses as we learn more."

Harry smiled at the irony. "Just like childhood. An experiment once again."

/-

There was another hour of discussion about Harry's past, which he was more than willing to express unlike he was to Josh because everything was now out in the open to himself. Why hide it? It wasn't going to be repressed again. There was no going back.

When they were finished and the doctor had more appointments with the other patients to attend to another orderly took him out of the office and showed him around the building. He explained the every day schedule that he would be expected to abide by. "You'll be woken up at seven every morning, you'll join the others in the group bathroom to wash. Breakfast is at eight. After breakfast at eight-thirty we have group therapy in the big blue room. When group therapy is over at nine-thirty we have free periods. Most patients spend it in the TV room. We also have a library and a gym or you're welcome to stay in your room. Just let an orderly know where you are. Lunch is at eleven-thirty and your appointment with Dr. Ross is at twelve-thirty. You have an hour to two hours with him, depending on how much you need that day. When your session is over you have more free time. Bed time is at eight pm. No exceptions."

"What if I don't sleep?" Harry asked.

"Then we'll help you sleep," the orderly offered, though to Harry it sounded a little like a threat. "Once your dosage is set , the nurses will take care of what you take at what times. Medication is given out up to three times a day, they'll call for you if you have a dose to take."

The orderly walked him to the big blue room before he realized it. "Its nine-fifteen, you have fifteen minutes of group therapy with everyone else before free period. It'll help you understand how the circle is run."

The group paused for a moment while Harry took a seat, the door was closed and the group began again. Since everyone had said what they wanted to say and there were fifteen minutes left in the session Mrs. Diane, her first name, had everyone introduce themselves. Mark, because no one had last names here, was an American who had lived in London for ten years, since he was twenty-five. He had been in the hospital for most of that time trying to calm his depression to a manageable state. Melony, a very pretty young woman in her mid-twenties with long black hair and blue eyes, suffered from Dissociative Identity Disorder. They weren't introducing themselves by their names and diseases but Jacob, who was sitting beside Harry in the circle would lean in after the patient said their name and tell Harry their disorder. Jacob, Harry guessed, suffered from some kind of personality disorder that craved Harry's approval. One man, around sixty, seemed to suffer from Catatonic Schizophrenia. Mrs. Diane introduced him as David. The girl next to him,Veronica, was in her forties and suffered either Histrionic personality disorder or Borderline. Jacob couldn't tell. And the young girl across from him with dark brown hair in braids and brown eyes, eighteen, suffered from Bipolar I. Her name was Ashley.

Harry raised his hand slightly to catch Mrs. Diane's attention.

"Yes Harry?"

"Um, are we going to be in the same groups every day?"

"Yes. It helps everyone get closer to each other so that you can support each other in your recovery."

"Is there any way that I could be in a different group?"

"And why would you want to be put in a different group Harry? Is there something wrong with this one? I'm sure that everyone here wants to help you and would appreciate the help you can offer them."

"Well, I don't think some of us are going to get along."

"Why is that?"

Harry didn't want to say it out loud. Would it upset him? Would the images of his uncle be replaced with images of her? Would he then spiral out with guilt thinking of her and Bonnie? Harry sunk down in his seat again. "Never mind."

/-

"Hi Bonnie," Ginny said, sitting down on the couch beside Bonnie in her parent's living room where she had been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the last six hours. She turned to her friend as she identified the show; Bonnie was wearing her bright pink Zac Posen asymmetrical dress. To Bonnie, this was mourning clothes since her everyday clothing was dark colors. It was rebellious against Harry's ideals. Her hair was perfect, smooth and clean, so was her skin and her nude heels, which were crossed at the ankle and rested on the coffee table amongst the Buffy DVD Season Collections. "Whatcha doin?" Ginny asked, despite the obvious.

"Watching Buffy."

"That's what your father said."

"Of course, I've been skipping ahead to parts with Spike in it. In the early seasons I skipped ahead to scenes with early Angel. His brooding was hot in the beginning but without a sense of humor you're just a big jerk who is grumpy all of the time."

Ginny nodded slowly. "Right. Um, where is Sophia?"

"Sleeping in her crib. We set it up in my room." She turned to glare at Ginny. "Don't think that just because I'm upset I'm being a bad mother. Don't judge Ginny."

"I was not thinking that you were being a bad mother. Not at all Bonnie. You're a great mother."

Bonnie turned back to Buffy, fast-forwarding through a scene between Buffy and Riley. "God. Riley sucks ass. He's the worst boyfriend ever. Why would she ever date him, he's a douche."

"Bonnie, did you just use the word douche?"

"_Yes._ Do you have a problem with that?"

"Um, no. I guess not."

"Good, because if you have a problem with anything I decide to do you can just get out. I'm in no mood to put up with anyone aside from Sarah Michelle Gellar and James Marsters." She looked at Ginny with her eyes narrowed. "Are you Sarah Michelle Gellar?" she asked.

Ginny simply shook her head nervously.

"Then maybe you should go."

"But Bonnie, I came here to talk to you."

"About what?" she asked, watching Spike escape from the underground base of the Initiative.

"Well, about what happened? Don't you want to talk about it?"

"You mean do I want to talk about how my husband cheated on me with one of his followers, who I had known he'd been secretly desiring since she had to leave fifteen years ago, in the middle of his being tortured by two of his other followers and his enemy's follower?" She paused but Ginny had no reply aside from shocked silence. "No Ginny. I would not like to discuss my husband's infidelity with his crazy, secret lover, follower. And I don't understand why you would assume I would like to speak with _you_ about this since you cheated on Fish with another guy who you ended up marrying. Is that what you're going to help me understand? That Harry and I will end our relationship so that he can be happy with Ashley, who he has secretly loved for years? Just like you? Is that what you wanted to talk about? Or did you want to explain how I drove Harry away or did you want to touch on my being a bad mother again?"

"Bonnie, I…no, that's not what I wanted to say at all."

"Just go Ginny." Bonnie pushed the buttons on the remote harshly to fast-forward through a Buffy/ Supportive-Willow scene.

Deciding she would try again later Ginny stood from the couch and left the room.

/-

That night Harry laid wide awake on top of his itchy blue sheets, his arms behind his head, thinking about Bonnie and Sophia…and, admittedly, Ashley. In-between wondering if Bonnie would come back to him, maybe allow him to stay with her, even if only for a little while; if she would let him be with her, stand near enough to smell her even if he had to live in guilt for the rest of his life; if she would bring Sophia, who he wanted to see at least past the age of five to see if her hair looked like Bonnie's or crazy like his; if Ashley was back on her medication; if she had actually loved him or if she was just crazy; if she felt guilty, less than himself of course, for sleeping with him; if she missed him—in-between he wondered what he would think about after his lobotomy.

.

That night Bonnie had gotten into a fight with her father who was just trying to be supportive and ended up with his daughter believing he was on Harry's side, despite his many denials. She took Sophia from her crib and used the two guards left with her to move her things, again, to France, to stay with her grandmother. Mrs. Mrs. McNeal was more than happy to have her there and immediately had the guest room set up for the night where Bonnie fell straight to sleep with Sophia in the crib beside her.

.

That night James consoled Lily to sleep and kept himself awake the rest of the night with coffee watching Lily and his youngest son sleeping.

.

That night Sirius drank a little and passed out on the couch while Jackline laid awake in their bed with Mason asleep in her arms.

.

That night Fish breathed deeply of the fresh air and then put his cigarette to his lips. He sat beside the window blowing smoke out the opening so he didn't infect the clean air that Kacy breathed. She was asleep in his bed, curled up around his pillow and wrapped only in his new black sheets. She had taken him shopping earlier in an effort to get his thoughts away from his friend. It hadn't worked but he allowed her to buy him new sheets, comforter, pillows and a bed that stayed close to the floor and wasn't very decorative, but more than he had before. Kacy liked it.

He had a little more than four months left with Kacy. His beautiful, soft spoken southern belle. Her parents were coming by to visit tomorrow before they left the country to go back to the states and he wasn't sure what kind of a mood he would be in in the morning to greet them.

He hadn't thought about it since their first night together until tonight, but he realized that he was really…in love with Kacy. He really shouldn't have done it to himself. Losing her would be more painful than anything.

He shlepped lower in his seat in the window and took another puff of his cigarette.

He looked up at the empty sky feeling very corny thinking of what he wanted to do. Who else do you ask, even if he didn't exist, to heal your true love and save your best friend? He had only spoken to St. Jimmy's superior once, when he was five, a second after meeting St. Jimmy. He had never even told St. Jimmy what He had said to him exactly. Why would he? He wasn't religious, the side-kick didn't have to believe in anything if he didn't want to. It wasn't necessary for success. But he was given the option of asking for something, same as Harry was. There was a consequence of course, there always was for everything in life.

He had never wanted anything before. Harry had always wanted his parents and Bonnie. He got Bonnie for free and received his parents as a consolation prize. Fish had never asked, never even thought to ask. He had grown up in squalor with nothing but a leaky roof and raised by people who used him as a drug hideaway, by making him swallow it. Anything better than that was enough.

But now…He sighed and glanced at Kacy. He put his cigarette out on the ledge and walked over to Kacy, curling up on the bed beside her. He nuzzled into her collarbone and wrapped his arm around her waist.

But now everything was so screwed up. Now he was in need of things only one person could provide. And he was sure he wouldn't get both.

/-

The next morning, after breakfast and group therapy, which was centered around Melony, who was Theresa at the time, Harry was left in the TV room with the other patients. It was basically a play room. A lounge area set up on one side with two long couches and some random plastic seating spaced randomly around the room. A very old television sat before all of the seating. On the other side of the room was a table where some people played cards, couches to read books, couches to lay about, or just talk.

He thought he would rather be in the gym or the library doing something but really he just wanted to sit there. He picked a chair, which was tall in back and had low arms, and curled up sideways in it, his legs hung off to the side and he could feel the pain of the chair arm digging into his back while he just did nothing. It felt really nice to do nothing and because of his drugs he didn't really notice Uncle Vernon shouting at him anymore. The noise had mellowed and the picture was getting sort of hazy in the back of his eyes.

He hadn't bothered to say anything in group therapy, he hadn't eaten anything at breakfast, and he hadn't slept at all last night. He didn't let anyone know, afraid that they would give him another type of drug that would make him sleep or force feed him somehow. He doubted they really could force him to do anything, except that he was sort of…mellow. Would he bother to put up a fight when he was in this type of mood?

He pulled himself up tighter into a ball in his chair and closed his eyes. Hopefully someone would wake him up for lunch, where he would pretend to eat some more by pushing his food around on his plate and staring at it as though it was interesting.

/-

"Sir Potter?" Mrs. Diane asked the next day in group. "Are you focusing?"

"No," he admitted, curled up in a ball on his chair, his arms wrapped around his knees and his cheek resting on his knees, his eyes closed.

"Sir, this is not the place to sleep. We are in group. Perhaps you would be more interested if we talked about you. Would you like to talk about anything with the group?"

"I'm sure the group knows nothing about my problems." He ran one of his fingers over his bottom lip where they had insisted that he remove his lip ring, they didn't want to chance him hurting himself. They had even removed the harmless earring, a dangling cross, that he had pierced himself for his twentieth six months ago. Six months to go until he was twenty-one. It even amazed him how young he still was. And yet still too old.

"Sir, we are all here for you. Whatever you need to say to us, we are here to listen," Mrs. Diane said calmly. "Come on, why don't you tell us a little about yourself. It doesn't have to be anything big."

Harry paused for a moment, focusing on the screen of memories in his peripheral. "When I was nine, my aunt and uncle were going through a phase. On New Years they sent my cousin to his friend's house to stay the night and they had a swinger's party, the kind where they switch partners and have an orgy in the house. I know because I was in the cupboard under the stairs, locked in all night. I heard everything and saw a lot. Dr. Ross says the trauma of it probably crippled my ability to connect with anyone and why I delayed sexual activity for so long."

The group stared at him with their mouths open. Melony looked disgusted. Mrs. Diane looked unsure what to say.

/-

Harry decided not to participate in group for the rest of the week. He kept himself from falling asleep and focused on everyone's stories, though the enthusiasm he remembered having when he had listened to the stories of his follower's lives was missing. He didn't seem to be able to feel anything for any of them. It wasn't surprising since he couldn't feel anything for himself except hatred.

One morning, as winter was coming in and the frigid grounds were laid with a light dusting of snow, Harry asked to go outside. One of the orderlies followed him outside and stood to the side while Harry took a nap in the snow. The ground was cold and pierced his skin through his T-shirt but it felt better then nothing. His medication was numbing. The less he saw of his memories the less he felt of anything.

Another orderly came outside to let Harry know that he had visitors in the visitor center. He got up instantly and ran back into the building, instantly assuming that it was Bonnie, come to speak to him. When he arrived at the visitor's area he realized how large an assumption that was. His father and Fish were sitting at a table waiting for him.

Harry sighed heavily and walked over to their table. He hadn't spoken to any of his family or friends since he had returned from the torture. Before he could sit, James stood up and pulled Harry into a hug. Harry didn't feel much of it except for the arms around him. James probably meant for it to be comforting but no emotions were brought up in Harry.

When he pulled away they both sat down, Harry across from them.

"You look tired," Fish said. He paused and as the silence stretched he decided to speak again. "You never looked tired," he mumbled.

"Its the medication," Harry admitted. "They've got me on a nice set of drugs that make me calm and pliable. Sometimes they make the flashes of memories go away to but they slip through a lot."

"Have they diagnosed you with anything?" James asked.

"Dr. Ross assumes that I suffer from Chronic Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder with a delayed onset and Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features. The psychotic features refer to my hallucinations."

"What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?" James asked.

"It means that I suffered a trauma in the past and now I suffer the consequences. My mind makes me re-experience the episode over and over in my head. I have nightmares, which Bonnie mentioned but I don't remember." He paused, staring at the table and then glanced up at Fish. "How is she? Has anyone spoken to her?"

"She was with her parents for a while. Ginny went to see her but she reported that Bonnie turned on her and told her to get out. Then Cameron tried to talk to her and she turned on him to." He paused. "She's staying at her grandmother's right now."

Harry turned away from them. "She'll never come back to me."

"You don't know that," James assured him. "She's just going through a difficult time, same as you are. If she had cheated on you, wouldn't you want time apart to think?" he asked.

"Either I would have forgiven her by now, or would have killed her lover and us both."

"Well thats just you," Fish reminded him. "She isn't going to kill anyone so she's thinking."

"How are you dealing here?" James asked, trying to change the subject. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, never better. I love being in the mental institution. Its like a playground that you're trapped in. Sometimes we go out in the yard and hold hands singing chum by yah to get our feelings out."

"Really?" James asked, seriously wondering if he had chosen the wrong place.

"No, not really. Actually I spend a lot of time throwing back pills, staring at walls in a daze and talking to people who really annoy me." He leaned into the table toward them. "You wanna know who Ashley is?" Harry asked.

"I…know…who Ashley-"

He cut Fish off. "That's Ashley," Harry said, pointing to Ashley across the room talking to her family. "She has bi-polar disorder, so sometimes she likes me and sometimes she doesn't. And I have to see her every. single. day. For an hour _and a half_. I asked if I could be moved to a different group but they wouldn't let me so now I have to see _her_ all. the time. And talk to Ashley, and they prefer when I use her name when I address her. Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. And _her_," he said, pointing across the room to another woman. "She has borderline personality and so she pretends to be Ashley, _my_ Ashley, just to upset me." He paused, looking down at the table. "And then I try to throttle her and they have to shoot me up with more drugs and put me in my room."

"Are they mis-treating you here?" James asked.

"It doesn't bother me. It helps me sleep. Its never restful sleep but its better then the insomnia."

"You can come home if you want," James offered.

Harry shook his head. "What home? Its abandoned. My wife has stolen my daughter and is hold up with her at her evil grandmother's house. Her grandmother, who hates me, and has always told her that I was the wrong choice, that I would ruin her life." Harry shook his head despondently. "She was right. And Bonnie is never coming back to confirm or deny it."

/-

After letting Harry know that his mother and the rest of the family was doing fine, though Little Sirius was a little confused about what was going on, family was being asked to leave so that the patients could continue their day. Fish waited at the table with Harry while James signed them out.

"What do you want me to tell Bonnie if she talks to me?" Fish asked.

"Tell her…" He took a deep breath. "Tell her that if they don't give me a lobotomy soon, I'll do it myself." He leaned forward and lowered his voice for no specific reason. "Because I can't. be here. anymore. I can't."

"Well then we'll take you home," Fish offered.

Harry just shook his head slowly. "No. I can't."

/-

He went to bed that night, with the windows open to let the cold air through to breathe on him. He stayed awake. He hadn't attacked anyone that day and so the extra drugs they usually gave him were absent in his bloodstream leaving the insomnia to run rampant. The thoughts followed it. Without sleep to handle the thoughts, to muddle them and absorb them into his unconscious and spew them out in unidentifiable ways, he had to address them when they came to him.

What surprised him that night about his thoughts was that they didn't revolve entirely around Bonnie and his daughter. Every few minutes they would shift from 'when would Bonnie come to see him, at the very least to yell at him' to wondering 'What is Ashley doing right now?' 'Was she okay?' 'Was she still in the hospital trying to recuperate?' Some part of him wished they were in the same hospital, he missed her. And then he felt like slitting his wrists for thinking about her, for missing her, for wanting to be near to her, to care for her, for licking his lip and thinking of their kiss.

He rolled onto his side and focused on the sound of his roommate breathing, the sound of the old man's breath hitting the pillow, hot and moist and ruining the fabric of the case. Ashley had used to listen to him breathe. He knew she did. He thought back to one day, when they were little…seven years old. He and Ashley had been alone, which was rare as Fish followed him around constantly. They had stayed at her house because she hadn't been feeling well, recovering from a broken arm that her father had given her.

**/-**

**"I can't believe he touched you," Harry told her, stroking her pale arm where the cast had been and her tan stopped. **

**"Its healed now. No big deal." She turned on her side and Harry ran his fingers up to her shoulder . "Its not like I live with him."**

**"Your step-father seems nice," Harry said. "Is he nice?"**

**He felt her pause and noticed her expression as though she was feeling the breeze on her face. "He's nice."**

**"I missed you when your mother wouldn't let us visit you. What did you do to keep yourself busy?"**

**"I watched Disney," she admitted, smiling. The boys liked Disney, strangely, but they did. **

**Harry's smile widened. "I love Disney."**

**"I know," she smiled back at him. "Do you want to watch a video?" she asked, sitting up to motion to her collection.**

**Harry got up to the tape storage. "Which ones haven't you watched yet?" he asked.**

**"I skipped Sleeping Beauty. Do you like that one?" she asked. **

**"I like them all," he reminded her. He took the tape out of its case and slipped it in the VCR. He got back onto the bed with Ashley and they laid back against the headboard together to watch the movie. A little while in, near the end, he tired out. He was so comfortable beside her and she was so warm, the perfect temperature to sleep beside. He snuggled up to her side and listened to the movie with his eyes closed. He drifted off as he heard the movie end and she shut it off then she snuggled back up to him. His uncle had pounded on him that morning and he had thought he wouldn't be able to sleep for at least a week. He could hear the blankets shift as she moved and rested her cheek against his shoulder and heard her sigh happily after he sighed. She was listening to him breathe, feeling his breathe against her neck. He touched her hair and ran it through his fingers. Through his lips he breathed against her forehead, "I miss you."**

**Ashley sighed deeply against his chest. "I miss you to."**

/-

He was so tired of missing her and had no idea why he did. He was right beside her, breathing her in, feeling the warmth of her skin and they missed each other? They always missed each other and she apparently knew what he felt because she felt the same. She wasn't just repeating what he was saying, she was expressing how she felt the same way.

She called out to him with her heartbeat, with her voice. He wondered what it would have been like if she had been the one. If Bonnie had found a life in France and Ashley was the one to return to him…early. Would he have been happier? Would he have died? Would he be in the hospital, therapy, would the followers see him differently? Would the walls have come down?

He would never really know.

**/-**

**"Fish, would you calm down!" Harry commanded as they stood in the street, calmly pacing each other. Fish would go a few feet one way, Harry a few feet the other and they would meet in the middle. "Lets be rational."**

**"Rational!" he shouted hysterically. He pointed across the street to the dark haired fifteen year old sitting on the curb. She wore skinny jeans, folded up at the bottom and flat, black sandals and black painted toe-nails. Over her lithe top half she wore an ominous Superman T-shirt, her skinny, slightly tanned arms sticking out of the black sleeves, her hand holding a Marvel coffee cup full of black coffee that she sipped at from behind her thick, dark bangs. Her hair ran down to her shoulders in messy dark waves. "Harry! That girl tried to shoot you. NO!" He paused to correct himself. "No, I'm sorry. She tried to **_**KILL YOU! **_**What the hell are you thinking?"**

**"I never tore up her contract. She's healthy and on medication and she's sorry for what she did. She was out of her mind. Even I do that every once in a while."**

**Fish stopped and walked up to him, hushing his voice to speak softly. "What about Bonnie?"**

**Harry narrowed his eyes. "What about Bonnie? She's in France. And I'm not going to date Ashley, I'm just reinstating her."**

**"What if she's still crazy? What if she tries to kill you again?"**

**"She won't. I wrote to Cameron, he made sure her papers were real and he told me she was officially fine as long as she continued to take her medication." **

**Fish sighed and looked over Harry's shoulder at Ashley as she hugged her knees with one arm and set her coffee down with the other. She noticed the blonde staring at her, smiled at him and waved her hand. **

**Fish sighed heavily at her genuineness. "Fine, but if she tries to shoot me…"**

**"I'll get rid of her, I promise."**

**.**

**"You look nice today," Ma'am giggled, poking sixteen year old Ashley in the side making the girl cringe away. **

**"Thanks."**

**"Whatcha all dressed up for?" Omi asked, her smile knowing and mocking. **

**"Nothing. I dress like this all the time." Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail at the back of her head, her bangs pulled back so that they held volume and style. She wore a light gray sweater over her black, lacy top that went past her hips, under which were black tights, feet slipped into ankle boots with studs around her ankles. **

**As she lied she noticed the girls's smiles widen, Ial's included and Ashley assumed that it was because she didn't usually get so dressed up. She had gone shopping with her mother last night. Two weeks seemed like a good enough amount of time to make a move on a boy after his former love wrote to his second in command to let him know she would be in France another four years and was under the control of her grandmother. At least, that was how Fish summed it up. Was there an unspoken or spoken rule as to how long you were supposed to wait until you made a move? **

**She was wrong about why they were smiling. She heard him breathe before he touched her, his gentle and strong fingers dropping softly to her shoulder and running in what felt like slow motion down the side of her arm. "Morning," he mumbled. **

**Ashley turned her head slowly to look at him over her shoulder. "Morning." **

**He grinned at her, his pretty white teeth looked so good on him, they alone made her want him. He eyed her up and down and then to the girls crowded around her. "Morning girls."**

**"Summer Morning, St. Jimmy," they greeted in unison, 'summer morning' being an expression that they used because St. Jimmy was never around to greet during the school year. **

**He turned back to Ashley. "Um, Sweetie, I was wondering if you wanted to be my date to Sober Day."**

**Ashley's smile widened and she turned to face him completely. "I would be honored to be your date St. Jimmy."**

**"Great. I'll pick you up at your house at seven forty-five, before I gather the troops."**

**"Okay."**

**He smiled at her and ran his fingers through the end of her ponytail. He leaned in close to her body, his hand landing on her neck. "Would you wear your hair down for the concert tonight? For me?" he asked, his thumb running over her soft neck under her chin.**

**"Sure. I can do that."**

**He leaned forward and kissed her cheek and then turned back to the audience of Omi, Ma'am and Ial. "Girls," he said as he walked away from them, tugging playfully at one of Ma'am's pigtails. "Is it an up-do day?" he asked jokingly before turning and heading over to the boys, Fish included. **

**He watched from the corner of his eye as the other girls helped Ashley take her hair down and ruffle it to hide the bump from the hair tie. **

**.**

**At seven forty-five on the dot Harry arrived at her doorstep, his motorcycle parked out front. Before he had the chance to knock Ashley had opened the door. He looked her up and down again, taking in her punk outfit. She had on a thin leather jacket that hugged her arms, long and tightly hung around her body. Underneath was a long black T-shirt, a thin gold chain with a large old-fashioned key hanging from it. Her black skinny jeans hugged tightly to her hips and were loose around her calves and folded up at her ankles, where her black Converse with spiked ankles began. **

**He stepped up the stairs to meet her and put his hands on her neck and ran them down her shoulders. "You look nice."**

**"Thank you," she smiled. **

**"Just for the record Ashley, you don't have to dress up to impress me. I think you look very pretty when you're dressed down." He ran his fingers through the waves of her brown locks. "I like your hair down. Its soft."**

**Ashley ran her fingers through his hair and softly down the back of his neck, her hand gripping the waves of his black hair at the crown of his neck. "St. Jimmy?" she whispered softly, looking up at him. **

**"Hmm?" he asked, looking deeply into her face, at her eyes and skin and her lips. **

**"I don't miss you so much anymore," she said softly, running his hair back and forth through her fingers. "It feels so much different now. Better."**

**Harry smiled, leaning into her. "I don't miss you so much either."**

/-

Ron, Hermione, Tim, Tom, Fish, Kacy and Fish's band gathered in the Potter's house in the TV room watching the news. Fish leaned forward to stare at the TV, Kacy's hand resting softly on his shoulder as they listened.

A news reporter was broadcasting from a helicopter filming a large mob of angry people gathered around a small house in Surrey.

A million newspaper articles had been released since Harry had been put away. Many of them on the state of his condition, which somehow got out despite Fish telling only six followers his exact condition. Many of the articles were on what had been done to him, which was released by the auror department and censored for public release because of its disturbing nature. And many, many more were focused on Harry's affair with Ashley (who, to the reporters, always went without a last name as it was never discovered.) A newspaper article had most recently come out entitled: **Savior Cheats With Old Flame.**

**A young woman, known only as Ashley, was one of the three girls, plus Lucius Malfoy, to kidnap Sir Potter. During the kidnapping, somewhere between the pickup and the torture, Sir Harry Potter committed adultery with Ashley, a girl who had just recently been released from the mental institution where she had been committed for eleven years after she tried to murder the Savior, then known only as St. Jimmy. **

**Our main worry is this; how is Lady Potter doing and why would anyone cheat on her?**

Now, the followers were outraged at the onslaught of shame to Harry's name, blaming the whole thing on Ashley who was released from the hospital that morning and not arrested under her plead of insanity and with promise to stay on her medication. A therapist would be required to visit her house once a week to make sure she was following the court's orders.

This was not good enough for the followers who put all of the blame on her and were now crowded around her mother's house ready to attack her.

"What should we do?" Fish asked, noting the swords and wands in people's hands as they stood outside the defenseless Ashley's house. Ashley was a witch but she had never learned to use magic and she was unable to defend her house against the British wave of followers. Fish wanted to do something before the next wave received the news, which could be on the internet.

"What do you mean, what should we do?" Ron asked. "She's an awful person. Let them get her."

"Look, you don't know Ashley. She was crazy when she was younger, without her drugs. She could be completely normal when she's on them. Besides, Harry admitted that he was not raped, he slept with her to. She doesn't deserve to have her house ransacked and be murdered by a large, angry mob. Some of them used to be her friends."

"You think they'll murder her?" Hermione asked.

The group of them turned to Fish questioningly.

**/-**

**Ashley took each step softly, grinning widely as she watched Harry through the lens of her camera. She crouched down on the gravel in front of Harry's lounge chair where he was sleeping quietly, in the middle of the playground, where they were hanging around. She aimed the lens and pressed down on the button to snap the photo. He woke up at the sound and the feel of the flash on his face and looked at Ashley. He narrowed his eyes and glared at her as she looked at the photo she had taken on her Polaroid, waiting for it to develop. "Aww, you look so cute."**

**Harry got up and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and lifted her off the ground and swung her around making her giggle. He set her back down on wobbly knees and grabbed the camera from her. "What are you doing?" he asked grumpy and playful. **

**"I'm taking pictures. Look at the one I got of Fish and Hanna." She showed him. "They look cute together."**

**"Sure they do," Harry scoffed. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him, running his fingers into her hair. "I think we look nice together."**

**"I could agree with that." She tilted her head back to let him kiss her. **

**Harry wrapped his other arm around her waist and pulled her against his body. He walked backward, pulling her forward with him toward a blanket in their hangout area amongst the trees in a hidden part of the park. Slowly, he lowered them both onto the ground. **

**Ashley shifted side to side trying to adjust her back against the blanket over the dirt. She lifted her arms and wrapped them around Harry's neck as his mouth descended back to hers and his body laid between her legs. He pulled his body up hers, kissing her softly and lovingly, taking his time to enjoy the taste of her lips and appreciating that there was no rush. Ashley ran her fingers lazily through his hair enjoying him just as much. **

**"St. Jimmy?" she asked, between the connection of their mouths. **

**He groaned softly in response, unable to form words as he was lost in her. **

**She opened her eyes and pressed her thumbs softly against both sides of his neck, a touch that meant she wanted to look at him. He moved back and raised himself up on his arms, looking into her eyes. She ran her hand over his cheek. "I love you."**

**Harry stared down at her calmly, his thoughts on pause as the words processed in him. He lifted his hand, balancing on one, and ran it over her forehead and back over her dark hair splayed out behind her head. He leaned down and kissed her forehead softly, pausing to let him lips rest against her skin then leaned down to press his forehead against hers. "I love you to," he whispered. And as he pressed his lips back to hers, he realized again that he meant it. "I love you Ashley." **

**She breathed deeply, soaking in his words through her skin as though she could feel what they meant and the honesty would change how softly her blood flowed. She felt his hand that had previously run through her hair go down her arm, over her ribs and her waist and rested on her naked thigh. He slipped his hand under the light fabric of her black dress, running his finger up to the hem of her panties. He pulled his lips from her mouth and nuzzled the side of her face. "Ashley?" he whispered gruffly in her ear.**

**"Hmm?" she breathed, followed by a feminine gasp as his fingers touched her between her legs. **

**"Do you want to sleep with me?"**

**She sighed as though extremely relieved. "So much Jimmy. So much."**

**He kissed her again, gently, in reply.**

/-

Ashley woke crying, having just been taken from a dream where she and Harry had actually been given a chance together. But she knew it wasn't meant to be. Those gentle hands, those soft words admitting love and that question she so badly wanted to say yes to. How many times had she had those fantasies where she had ended up with St. Jimmy instead of Bonnie while she was in the hospital, after she had tried to murder him? And now, now that she knew how it felt to be with him, how it felt to have him feel her and feel for her and admit it to himself while she loved him and he loved her. Now she knew how it felt, and it was amazing…and yet it was tainted. The entire memory. Not only was she not sane during the act she had taken Harry from his family, from his wife and his daughter and turned Bonnie against him. It was a magical moment then, and now it was just a scene of casualties and infidelity.

She wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve and got up to investigate the noise that had woken her from her dream.

She pulled back one of her curtains to glance outside only to be assaulted by the sudden rock that cracked the glass in her window. She gasped and threw herself back on her bed. She got down on the floor hurriedly and peeked out the window so that she could see outside but no one could see her. There was a growing crowd on her front lawn holding wands and very large sticks and rocks.

She got up and ran for the door. "Mommy!" Ashley yelled, running down the hallway to the kitchen where she guessed her mother would be. The dark haired woman was in her robe under the kitchen table, hiding with a newspaper. Ashley ran up and sat down beside her. "What's going on?"

Her mother looked at her and then handed her the newspaper. The front page was a giant moving photo of her in the cafe, following after Harry when she was about to kidnap him. Someone had seen them. The headline to the article was **The Savior's Secret Whore. **

"They called me a whore?" Ashley whined. "I'm not a whore."

Her mother touched her shoulder to get her attention. "Ashley, I think they're here for you. Harry's followers. Did he send them?"

"What? No! Why would he send them?"

Her mother shrugged.

"No. Harry wouldn't do that. He knows I'm sorry."

"The followers don't care either way. That's what their note said," she told her, holding out a brick with a piece of paper attached with a rubber band.

Ashley took it out and read it.

_**.**_

_**Ash, or should we call you St. Jimmy's Whore,**_

_** We've never preferred Hell's Angel over you, but St. Jimmy is married to her and you've ruined his life. He's in the mental institution because she has left him and taken his daughter with her and refuses to speak to him. Not only was he tortured and kidnapped and now in pain because of you but you've ruined his family as well. For that you must pay. **_

_**Come outside. We're waiting. Sweetie.**_

_** The Suburban Children of "Sub Gossip Parents"**_

.

Ashley glanced at her front door. She assumed the letter, asking her to come outside, "We're waiting," meant that they weren't coming in after her. She had no ways of defending herself against them. No wand. Maybe a hockey stick in the garage. She probably had a gun but she really didn't want to kill anyone and her aim was awful.

But maybe she deserved whatever they decided to dish out.

She got up from under the table, taking the note with her, and headed to her room to get dressed. She washed her face, put on some makeup, pulled her hair back tightly in a smooth ponytail and slipped on a printed dress. She sat down on her bed and stared at the note, thinking about her options until she realized she had only one.

/-

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way!" Fish grumbled as he shoved orderlies off of him, making his way to his leader in the TV room. "St. Jimmy, what the hell are you doing?" Fish asked as he stepped in front of Harry who was lying passed out on the couch in front of the TV. There was a strange man standing over the arm of the sofa staring down at him.

Fish stomped over. "St. Jimmy. Wake up. Its an emergency!" he yelled, taking his friend's shoulders in his hands and shaking him forward and back until his eyes slipped open.

"What?" he asked drowsily, looking up at him through half-lidded eyes.

"Wow, they really do know how to put you out. Did they get that recipe from Ganelle?"

Harry glared at him, though without much effort. "Don't say that. I'm recovering," he explained.

Fish looked around the room at the patients talking to each other, playing pool, reading the newspaper and magazines (with supervision) and then back at Harry who had been asleep on the couch dressed in some black sweat pants and a thin V-neck tee. "Yeah, it looks like that," Fish lied. He saw Harry trying to go back to sleep but Fish started shaking him again. "Harry, for god sakes, wake the fuck up. Ashley is in trouble."

"Why? Are the orderlies at _her_ hospital being female or gay again?" he asked.

Fish furrowed his eyebrows having no idea what his friend was talking about, since Harry had never revealed what Ashley had said to get him to go with her. "No. She's home now. They've released her from the hospital under court orders to continue taking her medication and receiving at-home therapy."

Harry nodded softly, staring at the wall. "That's good."

"Not for long you idiot. That's why I'm here. The newspapers and news station have finally gotten ahold of the story. And who do you think they blame with Ganelle and Hanna both in jail? Ashley. And your followers, at least the ones who live in England, at least for now, are gathered in front of her house ready to kill her for you."

Harry sat straight up on the couch, immediately alert. "What are you talking about? I never made that order."

"They didn't ask for an order, they're doing it on your behalf. They think Ashley has ruined your life and they want her to pay for hurting their leader. She delivered you to your tormenter."

"Good Lord," Harry groaned, climbing off the couch. "Does her mother still live on Privet Drive?"

"Are you going to stop them?"

"What? You think I'm going to let them attack her? Are you _insane_?"

"Do you want me to come?"

"Go home to Kacy," Harry said before apparating, leaving fearful orderlies looking around for him.

Harry apparated onto Ashley's front yard, the memory of it still the same as when they were children, except that there were now rows upon rows of followers making their way to the front of it. That's when he realized Ashley was opening the door and stepping out. She turned to close the door behind her before stepping down off the front steps and standing on the walk-up in front of the door.

She lowered her face, as though she was waiting to be collected for the guillotine. Harry looked her up and down. She looked different, sharp and sane somehow. It was happening all over again, that feeling. But he couldn't just stand there while they advanced on her.

And of course, someone cast the first stone, striking Ashley in the arm with a rock. She turned to protect herself but Harry reacted instantly. He stomped over, his testosterone running high, released from where it had been bottled up for months when he had been sleeping.

"WHAT THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL IS HAPPENING HERE?" he yelled, as he made his way over to the walk-way.

Rocks paused in the next person's hand, raised to strike.

Harry grabbed the turned side of Ashley's form by the arm and dragged her behind him protectively.

The followers lowered themselves slowly, bowing or curtseying before rising again. "St. Jimmy," a follower spoke first, not one of his favorites, none of whom he was able to spot in the crowd and assumed that they knew better. "We were just trying to help. We assumed you would wish for Ashley to be punished and since you were…indisposed, we wanted to help you."

"You do not make your own orders to do what is right for me. You wait for me. Unless Fish told you cast stones, you don't do anything. Its none of your business."

"But Bonnie-" Someone else spoke up only to be cut off.

"Bonnie is her own person and if she wants to attempt cold-blooded murder through stoning Ashley that's her decision but this has nothing to do with any of you so get the FUCK OFF OF HER LAWN!"

The followers backed off slowly before dispersing to opposite ends of the street and apparating or driving away.

He waited until he was sure they had all disappeared before he turned to her, running both his hands through his hair and then pressing them against his temples, bruising them with his force. He looked up at her, dropping his hands, and grinned out of the side of his mouth. "Hey sweetie."

She lifted her hand in greeting before dropping it, unsure of herself in front of him.

He looked her up and down before focusing on her face entirely, the way she looked so…good, healthy, aside from the developing bruise on her bicep. "You look good, healthy."

"Its the meds. They really do work," she assured him.

"I can see that. I always wanted to see you healthy," he admitted.

There was a long pause where neither of them spoke, Ashley holding her bruise and Harry staring at her mournfully, as though she had died.

"St. Jimmy?" she asked, breaking the silence. "I am sorry for what I did. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that. That I didn't mean to ruin everything for you."

"You didn't ruin everything. Things just happen."

They both paused again, Ashley staring back at him now. "It wasn't meant to be. Was it?" she asked. He was silent as he had no answer. "Us? The feeling was always there but it was just never enough to-"

He walked to her, backing her up against the front of her house and gently pressed his forehead against hers, holding her face in his hands. He knew he was too close for both of them but he needed the closure. His eyes watered with the strain of holding himself back. He took a breath. "I can't do this Ashley."

"It's okay," she whispered, leaving her hands to herself, feeling that it was better that way for both of them.

"I love my wife. I love Bonnie," he cried. "So much."

"I know you do," she whispered with him, her eyes shedding tears to cope with the tightness of her throat. "I love her to. She's a good person."

Harry breathed deeply of her scent and closed his eyes for a moment. "I didn't mean to do that…with you. That was never meant to happen. We both know…that this…" His thumb stroked her cheekbone.

Ashley nodded. "I know. I'm sorry I did that to you."

"I can't leave her, Ashley. She means too much to me."

"I know."

He sighed heavily, pausing again to stroke her cheekbone with his thumb, making sure to be gentle with the anxiety coursing through him. He lifted his forehead but stayed close to her, holding her face in his hands so he could look into her eyes when he spoke. "But I'll always miss you Ash," he told her. "Always."

Ashley swallowed heavily. "I'll always miss you to St. Jimmy. Always."

Harry's fingers reached over to run down her hair, to the back of her head and leaned up to kiss her forehead, resting there a second longer than necessary to take in the moment that would have to be worth a lifetime.

Finally he dropped his hands, his mouth and he backed away. "I should go sweetie," he mumbled.

Ashley just nodded, feeling as though the moment was already over.

Harry seemed to come upon the feeling as well and glanced at her eyes one last time as she looked at his and then apparated back to the hospital.

When he arrived at the hospital, back in the TV room, he pushed past the orderlies to the nurses station where they handed him his pills, since he was gone when they normally handed them out, then went back to the couch, laid down, and went back to sleep, wiping his eyes with the back of his arm.

1. An excerpt from a poem by Sylvia Plath.


	13. A Prayer, A Return, A Turn

AN: Hey, sorry about the long wait. I just like to be a couple chapters ahead of what I'm posting and I've had some writer's block. I hope you all like the chapter and aren't discouraged by the long wait. And I hope it comes out looking okay, there seem to be some issues with this publishing page today. Hope you like and please review.

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Chapter 60

A Prayer, A Return, A Turn

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Three Months Later...

Fish sat at the breakfast table with the band and Kacy, the morning after a huge gig, eating cereal and recovering from their hangovers, Kacy excluded. She chewed at her cereal, smiling amusedly at her husband as he rested his head on the table, his hand on her thigh under the table.

She took another bite of her cereal and chewed, dropping the spoon in her dish and running her hand over Fish's short, silky blonde hair. "Tired B?" she asked with a little giggle.

He groaned softly, squeezing her leg. He lifted his head from the table, turning to her as her hand fell to his neck. "I'm okay. How are you feeling? You feeling okay?"

"Yeah. Today's a good day," she agreed, running her fingers over his hair. "When you've recovered we should go out. Do something fun."

"That sounds nice. What do you want to do?" he asked.

She shrugged. "We could go to a museum or something. Maybe go out to dinner. Would you dress up with me?"

He smirked at her. "You want me to take you out on a night on the town?" he asked.

She blushed. "Kind of."

"Well that's cool. Do you want a new dress or something? Maybe you could drag Bonnie out of her house to go shopping. She's almost always willing to shop."

"Would you still come with me?"

"Of course. Have I left your side at all these past months," he smiled, running his fingers through her hair and leaning forward to kiss her mouth. "I want to spend every moment with you."

Kacy smiled shyly, still. She grabbed her bowl and went to the sink. She went back to Fish and held out her hand. "Can I have your phone to call Bonnie?"

"She might not pick up."

"I'll try anyway."

Fish handed her the phone and Kacy went to sit back down in her chair. Fish got up out of his chair, went to her and kissed the top of her head before pouring himself some more coffee.

Kacy waited while the phone rang, and rang and rang and finally someone picked up. Bonnie sounded grumpy as she answered with a gruff, "Hello?"

"Hi Bonnie," she replied shakily. "It's Kacy."

The mood over the phone quickly shifted and she could almost hear Bonnie sit down and her face fall into a less angry expression. "Hi Kacy," she said sweetly. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh I'm fine. Today is a good day. Fish is going to take me out tonight. We're going to a museum and then to dinner. I told him I wanted to dress up."

"Well that sounds like fun."

"Yeah, and I was just wondering if you would come shopping with me. I need a fancy dress for tonight."

"Oh, um…I don't know. I'm not really up to going out right now. I have Sophia and I'm…reading," she told her, making up an excuse.

"Well you can bring Sophia. I'm bringing Fish. They can hang out."

She didn't sound very enthusiastic about seeing Fish, who she assumed would bring up Harry. "I promise he won't bring up Harry. It'll just be casual. Fish misses his goddaughter and I need a dress, which I know you can help me with. Don't you want me to look pretty?"

Bonnie sighed heavily. She was a goodie-goodie person who wanted to help people, just like her husband. She couldn't pass up the chance to help make someone feel better by simply going shopping for expensive attire and jewelry. "Alright. You've got me. When do you want me to come by?"

"As soon as you're ready to go. I've been up for a while. Fish woke me up early this morning to have sex."

Fish snorted into his coffee.

"It was _so_ good. I can tell you about it if you want."

"No, that's okay Kacy," Bonnie told her. "I'll be over in a couple minutes. I just have to get Sophia dressed."

"Okay. See you then."

Kacy hopped up out of her seat. "Fish, she's coming over. She's coming shopping with us." She went up and wrapped her arms around him and leaned forward to kiss him.

"And you found it necessary to inform her that we had sex this morning?" he asked, wrapping his free arm around her waist.

"Well it was really good. I told the boys to."

Fish stared down at her. "When?"

"When you went to the bathroom. Don't worry, I didn't go into detail." She put her cheek to his chest. "I just think its so exciting I have to tell everyone. Except my parents, I don't want them to know. In their minds I'm going to be a virgin forever."

"Well I guess that's a plus."

"I don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable. I won't tell people that we have sex."

"You do whatever you want. I'm fine," Fish assured her, stroking her hair and taking a sip of his coffee.

"Good." She squeezed him tightly and didn't let go until Bonnie arrived with Sophia.

The reunion was a little uncomfortable. Bonnie and Fish hadn't spoken in a month and the last time they had spoken she had screamed at him and told him to mind his own business and leave her alone. Then she had hugged him tightly and told him she was so happy he had found someone and wished him and Kacy the best, and told him Kacy's health was in her prayers.

Kacy's health was in everyone's prayers. They had all let him know. Despite Harry being in the hospital, Bonnie being in France and everything that had been going on they had all noticed how very in love Fish was with Kacy. They all assured him that they were all thinking of her and her health and praying for them. Even Ginny, who was joining Ron, James, Sirius and Remus in praying to Merlin since they weren't Christian.

Fish wasn't sure how that worked, since Kacy was a muggle.

Fish greeted Bonnie with a hug. They didn't have a casual hug relationship so he hoped that doing it without it being requested would earn him brownie points. He thought she seemed okay with it. He greeted Sophia and Bonnie took her back to apparate to London where they would shop.

/-

"So what kind of dress are you looking for?"

"I don't know. Something elegant. Maybe not too dressy, we're not going to a gala or anything. Something cute and flirty and fun and frilly and girly and flashy. Something people will notice me in."

"Well you'll be out with me," Fish said pompously, passing by with Sophia in his arms. "Everyone will notice you."

Both girls rolled their eyes. "Alright. Lets go to Betsy Johnson. She'll probably have what you're looking for."

They walked into the plush pink clothing store that reminded Fish of that Playboy Bunny's bedroom, all pink and over the top. There was a girl in the corner of the room with seven dresses hanging in her open dressing room complaining that her bony legs were too fat for the mini skirt she was trying on.

He took a seat in the oversized and overly pink couch near the entrance and sat with Sophia, thinking about how in the last three months he had seen Sophia grow and develop more than her own father had. He constantly thought of kidnapping her and taking her to Harry, just so that she could see him and he could see her, but it would upset Bonnie and it wouldn't help anything or make things progress any faster. It would only hinder any progress the two had made separately. Instead, he showed Sophia pictures. He carried a picture of Harry in his wallet to show it to her, but for all he knew about babies it probably did nothing. For all he knew they were more like dogs and reacted to smell and not sight. But he tried anyway, and told her things about him, used the word daddy a lot but made sure not to reference himself in the same sentence, though he was sure she didn't understand a word he was saying.

He made sure to watch Kacy get dressed up. He looked up every time she came out of the dressing room in a new dress and commented enthusiastically. She was adorable and had a very nice figure so of course she looked beautiful in everything, he thought.

He watched her go to Bonnie and whisper something to her. Bonnie nodded and Kacy went back to the dressing room only to come back out in her normal clothes. Apparently Betsy Johnson reminded her too much of cutesy prom dresses so Bonnie said they would go elsewhere.

She took them to Chanel, because it was right next-door, but explained that they probably wouldn't find anything there.

Then she found herself a dress. "It's gorgeous," she said as she eyed the mannequin's fantasy muslin dress with Lesage embroidered belt. The women working there had no problem handing it over to her and they thanked her by name assuring Fish that she came to this specific Chanel quite often. Shopping made Bonnie feel better. She then took them to Nina Ricci where Kacy was delighted with many of the dresses. Specifically a lacy black dress that she called "gorgeous" but found too extravagant for dinner. She looked beautiful in it however and he couldn't let her think she couldn't have it because she had nowhere to wear it. So he let her in on a little secret, interrupting her and Bonnie's discussion of how pretty it looked on her.

"Are you getting that one?" he asked, as though he didn't already know.

"No," she said despondently. "Its too much for tonight. Too fancy."

"Get it anyway."

She rolled her eyes. "I would never find anywhere to wear it."

"Sure you would."

She eyed him suspiciously. "Why would you say that?"

"Well because I'm taking you as my date to the Grammys next month of can wear your dress then."

Her mouth dropped, as did Bonnie's. "Are you serious? You're taking me to the red carpet?"

"Yeah, of course. I told you this morning, I want to spend every moment with you." He leaned in to kiss the top of her forehead and smell her hair. "We've been nominated and we've agreed to perform so we have to go."

Kacy gasped. "I'm so happy for you B."

"Yeah. I know. So get whatever you like the best for tonight and whatever you want to wear to the Grammys. I'm sure Bonnie knows how people dress to the Grammys."

Bonnie nodded. "Yes. Yes I do." She pointed to Kacy's dress. "Buy it. Then we'll go to shoes, then jewelry."

Kacy let Fish buy the dress for the Grammys and for the night she ended up getting a lengthy jersey dress with full lace sleeves by Nina Ricci, her first favorite designer.

/-

When they were in the final shoe store, number five, now that Kacy was picky, Fish pulled Bonnie aside. Kacy was holding Sophia, showing the little girl the colorful heels that her mother loved so much.

Bonnie refused to look at him as he pulled her over to a corner of the room where the sales people wouldn't bother them. He leaned in close to speak softly since anything they said about Harry these days ended up in the news; anything Bonnie did ended up in the news. Last week they had an international poll in every women's magazine on whether or not she should take Harry back.

The results would be out next week.

"Bonnie."

"I don't want to talk about this Fish," she argued, already aware of what he wanted to talk about.

"Bonnie-" He grabbed her wrist as she tried to slip away and she narrowed her eyes and glared deadly at him, reminding him of the nickname he gave her when they were young.

"Let. Go of me," she growled.

"We have to talk. Its been three months, how long are you going to drag this on?"

"I'm not dragging anything on. He wants to be with Ashley, he can be with Ashley." She pulled at her wrist to get away but he pulled back just as hard, never afraid to be rough with his friend's wife.

"Where have you been? Who have you been talking to? He talked to Ashley, stopped his followers from murdering her but if he had wanted to be with her he would be with her. Instead he's in a mental institution suffering more from guilt over what he's done to you than he is from his PTSD."

"He doesn't have PTSD," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Bonnie!" He said forcefully. "You didn't stick around for the diagnosis. You've been focused on his wrongdoing but other stuff happened in that basement aside from that. He was _tortured._ Ganelle tore down the wall that held back the traumatizing events in his life and they keep reoccurring in his head while he lies around in the institution. Remember the night of your communion, after we dropped him back off at the house."

Bonnie's fighting arm went lank in Fish's grip as her body gave in from the shock of new information. "What?"

"I don't think he sees much of it anymore, that was when I was visiting him last month. But he says it comes and goes so far and few between now because of all of the drugs he's on."

"Drugs?" Bonnie asked.

"Anti-Depressants and Anti-Hallucinatory medication. He sleeps a lot and he talks really slowly, like he's only nearly asleep when he's awake." He shook his head at her. "He's a mess."

Bonnie put a hand to her chest, her black nail polish harsh against her pale skin just above her scoop neck dress. "I did this?"

Fish released her wrist and wrapped his arms around her like an old friend, speaking softly in her ear. "No, of course not. Ganelle and Hanna and Lucius Malfoy, they did that to him. I'm only telling you this so that you understand." He pulled away to look her in the face. "Its nothing you did Bonnie, you had every right to take all the time you need and punish him for what he did to you. No one blames you. I just want you to know that he's there for you, he's waiting. And I know that you still love him otherwise you wouldn't still be so pissed and its stupid for both of you to just sit around being miserable when you could be together. I know what he did was wrong and he knows that to. He knows that he made a terrible mistake that an apology can't solve but he loves you.

"He can't make the first move toward recovery so you have to do it."

Bonnie was quiet for a moment and Fish could see her thinking. Without a word she turned and walked away from him, back toward Kacy and her baby and the shoes.

Fish rolled his eyes, figuring he would have to try again, hoping he would succeed before Harry missed his daughter's first birthday.

/-

"Harry?" Mrs. Diane asked as they all sat around in group. "Would you like to share today?"

Harry sighed heavily. He still wasn't completely comfortable sharing with the group but it was getting better. He explained how last night he woke up from a nightmare about his uncle…again. It was almost a normal occurrence now; now that he never thought about it during the day his unconscious brought it up while he was sleeping. He always remembered it when he woke up and he would go into a fit, pressing his fists so hard against his temples it looked like they gave him electroshock therapy and his eyes bloodshot and hyperventilating on the floor against his bed. He woke up his roommate who got up from bed and stood next to him with his hand on his shoulder until the orderlies came to calm him down, with the help of calming words and then the help of resorting to drugs…again.

He assumed the amount of drugs they pumped into him on a daily basis would kill him in the next couple of years.

"Thank you for sharing Harry. Melony?"

"Its Ashley's turn," Melony corrected.

Harry folded over and put his face in his hands. He missed Pet and his daughter. He wanted to go to sleep and think about them. Since he had seen Ashley when his followers had attacked her he had been thinking about her a lot less. And more about going home. Maybe the medication really did work. If he didn't feel so guilty would the drugs still make him just as tired?

After group therapy ended at nine-thirty Harry went to the couch in the T.V. room and went to sleep. Not completely asleep, the insomnia kept him partially aware for most of the day but with his eyes closed and the mellow tone of the room and the calming drugs coursing along his blood stream it was almost like sleeping.

/-

"LADY POTTER YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE!" someone yelled, their voice recognizable only as one of the many orderlies in the hospital. It took Harry's mind a moment to analyze what they were shouting, it wasn't usually necessary to listen to what the orderlies were shouting but sometimes they announced when someone's visitors had arrived in the Visiting Area. "LADY POTTER, YOU CAN'T-"

"Get out of my way you asshole," came a woman's voice, permeating through his thoughts. This voice was important he thought. It was familiar but he knew it had been a very long time since he had been there. He concentrated harder, noticing the sound of high heels tapping on the linoleum and he recognized the voice that reverberated over and over again in his head just a second too late as she spoke again. "What are you doing Harry?" she asked.

Harry opened his eyes and looked up at her from the couch. She towered over him in her heels, dressed in a shimmering black dress with an extravagant color and a detail that made it look like she was reflecting hair was longer, her light, bouncy, golden curls gracing past her shoulders instead of at them. Her skin was the same, just as flawless and just as light. Her expression was pissed, just how he remembered it. And yet he couldn't help but smile, the first he had made in almost four months. "Hi Pet," he said softly.

"Don't you _Pet_ me. Sit up so that we can talk."

Harry did as he was told. And when Bonnie didn't immediately start the conversation they stayed in silence for what felt like at least fifteen minutes.

Harry finally broke it, smiling softly at her. "Is that a new dress?" he asked.

Bonnie looked down at herself and then at Harry's smirk. "Its Chanel. I bought it yesterday when I was with Kacy."

"How is Kacy?" he asked. He hadn't seen her in a month so he didn't know if she still looked as healthy as she did the last time she visited.

"She's fine. Well…she looks fine. _She's _going to the Grammys next month. With Fish."

"Yeah, he told me last week."

"He visits a lot?" Bonnie asked.

Harry nodded. "At least once a week. Sometimes he brings Kacy but not a lot. He usually only stays for an hour, and I don't blame him because he wants to be home with her." Harry paused and watched as Bonnie seemed to collect her thoughts. "Is she why you're here?"

"Actually it was Fish. He was there. He made me realize that I…I never asked about how you were doing and I…well…." She looked down at her shoes and Harry could see the nerves in her as she tried to compose herself before she needed composing. "How are you?"

Harry tilted his head to look at her face. Then he shrugged lightly with a shift of his head. "Better," he offered, though he wasn't sure whether it was the truth or not. He noticed her lips shiver, though it was so slight that no one else would have noticed it at all. But he did. He reached forward automatically, forgetting that she hated him, his fingers nearly grazing her dress where her thigh would be.

She stepped back once. "Don't touch me Harry."

"I'm sorry," he said automatically. He put his hands through his hair, shifting the gray back to mix with the black. "Um, do you want to sit down?" he asked, motioning to a chair unfolded behind her.

"Sure," she mumbled, pulling the chair forward and sitting down.

They were quiet as they sat, Bonnie staring down at her shoes and Harry staring at her face waiting for her to speak. When she didn't he decided to start. "So…you're here," he said. "That's good…right?"

"I guess."

Harry nodded solemnly. "Where is Sofia?" he asked softly, as though she would answer with 'I didn't want her to be around you.'

"I left her with your parents. They've been asking to see her. I wanted us to talk alone. To try to fix our relationship."

"I understand." He was quiet so that she could speak but she was very quiet which made the whole moment very confusing. "Bonnie-"

"Do you love her?" she asked quickly, cutting her off.

Harry looked at her. "What?"

"Ashley. Do you love her?"

Harry didn't want to upset her, he wanted her to want to be with him again…he so wanted to hold her and making her upset wasn't going to help him, but he wanted to start off being honest because lying was what hurt them. "Yes."

He watched her break down in seconds, the tears running through her mascara, which she had apparently been wearing since he hadn't been around. He wanted to reach for her again but was afraid it would upset her. "Bonnie, please don't cry. I…." He sighed. "I just want to be honest but I don't want to hurt you. Can I explain? Would you mind if I talked first?"

She just nodded and allowed him to go as she wiped her tears and staved off the rest.

"I do love her. I won't deny that. I have feelings for her and they've always been there. If things had been different, if you hadn't existed and I had never had a chance with you it probably would have been her. But I love you _more_. I love you more than anyone else in the entire world, more than I could ever really explain to you. You're the one and I always knew that." He moved to the edge of the couch, wanting to hold her hands or touch her knee or something but restrained himself. "My feelings for Ashley are closer to feelings I have for Fish. He's my best friend and so was Ashley. I loved her as a friend, I had a connection with her and of course she was something that was taken away from me, that I felt fate denied me from having.

"But I was just always meant to be with you, you're my soul mate. I always want to be with you; I just hope that you'll not always be so very pissed at me and maybe I'll be able to regain your trust."

Bonnie took a deep breath and cleared her throat. She refused to look at him when she talked. "Why did you sleep with her?"

Harry bit his lip. "I didn't want to cheat on you, Pet. I really didn't; it was nothing to do with my feelings for you."

"So it wasn't because you were angry with me?"

"No, not at all. When I got up that morning my whole thought process was that I could go see Ashley without feeling guilty because we were both in a good place. We had just made up, we were both feeling better. I had to fight with myself to do it but I went and… I don't know what came over me. I just missed her and I…When I kissed her I wasn't in my right mind and when I stopped I was ready to commit myself to torture for the rest of my life for just doing that to you. I felt awful and knew I would go to hell for putting you in any kind of pain that was caused by infidelity. And then for some reason I trusted her and went with her and I think I was going crazy, I still can't explain it to myself completely. I just know from talking to Dr. Ross, my therapist, that it had something to do with my belief that I was becoming a different person the longer I stayed married, the more I became a father, the more money I spent; and being with Ashley, who was familiar and from a time when I was more myself, made me comfortable and made me want more."

"Is that a long explanation for you had a mid-life crisis?" she joked but sounding a little pissed about his sorry excuse.

Harry looked at the floor. "Maybe. We've spent a lot of weeks working on just this. With the drugs keeping most of my hallucinations at bay I usually talk about that in group and save my guilt over what _I've_ done for my private therapy. I talk a lot here."

"I see that," Bonnie said, leaning back in her chair.

"I'm sorry," Harry apologized. "Am I talking too much? Do you want to talk now?" he asked.

"Maybe in a minute," she said, looking at her lap and picking at the top coat on her black nail polish.

They sat silently for a minute, but maybe longer Harry thought. He wondered if he was supposed to be talking more. She never said that he should continue. Confused again his head started to hurt, lacking in medication that he would have to wait another hour for.

Trying to be stealth he lowered his head and pressed the heels of his hands to his temples trying to relieve the pain. For some reason she picked up on the motion. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Harry lifted his head again, surprised since she hadn't been looking at him before. "Nothing," he assured her. "Just a headache."

"Is it me?" she asked, as though it were automatically her fault.

"No, of course not. My medication is slowing down and they don't hand out another dose for an hour."

"You take a lot of that?" she asked.

"Considering I used to be so against it, yes. A lot. But they insisted I do it this way before taking drastic measures to remove the hallucinations, the memories, the thoughts. They really take a toll on the mind. Its as though because I was repressing them, now that they're out, they're all stored in my long-term memory, just because they've been in my head for so long."

"I don't think it works like that," Bonnie suggested.

"I know, but that's what it feels like."

Bonnie looked back at her shoes and Harry watched her face. She finally looked up. "I think I'm gonna go now." She stood up.

In real surprise Harry stood up directly after her. "You are?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, okay," he mumbled, shocked, as he assumed they had been doing fine. "Um, can I…" He wavered then gave in. "Can I hug you? Or something?" he asked, like a sore puppy.

She looked at him and his arms, lifted slightly with hope. "No."

They dropped like swing chains being released. "Alright. Are you coming back?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah. I'll be back."

"Do you promise?" he asked sorely, like a child.

She nodded again, still not smiling at him with the hope that he so wanted. "Yes. I promise."

He supposed that would have to be enough. For now.

/-

When Bonnie left she went straight to the Potter's house since they had been babysitting for the last half-hour. She was sure they would try to talk to her, ask her how it went, basically try to postpone the moment so that they could spent more time with Sophia. It wasn't just Harry who didn't get to spend time with her but the whole family. Since she had taken the baby with her to her grandmother's, ironically, she had been the only one able to spend any time with her. She was avoiding everyone else in fear that they would do nothing but make her talk about Harry, which she had no desire to do the past three months. The grandparents were the most upset, especially since they knew that Fish had the most visitation because he had Kacy to make Bonnie come visit.

She apparated into the Potter's house and went to L. Sirius's playroom where she assumed they would be. Lily was on the floor with Sirius who was sitting next to her reading her a book to practice his reading. James was on the floor playing with Sophia, who was sitting up attempting to play some form of patty cake with him and making gurgle sounds that was her current form of speech.

Bonnie sighed heavily and they both heard her and turned to look at her.

"Hi Bonnie," Lily said, smiling sweetly.

"Hi," she said softly, watching her daughter reach out to her smiling and making noises. She waved her fingers at her.

"How was the…visit?" James asked.

Bonnie shrugged. "It was fine."

She got down on the floor and came up to Sophia, running her fingers through the thin, blonde curls. "You ready to go home Sophia?" she asked.

"Mmm, mama," she mumbled.

She got up, taking Sophia with her. "I think we're gonna go back to my grandmother's. She's probably ready to eat."

"Are you going to come back to visit?" Lily asked, standing up as well. "We really like spending time with her."

"I know, and I'm sorry about the whole situation. I promise to bring her around more."

Lily smiled excitedly. "That sounds wonderful."

Bonnie shifted her weight. "Um, I'm gonna go now. I'll see you both soon." She looked to Sirius. "Bye Sirius."

He waved.

Bonnie left the room and apparated.

She arrived back in her room at her grandmother's manor in France. It was the same room her grandmother asked her to stay in every summer and every holiday when she had been attending Beauxbatons. It probably gave her grandmother fond memories of those days having Bonnie stay in this room. Bonnie assumed that her grandmother believed that Harry was a gonner, the relationship done and over with. Though after three months of not speaking to him she supposed a lot of people would assume that.

She set Sophia down on the bed and changed her outfit to a casual knee-length skirt and a T-shirt that she had stolen from Harry's closet before she left the house. She summoned a bottle for Sophia from the kitchen so that she wouldn't have to go downstairs to see her grandmother. She warmed it with a specific spell used for baby bottles and laid down on the bed beside Sophia, helping the baby hold it to her mouth.

When Sophia finished her bottle Bonnie gave her some stuffed animals and played with her, all the while retreating into her own thoughts wondering how close, what she was doing to Harry, came to torture. Was she in the wrong? Had she taken too long to think, especially since she wasn't even thinking about it too much in the first place. Was she a horrible person for not trying? What kind of a wife was she?

She went through hours, long after Sophia decided to go to sleep lying beside her curled against Bonnie's stomach, thinking about Harry and his affair. And for the first time she asked herself, could she forgive him?

She began suffering insomnia and while Sophia slept through the night Bonnie sat in front of her closet in front of the line of black shoes. In the morning she got ready, putting on her best black kitten heels, and a simple black dress that she remembered as Harry's favorite. She put Sophia in a little green dress and put her curls in a little black bow on top of her head. Then she apparated back to the institution.

Harry was not in the same spot she had left him when she had arrived the other day so she went to ask an orderly where she could find him.

"Sorry Lady Potter, they're in group therapy at the moment. He'll only be another fifteen minutes. You can wait in the visitor's area if you would like and I can let him know that you're there when group is let out."

Bonnie sighed heavily. She didn't really want to wait to see Harry, afraid that she would lose her courage. But she agreed and followed the orderly to the waiting room. She sat down in one of the metal chairs and the orderly left her. She opened her purse and pulled out a small mat covered in a soft blanket and enlarged it, laying it on the floor for Sophia to sit on. She set out some toys for her little girl to play with and leaned toward the table and rested her chin in her hand and waited.

Fifteen minutes later Harry traipsed into the visitor's area, they were the only people visiting today apparently. Harry noticed her and immediately perked up, smiling at her. "Bonnie," he greeted excitedly, walking toward her quickly. He paused instantly when he heard Sophia coo and looked down at her on the floor, looking up at him with her big blue eyes. "Sophia!" He immediately went to her but when he was on his knees before her he paused and looked up at his wife. "Can I?"

She was instantly ashamed of making him believe that he had to ask permission. She smiled sadly and nodded.

Harry snatched her up, pulling her up from the floor and into his arms. "Sophia," he cooed, stroking her pudgy cheeks. "I've missed you little girl. So much. Look how pretty you've gotten. And big." He ran his fingers through her wispy blonde curls. He sat down in the chair opposite Bonnie and curled Sophia up on his lap and she stared up at him with her big blue eyes that reminded him of Disney characters. He leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Three months is such a long time but Fish brought me pictures of you to show me how much you'd grown but its not the same in person. Look at you," he said excitedly, holding her out.

All the while Bonnie listened to him, going on to Sophia about how much he missed her and how different she looked and how long it had been since he had been able to hold his baby and suddenly she realized what she had taken from him.

She broke down in tears and put her face in her hands. Harry looked up at her in surprise, curling Sophia up against his chest on his leg, wrapping an arm safely around her. "Pet, what's the matter?"

"I can't believe I did this to you? I can't believe I kept her from you, I'm so sorry. For those first couple of months I was so touchy with her and then you had one day of peace before I just took her away completely and I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."

Swiftly, as though he did it all the time, holding a baby in his arms, he reached over and grabbed her chair, swinging it over to his. He wasn't sure if she was allowing him to touch her now but he grabbed her around her shoulders and pulled her to him. "Pet, there's nothing wrong with you. You already explained everything for earlier and as for recently I don't blame you for not wanting to bring her to see me. I haven't really been in my right mind for very long anyway."

He stroked her curls until she pulled away, wiping at her eyes. She pushed her chair back, a few inches from him."I'm so sorry Harry," she mumbled still.

Harry just shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'm seeing her now and we're fine. I'm pretty sure she even knows who I am." He looked down at Sophia who cooed at him and put her little hand in his. He looked across at Bonnie again and looked at her outfit as he watched her wipe her tears. He believed it was one of her Zac Posen dresses, she announced the designer every time she put on a new dress so he knew what she was talking about. He smirked at her and nodded at her dress. "Isn't that my favorite dress?" he asked, remembering mentioning to her before when they were still around eighteen how much he liked when she wore it.

She scoffed. "I don't remember you ever wearing it," she joked.

Harry chuckled and he saw her crack a smile.

They were quiet for a little while, Harry setting Sophia back on the floor and playing with her little toys with her. "She walking yet?" he asked.

"She's starting to hold onto furniture and pull herself up and stuff, to stand."

Harry gasped excitedly at his daughter. "You're so talented Sophia. I'm so proud." He looked back to Bonnie. "Is she talking yet?"

"She says buh-buh and mama a lot," she offered.

Harry smiled down at his daughter. "And smart to. Can you say dada to?" he asked.

She stared up at him with big eyes and said nothing.

"Dada? No?" he asked. "That's okay. We'll try again another time," he offered.

"Harry?" Bonnie said softly, bringing his attention back to her. "Again, I'm really very sorry for what I've done to you. I mean, taking her and keeping her away from you for such a long time. Not talking to you. I should have at least seen how you were doing. I knew that you were sick. I'm sorry for leaving you when you needed me most and making this worse on you."

"Bonnie, please stop apologizing. Nothing that you did was wrong. Sure, I would have _liked _to see Sophia, but I understand why _you _wouldn't want to see me and why you wouldn't bring her. I missed both of you and thought about you every day, practically ever minute. But I don't want you to be sorry. I was the one who was wrong, I'm the one who has a lot to repent for. And if I have to, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for what I've done to you."

Bonnie shook her head. "I don't want you to make up for it. Its done now and…I'm still angry but I'm not nearly as upset as I was three months ago." For the first time she actually looked at him, meeting his eyes. "I just want things to go back to normal."

Harry nodded. "We can do that," he agreed.

"It'll just take some time. Some readjusting…some practice."

"I'm willing to work at it."

/-

They talked for another hour, mainly about Sophia. When Bonnie mentioned that they were both staying at her grandmother's Harry said nothing about it. If that was where she felt safe she could stay there.

Same as the day before, Bonnie announced when she was ready to leave, as though she very suddenly felt uncomfortable or she felt she was about to overstep her own boundaries. When she was gone he went back to his couch in the TV room, laid down, and waited for her to come back.


	14. Are We Back Yet?

AN: Hey! Finally a new chapter. Sorry for the long waits but I've been super busy with work and the holidays. This chapter isn't really a pick-me-up but I really do like it. Its quite long and I didn't even realize how long until I was ready to post it. I hope everyone likes it and I appreciate the reviews I've gotten and always love to get more. I'm trying to work diligently on the next chapters to come. Lots of drama and excitement ahead. Maybe even something good will happen since its been all down hill for a little while.

Well, I'll stop babbling. Enjoy!

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Chapter 61

Are We Back Yet?

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The entire ward of the mental institution was allowed to stay up late to watch the Grammys. Harry insisted. Bonnie was visiting to watch it with him, Sophia was with her grandparents, though the baby was probably sleeping, Lily and James would both be up watching it with Cameron and Mrs. McNeal, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Sirius, Jackline, Remus, Tonks and . Mason was also asleep.

Since Bonnie had come to see him that first day she had not broken her promise to come back to see him again, and since she had no job to keep her busy she kept that promise by coming in to see him every day. They started off as short visits and the more time they spent together the more they missed each other when Bonnie left. Harry always missed her so it was more the change in Bonnie than it was in him. She realized that, while she may be over the moon pissed at him and still hurt, she was still deeply in love with her husband and still very much wanted to be near him and hear his voice and talk to him.

So by this point she was at a hand holding stage with her husband as they sat together on what was usually his sleeping couch in the blue room at the hospital. Harry had enlarged the television to a very large flat screen that the whole room could watch and be impressed with.

They all applauded, as they knew they were supposed to, when Fish and Kacy arrived on screen.

"Shut up, I want to hear them talk," Harry ordered. Everyone hushed and listened to the interview.

Fish was standing off to the side as the band was shuffled up to E News, Kacy beside him holding excitedly onto his arm.

"We are here with the band As A Bee now," says Ryan Seacrest as the group was ushered up to him and Giuliana for an interview. "Up for a Grammy nomination for Best New Artist. How are all of you tonight?" he asked.

"Great," Fish answered for all of them. "We're very excited."

"And this will be your first time on the red carpet, right?"

"Yeah, we've never been nominated for anything except the Grammys yet. I'm really looking forward to the MTV awards," he joked. "Even though we don't actually watch MTV."

"And you all look fabulous tonight," Giuliana added. "Kacy, who are you wearing?"

"Nina Ricci. Bonnie and Mrs. Potter actually got be dressed this morning. They did my hair and my makeup. I think they may have been more excited than I was." She turned to wave at the camera. "Hi."

"Bonnie? As in Lady Potter?" Giuliana asked.

"Yes," Fish confirmed. "She dressed all of us, actually, if you were wondering why we all look so beautiful this evening. She and Harry are probably watching, as is the whole family." He turned to wave at the camera along with the band.

"And who did she put you boys in?" Giuliana asked.

"Well I am apparently wearing Armani, as is Lex," Fish said.

"And we are wearing Gucci," said Jack, motioning to Mark.

Bonnie gasped excitedly. "They mentioned me on TV. If I don't get invited to be on Vanity Fair after _this,_ I am going to sue them."

"You should," said Melony beside them, who was Emily at the time.

The band was sent to other interviewers but they weren't able to watch every one of them on every channel but they asked basically the same questions. Sometimes Fish would be missing as he encouraged Kacy to have a good time of her own, meeting her favorite celebrities like Cindy Lauper, but they were always pointed out in a smaller square in the corner of the screen, getting their photo taken by photographers and meeting other musicians. Finally, the moment came to go into the ceremony.

Fish and Jack were asked to present the award for Best Pop Solo Performance, won by Katy Perry who was very excited to meet them both.

A half an hour later, Harry very bored by the rest of the show, the band performed two songs, the majority of the second song cut off by commercials that Harry and the other patients damned to hell.

Finally came the moment for the Best New Artist. The nominees were shown in their seats, Fish paying more attention to his wife then the fact that the camera was directed at him.

"And the winner of the Best New Artist award goes to…." Everyone crossed their fingers. "As A Bee."

Everyone cheered, including the audience that had voted for them and the people in the hospital. The camera focused on them, the three boys getting up as Fish leaned over to kiss Kacy before following them toward the stage. They shook hands with the presenters and they each accepted their Grammy award as they got up. Fish went up to the podium first, to speak. "I'm going to say my thanks really fast because I know the guys want to say stuff to. I would first like to thank St. Jimmy. If you had been able to play the guitar then I probably never would have picked it up and who knows where we would all be today. Also, thank you to Hell's Angel for dressing me tonight and for being supportive in everything that I do, despite my not being very nice to you. I would also like to thank my parents, for giving me something interesting to write about, may you both continue rotting eternally in Hell. And thank you to my lovely wife Kacy, for loving both my music and me."

.

There was an after party that the band, Kacy and Fish attended. Fish doted on her entirely, to make sure she was still feeling well. But she was in a very bright mood the entire night, doting on him back. She hardly felt ill at all, it was almost as if she had forgotten that she was terminal. With Fish around her, holding her and touching her hair and dancing with her despite the fact that she danced like a crazy person and then staring at her like a precious jewel, it was hard to remind herself that it would all be over very soon. But she didn't let that lessen her mood. She would enjoy every moment she had with him, take in everything and let nothing pass her by. She may have been a bit embarrassing in that sense during the red carpet and the party, insisting that Fish and the band introduce themselves (and her, of course) to other famous people that she wanted to meet. Fish just smiled and patted her head, once cracking a joke that she was like an old woman considering how very _not_ self-conscious she was about what she said. Then he pulled her forward to kiss her forehead, making sure that she didn't take offense.

She didn't.

At the end of the night she followed him up to the apartment with the boys, all of them disappearing to their separate rooms with tired goodnights. Kacy quickly pulled down her hair and started to untie her dress so that she could hang it up in the closet. Before she was able to change into her nightgown, Fish came up behind her, still fully clothed in his dress shirt and pants. He wrapped his arms slowly and softly around her waist, his fingers touching each small stretch of skin as they made their way to her stomach. He rested his head softly on her shoulder.

Kacy waited for a joke, a teasing remark about her lack of clothing or a trail of kisses up her neck to initiate more sex, which she was more than willing to carry out. But nothing came.

Silently and softly he nuzzled the back of her neck, in the crook between her shoulder and her throat, but never kissed her skin. To be honest it was almost scaring her, she waited for him to tell her something awful. She could only wonder why he was being so very quiet, why his hands tightened around her, why she had to be the only one in her bra and underwear, but the rest of his body stayed so relaxed against her back.

"B?" she asked softly.

She heard and felt him breathe in deeply, like a breath of fresh air. "Kacy?" he asked softly, his voice muffled as he spoke behind her back, his forehead on her shoulder.

"Yes?" she questioned, very confused as to why he was being so strange and why he wasn't facing her.

"I want to admit something, something honest. And I want to make that clear so that you know that I'm saying it because I mean it and not out of…" He paused and sighed dramatically. "Pity."

"B. You don't have to-"

"I love you."

"B."

Fish took her hips and turned her around, holding her against the wall to face him. "Please don't say anything about my feelings not being real just because I know this relationship has an unavoidable conclusion. That's what Josh told me and I know that he's wrong. I've analyzed my feelings for months but I've known since that first night we shared together. When we made love and you told me to tell you that I loved you, even if I didn't mean it. But I did mean it, I knew that as soon as I said it and I know it for certain now. I just wanted to make sure that you knew how I felt, before it was too late. Before I ran out of time to tell you and regretted it for the rest of my life.

"I love you Kacy."

Kacy smiled at him and reached up to stroke his hair. "Oh B," she mumbled.

"Please don't respond like that," Fish said, with a roll of his eyes.

"Like what?"

"Like you're humoring me. I have a short amount of time left with you and I want you to know that I have loved you and will love you all the time that I have you and long after that."

Kacy put her fingers softly to his lips to be sure he didn't interrupt. "B, I want you to know how I feel as well. So I hope you remember the feelings I expressed when we met because they will be the only ones I will express to you. I will admit that I…do." She tried to express her meaning through her expression and Fish understood. She felt the same. "But I won't say it aloud. Using words and saying them aloud, to you, while you're holding me, would just make it all so very, very real. And knowing exactly what I am going to lose will make it that much harder to accept what I have already prepared for."

She put her hand to his cheek and let it fall to his strong jaw, so relaxed and yet frustrated at the same time. "I hope that what I can give you is enough."

Fish sighed heavily and leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. "Anything you have to give me is more than I could ever deserve." Before she could respond in any way he captured her lips in a kiss. She responded enthusiastically after a moment's hesitation, a moment she would have used to retaliate had it been offered. Fish put his hands to her shoulders and let them fall down the sides, dragging the straps of her slip down until the fabric slipped around her curves and fell in a puddle around her feet. In one swift movement he lifted her up into his arms, holding her shape close to his body and moved her to the bed, laying her down on it as he laid over her.

He made love to her, expressing it in words and actions, expecting no such words in return. He could feel her express it though, and if it was all she could give without hurt, then it was all he could ask for.

When it was nearly dawn and they were both snuggled together under the dark fabrics of his bed, Kacy fast asleep and Fish wide awake, Fish told her things he couldn't say allowed to her. "I'm going to pray for you my love. I'll believe in God if it will make you well, if it means that I can have you, if he'll let me keep you longer, then I will accept my position as St. Jimmy has." He pressed his lips to the back of her shoulder, her dirty blonde hair in waves pulled into a tie at the nape of her neck. He breathed in the scent of her skin. "I've saved this wish for you."

.

Harry tried to move as little as possible, the longer he stayed still the longer Bonnie would sleep, in his arms, head rested on his shoulder. It was amazing that he hadn't noticed but she had fallen asleep sometime after the red carpet, curled up at his side, nuzzled up to his arm and he would die right then and there if he ruined the moment for himself by waking her up.

She looked so comfortable, the stress of being near him that usually lined her expressions was gone and relaxed. It was almost like going back to a period in time when she didn't distrust and hate him so much.

He tilted his head, resting it on top of hers and breathed in her scent. The smell of home-made rose water permeated his thoughts.

He heard footsteps nearing. He lifted his head and glanced over the back of the couch, saw an orderly trying to sneak up on him or simply being quiet as he went to say something but he was in no mood to listen. He was the closest to his wife he had been in months and he wasn't going to let the moment pass him by.

He growled, deep in his throat; a natural, animalistic sound that instantly made the man back off and head back in the direction that he came.

Once he was sure that the orderly was gone he rested his head back on Bonnie's and continued to breathe deeply so that every breath he took smelled faintly or wholly of her. While the seconds passed he cautiously, everything cautious, ran his fingers over her hand and cupped it in his. For a long moment he stared at the ring that still sat on her finger, right where he had slipped it into place in church after saying his vows.

He realized, talking to Dr. Ross, that what Ganelle said to him was true. She tortured with honesty and that's why it hurt so much. She wasn't just mocking him when she was explaining what his life had become. Formerly a Savior to the world and an all powerful and sometimes feared man of only nineteen, he had maybe forty more years of life to live out and nothing to do with it. He was trapped in his house; content.

And after twenty-years of passion, adventure, fear and near death experiences to keep him going, years of fighting and training and drama, contentment and even happiness just didn't really feel like enough. It felt wrong, too simple. As though he wasn't doing enough with his time. He couldn't sleep because he wasn't tired. How could he be tired if he wasn't running for his life or beat into unconsciousness? It didn't come so easily anymore.

But Dr. Ross explained that it was just him. It was just his experiences that changed his perception of reality. He could sleep, he was just too focused on not sleeping. The definition of insomnia. But Dr. Ross promised he could help him fix that problem. As for boredom, that was just something Harry would have to come to terms with. Everyone got bored, sometimes there just wasn't enough to do. Hence, the word hobby. Some people called them obsessions. Obsessive cleaning, scrap booking, writing, reading, sex, eating…Of course, resorting to scrap booking wasn't going to make the Savior of the World and a "self-proclaimed" warrior for God feel any better about the lack of excitement in his own life. Dr. Ross suggested writing, reading (as he had been) and maybe some kind of sword fighting club or a gun club. Perhaps the army.

Harry snorted aloud, forgetting the blonde on his shoulder, her hand still in his. He looked down to make sure he hadn't woken her up and was unsure whether he was disappointed or not when her eyes flickered open and she mumbled, "Harry."

Harry smirked, cautiously, at her. "Hey, sleepy head.

She sat up slowly, much to Harry's disappointment. She touched her hair to check it as she squinted in the bright hospital lights.

"You stopped paying attention right after the red carpet. You missed Fish's awesome performance."

"I'm sure he'll forgive me." She tugged her fingers through her curls and then glanced up at him, finally. "Sorry for sleeping on you," she said gently.

Harry shrugged. "I didn't mind."

Bonnie smiled softly. She looked down to find him still holding her hand, his thumb running over her engagement ring.

Harry slowly slipped his hand away as she continued to stare, feeling like he was going to be in trouble for touching her while she was sleeping. Then he saw her smile turn into a smirk and she took his hand back in hers.

She looked up at him. "You can hold my hand Harry. I don't mind." She put her other hand on his thigh and pushed herself up so that she was kneeling beside him. "You could even kiss me if you wanted to."

Harry raised his eyebrows at her. "Last week you didn't want me to sit too close to you."

"That was last week. The more I see you the more I want of you." She sat down on her heels and titled her head like a puppy. "Don't you want to kiss me?" she asked.

Without another pause he reached up and wrapped his palm around the back of her neck and pulled her forward to press his lips to hers. In a second she was in his lap, both of them kissing passionately, which Harry couldn't help but think was strange. "Bonnie?" he said softly against her mouth.

"Ashley," she muttered back, leaning into him again.

Harry pushed her back in surprise. "What?" he asked, staring up at her where she straddled his waist.

"You said Bonnie," she told him.

Harry felt like he was on drugs, or maybe Bonnie was delusional.

"I know I said Bonnie. What are you saying?"

"My name is Ashley." She touched her hair, the tips of her fingers grazing her cheeks and as she pulled her hand away from the strands her face slowly transformed, like rain drops sliding down the window revealing new glass. Her hair was dark, her face the features of Ashley but somehow not the same. Her expression was all wrong.

She leaned forward again to kiss him but he pushed her off and stood from the couch, taking a few steps away from it and turning back to look at her. She rolled her eyes and leaned back into the seat, waiting.

Harry took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, rationally. "This is…its not real. Its a dream."

"It _could _be a hallucination, but does it really matter…_Harry_?" She smiled cheekily and leaned forward. "How come she gets to call you that and I don't?"

"She's my wife. Get out of my dream."

"You can't kick me out. You don't control anything here," she told him.

"Its my dream. I control everything."

"Is that what your doctor told you?" she smirked, mocking. "Poor St. Jimmy. Crazy as a loon as they say." She stood slowly, going toward him as he went back. "You'll never escape you know."

"Escape what?" he asked curiously.

She smiled devilishly, as though she knew something he didn't. Thats when he realized who's expressions Ashley was assuming. She transformed again, this time to Ganelle, the process gradual and disturbing.

"This is really going to get annoying," Harry muttered to himself.

As though his mind was accepting that Harry wasn't affected by this dream state the area shifted until he was going through lapses of time that had never actually occurred. Flashes of moments passed by his mind's eye just long enough for him to take them in.

Ashley and him outside her parent's house in Surrey, smiling and laughing in their black clothing, drinking coffee and listening to the radio.

Ashley and him at his parent's house, at dinner with the rest of the family, Fish included, Jackline not.

Ashley at Hogwarts with him, near the final battle, in the library while they searched for a spell to kill Voldemort. A spell that now laid behind glass in a book on Da Vinci now belonging to a man named Richard French.

Harry standing before Voldemort, green light shooting out of his own wand and coming back at him from Voldemort's.

Harry in the dark, feeling death's breath on the back of his neck and leaning in toward the bright, emerald green light with eagerness.

.

Harry awoke screaming, feeling the light on his skin.

In the rush of trying to escape it he fell out of his bed and collapsed on the floor, still screaming, trying to push the green light off of him as it tried to absorb into skin and finally destroy him.

"Please, not again. Not again. I don't want to die. Don't let it take me. GET IT OFF!" He felt someone's hand on his shoulder but it didn't calm him, believing that it was death so close he was able to grab Harry to take him. He pushed the hand away, hearing death shoot back and hit the opposite wall.

There was a rushing of footsteps that came into the room but they all stayed at a distance.

.

The orderlies stood in the doorway and stared, one of them pointing out Harry's roommate collapsed beside his bed. Two orderlies took him and removed him from the room while another stepped over toward Harry. "Sir?" he asked loudly over Harry's screams. "Calm down. We're here to help."

"Its going to kill me," Harry yelled at him. "I'm dying!"

"You're not dying. No one here is going to hurt you and there is nothing wrong with you. You just had a nightmare."

Harry slowly stopped screaming and as he calmed he looked up at the orderly and stared quietly at him, breathing heavily and then looking down at his skin.

The orderly held out his helping hand to Harry. "Come on Sir. Lets get you back into bed. We'll get you some melatonin to help you sleep and you can discuss it with Dr. Ross in the morning. Everything will be okay."

Harry stared down at himself, the parts that he could see, and accepted that he could have been having another nightmare. He _used_ to see the green light often, before he knew what it was, before he repressed it. But since the wall had come down it was the first time the sight of the killing curse had made itself known.

He didn't take the man's hand but stood back up and let the man usher him back into bed. "If my roommate, Ryan...if he wakes up, please tell him that I'm sorry that I knocked him unconscious."

"I'm sure he'll understand that it was an accident Sir but I will be sure to let him know," the orderly said. He turned to take a small plastic cup with a pill in it from another orderly who had just re-entered the room and handed it to Harry. "Melatonin. Place it under your tongue and it dissolves quickly."

Harry did as he was told. He didn't ask very many questions when they handed him his medication anymore. He had read enough books at school to understand how they all worked but it didn't lessen his dislike for them or make him appreciate their usefulness.

The rest of the orderlies left leaving behind just the one, who was always the one to come and find Harry. His name was Alan, or so Harry had heard. He had been there the longest.

He curled up back in his bed, facing the wall, now used to being watched as he fell asleep. Quickly enough the melatonin started to work and he dissolved into a dreamless sleep.

.

The next morning Bonnie came to visit, per usual, at the usual visitors time because if she came at the proper time she knew she wouldn't have to wait to see Harry. She came promptly at nine thirty-one, when group therapy ended. Harry would be led out of group into the visitor's area to meet her.

She took her seat at the little table and set Sophia up on the floor with her toys and her mat and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

She checked her phone and after five minutes had passed someone finally came in to speak with her. The orderly that came to check on Harry whenever she visited for long periods of time. "Mrs. Potter."

"Yes?" she asked.

"Your husband is going to be in group for a little bit longer. They had a lot of talking to get out today."

"How much longer?" she asked.

"Only about ten more minutes."

"Alright," she said hesitantly. "I'll…be waiting here."

The orderly nodded and left the room. Bonnie made the mat bigger and got down on the floor to play with Sophia while they waited.

Harry arrived a little over ten minutes later, led into the room by the same orderly. Bonnie noticed the same smile crawl over his face as he saw them both there for him but it was a little more pained than it usually was.

He kneeled down on the floor beside them both as the orderly left the room and he leaned over to pull Sophia into his arms. "Hey Sophia. You get prettier every day." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and then looked up at his wife. "Hey, pet. Sorry I was a running a little late. I…I um, had a nightmare last night that I decided to discuss in group and I don't talk in group a lot so they all wanted to hear and tell me their input."

"Its fine. We've been playing," Bonnie explained. "Are you feeling better?" she asked. "Now that you've talked to them."

Harry shrugged. "A little."

"What was it about?" she asked softly.

Harry just shrugged.

"Was it about me?"

"Parts of it…" He paused and Bonnie continued to stare at him for the rest. "Parts were about Ashley."

"Oh."

They were silent.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Do you want to hear about it?" he asked curiously.

"I don't know. It depends on what you and Ashley were doing."

Harry shook his head. "It wasn't like that." He spoke slowly. "Before you started visiting I had a different dream about Ashley, that portrayed a life I never had but would have had if you had never come back from France. If I had chosen Ashley because I couldn't have you. And it was okay.

"But my dream last night, it wasn't as okay. It was…missing things."

"Missing things?"

"If I had ended up with Ashley people would have been without things. Jackline for instance, Sirius would never have met her and they wouldn't have had a baby. I never would have gotten that book by DaVinci containing the spell I used to defeat Voldemort. I would have been forced to use the killing curse to defeat him and when it crushed a part of my soul I wouldn't have been as willing to live. If it had been Ashley, I would have turned to reach out to death, because that's what I've always wanted. So says Dr. Ross and I have to agree. But when it was you…." He paused and smirked a little. "Well, I had a beautiful blonde waiting, a ring in my pocket and a proposal to make. I chose you twice. Ashley was always just second best. And if I had died then Severus wouldn't feel so free to marry and move on with his life and Draco would still have the Dark Mark on his arm as well. You would probably be married to Jacobie, his current wife would be having awful sex with someone who doesn't appreciate her, Fish would…I don't know where he would be."

Harry's eyes widened as Bonnie leaned across the small space between them and pressed her lips softly against his. Harry slowly responded, lifting one hand to hold her cheek and run his thumb along her cheek bone.

A moment later she pulled back again, smiling.

They were quiet as Harry regained his thoughts. "Does my babbling make you want to kiss me?"

"Sort of. Most of what you said was very strange and kind of irritating, but a lot of it was sort of sweet."

Harry just nodded, looking down at Sophia but glancing up at his wife from under his eyelashes as she watched the two of them together.

The next hour they spent chit chatting about what Bonnie had been up to when she wasn't visiting and playing with Sophia's toys with her.

"I took more of Kacy's blood this morning," Bonnie told him in the midst of a moment of silence. She nibbled on one of the crackers she kept in Sophia's designer diaper bag. She took another out and handed it to her daughter. "She wasn't doing very well…another bad day. And while its awful, the worse she is the easier it is to see the disease and to analyze it." Her frown deepened, she looked down, abandoning her cracker and sighing heavily. "But the longer I go without figuring it out the worse I feel and the less I'm able to look at Fish when I visit her. I'm always taking more and never giving any good news."

"You're a potions genius, not a miracle worker Bonnie," Harry reminded her. "Fish understands."

"I don't think he cares what I am, he's just hoping I can do what _I_ hope I can do. Its ridiculous how abnormal her blood cell count is. One day I'll check and its high and then the next its low." She pointed an irritated finger at Harry. "_Your God_ is freaking _messing_ with us I _know it_."

"You think I don't know that?" Harry asked, raising a hand to gesture to the visitor's area they resided in.

"You followed a crazy girl to her car and drank from her water bottle and then cheated on your beautiful wife. This you did to yourself."

"A girl took off her pants while I was tied to a chair. What was I supposed to do?"

Bonnie glared at him hatefully. "Its still too early to make jokes Harry."

"I'm sorry," he apologized immediately.

Bonnie shook her head as she saw Harry's frown turn into a smirk which he attempted to hide behind his hair. Bonnie smiled threateningly but amused back at him. "If you were not holding our ten month old daughter I would smack you."

"I'm sorry."

Bonnie just shook her head again and looked down at her half eaten cracker. "If the doctors are right she only has a month left and…even if she didn't make Fish so happy she's really nice and I don't think she deserves to die. Where was God when we were trying to kill off Voldemort?"

"Well, humankind _was_ made in his image and people are starting to really turn into lazy bastards, don't you think?"

"I just don't think a month will be enough time to cure her, not this. And I'm so frustrated because I've never had a problem like this before. I cured cancer in seven class periods with some chewing gum and spare herbs. I cured Lycanthropy in three months and no one was close to death, just really grumpy around the full moon. But this…" She sighed heavily and put her face in her hands. "Its just too much. I can't believe Fish could be handling this well at all. If this were you I would be falling apart at the seams."

"Fish doesn't really express his anxiety in the forms of loosening seams. Its more of a…over-protective, stalker, obsessive watching pose where he thinks if he misses the last moment of her life everything will fall apart."

Bonnie sighed heavily again. "When did our lives start being so difficult?"

"Well my difficulties started halloween night, the year of my first birthday. Yours most likely began the day you met me."

"Do you think we'll ever have a moment where it isn't so complicated?"

"I remember having a few of those with you, but in the future?" He shrugged and hugged Sophia close to his chest, looking down at her. "Maybe a few."

.

Fish knelt down beside the bed and handed Kacy another glass of 7-Up. "This really helps, huh?" he asked as she took the glass from him and he stroked back her blonde hair.

She swallowed heavily and shook her head slightly so she wouldn't make herself dizzy. "Not really. I just really like it. It makes me happy." She glanced at him and smirked. "I'm sorry I'm not much fun today. I felt fine last night."

"Don't be sorry. Its not your fault."

"But you told me you had so many things planned today," she frowned, feeling guilty.

"Nothing that can't be rescheduled. I swear." He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. "You just focus on feeling better."

Kacy just turned her head up to smile at him. "Do you want to lay with me?"

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You won't," she said, reaching her hand over to pat the empty side of the bed.

Fish walked over and crawled into the bed and laid down on his back beside her, taking her hand in his.

Kacy slowly turned her head to look at him and smiled. "You know when I first got the phone call from the foundation I was lying in bed, just like this, but I was looking up at your picture on my ceiling. That's where my friend put it."

Fish cracked a smile at her. "Sure."

"She did. She's a funny one."

"I remember from when she came to visit. She kept pinching my ass. You and her spent a lot of time talking about our sex life."

Kacy carefully moved herself closer to him on the bed. "She's still a good christian virgin, unmarried you know."

"Aren't you both supposed to be proper young southern belles, all proper and that."

"Yeah, but I'm dying so I can do whatever the hell I want and she's decided that when she's around me she can to. You should have seen her at school, before I started getting really sick. She told everyone off." She giggled before continuing with something she thought was funny. "She took Gary Driver to the back of the school and let him touch her boobs for five minutes so he would agree to do our homework the rest of the semester. She said I shouldn't have to waste my time doing homework and she wasn't going to waste her time doing it either, but she didn't want to waste time in _detention_ for not doing it either." She turned to look at him. "She said it was totally worth it."

"Hmm," Fish mumbled. "I would never do any girl's homework a whole semester for five minutes."

"What about mine?" Kacy joked, smirking at him.

"Well I would do anything for you," he reminded her, reaching over to tuck her hair behind her ear. "You probably wouldn't want me to do your homework though. I'm not even good at the English language most of the time."

"I think you're very smart," Kacy said, taking his whole arm and holding it against her body, his hand in both of hers. She scooted closer and turned on her side to snuggle up to him.

Fish chuckled as she did so and shook his head. "You like me for my body, I just know it."

"I like you because you're talented, you're sweet, you're a _very_ good person _and_ because you're a _wonderful_ and _devoted_ lover." She looked up at him with her sweet blue eyes and her thin eyelashes, peppered with yesterdays residual mascara. But there was so much love in her eyes that Fish stopped breathing a moment. "I feel more than just lucky for having even met you and privileged for being allowed the chance to be with you…especially to be loved by you." She sighed, as if the thought was breathtaking. "I'm honored to be the one."

She leaned up slowly to kiss him but he turned away and pulled back from her. He coughed quietly, a very obvious fake. He pulled his hand away. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom Kace," he said. She noticed his voice was kind of strained as he said it. "I'll be back in a minute, K?"

Kacy just nodded slowly, worried. He must have noticed since he leaned over quickly to kiss her forehead before rushing out of the room and into the bathroom.

Kacy sighed heavily and sat up a little, carefully, and sipped some more of her 7-Up.

.

Fish made sure to wave his wand and sound proof the room before he dropped to the floor, leaning up against the tub and collapsing into a heap of sobs. He put his hands to his face, trying to hold back the tears with his fingers but failing. He dragged his hand through his hair and dragging his nails down his skin, over his neck to his chest where he clutched at his heart as it beat erratically in his chest like it would implode on itself.

He felt like the world was ending, though the walls could be falling down around him, pipes exploding and such and he wouldn't even notice because he was in so much pain. He didn't understand why it had to be her. He and Harry had to track down and murder the five boys who hurt his sister and Ann but wonderful people like Kacy he strikes down and torments with disease.

When he could breathe again and the tears were simply falling non-stop down his face he crawled across the floor to the cabinet under the sink and pulled out the stacks of towels, soaps, shampoo and spare toilet paper and reached into the back to pull out the hidden candles. Three, thick and tall white candles that he arranged in a triangle pointing to the door that lead back into the bedroom where Kacy was. He grabbed an old rosary from the back and a black marker before pushing all of the bathroom accessories back in the cabinet. He lit the candles with his wand and turned off the lights. He kneeled at the base of the candles, clutching the rosary wrapped around his wrist to his chest, rubbing his thumb over the beads. He sobbed more, leaning over to press his forehead to the floor. He reached over to grab the black marker and scribbled on the floor in latin like St. Jimmy had taught him. When he finished the script he threw the marker toward the tub and tried to collect himself. Using his hand that clutched the rosary he opened his palm, the cross tightly sealed to his skin like it was glued, and put his hand down on the candle over the flame and let it burn him.

He closed his eyes and prayed.

"God…give her to me. I know she's a good person, pure and beautiful and St. Jimmy said that you need people like that behind heavenly gates but…I need her to. I need her more than you do. I know Harry and Bonnie are doing fine and Harry will recover so I'm only going to ask for this one thing, this one thing ever.

"Let me take care of her. Give her to me and I'll keep her safe and healthy and happy, I promise. I'll repent for all of my sins if that's what you want, I'll give up smoking, for good, if I can keep her. I love her. Doesn't that mean something to you? Please let me keep her, make her healthy and let her live, even if she doesn't want to stay with me when the sickness passes. I just want her to be alive in this world for a very long time."

.

Kacy woke up to Fish crawling back into bed with her a little white later. She rolled onto her side to curl up by his chest. "What were you doing in there?" she asked, annoyed. "You said a minute."

"I decided to take a quick shower. Sorry," he apologized, stopping at 'sorry' after realizing that his voice was still shaky. He ran the back of his hand under his eye again to make sure he got all of the tears. He turned to her again and pressed his lips to her forehead, then her cheek and her neck. He leaned over her, looking down at her as he held himself up on his forearms. He ran his fingers through her hair softly.

"Mhmm," she agreed, knowing that he looked a little tearful when he was headed into the other room and the edges of his eyes looked suspiciously red and swollen. She reached up to put her hand gently to his cheek and told him softly, "You know its okay to be sad Fish. I'm going to miss you to."

Fish just shook his head, willing the tears to stay back. H leaned down slightly to brush his lips lightly over hers. "Just…don't give up yet, okay? Please?"

.

"It didn't work before," Harry insisted, sitting in his chair across from Dr. Ross, leaned back in one leather arm chair with his feet put up on the other. "Josh tried it before and I wasn't susceptible."

"But your mind was blocking things then. It wasn't going to let someone invade and bring out memories you obviously were trying to hold back, with purpose. But with the wall down and your being more open I think we should at least try hypnotism. You trust me more now that you've been here for many months and I think it would be really beneficial to some things that limit you."

"Limit me?" Harry asked. "I have no limits."

"You don't allow the other patients to wear white anymore."

"They were happy to agree to it," Harry said, rolling his eyes. "Its not like I ransacked their wardrobes and forced them to do as I said."

"Except Veronica."

"She likes to torture me. She's mean."

"I understand that but you still cannot steal from the other patients or exert your dominance over them. This is not battle Sir Potter, this is a mental facility. Veronica, especially, is very fragile."

"Am I fragile?" Harry asked smirking at his doctor, the curve of his lips intimidating to anyone who wasn't treating him or prescribing his drugs.

"I believe the orderlies think of you more like a vicious, caged animal shot with a tranquilizer. Except for Alan, he seems to be starting to like you. But yes, Sir. I believe you to be fragile. Off your drugs and on your own I believe you could snap at any moment."

"I thought I snapped before I got here."

"I think we should try the hypnosis Sir Potter. It can't hurt."

Harry sighed heavily and laid his head back on the chair. "Alright, fine. I'll go along with this if it will make you happy. What would you like to hypnotize me to do because I must let you know I have no troubles fighting off the imperious curse and if you try to make me act like a chicken I'm sure I will have no trouble fighting it off."

The doctor sighed. "No, I thought we would work on your fear of white. It was conditioning that made you fear it, hypnosis would work quite well."

"That's fine doctor," Harry said, leaning back in his chair again. "I'll play along. Just tell me what you need."

.

After group, where he expressed his new excitement, was over he raced to the visiting area where he knew Bonnie was waiting for him. On Tuesdays and Thursdays she left Sophia at Harry's parents so that they could visit her and Bonnie and Harry could be alone.

She was sitting at the same table she sat at every afternoon, waiting, turning her shiny cell phone around in a circle on the table as she waited.

Without really thinking about it and in his extremely good mood he called out to her as he walked across the room and when she looked up at him he had reached her and leaned down to kiss her on the lips.

It was only a peck but she glared at his smile when he pulled away to look at her. "Who told you that you could kiss me?"

Harry's smile fell in confusion. "Well…we kissed yesterday."

"I kissed you. Once."

"Oh," Harry said, looking down at the floor guiltily. "Sorry."

Bonnie just shrugged. "Its alright." She started to spin her phone again. "It was a nice kiss. I mean…I miss it to."

Harry smiled at her and she blushed. He held out his hand to her and she looked up at him confused.

"What?"

"I want to show you something. Come with me."

Bonnie stood and took his hand and let him lead her out of the visitors area. "Am I allowed to be over here?" she asked. "I know that the Grammy's was just a special occasion."

"Its fine Pet. I've cleared it with Dr. Ross." He dragged her down the hallway past the blue room where the patients were reading and others gathered around a heated and monitored football table game. They headed down the creepy hallway to the little dorm rooms. Harry's room was open and an orderly was standing at the end of the hall. "I cleared it with Dr. Ross."

"He told me. Go ahead," the orderly agreed and Harry continued on, stopping in front of his open green door. He motioned for Bonnie to go in. She looked around and back at Harry who just smiled at her, like he was waiting for her to ask an essential question. She sighed heavily and looked closer.

The whole room was painted an ugly light blue color that was a little too close to grey to be attractive. A small closet was open in the corner with a few shirts and pants folded up and two jackets, a little window was in the back wall between the two sides of the room. The two beds on either side were cheap and made of fake wood and very plain, flat and close to the floor, no headboards and tight itchy looking sheets were wrapped around single mattresses. The two sides of the room were exactly alike except that the bed to her right had ugly bluish green sheets and the bed to the left had all white sheets and pillow case. She thought this was strange but figured that the bed on the right was Harry's special bed.

She turned back to Harry with a raised eyebrow. "Did you bring me in here to convince me to make out or to show me that you get special treatment here concerning your sheets?"

Harry smiled at her and pointed to the white side. "That's my bed."

Bonnie narrowed her eyes at him, confused. "What?"

Harry walked to the bed and threw himself down on it, folding his arms behind his head and lying back on it, the bare skin of his arms touching the white of the pillow case. She had never seen him allow such a thing.

She stared at him for another minute, thinking, before finally asking, "What are you doing?"

"Dr. Ross cured me of my fear. See?" He sat up and grabbed the pillow and started rubbing it all over his arms and face. "See? No pain. It does hurt anymore." He sat up and beckoned her to come sit by him and she did so, slowly but willing, slowly sitting down beside him. "Before, at school, they conditioned me to fear the color white and Dr. Ross _re_-conditioned me to _not_ fear the color white. Thanks to the help of Ganelle's messing with my head and taking down my walls and Dr. Ross's hypnotism skills. The man sure knows what he's doing, I'll give him that."

"Except making you really sleepy," Bonnie reminded him.

"Oh, not so much anymore. They've got the amounts set pretty fair these days. At least I think so. Just enough to block out the large man in the corner of my eye but not enough to put me to sleep as soon as I take them."

Bonnie nodded and looked down at her hands. "It sounds like you're…I mean, you seem to be doing really well here."

Harry nodded slowly. "I think I am. I mean, I'm not all sunshine and rainbows or about to lie to Sophia about the North Pole or a large rabbit who delivers candy. But I think I'm coming out of my rut a little bit. Dr. Ross and I are discussing my crises and I think we're dealing with them well. Group is getting better, though Veronica is still mean to me and I still want to strangle Mrs. Diane every time she corrects me when I don't use _Ashley's_ first name and the nightmares are almost daily but I kind of think its a sign of progression. It all has to come out and I have to face it all before I can put it behind me." He turned to look at her. "You know?"

Bonnie nodded, staring at him.

Harry's enthusiastic smile fell from his face as he tried and failed to analyze Bonnie's expression. "What's wrong?"

Bonnie shook her head. "Nothing."

Harry turned on the bed to face her, pulling his leg onto the bed. "Please tell me. I wish you wouldn't block me out anymore. I miss…" He looked away for a moment, nervously and then turned back again. "I miss talking to you."

"We talk every day," she reminded him.

"That's not what I meant. You know what I mean. Every day we talk about Sophia, Kacy, Fish, my parents, Severus, the cure you're working on and my slow recovery. But if you haven't noticed we never really talk about you. You kind of avoid it. For the first couple days when you would back away from me when I tried to touch you. Physically you're here now but you're not actually letting me in. Not really."

"Well you know why that is, don't you?" Bonnie asked, pulling at the hem of her black skirt.

"Not really."

Bonnie turned to look at him and glared, then got up from the bed. "_Not. Really?_ Are you serious?"

"Bonnie." He sighed. "That's not what I meant. I know you're still hurt-"

"_Still?_" she asked angrily. "What? Like I should be completely over it by now? Am I taking too long, what exactly is the time limit on forgiving your adulterous husband? Did I miss my cutoff period last week or something? I'm sorry if I'm not interested in kissing you or sleeping with you again. I'm sorry if I'm not comfortable with you touching me."

"I'm not asking you to sleep with me Bonnie," Harry told her, speaking calmly to even the tension in the room.

"Of course you're not. Why would you?"

"What does that mean?"

Bonnie just shook her head and backed away more, wrapping her arms around herself. "I'm sorry Harry. I'm really glad that you're feeling better here and that you're overcoming your problems but its not as easy for me." She looked at him, her eyes shining with tears. "I just…I fought for you to Harry. I did. And you slept with my, for all intents and purposes, arch-nemesis. I told my grandmother more than a million times that you were not the guy that she saw in you, that you were a good guy and not a scumbag who was going to cheat on me. I told everyone…everyone that you were the one, that I wasn't making the biggest mistake of my life by marrying the crazy savior. And then, at twenty," she cried, holding herself up with her arms wrapped around her ribs and a hand by her mouth to muffle the cries. "At _twenty_ Harry, you cheat on me. We had been married two years. Just _two_. And you make me look like an idiot. To everyone. Everyone." She leaned back against the wall and wiped the tears, her breathing strained as her throat tightened up. "Do you have any idea how I feel? Going to my grandmother's house, in _France,_ and reading the newspaper to see you on the cover, every other day, with her. Harry Potter's Mistress. The Savior's Affair. Savior's Mystery Girl. His Poor Wife. How Could He? Who Would Cheat On Her?

"I couldn't answer those questions if I had tried to think about it. And then I talk to Fish and you're sick and I'm wracked with guilt and so I have to come here, because I do love you. I do. That's why this hurts so much. Because every single damn time I force myself to come here, to you, I can't…when I look at you…all I see is her. All I think about is what you did with her, how you touched her, how you kissed her, what you might have said to her. If…how you felt with her was in any way similar to the way you felt when you were with me."

She sniffed and was quiet for just a second but Harry knew better than to interrupt. "I'm sorry if I can't talk to you about myself right now. I'm sorry I can't…_let you in._ But you really just destroyed the trust that I had in you Harry. The moment you broke my heart and told me that you slept with someone else, that you broke our marital vows for some twat who took her pants off while you were tied to a chair; the trust I had built up toward you since I was seven was gone in an instant. Its humiliating and degrading to me and I just cannot forgive you yet, let alone trust you to love me the way I expected you to, or trust you to be good to me. Its going to take a lot more time and I just don't have it in me yet."

She lifted her arms from her ribs and wiped her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

"Wait," Harry cried in surprise, caught off guard by the sudden change in topic. "Please, don't go. Not yet. Can't we talk about this?"

"This wasn't a discussion Harry. This was just how I'm feeling. You don't get to let me in on your opinion of my feelings. At least not now; I don't really care."

She turned and left the room but Harry followed her out. "Bonnie, please. Don't leave now. I didn't mean what I said. I understand your feelings. I'm not trying to push you. I just want everything to go back to normal."

"I'll be back tomorrow with Sophia. We'll talk some more about her," Bonnie told him, then apparated.

Harry stood motionless in the hallway staring at the spot where she had disappeared into thin air, away from him. He felt like a dog. Like time took forever to pass and he was waiting by the door for her to come back, wondering, for all the moments that went by while he waited, if she ever would come back.


	15. Landing

AN: Sorry for the long wait. I didn't want to post this chapter either because I've had a lot of writer's block recently and I haven't finished the chapter after this but I'm trying to work it out and I'm hoping to get back to updating at least somewhat regularly.

Thank you to TheBravery: Again, sorry for the wait. I don't know who MarySue is but I'm glad you like it. I didn't feel like it would be very realistic if Bonnie just took Harry back. She loves him terribly and more than air but that's what makes the whole thing worse, is that he betrayed her undying love for him. And he knew that was wrong.

So I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. Personally, I really like it. Its very _shocking!_

_._

Chapter 62

Landing

.

"Fish? Where are we going?" Kacy asked after they landed on their feet again after Fish had apparated them to a place he would not let her in on. She felt nauseous but not because of her sickness.

With his hands over her eyes he led her forward. "I can't tell you, it's a surprise."

"Fish, you don't have to do all of these things for me. I know you have a show tonight to prepare for."

"It's not a big deal. I'll be fine," he said, blowing it off as nothing. He had rehearsed all day yesterday with the boys while she was in bed. Now it was her day. He had brought her to Hogwarts, something that was very very illegal for muggles. Even some wizards who were never admitted to Hogwarts weren't allowed on the grounds. Fish got special permission from Harry, who, despite being in a mental institution, seemed to still have a lot of hold on the country.

He made this plan a while ago, because he loved Kacy and she deserved to see these things, to know that they did exist in this world. He felt bad that of all the things in the world she had asked for, in a spur of the moment decision she chose him. And while he was sure she was happy with her decision, he knew there was so much more in life that she should be allowed to witness.

Things like unicorns.

Fish stopped her on the front lawn of Hogwarts. It wasn't the best place to see it for the first time, not like the boats, but boating didn't seem appropriate at the time.

When he removed his hands from her eyes Kacy gasped and placed her hands over her mouth. "B! Its beautiful!"

"Its Hogwarts."

Kacy sighed excitedly. "A school of magic, secrets and history." She turned to smirk at him. "Hermione showed me her book, Hogwarts: A History. She was so interested in it its kind of contagious."

"Yeah, she's like that. But this isn't your only surprise. I just thought you would want to see. Follow me this way."

Fish took her hand and led her around the yard and to the edge of the school to the forbidden forest stopping in front of Hagrid's Hut. He was outside waiting for them. He smiled brightly at them like he hadn't had visitors in a while. "Nice to see ya' both 'ere. Albus tol' me you wanted a look around the Forbidden Forest, aye?"

"Yeah, I wanted to show Kacy a few things she wouldn't normally see. I believe Albus told you what we were looking for," Fish asked.

"He did, 'e did. Let me lead you in. Best to be safe." He glanced beside Fish at Kacy, looking a bit uncomfortable, maybe because of her size. She had lost a lot more weight in the past couple of weeks. And quickly to. "You sure she'll be okay? Its a bit of a walk."

Fish hooked his arm with Kacy's assuredly. "She'll be fine."

Hagrid nodded and turned to lead them into the Forbidden Forest. Hagrid wasn't lying when he told them it was a bit of a walk and Kacy was up for most of it, holding herself up mainly on excitement. That was when Hagrid held out an arm to stop them, forcing them to come up suddenly and silent, and he directed their attention ahead.

Kacy gasped as her eyes followed the graceful and large body of a white horse. Its light white fur seemed to shimmer in the sun that shined through the canopy and as her eyes went to look at its face as it nibbled grass from the forest floor she noticed the sharply pointed and swirling horn that came out above its eyes.

Her hand went flat over her mouth. "Oh my God, Fish," she breathed. "Its a _unicorn._"

"Yeah, it is."

She turned to look at Hagrid. "Is it real?"

"Oh, she's real alright," he told them. "There are plenty of them here. They hide deep in the forest to protect themselves and their children."

"Can I…" She looked back at Hagrid again. "Can I touch it?"

Hagrid sighed heavily and looked at her again, seemingly analyzing her very frail shape and her shabby hair pulled back in an attempt at chic hair and her very pale skin covered with streaks of pink on her cheekbones and her forehead to give her color. He nodded. "Step very quietly and very carefully. Don't scare her or she'll run away. Be respectful and as you approach slowly hold out your hand, palm facing her so that she knows what you're doing."

Kacy nodded, her smile widening ten-fold. She took her arm from Fish and took a soft step forward, slowly moving her arm up and out toward the unicorn. She walked slowly; taking each step like her life depended on it. When she was mere inches from touching the horse it turned to look at her, its eyes looking up into hers and for a moment she felt her soul drop out of her body, swim around her like a free spirit released from an iron cage, and then return to it refreshed and with renewed vigor like going back to work after a weekend. Then the horse looked down again and returned to her eating and Kacy's fingers ran into the soft, downy white fur.

It all felt so like a dream. What little girl, even if only for a moment in the middle of watching some fairytale movie or cartoon, didn't wish to see a unicorn in all its natural beauty and wonder and magic.

She felt tears fall from her eyes and slide down her cheekbones as she ran her hand slowly and softly down the side of a unicorn. "Am I dead?"

/-

"Geese Potter, would you snap out of it?" Veronica asked, crouching down in front of him where he laid on his couch. "So she doesn't want to tell you about her recent shopping expeditions while you've been in here. Its not that big of a deal."

Harry growled. "Go. Away. Veronica."

"I'm not _bothering _you, am I?" She smiled deviously at him. "It's just your wife and she said she loved you. She said it like six times when she was visiting today."

"I don't remember inviting you," Harry hissed.

"Look Potter, cut out this crap. You were doing so well. All she does is shop and get dressed and take care of your baby. You hear about the baby so are you really that interested in her clothes?"

"Don't you sometimes miss the simple things?" Harry sighed.

Veronica rolled her eyes and sat down on the floor with her elbow up by his arm. "When I was little I used to enjoy the moments when I sat on the couch, watching stupid TV shows like The Simpsons with my mother, eating ice cream and laughing." She looked up at Harry to notice him staring at her, listening. "Well, she died of obesity ten years ago. I found her on the couch, in front of the TV, a bowl of her favorite ice cream melted and dripping on the carpet. Drip. Drip. Drip." She sighed heavily, looking at the floor. "There's simple things for you."

Harry closed his eyes. "Veronica. I am sure you had simple moments and mine always involved Bonnie. And watching her slip on her designer black dresses, slip them over her every curve every morning, and watching her slide them down over her skin like silk along calm water every night, were the few rare moments of pure calm and comfort I had in life. So yes, do I want to hear what she's shopping for and what she's doing with her time? Yes, yes I do. I want to hear her talk, listen to her breath deeply in-between excited bouts of rambling about her new outfits. I want to be there in the morning when she put those outfits on and I want to be there at night when she takes them off. And I want her to want me to be there."

"You're a very silly man," Veronica told him, shaking her head. "If you had all those things before, and more, why would you sleep with another woman? Because she smelled good?" she asked, remembering parts of his explanations from group.

"I. Don't. Know. I was having a mid-life crisis and I was about to be tortured into insanity by people I trained to fight. People I thought I had trained to respect me. And I was upset with Bonnie and upset with life and it all just went wrong."

"Do you want to sleep with me? I'm free."

Harry glared at her. "Thank you for the offer, but no."

"Alright. I'm not hurt. Just offering. Must suck…not having sex."

"I'm used to celibacy Veronica. You know that. I've expressed it many times in group."

"Well just because you used to be celibate-"

"Veronica! Its fine. I don't want to discuss this anymore." He wrapped his arms around his chest, tucking the one under his ribs between the couch cushions.

Veronica sighed heavily and rested her head on the crook of her elbow by his shoulder, gazing at his face as he shut his eyes to her. "Harry?" she asked quietly.

Harry sighed heavily. It was just a few months ago that only the lucky group that included his parents and some favorite followers and Bonnie were allowed to call him by his first name; now so were all of his mental patient friends. Nicknames were not encouraged and everyone was an equal here. It was sort of irritating but only on the days when he was already irritated. "What?" he answered back. Some part of him really hated her, and the other part liked her because in the past week she had gone from torturing him to eyeing him like his followers used to, before they thought of him as a…person.

Veronica just looked up at him and smiled. "Nothin.' " She got up from the floor and stood in front of him. "I'm going to play cards with Melony and try to bring out Greg, you wanna come with?"

"No. That's okay. I'm gonna sleep," Harry said, snuggling into the sofa cushion.

"Alright. That's fine."

"Be nice to Melony, Veronica," he added as she was walking away.

"No. I won't."

/-

Bonnie went to the Potter's dining room and stopped at the doorway, looking in. Lily and James looked up at her but little Sirius was too invested in making his tea taste more like sugar while his parents weren't looking.

"Hi Bonnie," Lily said, smiling brightly at her like Bonnie was her own daughter come home for the afternoon. "Do you want some tea?" she asked, then glanced at the table, only then noticing her son with another spoon of sugar held over his cup. Sirius, staring right back at his mother with a guilty expression, tipped the spoon so that it spilled in and then shoved it back in the sugar bowl.

Bonnie took a seat beside Sirius but didn't ask for any tea. She turned to look at Sophia who was playing with plastic letters in her little white high chair. Little Sophia would be a year old in less then two months. By that time, Harry would have been in the hospital for half a year. In less than a month Kacy would be gone.

"How was Harry?" James asked.

Sirius looked up at Bonnie now, just as interested in the answer.

"He's upset with me. He hardly spoke at all."

"You want some alcohol?" James asked jokingly.

Bonnie smiled placating. "Thanks, but I'll be fine." She glanced again at Sophia. "Actually, if it wouldn't be too much to ask, would you mind keeping Sophia until dinner tonight? I have to go somewhere and I don't think she should go with me. If you don't want to, I can take her to my parents-"

"No!" Lily interrupted. "You know that we love to have her here. As long as your parents don't mind us being selfish."

"They're fine."

Bonnie stood back up again, ruffling little Sirius's hair beside her. He looked up at her. "Will you tell Harry I said hello?"

"Why don't you visit him with me tomorrow? I'm sure he would love to see you."

Sirius looked to his parents.

Lily and James both nodded. "You can go with Bonnie," Lily agreed. "Don't talk to anyone but Harry and her and the nice healers alright?"

"Its not prison mum," Sirius mumbled stirring his tea and staring at it.

Bonnie went to Sophia and kissed the top of her head and then left again, apparating and, without really thinking about what was about to do, she landed on Ashley's front lawn.

She walked slowly across the hard, white snow. The sound of her heels crunching along like the ground was covered in broken plastic was loud in her ears. She took each step up to the porch slowly and then stood still at the top, in front of the fading red door behind a tattered screen that poorly protected it. The paint on the house was dry and old and cracking, a lone, leafless tree sat in the middle of the lawn, strategically placed and some bushes lined the front of the house under the windows, dead.

In silence, Bonnie stood still for a moment, only now questioning herself on why she was here and wondering what she would say, what she would ask. Knowing why she was here in the first place would probably help answer the last two questions. Strangely she couldn't even answer herself and even more strange she lifted her black-gloved hand to knock on the door anyway.

Inside the house was quiet except for some automated TV laughter and the shuffling of feet.

"Ashley!" A woman called, her voice echoing from the back of the house to the front. Bonnie recognized the voice from years passed, when she was little and parents yelled out of doorways on the porch to call in their children from St. Jimmy's battle meetings.

"I've got it mum!" a smaller voice replied.

Bonnie waited at the door. She was oddly still. Not fidgety, not shivering with a little fear, not anxious or nervous or jumpy. She felt very calm but felt that any moment now, maybe when she saw Ashley herself, she would suddenly be pissed.

"I hope its not reporters or followers waiting to slash my throat or just plain crazy people who keep reading magazines. You do remember that those are the people who come to the door these days, don't you mother?" Ashley added, as she got closer to the door. Bonnie was so still and perceptive in that moment that she could hear the girl's converse tap along the linoleum. A moment later she looked up from the step that separated the front door from the porch as Ashley unlocked four locks and started to slowly creep open the door. "Hello?"

Bonnie didn't really have to say anything. She wasn't really prepared for it yet but a simple, 'Hey, it's Bonnie,' wasn't really saying very much. But she didn't have to say it. It took just one extra moment for Ashley to look her up and down and then finally recognize her face before she slammed the door shut again.

"Oh my God," Ashley mumbled through the door. "Bonnie, I'm so sorry, just to get that out of the way but I must also say now, before anything else can happen, please, um…. please, if you were planning to, please don't kill me. I know that I don't even deserve to plea like that or ask anything of you but I figure why not try it out and see how it works. I'm so very sorry Bonnie."

Bonnie sighed heavily. "Ashley," she said, and her voice sounded calm even to herself. She wondered if that was a bad sign. Harry was usually calm before he planned to kill people. Sort of numb. She wondered if that was what she was doing to herself; but thinking about it wouldn't really help as she was really just working on instinct. Or something like it. "Ashley, I am not going to kill you."

"That's hardly likely Bonnie. I wouldn't even blame you if you did and I've discovered in the past months that I actually quite enjoy being alive. But if you really wanted to murder me for what I've done to both you and Harry and your family I wouldn't really even try to stop you."

"Then why are you hiding behind the door?" Bonnie asked, not that she cared really. She wasn't sure how much she wanted to look at Harry's mistress face to face.

A second later Ashley slowly pulled the door open again and stood in the space between it where Bonnie could see her clearly. Ashley looked a lot different then how Bonnie remembered her. Grown up. Her brown hair was pulled back sloppily in a ponytail and half her body was hung with an oversized grandpa sweater that she wore with a long, loose T-shirt, skinny jeans and Converse. She didn't seem to be wearing any makeup but apparently she wasn't leaving the house a lot recently. But even without makeup Bonnie had to agree that at least Ashley was really pretty, in a very simple sort of way.

"Bonnie?" Ashley asked softly, her tone full of fear. "If you don't mind my request, if you're going to kill me, could you do it quickly? I know I don't deserve it but it wasn't me who tortured Harry it was Ganelle. I know I shouldn't make excuses but…"

"Ashley," Bonnie stopped her. "Shut up. I'm not going to kill you."

Ashley sighed heavily with relief and came out onto the porch past the screen. "Okay. That's…nice of you. Then…what can I do for you?"

Bonnie just shrugged and stared at her for another minute, wondering what about Ashley made Harry overcome with the need to have sex with her. Was it her casual clothing? The pictures in the magazines that captured her and Harry together showed that she was dressed in a very similar way. Was it her voice? Was it her perfume? Was her perfume made of scotch? Maybe she was really good kisser? Maybe it really was just the memory of her. Harry was very strange about those sorts of things.

"Um…Bonnie? Are you alright?"

Bonnie shook her head slowly. "Why did he do it?" she asked softly, taking another step forward toward the other girl, staring into her eyes. "He's told me that it wasn't me so it must be something about you. Do you know what it is about you that makes a man like Harry cheat on his wife?"

"Bonnie…I really don't know. I don't know what I did. It just happened."

"Like when he kissed you?" Bonnie asked. "He just sat down and looked at you and just wanted to so badly he didn't care that he was married or that he had a daughter at home?"

"I…I don't know."

Bonnie tilted her head to the side to look at her. Without really thinking about it, but wondering if maybe she could get into Harry's mindset as she did it and find something there, she put her gloved hands to both of Ashley's cheeks, holding her face in her hands. Then she leaned in and pressed her lips to Ashley's, ignoring the fact that the girl's eyes were widened in surprise.

As she stood there with her lips pressed to another girls', her husband's one time lover, she tried to analyze a response to it that she could relate to Harry. She tried to remember being younger, seven, and hanging out with Ashley during the summer.

She remembered the way they were always forced to sit together: the two girls, Bonnie at Harry's side and Ashley next to her, Fish on his other side. She could remember the way her hair moved in the breeze because Harry liked them to wear their hair down and the way she smelled like peppermint from her gum and hot, sugary, caramel coffee because her parents didn't drink tea like normal English adults. Her whole house used to smell like that because her parents drank coffee all day long when they were home and the smell would linger when they were gone.

She remembered feeling jealous and resentful all the time, glaring at Ashley every time St. Jimmy looked at her. And Harry did look at her, at Ashley, a lot. He glanced at her in the middle of meetings, smiled at her secretly and making her blush and giggle and they spent time alone together. But then, Harry looked at her, Bonnie, more. He glanced at her in the middle of meetings and touched her hair and her knee and smiled at her.

Bonnie pulled away and pressed her lips together thoughtfully. Maybe Harry was right. Maybe he did love Ashley…but he had always simply loved Bonnie more.

"Bonnie?" Ashley asked softly. "What did you do that for?"

Bonnie sighed heavily. "I don't know. Can't I have a mental breakdown every once in a while? It seems like every one else that I know gets to."

"I suppose that's fair."

Bonnie took a step back again and looked at the porch. "Sorry for…kissing you. That was weird."

"That's alright. I was sort of expecting death so a kiss from a pretty girl isn't the worst thing that could have happened to me today."

Bonnie just shrugged. "I'm feeling kind of wonky. Do you want to go out for a drink?"

Ashley stared at her silently; her mouth dropped open slowly and settled there as her mind went blank. "What?"

"Alcohol. Now. With me. Get your coat."

"Actually I…" She paused quietly and Bonnie thought she was trying to think up some sort of lie to get out of going out with her, which probably shouldn't surprise her and it didn't. Then she sighed, as though she was giving up. "I can't drink alcohol…. not while I'm on my medication," she admitted.

"Oh…" Bonnie went quiet thinking about what had happened to Ashley when she didn't take the medication in the first place. "I'll buy you a Coke."

Ashley cringed, leaning back a little towards her door. "Are you sure you want to go out with me? Are you planning to crash the car or something? Jump out while I'm tied to the seat as it goes speeding towards a cliff with jagged rocks at the bottom?"

Bonnie glared at her. "I don't drive Ashley. And you convinced my crazy husband to sleep with you. You owe me. Go along with my wonky desires."

Ashley sighed heavily, resigned to her strange but imminent death. "Fine. I'll get a sweater."

/-

Bonnie apparated Ashley and herself to a bar, one where no one would recognize her or her husband's one-time mistress. They found a high-top table amongst a crowd of middle-class Americans eating large steaks. Bonnie ordered herself a Cosmopolitan and Ashley had a small Coke.

"Been drinking a lot?" Ashley asked as the blonde sipped down half her drink upon its arrival.

"Shut up," Bonnie growled.

"So what are we doing here?"

"I haven't decided yet."

Ashley's eyes rose to the tall, attractive Texan coming up behind Bonnie. He leaned in beside her, putting his hand on the empty chair between them. "Well hello ladies. You look a little lost. Would you like to come home with me?"

Bonnie grabbed her purse, pulled out her wand and shoved it under his chin, glaring daggers that Ashley hadn't seen since Hell's Angel lost Hippity to mysterious murder. "Get away from us. Now."

"Yes ma'am. So sorry ma'am." He walked back until the wand was out of range before turning and rushing back to his booth.

Bonnie shoved her wand back in her purse and took another large sip of her drink.

"Not looking at other men I see," Ashley pointed out.

"I have a very attractive husband, he just happens to be an asshole and out of his mind. Its no reason to cheat on him."

"Except that he cheated on you," Ashley pointed out. She looked down at the table shyly, pushing at her straw. "With me."

"Well, I figure Fish has enough on his plate right now with Kacy, I don't want to see where _his_ sanity goes when Harry kills me and commits suicide because I was touched by another man. It would also sort of ruin any chance of getting back together. I can, maybe, work on forgiveness but Harry always resorts to murder and/or boundless hatred."

"Harry forgave me," Ashley said, then taking a long sip of her Coke to divert her attention.

"You mean when he went to visit you?" Bonnie asked, raising an eyebrow. "Fish told me that."

"It wasn't really a _visit_. It was more like he saved me from his followers. People who used to be friends. I just can't help but make the biggest mistakes of my life around Harry. Its kind of like he's my jinx. I become obsessed and shoot him and that lands me in the mental institution. I get out, become obsessed with a girl who says I can get by without my medication, she would keep me well, she says. She takes me to Harry, ties him to a chair and gives me permission to sleep with him. He lets me, which is encouraging. And now my label is forever and for always The Savior's _Whore_. Also known as The Person who Ruined the Beautiful Bonnie McNeal's Lovely Family. Everything I have ever done in my life I regret…none of its turned out right." She paused and thought for a second, letting Bonnie digest her story. "Except maybe this haircut. I like the bangs."

"You would change everything but your haircut," Bonnie repeated drolly.

Ashley nodded, sighing. "Yeah, pretty much."

Bonnie shrugged. "Well, it is a cute cut. It looks good on you."

Ashley smiled. "Thanks."

"And the jeans. Those are cute to," she added, almost reluctantly.

Ashley smiled again.

Bonnie returned to her grumpy state and took a gulp of her drink. "So…" She paused for a long second and Ashley leaned forward waiting for the question Bonnie looked like she was going to ask. She took another drink, finishing off her glass before asking it. "So…he let you?"

"Oh…." Ashley leaned back in her chair; suddenly wishing her Coke was alcohol to. "Well, not really. I mean, he was tied to a chair Bonnie."

"He could have said no. He's all-powerful. We both knew that when we met him. I'm sure you remember the smell of power. I would think he could have gotten out of there. Maybe not when he was…nailed to the wall," she mumbled uncomfortably. "But definitely when he was tied to a chair. With what? Rope? He controls fire."

"He tried that. We threw ice water on his hands."

Bonnie remembered school when Harry had to see Madam Pomfrey for the constant headaches and the difficulty controlling his fire. From sitting in the tub full of ice water. Thinking and feeling guilty about Ashley.

"He's also very strong you know. He controls most of it but he could snap my neck with his pinky if he really wanted to."

"I drugged him. It didn't fully wear off until he was…on the wall, so to say."

"He still didn't have to sleep with you. I _was_ being a bitch to him but…I don't think I deserved that."

"I don't think that you did either. And I am sure he didn't either. It wasn't about you. And I know that sounds stupid, because you're his wife and it affects you but he wasn't interested in hurting you. I'm pretty sure it had more to do with the fact that…well we hadn't seen each other in so long and we had always had some kind of chemistry, not like he does with you of course, but it was there. And of course he thought he was going to be tortured into insanity, which he was. It's hard to really make an excuse for sleeping with someone, even if you were drunk, because he did do it willingly. But it was not done with the intent to hurt you."

Bonnie sighed and waved over the waitress to ask for more drinks. She took another drink before letting Ashley continue.

"And he did mention you. After he kissed me at the cafe, and that he did without any help from me, I will give you that. But he felt badly about it immediately afterward and thought about you right away. Said he was going to go to hell just for that alone. He was going to leave but I convinced him to come with me. I had to take him to Ganelle."

"If you love Harry why would you hand him over to Ganelle, knowing that Ganelle was going to hurt him? Don't you have more respect for Harry? Don't you still look at him like the others do? Like I used to? Like Fish?"

"I was off medication and had spent most of my life trying to ignore obsession. Ganelle does funny things to people's minds. It all just sort of came flooding out. I really can't explain my illogical logic to you. I just know that my focus was on the fact that Ganelle was sort of…" She looked up at Bonnie as though she was going to say something offensive, as though she hadn't already. "Well, she was sort of St. Jimmy's replacement." She shrugged. "I wasn't sexually attracted to her but, hey, everyone needs a leader and there's no respect in government anymore."

"But Harry was coming to help you."

"Ganelle found me first. Told me to write the stupid letter. If it wasn't for Ganelle I never would have seen Harry again. I would have ignored him like the plague, moved to the States since he wouldn't be caught dead there. But for what really matters I do love Harry…" She paused to blush. "Actually, I do love _St. Jimmy._ But then, so do you."

"I love Harry for what he was and for what he is now and what he will be in the future. Even if he himself doesn't much care for it. He may think married life and being parents' sounds dull, unexciting and _normal…_but I was quite looking forward to it. Especially with him."

"Bonnie, you can still have all of that. I mean, honestly, if I hadn't initiated the sex all we would have done was snog, which I'm sure you could have forgiven after a month, maybe. And I think I was sort of brainwashed because I was letting Ganelle get away with torturing him. Not that that's an excuse. But I know he felt bad about it, that's why I didn't untie him when I slept with him. He was promising to take me with him, to sleep with me. To give me what I wanted without Ganelle's help, but I knew that as soon as he was out of the situation he would come to his senses and he would have gone straight home to you and told you everything that had happened, on his knees maybe."

"How do you know?" Bonnie asked. "He promised to sleep with you, willingly. How do you know he didn't mean that?"

Ashley shrugged. "Because I know St. Jimmy. I know which drugs knock him out and which don't, I know he hates Americans, I know he loves the majority of Disney movies, mostly those made before 1999, and I know that he loves you more than either of us will ever love him. And you know that to."

.

.

AN: Hope you enjoyed. I'll try to update as soon as possible. Please review. I love them. :) (: :) (:


	16. Uncomfortable Christmas Back Home

AN: Hey! Sorry for the long wait. I like this chapter, though I think I could have done just a bit more editing. I wanted to update so everyone knew I wasn't abandoning it. I PROMISE I am still writing, I just have writers block. I've been working on some original work of mine and this story kind of took a back seat, sorry. But I am still working on it and I am hoping to get all of it posted very soon. We're getting very close to the end, if you can believe it.

I would also like to thank all those who reviewed it, though I wish more would. LongMile, RosesAREwhite and RedRider, thank you for explaining what a MarySue is. I didn't want Bonnie to be that girl who so easily takes him back. She loves him but she loved the person he was and that wasn't a cheater. But that, of course, can't last forever because, of course, she does love him. I feel like I've said this all before, if I have, I'm sorry for repeating myself. But yeah.

Hope for more reviews in this chapter, like always. Even if its just, "hey, i like this. keep going."

So, here it is, enjoy. :)

Chapter 63

Uncomfortable Christmas Back Home

They both stood awkwardly on the porch together, Bonnie on the steps and Ashley with her back to the door, trying to decide the best and most appropriate way to part ways. Bonnie made the motion first, deciding that she had started the afternoon; she might as well end it.

"Well, I guess I'll go. It was…informative…chatting with you."

Ashley smiled lightly; afraid any facial expression could come off as mocking or goading. "It was nice seeing you to Bonnie."

"And thank you for being honest with me, about everything."

"Thank you for asking and for believing me."

"Well…you know if the situation had been…well, completely different, I think we could have been friends instead of enemies. Its a little too messed up now."

Ashley shrugged. "Maybe, like, thirty years from now if we passed each other in a grocery store we would say "hi" to each other and smile before going on our way."

Bonnie smirked at her but then smiled obligingly. "I suppose, thirty years from now, that could be entirely possible. I would really like to believe in that."

Ashley nodded. "I look forward to it."

Bonnie just nodded uncomfortable, still feeling deep down that she was missing something important. That she was supposed to add something before she left Ashley, for at least thirty years. She looked back up at her and was suddenly caught by the sight of an old friend, or maybe frienemy was the more appropriate term. Despite them always fighting over Harry and glaring across the room at each other and Bonnie's mocking her with Fish to gain his approval, Ashley was also the only girl in the group, aside from herself, for a fairly long time. And even when other girls came in they were still the firsts and they had shared a lot of very strange and rare childhood moments. In the end, Harry would have chosen Bonnie eventually and Ashley would have stepped aside, all if she hadn't been crazy, and that wasn't something Bonnie could blame on the girl. Nobody blamed Harry for being completely out of his mind and Ashley was at a higher spectrum of crazy than he was. And Ashley felt so badly about everything that had happened in her life that she, unlike many prisoners who had committed worse crimes, felt that she deserved the death penalty.

She didn't really hate Ashley; that had always been Harry's fault. Bonnie hated Ashley like Fish hated Bonnie. It was all just because they had been fighting over Harry and they were his first choices, the early followers, the oldest of his friends and closest to him. Ashley and her had always had the most chance and it made them that much more defensive. It was Harry's fault too what had happened between the two girls and also what had happened between them in that basement, and Ashley should know that about Harry to.

She took another few steps back toward the brunette and, despite the girl's hesitant expression and the bit of fear in her eyes, she stood still until Bonnie was so close the smell of rose water, peppermint and coffee mingled together strangely in the air between them. Bonnie leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Ashley, pulling her close and tight to her. Ashley stiffened for a moment before replying with the same action, her fingers curling around the fabric of Bonnie's black trench coat.

"You are more than just your haircut Ashley," Bonnie told her softly but assuredly. It didn't feel right to whisper it like a secret. "You have a multitude of wonderful qualities that far outrank your hairstyle and your cute jeans, and if I can see that then one day other people are going to see it to. And your life will pick up where it left off and you'll have the life you've always deserved…a good one." She tightened her arms around Ashley once more before releasing her, feeling Ashley's fingers release the back of her coat. "And I expect to be able to see that good life reflected on your face when I see you in the grocery store thirty years from now."

Ashley nodded. "I'll start working on that."

Bonnie just nodded. "Alright. I guess that's goodbye then."

Ashley nodded. "Bye Bonnie."

"See ya."

She stepped back and turned on the porch and apparated.

.

The next morning Bonnie headed back to the hospital, little Sirius in tow, shaking with excitement, as he hadn't seen his brother since he had been admitted to the hospital. Bonnie let him sit on the outside of the table so that he would be the first one Harry saw when he walked in. At his regular time Harry was escorted in by an orderly. He looked really tired but otherwise fine, like usual. His face brightened up substantially when he noticed Sirius and Sirius's face brightened the same way, having never seen his brother so excited to see him. Harry walked over quickly and snatched Sirius up in his arms, holding him up many feet off the floor.

"Hey buddy, I haven't seen you in a while," Harry pointed out.

"Yeah, mum and dad didn't think I should come but Bonnie's been saying you've been getting better. So they let me come. I've missed you."

"I've missed you to," Harry agreed, sitting down at the table across from Bonnie, sitting Sirius on his knee. "What have you been up to?"

"Not much. Mummy has been teaching me to read and I learn fast. And I made a new friend that isn't so boring but Doug's still nice so he's still my friend."

"How have you been feeling? Ill at all? Healthy?"

"I'm still fine. How are you feeling?"

Harry smiled at him. "I'm feeling much better. Don't you worry about me."

Sirius just nodded.

They talked for a little while; Harry asking how their parents were doing and Sirius explaining how sad mum was all the time and also controlling, restricting his sugar intake and making him wear those silly outfits. Bonnie exclaimed that she would be more than willing to talk to Lily about clothes. Sirius was very excited.

They had never spent so much time talking so it was a surprise when the orderly came to tell them that it was time for lunch and Harry wasn't allowed to skip meals and his appointment with Dr. Ross would be an hour later. Bonnie and his brother were asked to leave for the day.

Bonnie turned to Sirius. "Do you wanna go sign us out?" she asked, smiling at him in a way that said "please and thank you."

Sirius, seeing something in her expression just nodded. He gave Harry a hug goodbye and went with the orderly to sign out in the guestbook.

Harry turned to look at Bonnie suspiciously. He was still suspicious of her, since she had told him off. He didn't want to look at her wrong, touch her when she didn't want to be touched or anything that may make her more angry at him than she already was. He thought they were getting better but realized it was just an illusion, something he had just assumed and not checked up on.

Dr. Ross had been right. He was fragile.

Bonnie turned to him with a smile; it looked real but Harry wasn't sure. Lots of things looked real that weren't. Then she reached across the space between them while scooting her chair closer to him, the metal legs scraping across the tile, to place her palm on his thigh, just above his knee. Harry looked down at her hand, resting there, and then back up to her, seeing her look up at the same time. Her smile widened.

"I'll be back tomorrow, to visit on my own."

Harry just nodded.

Then she leaned, with her whole body, and she was suddenly between his knees, her arms reached around his shoulders as she crouched to his level and she tightened them in a hug.

Harry, tentatively, raised his arms to put around her and stood up to make it easier on her when she didn't immediately let go. He pressed his palm against her back, between her shoulder blades, his fingers grazing the ends of her curls but he was too afraid to move to be able to run his hands through it, and the other against her waist, holding her.

She rested her cheek against his collarbone, her eyelashes brushing his T-shirt, tightened her arms around his back, and sighed, letting her entire body relax in his arms. And he breathed a sigh of relief he had been holding in for months. "I've missed you," she whispered into his shoulder.

Harry rested his cheek on her hair, feeling that if no one would see it he would cry just because he was able to believe what she said and it was so nice to hear.

Harry slept better than usual that night and so did Bonnie, though for the first time in months she wished that Harry's warm shape were lying there beside her. She put a warming charm on her pillow and tucked it behind her to help her sleep.

In the morning Harry couldn't even stand to eat, though the watching orderlies at the door got him to force everything down anyway. It took forever to get through group therapy; an hour had never lasted so long before. Finally it was over and he let the orderly follow him to the visiting area where he found Bonnie waiting patiently for him. He smiled tentatively, because things changed when the days passed.

But he was happy to find that they were the same. Bonnie's smile brightened the room and she walked right up to him and wrapped her arms around him, like they were picking up where they had left off yesterday. Shyly, Harry ran his hand over her hair. He rested his face on her shoulder and breathed deeply. "You smell so nice," Harry mumbled.

Bonnie pulled back but she was still smirking at him so he tried not to worry about the reason. "Thanks," she mumbled. She took his hand and pulled him over to the table to sit down in their chairs together. Harry was pleased when she didn't let go of his hand when they were sitting. "So how are you feeling? Good?" she asked.

"Um…I'm fine today. Thanks. How are you?"

"Good." She laced their fingers together. "I missed you when I left yesterday. Our daughter is great company and all but…" She just shrugged.

Harry narrowed his eyebrows at her. "Um, Bonnie. Pet. As much as I'm so very happy that you're happy to see me and all, your excitement is a little surprising. What…brought it on?"

Bonnie just shrugged. "I was just…thinking about it. And I finally decided that I knew that I loved you and that you loved me, no matter what you may have done. Its kind of like the Wizard of Oz. How Dorothy knew how to get home all along? She just had to be ready to see it. And now I am." She blushed a little. "Sorry it took so long."

"But…the things you said. That was only a couple of days ago. That was all honest, I think I could tell."

"Well…it was honest. I meant everything I said. What you did is…inexcusable, no matter how sorry you are for doing it and no matter whether I forgive you. I still hate that it happened. And it was embarrassing and awful trying to move on from it and it's still nearly impossible to go to Chanel without them trying to shove free earrings or mittens in my hands out of pity. And the magazines are still posting really annoying articles about you and me and her. And it's really hard to avoid. And it still pisses me off that I'm twenty years old and have an adulterous husband in a mental institution. We're a little young. We've seen way too much and it's really not fair. And I hate that you loved Ashley. And I hate that my trust is gone and the connection we built is shattered. Not as completely as I had thought but very nearly. And I hate all of that and it still hurts. But a little birdie reminded me that you love me. A lot. And that you will always love me, more than me, or Ashley, will ever be able to love you."

Bonnie felt something nudging at the edge of her thoughts. She stood up quickly and pointed her finger at him. "Harry James Potter, don't you dare read my thoughts. They are personal and it will just damage whatever trust I have in you right now."

Harry looked down at the floor. "Sorry. I won't."

Bonnie sat back down and took his hand.

"Who was the little bird?"

"None of your business. Aside from all of that I still love you, a lot. And I don't want your insanity to come between us. We promised for better or for worse, and through sickness and in health. Well you're crazy and this is for worse. And I want to move on from it. With you."

"I really want that to," Harry said.

"Good." She leaned in and put her empty hand to his cheek. "And I want you to come home."

"Come home as in our house with you or home as in with my parents?" he asked.

"Well home with me, of course."

Harry shook his head slowly. "I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" she asked, shocked and slightly irritated. "You seem fine. You told me you were getting better."

"I'm fine now, Pet," he clarified, taking her hand from his face and holding both of her hands in his. "But you're not here the rest of the day. I have nightmares still, I take three different types of medication three times a day, my meetings with Dr. Ross are very important to me and…I still need to be here. Its important."

"But…we're better now. Well, almost. But I want you to be home with me, and with Sophia. Don't you want to be at home with me?"

Harry squeezed her hands. "There is nothing I want more than to go home with you and be a family again, except to make myself worthy of my family."

"You're worthy."

"No. I'm not. I have to finish here, be sure that I'm okay to go home to you and Sophia. That I won't have any more issues."

"Can't you cover those issues at home? You can visit your therapist everyday and still come back home to be with me."

"Its not time yet Bonnie. I'm sorry. My issues with what has happened recently is almost covered but there is still a lot of issues to get through."

"Like? Can't you talk to me about them?"

"I…" He paused and looked up at her feeling horrible and embarrassed about his problems. It was okay to tell other crazy people but he liked Bonnie's idea of him at this moment and didn't want to change it. But honesty was best. "I have a close, personal relationship and obsession with death and I don't want the news headline to say Great and Powerful Savior of the World Falls Down His Stairs and Dies. I have always wanted to be normal, to have a family, and for everything to be simple. But my entire life has been complicated, lonely and everything but normal. Normality is really hard to swallow after twenty-one years and I have to figure out what I'm going to do with myself now. I love having a wife, especially because its you, and I love having a daughter, especially because she's ours. But looking into what will be our day-to-day future…is painful. And I don't want to hurt you anymore just because I fear the boredom of everyday life. Not that life with you is boring," he assured her, unsure how she took what he said because she was looking at their hands. "But it's not the same. My distress just gets worse the more normal my life becomes and I have to learn to adjust to it."

Harry went quiet, having nothing else to say and waited for Bonnie to respond.

Bonnie took a soft breath and nodded once. "Okay. So you want to stay here for a little bit longer but you do want to be with me, so you'll be home soon, eventually…"

"As soon as I am better, and I am really working on it for you. I'll be home in no time," Harry assured her.

Bonnie nodded once again, deep in thought, and then she looked up at him questioningly. "What about Christmas? It's in a week. Are you going to come?"

"I will be home for Christmas. I'll ask Dr. Ross what he recommends for while I'm gone."

"But you're coming no matter what, right?"

"Yes, if you want me there I will be there for Christmas."

"And Sophia's birthday. Its her first Christmas and her first birthday, you can't miss them."

"I will be there for her birthday to. I promise."

Bonnie nodded again and smiled. "Well that's good then."

They sat quietly for longer than usual, unworried about what the other was thinking about the other. Everything seemed to be pretty much settled. Harry did wonder what changed Bonnie's mind but he respected her privacy and feared her wrath so he didn't question it.

"I'm doing a spread in Vogue. They've finally invited me. I'm going to be on the cover and have a five page spread. They promised me the clothes would be conservative and I can take Sophia with me to the shoot."

"That's great pet. You should take Fish and Kacy to if she feels well. She might like that. And they can watch Sophia."

Bonnie smirked at him. "We've been fine for about ten minutes and you're already back to worrying about strangers around your daughter."

"I've always been worried about her but I was afraid you would be upset if I said anything about your parenting."

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Probably, I would. But you're her parent to and I'll make sure to keep you updated. And your idea is great. Kacy would like to see it. Fish would like to see Sophia. And probably to hear that we've settled some things."

"It would certainly lessen his stress."

.

"Hold on Kace. We're almost home," Fish reassured his wife as he wrapped one arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders, picking her up and tucking her out of the car. He adjusted her in his arms to make her more comfortable, holding her close as she rested her cheek on his shoulder, turning into his neck. He turned and shoved the door closed with his foot. "Mark, get the door," Fish ordered.

"No hurry, really," Kacy mumbled, her voice wispy and soft and ill. "In a few moments you'll probably have to put me down so I can barf." She breathed deeply and then groaned.

"Just let me know," Fish told her as he made his way in, Mark following behind. They had just come from band rehearsal. Lex and Jack stayed behind to finish prepping for the show the next night.

Fish had set Kacy up at the bar with a glass of 7-Up and his iPod so that she could watch TV if she got bored. In the middle of sound check, as if in slow motion, her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fell off of her stool, passing out unconscious on the floor.

Fish worked on getting her up the stairs while she nuzzled into his collar. "Ugh," she groaned. "B?"

"Got it," he said quickly, slowly letting her legs slide out of his arms to get her back on her feet.

She turned toward the corner of the hallway and bent over, Fish grabbing her hair back out of her face while she purged her stomach. As the bout of sickness passed she breathed deeply and sighed, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. "Good lord," she mumbled. "That's gross."

"Its okay," Fish comforted her, rubbing her back. He dropped his hand to grab his wand and spelled away the sick from the hallway's carpet. "Ready to keep going?"

"Just another second. The floor is kind of moving."

Fish wiped her hair off her forehead. She was very warm and clammy.

"Okay," Kacy agreed. "I think I can move now. I think I'm okay."

Fish wrapped his arm around her waist and she turned in his arms. He grabbed her legs and lifted her carefully. She tucked her face into his shoulder with her eyes closed, breathing deeply of his skin, cooled by the winter weather that she really wasn't used to but appreciated at this moment. Fish smelled so fresh and clean in the cold, and his skin was soft and smooth under her eyelids and her cheek. She breathed deeply through her mouth and slowly out through her nose to quench the nausea.

With just one more stop on the third floor (damn the broken elevator), they finally got to the apartment. Fish took Kacy to their bedroom and laid her down. He changed her clothes to a thin nightgown so she wouldn't overheat and then tucked her into some blankets and held her hand. He sat on the bed facing her and she curled up on her side, holding his hand to her face. He grabbed his phone and called Bonnie to come over while Mark went to the kitchen to prepare some tea.

"Hey Fish. What's going on?" Bonnie answered casually.

"Bonnie. I need you to come right now," he insisted.

Bonnie hung up instantly and a moment later she arrived through the door to the bedroom, holding Sophia, her diaper bag over her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Fish held his hands out for Sophia and Bonnie handed her over, the little girl more than willing to go to her godfather. The diaper bag was abandoned on the floor and Bonnie went straight to Kacy's side.

"Hey, what's up?" she asked, putting the back of her hand to Kacy's forehead.

"Oh, you know…Collapsing off my bar stool, spilling my 7-Up all over myself so it looked like I pissed my jeans and then vomiting in front of Fish three times…probably ruining our sex life," she summed up groggily.

"Oh I'm sure that's not true," Bonnie argued.

"Right," Fish agreed. "I am still more than willing to shag you."

Kacy's lips curled up to one side. "Fish smells really nice in this weather. Did you ever notice?"

"I haven't actually. I'll be sure to sniff him on my way out. So did you notice anything different before you passed out?"

"Not really. Just the feeling of inevitable death closing in."

"Kacy!" Fish said angrily.

Kacy cringed away under her blankets. "Sorry."

Bonnie brushed her hair back from her face. "Its alright. Ignore him." She looked up and glared at Fish. "Throw that bag to me."

Fish did as she asked and she took a few vials out of it. "Alright, I'm going to give you some stuff for nausea, it should settle the dizziness and everything but I'm gonna run some scans, with my wand, first to see if there's another reason you fell. Ready?"

Kacy nodded and closed her eyes. Bonnie waved her wand slowly over Kacy, from her shoulders and back up to the top of her head. She stopped and waited for something to appear and Fish waited to. A fine mist of gold started to form over her shoulders, working its way up to follow the path of Bonnie's wand. A small mist of reddish brown was noticeable on the back of her scalp, behind her ear.

"What is that?" Fish asked, watching closely with her.

"What's what?" Kacy asked, worried that if she moved she would disrupt the spell.

"Nothing Kace. Just hold still a couple more seconds," Bonnie asked. She leaned forward over the bed and reached through the mist that transformed under her touch into a fine white crystally color, which Fish thought must mean that Kacy's mist was far away from the color that it was supposed to be. Bonnie nudged the darker spot and pulled back Kacy's hair directly beneath it. There, under her soft blonde locks, was a patch of deep black skin, like charred paper.

"What is it?" Kacy asked again.

"Its nothin' babe," Fish said quickly.

"Can you both stop staring at me then?" she pleaded.

"It's a discoloration in your skin, under your hair. Would you mind if I took a skin sample? It may help me."

"Whatever you need Bonnie," Kacy sighed.

Bonnie touched the spot and looked back to Kacy, who hardly even seemed to notice it. She pressed her wand tip to the spot and held a vial close to move a sample in. She closed it, placed it in her bag and patted Kacy's hair back down softly. "All done." She found a potion in her bag and helped Kacy swallow it. "It'll work until the nausea is out of your system but I suggest taking it easy for a while."

"No problem," she grumbled.

"And no matter how badly he may want you right now you'll have to bat Fish off with a tire iron because sex takes a lot of energy and you need to save that up."

Kacy giggled. "Aww shucks," she joked. "Sorry B. Bonnie said no."

"That's alright. Somehow I'll get by." He sat down on the bed behind her and she was too tired to roll over to look at him but he reached over her to take her hand.

"I know I look super hot right now but you have to learn to control yourself eventually," Kacy joked. Being silly made things better, she thought. And so did the caress of his hand on her too hot skin.

"On a brighter note," Bonnie began to veer the conversation. "Harry and I are back together."

Kacy gasped and then chocked on it. She recovered quickly to respond. "Really?"

"Yeah. Yesterday at the hospital during my visit. And now that I've forgiven him all I want is to get him home and to try to get things back to normal."

"So when is he leaving the hospital?" Fish asked excitedly.

Bonnie pouted seriously. "He's not. He said there are still some things he needs to work out there before he'll allow himself to deserve Sophia and I. He said looking into our day-to-day future is painful. Because he can't accept normality."

"What normality?" Kacy asked. "You're all weirdos."

"Well, compared to Harry's life before, being a husband and father is really normal," Bonnie explained, un-offended. "And I'm a little offended, at the word painful, but I have to understand where he's coming from. It probably is a little strange and… I guess I should have seen that he was struggling. Looking back, it seems so obvious that he was having trouble adjusting, that he wasn't terribly happy, not with me or Sophia but just with things in general."

"Harry was happy. He'll get a handle on himself, I'm sure of it. And don't blame yourself. I didn't even want him to go to the institution and he likes it there now. And he told me plain and simple that he was having his own version of a mid-life crisis, long before Ganelle kidnapped him."

"And he's coming home for Christmas," she added quickly, to lighten the mood. It always seemed to drag along the floor of sorrow when they brought up Harry. "I'm not sure what the details are yet but he'll definitely be there on Christmas. He's talking to his doctor about it."

.

The next day Bonnie returned to the hospital at her regular visiting hours while Fish passed on the news of Harry coming for Christmas. Fish stayed by Kacy's side while she stayed in bed while his band mates argued outside the room over whether or not it was reasonable that they cancel the show so that Fish didn't have to leave her.

"Fish," Kacy said once he had hung up with the last of the family. She had been listening to the arguments in the other room. "Fish, just go. I'll be fine here. I'll call Bonnie to sit with me."

"Baby, no," Fish refused. He got up from the floor and got into their bed beside her. "I am going to stay right here by you. You may be getting tired of me but I really don't care. I'm not leaving you."

Kacy rolled her eyes and turned onto her back. "Fish, you can't hold back your career just because I'm ill."

"My career is fine and I can do whatever I want. Its my band."

"But your bandmates are in it to and you're letting them down. If I have any control over this disease at all I promise you I will keep it from killing me while you're gone tonight."

Fish shook his head and looked up at the ceiling as he lay beside her, running his hand through his blonde hair.

Kacy smirked and rolled over to look at him. She lifted her hand and ran her fingers along his face, lining his cheekbones and under his eyes where dark shadows had formed from his stress and along his strong eyebrows and down to his jaw. "You are such a good man Asabee Hatch. You're very good to me, taking care of me, holding my hair back when I vomit on your floor, bringing me 7-Up whenever I ask for it and telling me I'm beautiful when I haven't had the strength to shower in days. So when I express what I am about to tell you, I say it with love." Fish raised an eyebrow at her. "Go put on some makeup and get out of the house. I don't want to hear you crawl drunkenly across the floor and into this bed until at least three a.m tomorrow morning."

Fish smirked at her. "Kacy," he mumbled.

"No," she insisted. "Get out of the bed." She shoved on his arm but it was so weak that he hardly moved at all. "Go on."

Fish got out of the bed and stood beside it, staring at her. "Kacy, are you serious?"

"Of course I'm serious. I'll just be sleeping anyway. Go make yourself pretty, go to the concert, hit on some hot groupies that you can no longer have because you're married. It'll be fun," she said, giggling at her own joke.

Fish shook his head and didn't look at all happy but he took the phone out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Call Bonnie and ask her to come over. I'll go but I still won't leave you here alone."

"Will do. Now go fix yourself up. You can't woo your fans looking as sickly as your wife."

Fish shook his head again as he headed into the bathroom.

.

Once Harry entered the room Bonnie stood and held her arms out to him. Harry smiled lightly and walked over to her and accepted her hug, relishing in her hold. Then they both pulled apart and Harry stared at her and she noticed his grumpy disposition. He took her to the back, out of the visitor's lounge and to the back of the building to meet with Dr. Ross, who they suddenly had a meeting with that she didn't know about. Dr. Ross wanted to ask Bonnie to make sure that Harry took his medication, and the right amount of it, while he was away for Christmas.

Bonnie, of course, agreed.

Harry looked irritated at Dr. Ross's lack of trust in him and treating him like a seven year old.

Dr. Ross agreed to let Harry leave, under Bonnie's supervision, for Christmas Eve, after two o'clock and all of Christmas Day. The next morning would be when his medication ran out so he would be conditioned to be back by breakfast.

Bonnie was terribly excited.

On Christmas Eve Bonnie arrived after Harry's therapy with Dr. Ross ended at three. She brought Sophia along to take him home. She went straight to the visitor's lounge like normal where they waited for Harry to meet them with his things. Bonnie found herself so excited she was talking to Sophia with a voice she hardly recognized. It had been such a long time since she had been happy and excited about anything. Her conversation with Ashley had really helped. She realized that she did care about what had happened, she cared a lot; but she didn't care enough to let it ruin her relationship and lose Harry forever.

Besides, even Ashley knew that Harry would always love Bonnie best.

"Bonnie?"

She was so lost in her memory of her conversation with Ashley she hadn't even noticed Harry standing in front of her, a messenger bag over his shoulder full of overnight things since he would only be home a day and a half.

Bonnie stood quickly to hug him, Sophia on her mat on the floor at their feet. Harry turned to kiss her cheek and when she pulled back he was worried she would be glaring at him but she still smiled, looking even more excited then before. He breathed a sigh of relief. He had never been so scared of Bonnie in his life; except when he was telling her that he had cheated but at the time he was too out of his mind to appreciate his fear.

"So are you ready to go?" she asked, as Harry crouched down to pick up Sophia and waved his hand to simply pack up her mat and her toys. Bonnie stared at it for a second, having forgotten how simple the little things were when he was around.

"Yeah, I'm ready," Harry agreed, smiling as Sophia put her little palm against his face and her other on his chest. He looked down at his daughter and caught her shiny blue eyes and her lips curled up at the corners in a little smile. "Hi Sophia," he mumbled to her, smiling back at her and she suddenly giggled and removed her hand, curling into his arm and turning her face shyly into his shoulder.

"Alright, stop flirting with your daughter. Your mother is waiting at home for you, having an anxiety attack and coddling over your brother far too much for his liking."

"Poor Sirius," Harry laughed. "If she missed me so much she could have visited any time. My dad did."

"Your mother can't see you here. It upsets her."

Harry rolled his eyes. "It really bothers Fish to but he looks me in the eye when he tells me it bothers him and then we move on to other subjects."

"Stop complaining. I want to see you outside this place to." She grabbed the diaper bag and then grabbed Harry's other hand, Sophia in his other arm. "Apparate us to your parents house."

"Yes dear," Harry agreed and pushed her hand away to wrap his arm around her waist to and then apparate.

.

"HARRY, YOU'RE HOME!" Lily yelled, running toward him across the hall the instant he arrived. She had held James there, waiting for him to arrive. She came to a halting stop as Harry gave Sophia to Bonnie and Lily pulled him into a hug. "I've missed you so much honey. I'm so glad you're home."

"Just for today and tomorrow, mum."

"I know." She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Come on, Lils," James started, walking over and taking her by the shoulders to pull her away. "Stop pestering your poor son. He's fine." He looked over his wife to smile at Harry who nodded back at him. James had visited at least a few times more than Lily had but he had the same difficult time seeing him there. "Let's go to the dining room. We have a nice tea prepared. Your mother cooked for the occasion," he said, raising his eyebrows in excitement.

James and Lily turned, James dragging her to the dining room. Harry turned back to Bonnie, asking for Sophia back in a small gesture and she handed the little girl over to him before they followed them in.

Sitting in the dining room around the arranged lunch that Lily had prepared was almost the entire family. Sirius, Jackline, and Mason were on one side, Bonnie's parents beside them, Little Sirius across from them and Remus and Tonks beside him. They all stood immediately as he entered. Sirius came over first followed by Remus, both hugging him quickly and welcoming him home and telling him how healthy he was looking (compared to the last time he had been home, at least).

"Where are my chums?" Harry asked.

"Well," James started, as he forced Harry to take his seat beside him at the table, "Ron and Ginny are spending Christmas Eve with their family so that they can spend all of Christmas with you and Hermione is doing the same, with her parents. Fish and Kacy should both be here soon."

"Kacy isn't feeling too well this past week so I'm sure they're taking their time," Bonnie said. She held out her hands for Sophia, to put her in her highchair but Harry just held the little girl closer to his chest and sat down with her. Bonnie just shrugged and sat down beside him, using her wand to send the high-chair back against the wall.

"I don't blame them."

They all settled in to tea and Lily's delicious food while they waited for Fish and Kacy to arrive, which they did a half an hour later. An uncomfortable looking older couple followed in behind Fish as he pushed Kacy in first in a wheel chair.

"Sorry we're late. Kacy wasn't feeling real well this morning. I had to apparate her parents and the wheelchair over here."

"Its alright," James said first. "We were just eating. Lily's made the silence more than uncomfortable with her sniffling and distinguishable crying behind her hair."

Lily smacked him.

"Well, I guess I should introduce everyone. This is Kacy's parents. They wanted to see her for Christmas but I had to see Harry so I hope you don't mind that they came along."

"Not at all. Welcome to the Potter family Christmas," James greeted, standing from his chair to greet them. "It may be uncomfortable and we're a little strange but we're all very nice people, I promise." He held out his hand to Kacy's father. "James Potter."

"Eric Maine. And this is my wife, Claire."

They all shook hands and James introduced everyone at the table as Fish seated Kacy next to his chair beside Bonnie.

As the night got late they all went to the sitting room to talk. Harry readjusted to be at home with his family instead of at the hospital with the other patients. Conversation was a lot different, of course. He found himself a little uncomfortable sitting next to Bonnie and he wasn't sure why. Maybe because it was getting very late and he wasn't exactly sure what the sleeping arrangements were.

He sat next to Kacy and talked to Fish. All three of them were sitting on the couch since Fish had helped Kacy out of her wheelchair. An hour in listening to Harry and Fish talk about what Fish had been doing and how Harry had been doing with therapy Kacy fell asleep, resting her head on Harry's shoulder.

Harry looked down at her and then back up at Fish who raised his eyebrows at him. "She's not feeling very well, I see," Harry pointed out uncomfortably.

"Yeah," Fish sighed. "She's tired a lot and she gets sick and nauseous a lot and she isn't looking very healthy these days. But she hates seeing me worry and gets annoyed when I try to fuss over her. She made me go to my concert the other night. She tried to push me out of bed and told me to flirt with my groupies."

"It probably helps her not feel so sick."

"I can't help but worry about it." He leaned in close to whisper to Harry. "I don't know what I did wrong, Jimmy. I prayed, I did. I asked for her to be better and nothing is happening. I did it just the way you told me to. I don't understand."

James came over and patted Harry on the head to interrupt. "Hey, sorry, but your mother and I are going to bed. We're old and we need our beauty sleep if we're gonna get up early for church."

Harry's eyes shot up from Sophia asleep in his arms. "We're going to church?"

Everyone in the room looked at him. "Uh, yeah. I thought we always went to church on Christmas morning. That's your tradition, remember?"

Harry winced and looked around. "Its not really that important anymore. I don't really want to go."

"Harry, we have to go!" Fish argued. "I have candles to light and things to pray for."

"Me to," Bonnie agreed.

"Kacy's family always goes to church on Christmas anyway. I thought it would just work out well since we always go. They have to go to."

Harry looked around at everyone and sighed. "Yeah, alright. I guess we'll go."

James nodded and ruffled his hair. "Good. See everyone in the morning. Eric, Claire," he said, turning to Kacy's parents, "we'll show you your rooms if you like."

"Oh, thank you," Claire said excitedly. She really enjoyed the Potter's elegant house and complimented Lily on all of her decorating throughout the night. "You know you're all a lot nicer than the magazines portray you."

Sirius turned to look at Jackline as they followed behind with Mason. "Why does everyone keep saying that?" Sirius asked.

Fish turned to Harry. "I'm gonna take Kacy to bed to. I'll see you in the morning," he said, pulling Kacy's body off Harry and over to him. Cradling her in his arms he picked her up and turned to leave the room as she turned her body in toward him comfortably.

Cameron coughed as he realized everyone was leaving. "I guess we should go to bed as well…" He turned to his wife who raised her eyebrows at him. "Yeah. So…see you both in the morning." He grabbed his wife's hand and they both walked out, headed to the same rooms they had occupied last year.

Harry's eyes slowly fell on Bonnie. She was getting up from her seat on the floor by the fire, her black, billowy skirt falling like wind against her knees. She walked over to the couch, her feet bare against the Oriental rug, and sat down beside him. "You wanna put Sophia to bed?"

Harry drew his eyes away from his wife and down to his daughter, sleeping and curled against his chest. "Sure."

Bonnie stood and Harry followed her out of the room, only stopping as she snatched her shoes by the door. They went upstairs and toward Harry's bedroom with the double doors, stopping at the beginning of the hallway at a small door that was the only other room in the hall. Bonnie opened the door to reveal Sophia's visiting room from her grandparents.

Of course it was very pink and white and girly. There was a comfortable chair in the corner, a dresser for extra clothes and a little crib. Everything very simple and peaceful. Bonnie walked across the room to close the curtains and turn off the light and turn on a nightlight that lit up the room with shadows of unicorns and birds and flowers. Harry walked to the crib and carefully laid his daughter in it. Before covering her up he waved his hand to change her dress into little pajamas and her shoes back in their place in the corner.

Bonnie came over beside him and leaned down to kiss her daughter's forehead. "Goodnight Sophia. We'll see you in the morning."

Harry leaned down to kiss her to before pulling up the gate on the crib. He felt Bonnie's hand wrap around his and nudge him away toward the door. She closed the door behind them as they left and led him toward his room. She pushed open one of the double doors and pulled him inside, shutting it behind him, before letting go of his hand.

"You go ahead and get settled in, I'm gonna go change for bed," she said as she headed to the bathroom.

"Um…Bonnie," Harry mumbled nervously.

"I'll be right back," she said, before closing the door behind her.

Harry took a few more steps in and looked around at his old bedroom; still the same extra-large space that he had actually managed to find when shopping for his own house, the same dark purple duvet and black Egyptian cotton pillows on a four-poster bed on a dark mahogany wood floor, stereo to the left, small lounge to the right, bathroom across the room. His bag had been taken up by a house elf and placed on the bed so he went to that and put it in the lounge.

He glanced back at the bathroom wondering what Bonnie was doing? What was she going to wear to bed? T-shirt and pants? Flannels? Nightgown? How was he supposed to change accordingly if he didn't know how comfortable she was yet? Men took their shirts off all the time at least. Would she be all right with that?

Who knew?

He pulled it off anyway, followed by his jeans and shoes and socks and slipped on a pair of pajama bottoms just to be safe. Then he sat down on the bed, very nervous and unsure of himself. It wasn't very like him but he had a lot to lose by making the wrong move. He sat up on the bed and pulled his knees up as he leaned against his pillows on his side of the bed. And waited.

Bonnie came out a few minutes later wearing the opposite of him. Just one of his old T-shirts. If he hadn't cheated on her and damaged their marriage just three months ago he would think she was trying to seduce him. Now he assumed that perhaps she was trying to torture him.

Harry looked up at her, trying not to focus on her very naked legs and girly Victoria Secret underwear. "Um…" he stuttered nervously. "Are we sharing the bed or would you rather I sleep on the couch? I would totally understand."

Bonnie came over to the bed as he was speaking and crawled up onto the blankets and sat down beside him. "Harry," she said, as he finished. "I didn't walk out of the bathroom without pants on because I want you to sleep on the couch."

"Right."

She crawled over to him and he lowered his knees as she straddled his waist and put her hands on either side of his shoulders. "I want you to make love to me."

Aha, he thought. The answer. Now to decide the best course of action. He assumed that most women who were still pissed at their husbands for sleeping with another woman would normally not want to sleep with them just a few days after she had forgiven him. There must be some sort of motive she was going for and he knew he had to know what that was before he did anything stupid.

"Bonnie? You really want to have sex?"

A few expressions crossed her face, some he had seen and some not so recently. One was jealousy, another was dread. "Why?" she asked, trying to hide her pain. "You don't want to?"

Harry's hand hovered over her naked thigh that held against his hip. He kept a hold on her eyes, her cautious but determined gaze. "Bonnie, you have no idea how much I want to. But…I thought the trust was broken."

"Well…we're rebuilding."

"You're sure you want to rebuild this part first?" he questioned. "I mean-"

"Is it because of her?" she asked cutting him off.

"Bonnie, no. It has nothing to do with Ashley. Its just about us."

"You have to make love to me or I'm going to think that it was so good with her that…you don't want to have me anymore," she told him, strong but faltering. He could hear the worry in her voice, that he would tell her she was right.

"Bonnie, do you really want to think that I had sex with you just so that you wouldn't think that?" Harry asked, finally dropping his hand onto her leg and rubbing her skin comfortingly with just his thumb.

Bonnie paused thoughtfully, glancing around their bed, down at his hand on her leg and then back to him. "I want you to make love to me…because you love me. Because you still want more of me."

The good answer.

She saw him smirk at her and it made her blood pressure rise.

He put both hands on her shoulders, pulling her hands down from the sides of the pillow and sat up, sliding his arms around her waist to hold her up in his lap. He removed one hand to push her hair back from her face, their mouths a mere breath apart. "I do love you. I'll never stop. And I'll always want more of you."

He removed the distance and kissed her hard, with as much passion as had been building up in…at least the amount of time he was able to think about such nice things as sex again. Bonnie kissed him back passionately, crushing her body to his like she would never be able to touch him again.

He could have spent hours just kissing her, sitting in his bed and doing nothing else, but he certainly wanted more and he knew that she did. He pushed her arms away and tugged them over her head to pull off the one shirt between them before rolling them over onto her back.

He sat up and straddled her like she had to him, just to admire since it would be all he would get for a long while. He ran his hands over her body, memorizing the fair color and the velvet texture of her skin and the flowing curves of her body he told Veronica he was so very fond of.

He returned to her gaze and found them full of need and love. He had almost forgotten what it felt like to have your wife love you.


	17. ReGrouping

AN: So sorry for the long wait. The chapter that follows this one is the one that I was stuck on and I like to be _at least_ one chapter ahead before posting. Hopefully now that the difficult chapter is finished I'll be able to rush along the others. Lets all cross our fingers.

Thank you to StarkidPotterMoonshoesPotter,CassietheCassidy, Dr. KordiWho and RosesAREwhite for your supportive reviews. I really appreciate them. Hope you really like the chapter.

Chapter 64

Re-Grouping

"St. Jimmy?"

Harry turned on the couch and looked over the back to find Fish standing in the doorway, his hands behind his back and staring at him. Harry looked around, realizing he was still in the hospital…or was he back in the hospital? Had Christmas gone that fast? "Fish? What are you doing here?"

"I can't believe you did that St. Jimmy," Fish said, looking down at the floor.

Harry stood up from the couch to face him. "What are you talking about?"

"You don't understand what you've done. God is punishing me for what you've done against his wishes." Harry noticed Fish take his arms from behind his back and a knife swing down beside his leg. "He was supposed to take Bonnie from you and he did, but you took her back. He took Sophia from you and you took her back to. He has to take someone Harry and you won't let him take them from you, so now he's taking Kacy from me."

"Fish, its not me. Its just…"

"Just what Harry? Why would it have to be me? He gave you Bonnie and took her away and you took her back. He gave you a baby you weren't supposed to have and took her and you took her back. He gave me Kacy and now he wants to take her and he won't let me take her back and I have no way to force him like you did."

"Fish, I know you're upset about Kacy but I had nothing to do with any of it."

"He has to take someone St. Jimmy and I can't let it be Kacy."

"Fish, what are you-?"

It all happened so fast Harry couldn't even hold out a hand to stop him. Fish plunged the knife into Harry's stomach, up and out and then stabbing him again.

"Fish?" he groaned, wrapping an arm around his stomach.

"I'm sorry St. Jimmy. But he has to take someone and it really should be you."

.

They each got maybe a couple hours of sleep before someone knocked on the door and told them to get up, they had twenty minutes before church. Harry felt Bonnie shift in bed beside him and then roll over back onto his side and then gasp when her body came up against his.

Harry reached over to her shoulder. "You okay?"

He felt her body relax and she sighed. "Yes. Wonderful." She inched closer and laid her head on his chest, wrapping her arm more tightly around his body. "Last night was very nice, wasn't it?" she asked, stroking her hand over his abdomen.

"It was very nice."

He pushed her hand and rolled her off and onto her back, turning to lean over her. He looked down at her and she looked questioningly back up at him. "I don't want you to ever assume that because of what I did, that that means that I don't want you anymore or that I don't love you, because nothing could be farther from the truth." He leaned down to kiss her gently and Bonnie wrapped her arms around his neck to pull herself closer. When they pulled apart again he put their foreheads together. "I know it will take a lot of time but I want you to know how much I still love you and that I always will love you. Maybe I even know better now, my feelings for you. If you never forgave me I would never give up trying."

Bonnie smiled and pushed back his bangs, the one lone streak still gray. "You don't have to explain to me, Harry. I know it. That's why I wanted to sleep with you last night."

Harry smirked at her. "Its been a long time."

Bonnie smirked back at him, twirling his hair around her fingers. "It has. And it will be a long time." She wrapped one arm around his neck. "We should skip Christmas and just stay in bed all day together."

Harry growled in desire and lowered his face to hide in her neck. He kissed her shoulder and worked his way up her neck to her mouth until she pushed him away.

"But we can't," Bonnie said, pushing on his chest. "We have to go to church and pray for Kacy and then we have to give Sophia her gifts."

Harry lowered his head. "I wasn't able to get anyone gifts."

"That's alright. Its not like none of us know where you've been Harry. And I got everyone gifts, no worries." She pushed him over onto his back. "Lets get dressed and get ready."

Bonnie crawled out of bed and walked to her closet to grab her clothes. Harry followed her with his eyes and summoned his bag over to the bed to pull out fresh clothes, all the while going over his dream. Terror washed through him and it had nothing to do with his relationship with Bonnie, for once. It was his relationship with Fish that could be on the rocks whenever he figured it out; and that would be tragic since it was the relationship that had withstood the most and stood the test of time. He knew Fish was already upset about his affair. Not like Bonnie was upset but he was a little disappointed in him. Knowing what Ginny did to him Harry couldn't blame him.

He tried to push the nightmare to the back of his mind for now. Dr. Ross was always telling him that not all of his dreams were true and not all of them meant something. Some were just there to terrorize him. And they did. They all did.

Just another hint that he wasn't ready to be home.

Bonnie stepped in front of him, already dressed in a navy colored drop waist dress with white polka-dots. She held a glass of water in one hand and the other was held out to him with three little pills laid on her palm. He looked up at her and she smiled. "Here you go," she said.

Harry swept the pills off her hand and threw them in his mouth before taking the water to wash them down. "Thanks."

She took the water back and set it on the table beside the bed. "You should get dressed or we're going to be late."

Harry quietly looked down at her legs. He really didn't want to go to church. He had an ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach when he thought about entering the house of God with the sins that currently laid across his shoulders. He lifted his hand to run the fabric of Bonnie's dress between his fingers and then under the skirt to run them up her thigh. He looked up at her, noticing the raised eyebrow. "Wouldn't you rather just stay in bed, with me? We can cuddle. My parents will take Sophia and we can be all on our own."

Bonnie just shook her head. "I have to go. I have things to do." She put the palms of her hands to his face. "Why don't you want to go? You love church on Christmas."

Harry dropped his hand and reached for his shirt. "Its nothing. I just wanted to be with you."

Bonnie sat down on the bed beside him. "Well you'll be with me at church."

Harry just nodded quietly and pulled his shirt over his head. He threw a jacket on over it and then pulled on his jeans. He wasn't in the mood to dress up for his God when he was just going to be shoved on the floor to suffer. He took Bonnie's hand and followed her out of the room to go meet the rest of the family that was gathered in the foyer waiting. Lily was holding Sophia, who was already dressed and eating Cheerios that Sirius levitated in front of her so she could reach for them. She seemed to be having fun.

"Finally," Jackline said, irritated. "You both take forever." She turned to Lily. "Can we go now?"

Lily nodded. "We should all head out. Claire, you can side apparate with me and Eric, you'll be apparating with James. Everyone knows which church we're going to?"

Harry sighed heavily and gripped Bonnie's hand. He noticed her look up at him curiously a moment before they apparated.

.

Apparently a hoard of reporters also wanted to go to church this Christmas morning as there was a grouping of them right along the entrance beside the steps up to the door.

"What did they do?" Harry asked as they arrived. "Send a group of them to each church in our area to cover whatever one we decided on."

"I'm gonna go with yeah," Bonnie agreed before plastering a big smile on her face to compensate for Harry's angry scowl as she dragged them over and through the cameras up to meet the priest and head inside. Bonnie's gaze turned to him again as his grip tightened around her hand. His expression looked bored and irritated, not scared, but that clashed with the emotions she could sense in his grip.

She took him over to the candles and knelt in front of them and lit one then closing her eyes to pray. She wanted to say a prayer for Ashley, to pray that she found someone that made her happy and worked out all of her issues in her life. She prayed that Ashley found something in herself that was a million times more exciting than her haircut.

When she finished she looked up to find Harry still standing awkwardly beside her, now holding Sophia tightly against his chest. Fish was on her other side, praying quickly so that he could get back to Kacy who was now sitting down with her parents and everyone else.

Bonnie stood and gabbed his free hand. "Harry?" she asked suspiciously. "Are you alright?"

Harry nodded. "Come on. Lets sit." They walked to the pews and Harry let Bonnie in first and sat on the end of the pew. The Minister took his stand at the front and started speaking and asked them to turn to a page in the bible where he read from.

Harry couldn't concentrate on any of this. He put his face down on Sophia's head and breathed in the scent of her skin to distract him from the growing discomfort of church. It was just like when he questioned his relationship with Bonnie and whether or not it was the right thing for her. God punished and he didn't forgive very easily. He was a vengeful God…to those who believed in him and did his bidding. Irony was popular in the beyond.

He wondered if Dr. Ross would tell him that he was imagining the pain that started to shoot up his neck like someone stabbing a hooked needle into his skin and pulling it up to his jaw. Would Dr. Ross think he was schizophrenic? Was he? The only thing that ever stopped Fish and him from thinking he was simply completely off his rocker was the fact that Fish knew the truth.

Dr. Ross would probably say they were both nuts.

His throat started to burn and he breathed in Sophia like cool water but it didn't help much. The pain rushed up through his jaw and slowly eased its way through his skull, inch by inch while at the same time it moved down into his shoulders, splitting into a fork to spread along the edge of one and then down, trailing along his shoulder blades and down his spine. It pooled in his stomach, the pain, and then moved into his legs and down into his shoes. And then he was drowning in it, like he had stepped into a puddle and fell into the watery pits of hell, surrounded by pain that wrapped and caressed like water.

This he suffered in silence, trying to hold it all in and not be noticeable.

He felt through the pain, Bonnie's soft touch on his hand and he cringed at the difference in the feeling.

"Harry? Are you alright?"

Harry just nodded, his eyes closed and his arms wrapped around Sophia. He could suffer through the pain until church was over, for everyone else. This was what everyone else wanted to do and he knew he deserved his punishment as it was. He could sit through this.

And then it was as though God was listening to his thoughts and wanted to prove him wrong. A new course of the venom spread through him, pressing in through the lighter pain to make room for itself and pressed up against his skin and going in through his pores to curl up against his bones. He knew it was best not to move, despite feeling as though he needed to stretch all of his aching muscles he knew there would be no relief from it as long as he was in the building. Moving would lead to further pain, when he stretched the pain would find new places to move into.

The only real problem he had to deal with that he couldn't suffer unnoticeably in silence was the nausea that it was causing. A band of pain wrapped around his stomach and squeezed, disrupting the pain that pooled in the pit of his stomach. He could feel the bile rising up in his throat but forced it down.

He held Sophia out, despite her tight little grip on his shirt. He turned to Bonnie and handed their daughter to her. "Bonnie, I need you to take Sophia."

Bonnie nodded and took her, watching him carefully. Sophia started whining softly as Harry got up out of his seat. "Where are you going?" she asked softly, so as not to interrupt the sermon.

Harry just waved his hand as he walked quickly and quietly to the door. Bonnie silently got up and followed as Harry started to run and James noticed and went with her. When they got outside Harry was tripping down the steps of the church, shoving past the reporters who immediately started asking questions. He leaned over the snow on the lawn, wrapping an arm around his stomach, as he could no longer control it and emptied his stomach.

The reporters took no pause in running around him to catch a picture of him being sick and question him about it.

"Sir Potter, what did the priest say that made you so ill?"

"Sir Potter, are you still sick over cheating on your wife?"

"What kind of medication are you on?"

"Is that's what is making you sick?"

"Does this happen often?"

"Are you and your wife back together?"

"Do you think your daughter will respect you when she's older, knowing the things you've done?"

At the question Harry paused and turned his eyes to glare at the reporters. Not knowing which one was the one to ask he turned on all of them, lifting his hand and pushing, sending every last one of them flying across the lawn and into the parking lot, a few of them landing on cars, the rest hitting the hard cement and their camera and microphones crushed as they fell on the ground or through some car windows.

After pause to take it in James and Bonnie rushed down to meet him. James helped him up off the ground as he wiped his mouth. "Harry? What was that? Are you alright?"

Harry shook his head. "Asking such stupid questions," he mumbled to himself. "You would think they would learn not to talk to me like that."

Bonnie touched his hand and held it in hers. "Harry, do you want to go home?"

Harry shook his head. "You two can go inside. The reporters will be keeping their distance for a little while. I'll just wait out here."

Bonnie shook her head. "You don't have to do that Harry. We can go."

Harry shook his head fervently. "No, you wanted to come and I know you had a reason. Really, its fine. Go on."

Bonnie hesitated but did as he wished and headed inside with Sophia. Harry took a seat on the steps and James took a seat beside him. Harry looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.

James smiled. "I didn't want to come," he explained. "Not my God."

Harry smirked and nodded. He looked back down at his hands and ran his fingers along the sleeve of his coat, enjoying the way the pain slowly eased out of his body like a massage. A slow wilt back to everyday, normal pain and suffering.

"So is there something you want to tell me?" James asked.

Harry looked up at him confused. "What?"

"Are you sick?" he asked, worried.

Harry shook his head quickly. "No dad. I'm not sick. Its uh…" He paused, not sure if his father ever came to believe his relationship with God. "Its my God, that makes me sick." He looked up at James. "I did bad things dad. And there was no forgiveness given…at least not by him." He looked down at his sleeves again. "He's very upset."

"So…entering a church causes you physical pain because God is upset that you…cheated?"

"I broke marital vows which I made in a church, the house of God. Entering church after breaking those vows is like flipping him off."

James nodded softly. "I see."

Harry sighed heavily. "But don't worry. I'm sort of pissed off at him to. Its not like he's never broken promises or screwed anyone over." He thought of Fish and Kacy and how, in some way, Harry had screwed them over. Dream Fish was right, he had screwed him over. Bonnie and his baby had both been beckoned to death's door and he had forced them to come back to stay with him. He had shunned God's will and defied him. He had broken the line-up and someone had to replace them.

.

When church was over everyone gathered outside and then quickly apparated back to the house. No one brought up Harry's quick departure, deciding they would ignore it to make the best of their one day together by not making it uncomfortable with iffy questioning. An hour after they arrived so did everyone else, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny all arrived bearing gifts and joined them in the sitting room where the tree was erected. It felt like their last Christmas, with a few additions. Kacy made a point to use up all of her energy for this day, Harry noticed. She was the life of the party, gathering all of her energy to stand and hug her father before he could make it to her after she opened his gift, giggling with Fish and kissing him enthusiastically when she opened the gag gift he gave her, an official As A Bee band T-shirt signed by the band. Kacy went ahead and explained how she was wearing her hand-made version when they first met at the airport. Her real present was a beautiful antique locket that Bonnie had helped him pick out, having hopped around multiple old shops to find something Fish agreed he liked. The inside was a wizard photograph of them on their wedding day except that Photo Kacy and Photo Fish were both very obviously in love with each other, unlike the day of the photo where they hardly knew each other. The back was engraved with the words, _True Love Transcends the End of Life. AH & KM_

She immediately placed the necklace around her neck and hugged him before handing over her gift which was a simple photo album she had made up using the photographs she had been taking. They all laughed at the one of Fish caught in the shower and "awed" at the magical photo that one of the boys in the band must have taken of Kacy and Fish holding hands on the table while they both tiredly ate cereal, Fish glaring at the camera and Kacy smiling as his fingers tightened on her hand.

Once presents were finished with they all had dinner, Harry took his medication and fought the effects of them by playing with Sophia's new toys, making her dolls dance around for her enjoyment. Mason joined in the fun sending his new toy quidditch player to catch her dolls like quaffles.

Hermione announced during their casual dinner on the floor of the living room, eating Chinese take-out, that she was going to quit teaching and go into politics, as she realized that was what she was meant to be doing. Everyone, of course, supported this decision and Sirius and James reminded Ron to let the twins know that they owed some people bet money over this news. Ron promised to do so and gave his girlfriend a loving kiss after she rolled her eyes at them. She knew that there was a bet on her last night when she told Ron about her decision and he told her how happy he was for her and then wrote to his brothers. He was so sure of her genius and her desire for equal rights for house elves that he had no doubt that it would happen eventually.

James and Lily announced that they were pregnant again. And then laughed hysterically at the shock and fear on Harry's face before lovingly assuring him that it was just one of James's horrible jokes.

Ginny took this moment as they were all laughing to announce that she was pregnant. And when they all laughed some more at her she assured them that _she_ was not joking. And they all stared. Ron, of course, was the first person to say something.

"But you've only been married for six months!"

Ginny just shrugged at him, smiling shyly. "No time like the present."

"Was this planned?" Hermione asked.

"Not really. Stuff just sort of happens. But Blaise is really excited and so am I."

In the silence, Bonnie couldn't stand it anymore and handed her plate to Harry and crawled across the floor to throw her arms around Ginny. "I'm so happy for you," she said with girlish enthusiasm. She pulled away to sit down beside her next to Ron. "Our daughters will be the same age apart as you and me."

"Well, I don't know if I'm having a girl," Ginny reminded her.

"Small matters," Bonnie shrugged. "How far along are you?"

"Two and half. I found out a few weeks ago but the healer says its not safe to tell people until after the first month, just incase."

"Sure. I didn't have to tell anyone until after the third month cause I had no idea. I thought I was getting fat," she giggled.

Everyone else wished her a congratulations except for Ron who simply asked her if she had told their parents?"

"Do you remember them bringing it up this morning?" Ginny asked. "No. I was going to tell them but I figured we would never get away from mum if I told her. Blaise and I are going to visit mum and dad tomorrow and tell them."

"Ginny!" Bonnie said excitedly again. "We have both been married for less time than Fluer and we've both gotten pregnant before her. Both by accident, but still."

"She'll be so pissed."

Lily coughed loudly and nodded to little Sirius.

"Sorry Mrs. Potter."

Harry and Sirius both looked at each other and Sirius giggled with his hand over his mouth. Harry had never been able to watch his language around him. Sirius probably knew far more swears than any other five year old.

As it got late Sirius had to go to bed and Sirius and Jackline took Mason to bed as well. They came back. It was Harry's last night at home and tomorrow morning he would be back in the hospital. No one was sure whether they should leave or not. Harry, at eleven, assured them that it was fine to leave. He would have to get to bed soon anyway since he had to get up early to go back. Eventually, they all started to head out back home, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. Ron and Hermione promised to visit him more, Hermione especially now that she was quitting her training as a professor. She was going in tomorrow to let Dumbledore know the sad sorry news. They both left together. Remus, Sirius, and Jackline followed. Claire and Eric said their goodbyes to Kacy, hugging her tightly and promising to be back within the week to visit again. As the five months deadline given by the doctors got closer they didn't want to take any chances of being away from her too long. To keep traveling simple, they both decided to stay the night at the Potter house before leaving in the morning.

James and Lily both hugged Harry goodnight and made him promise to see them in the morning before he left. Soon it was just he and Bonnie and they both put Sophia to bed and headed to his room like the night before. When Bonnie headed to the bathroom to change Harry told her that he would be right back, he had to talk to Fish. She told him she would be waiting and he left the room again to head to the guest corridor and knock on his door.

"Hey, whats going on?" Fish asked as he stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

"I have to talk to you about something," Harry said nervously.

"Yeah, alright. About what?"

Harry sighed and leaned against the opposite wall. "About Kacy."

Fish's face grew more alert at the mention of Kacy's name. "What about Kacy?"

Harry lowered his eyes. It was just a dream, but it was a rare, logical dream that made sense to him and he had to apologize. "I think I'm the reason she's dying."

Fish stared at him across the hall, leaned back agains the opposite wall. "I don't understand. What do you mean you're the reason?"

"Well, not that I've…personally done anything to her or anything but…well, we both know that God has a list."

"So?"

"So, I've screwed up the list twice. He tried to take Bonnie from me but I wouldn't let him so I turned to Merlin with that spell. I took her back. Then he tried to take Sophia not too long ago and I took her back to. I've cut his list and since I won't let him take from me, I think he's trying to take from you." He winced and looked away, as though he was expecting the knife to come out and stab him.

"Jimmy," Fish sighed. "Where did you get this idea?"

"I had a nightmare," Harry sighed. "You told me it was my fault. That he had to take someone and I have selfishly not let him take anyone from me. It was just a dream but it made sense to me when I woke up and I feel…horrible. Guilty."

"Jimmy, you _cannot_ feel guilty. This is ridiculous. You are not the cause of Kacy's sickness. She was sick when I met her, her being sick is the reason I met her. God isn't punishing you and he's not punishing me. If he doesn't heal Kacy because I asked him to then he's just an asshole with a master plan. Its nothing that you or anyone else did. I know that if you could you would do anything to help Kacy, I know you would, but these days I'm just sort of…hoping the last days I have with her are good ones."

"I'm gonna keep working on it Fish. On anything I can do and anything that my so-called God isn't trying to do. We'll figure it out."

Fish just nodded. "Just, stop worrying about it as if it were your fault Jimmy. Its really not at all. I don't know where you come up with these things."

"I don't know either. One day all this therapy will fix it."

"Lets all hope so."

"Well, that's all I wanted to say. You can go back to Kacy."

Fish nodded. "I'll be in to visit you next week at the hospital. Focus on getting better yourself."

Harry nodded and they both departed to their own rooms. Harry went back to his room to find Bonnie already crawled into the bed in tank top, tucked under the blankets. He tugged off his pants and pulled his T-shirt off before crawling in beside her.

.

Harry's phone woke him up in the morning. He removed one arm from around Bonnie's waist to reach over and turn off his phone. He leaned back over and pressed his lips to Bonnie's neck. "Pet?" he mumbled. "I have to go."

She grabbed his hand around her waist and held it tightly to her stomach. "Just stay here. Don't go."

Harry sighed heavily, pressing his forehead against her shoulder blades. "I have to go. I have to get back."

Bonnie groaned and rolled over in the bed, wrapping her arm around his waist and pressing her cheek against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her back and ran a hand through her hair. "Sophia's birthday is on the twelfth."

"And I will be there. All day."

"Sirius's is on the twentieth," she reminded him.

Harry paused for a moment. "I'll talk to Dr. Ross about it."

"You should come back for New Years."

"We never celebrate New Years."

"Every holiday is important now that you're never here. It was okay when I was angry and in denial and ignoring the problem but now I want us to grow back together and we can't do that if you're not here."

"I promise it wont be long from now. Dr. Ross said a couple months from now I could leave and come in once a day for group and solo therapy and then leave and be at home and then eventually I just won't have to go anymore. Its a process but I know it will be worth it. I can feel it."

Bonnie just nodded. "I know. I trust that."

"Soon we'll be back to normal again. The good normal," he edited. "Not the crazy, angry normal."

When Bonnie finally let Harry out of bed he dressed, packed and she followed him out in her pajamas. He said goodbye to his parents and to Sirius and kissed Sophia goodbye. Bonnie said she would see him later during visiting hours at the hospital. Nothing would stop her from putting them back together, not even the mental institution.

The next day, after visiting Harry in the hospital during visiting hours, she went to visit her grandmother. Mrs. Mrs. McNeal was wondering what had been going on with her this past month. Bonnie usually came home and locked herself up in her room and when she was wandering her grandmother's house in France she never bothered to answer personal questions like where she went everyday at ten o'clock with Sophia. She just pretended the words had never come out of the woman's mouth. But today was the day she told her what was going on.

It wasn't going so well.

"What do you _mean_ you're back together?" she hissed. "He cheated on you. There is no binding contract, people still get divorced in the wizarding world dear. No reason for you to try to work things out with someone who has hurt you so much. You have the right to move on."

"But that's just it, I don't want to move on. I mean, I do. But with him. I've realized that, no matter what he did, I'm still much happier with him than without him, and for entirely selfish reasons, I forgive him."

"You _can't forgive him!"_

"Why not?"

"Because he's a cheating man. Once they've done it the first time there's nothing to stop them from doing it a second time. He made you a laughing stock."

"And the way Harry's brain works he'll probably be punishing himself for the rest of his or my life, whichever is longer. There's no reason for us both to be working on ways to torture him for the rest of his life for sleeping with Ashley when he's got it so covered."

Her grandmother followed her up to her bedroom and watched, furious, as Bonnie packed up her things. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to stay with mum and dad until Harry gets out of the hospital. That way I can be closer to him and they really want to see more of Sophia. And Fish really needs me right now, with Kacy being so ill and Harry being in the hospital. I really should at least be in England."

"But what about me?" she asked selfishly.

"Well, lets face it," she said, turning to her grandmother. "You didn't like Harry before all of this started and you definitely don't like him now. And with Sophia nearing a year old I can't have her around hateful energy that is geared at her father. She loves Harry. I'm really thankful for your support when I was upset but it wasn't very hard for you to support my anger toward my husband. But I'm ready to move on now. I'm sure you understand."

Mrs. Mrs. McNeal did not understand but there wasn't much she could do to stop Bonnie now. She packed up her and Sophia's things and apparated back to her parents house, where she was welcomed warmly. Mrs. McNeal swept up her baby granddaughter immediately and Bonnie went to visit Fish and Kacy.


	18. Loss

AN: Sorry for the long delay. I still have writers block but I had this chapter written. Its not my favorite but I do love the very end. I'm hoping to get back to work on this story very soon but I just started a new job and just got back from vacation. Comic-Con! Hopefully I'll get back on track soon. I know exactly whats going to happen I just need to be in the mood to right it. Don't lose hope. Thank you to everyone who has been patient with me. I know, I'm horrible. Thanks especially to those who review, its very encouraging.

Thanks to: Lorilei, MemsaMensa, Dr. KordiWho, Scrubs, rosesAREwhite, lola, lOvEluvLoVe, CassietheCassidy and tobystephensfan.

Chapter 65

Loss

Fish, Jack, Lex and Mark stood in the doorway of their living room watching Kacy and Bonnie sit on the couch together watching Grease.

"I don't understand this movie," Mark mumbled. "Why is everyone singing? Why doesn't anyone think its weird that they're singing?"

"Its a musical," Jack pointed out.

"I used to watch this movie a lot," Fish admitted. The three boys looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Bonnie forced us to watch a lot of things but its actually a pretty dirty film as long as you don't watch it on TV."

"How did they end up watching it here and not at Bonnie's house? She actually has her own house. Its huge. We were there," Lex reminded them.

"Cause I want Kacy here." He walked into the living room and leaned over the couch, running his fingers through her hair, pushing it over her shoulders. "Hey love, you gonna be okay here if I go?"

Kacy turned to look up at him with a smile. She was looking good today, Fish thought. Healthier than she had in a couple weeks. She had even walked to the bathroom this morning to shower and change. Her blonde locks down past her shoulders were shiny and wavy, her skin soft and smooth and she smelled like mint and lavender. He really didn't want to leave her, he loved seeing her healthy and happy, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. And he felt safer leaving her when she was fine then when she wasn't. They had another show tonight. He promised to come right home afterward, not for her but for him because he wanted to be home with her. She didn't mind that at all but insisted he at least uphold his promise to perform.

"I'll be fine Fishy, don't worry about me. I'm having a good day." She pulled herself up on the couch and turned to face him over the back. "Its such a good day I think I'll still be good to go when you get back." She grabbed the lapel of his jacket and pulled him in to kiss her. When she pulled back he licked his lips.

"I will be out of there as soon as we're done," Fish promised.

"I know you will. And until then I'll be fine right here with Bonnie. She'll take care of me. We'll eat junk food and watch chick flicks."

"Well…have fun." He stroked her hair and kissed her cheek before letting the boys drag him off to the show.

Kacy sunk back into her seat beside Bonnie, Sophia on her friend's lap playing with her rag doll. She smiled softly to herself and Bonnie nudged her shoulder.

"Thinking of tonight?" she asked.

Kacy smirked. "I'm feeling so well I'm not gonna pass up sleeping with him," she giggled. "I'm gonna tire him out."

Bonnie giggled. "Good for you. I used to try to tire Harry out but he never really got tired. He did yesterday but I think its the medication. Makes him sleepy."

"I know about that," Kacy sighed. "Stupid stuff."

Bonnie smiled halfheartedly. She had really hoped that she would be able to make Christmas this year like their last one, where she cured Remus's lycanthropy. She had wanted to sit on the floor amongst their families and hand Kacy a vial of potion that would save her. It just never happened, though not for lack of trying. She spent every free moment she wasn't visiting Harry or Kacy on her potions but there was a reason the doctors couldn't help her and gave her a deadline. They couldn't even figure out what it was really. Just that it was slowly destroying her.

Bonnie promised herself she would continue to look for the cure until the last minute, until the girl's heart stopped beating.

They both did as Kacy said they would and sat around watching silly girl movies and eating junk while Sophia played with her toys until Fish got back. The boys were missing but Fish arrived, unshyly coming into the room, sweeping Kacy up in his arms and disappearing with her into the bedroom with just a simple bye to Bonnie from Kacy.

Bonnie giggled. "Come on Sophia. That's our cue to leave." She gathered up their things and headed to the door.

/-

Kacy ran her hands down his whole face, his neck and down his chest as she straddled his waist before leaning down to rest her head under his chin, breathing in his scent. His hand went straight to her hair, running through the long blonde strands, his other hand bringing the blanket over them both and then running his fingers over her bare back.

Kacy groaned, nuzzling his neck with her nose. "I was trying to tire you out," she whined. "Stupid sickness working against me. Too weak."

"You didn't seem weak to me," Fish chuckled, lifting his head to kiss her shoulder. "And you can't tire me out my love. I'll never say no to you."

Kacy scooted off of him to lay along his side and rest her head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her waist. She turned her face up to kiss him some more, listening to him whisper sweet nothings against her mouth, words of love down her neck, his tongue brush along her ear. "B?" she asked as he nuzzled against her collarbone, kissing and sighing.

"Yes love?" he asked, lifting his head to kiss her lips again. He ran his hand over her hair, pushing it back from her face to look at her.

"You would do anything for me, wouldn't you?" she asked.

He raised his eyebrow at her. "I go to my scheduled shows and flirt with my groupies like you tell me to, don't I?"

Kacy smirked at him and shoved his chest playfully. "That's not what I mean."

"Then what do you mean?" he smirked playfully, reaching around for her leg to pull it over his waist, getting her to curl up closer to him.

Kacy shyly ran her hand over his chest, slowly drawing designs with her fingers. "I would like to go home…"

She felt him still, and then slowly his hand started to slide down her back off her shoulders. "Oh…um…" He paused nervously. He wondered what was wrong? They had just finished having at least a couple of hours worth of awesome sex and now she wanted to leave him. "You're not…happy here anymore?"

Kacy shook her head. "Of course I'm happy here. I love Bonnie and the guys and everyone. But…I miss seeing my friend and my parents. I miss home and my bedroom and…well, I can feel it getting closer B. It feels ominous."

"You seem perfectly healthy today," Fish reminded her.

"It comes and goes. That's why I want to be at home. Today I feel great but tomorrow I could be seven steps closer to death's door and it would only take a night."

Fish sighed heavily, rolling more onto his back and removing any grip he had on her at all. He wasn't going to fight with her or hold her hostage, no matter how much he may want to.

Kacy grabbed her tank-top from the end of the bed and pulled it over her head as she sat up in bed followed by her underwear. She crawled back onto his waist and looked down at him. "I know you don't want to leave Harry and I completely understand that, but I thought since you could apparate you could do the same thing that Bonnie does, back and forth, if you need to. And I think the heat would probably help my health anyway, right? People don't usually head to England to cure colds, you know." She smirked, worried about the mixture of confusion and sadness in his expression.

"So…you want me to go with you?" he asked, hopeful. It hadn't even occurred to him that she wanted to bring him home with her. It just made more sense the other way since girls didn't usually ever want to bring him home. But then, he had already met her parents.

Kacy stared at him like he was crazy. "Why would I go without you?" She smirked and ran her hands up to his face, smirking cheekily. "You're my husband. You go where I go, right?"

Fish smiled back at her, taking her face in his hands to. "Right."

She leaned down to kiss him and then laid down on his chest again. "So we can get plane tickets in the morning?"

"Of course. I'll buy then as soon as we're up." He pulled her hair back from her neck and rested his hand there as she pressed her cold cheek over his heart.

"We should go to sleep now," she mumbled.

"K," he agreed, wrapping both arms around her shoulders as she curled up like a little girl on his chest.

"You're so nice and warm, you don't mind sleeping like this, do you?" she asked politely.

"I don't mind love. You sleep however you're comfortable."

/-

The next morning Fish called Bonnie to let her know, and so that she could tell everyone else, that they were going to Kentucky to be with Kacy's family. He helped Kacy pack and packed all of his things before booking the earliest first class flight to Kentucky.

They sprung it on her parents, who were very surprised but more then delighted to see them, their daughter especially, of course. As soon as they arrived there was hugs and they were both set up in Kacy's room and settled in before dinner. Fish had never seen Kacy so happy and knew it was because she was home with her family and he was pleased he could give this simple thing to her.

And in a lot of ways he was happy to be at her home as well. The first afternoon, while Kacy was taking a nap, he got a chance to shuffle through the things in her room and build up a larger impression of her personality than what she had simply told him.

Because of the impending likelihood that she wouldn't have a future, they didn't usually talk about what her plans were or what they had liked to stay in the present and live day to day.

He appreciated the little things he found, like failed attempts at clothing design that she had decided to keep, a box of notes between her and her friend Michelle that they had written in school. He only read a few, feeling he was over-stepping his boundaries and because the more recent ones lacked the luster the older ones had. He found her movies, everything from Clueless to the complete series of Little House on the Prairie. The first night he had discovered the poster of himself hanging on her ceiling and got up on the bed to sign it for her, which she found hilarious.

A few hours into his search Michelle stopped by and woke her up so they could hang out. Fish hung out in the corner, trying not to overhear their conversation which included topics such as their sex lives, Kacy's and Michelle's, and involved a lot of giggling.

Around dinner Michelle was called home and Kacy and Fish joined her parents for dinner; Kacy's favorite, her mother's famous roast. When they finished their meals they stayed up late watching old home movies of Kacy when she was a little girl, at her birthdays or trips to the zoo or on Christmas's, surrounded by her family who loved her. Kacy was getting tired after a few of them so her parents both kissed her and hugged her goodnight, told her to sleep well, and Fish to, before going to their rooms. Fish, without asking anymore, picked her up and carried her to her room. She changed for bed and he followed suit before they curled up together in bed.

Fish stayed up as long as he could, watching her fall asleep, running his thumb over both her eyebrows, memorizing their imperfect shape and drawing his fingertips along her hairline and down along her cheekbone. He kissed her cheek, even though she was asleep, just to feel the softness of her skin under his lips. Then he nuzzled into her neck and let himself go to sleep to.

At two in the morning Kacy woke up with a strange feeling collecting in her stomach. Before it could get worse she moved Fish's arm off her and got out of bed to head to the bathroom and sat down by the toilet, waiting.

She didn't really feel like she was going to throw up but she didn't feel dizzy or anything else either. She just felt…something. She wrapped her arm around her stomach and breathed deeply, trying to identify the ache that sank in the pit of her stomach. It felt like a rock was settling.

When nothing came she went back to her room and looked at her bed. Fish was still sleeping, one arm lying where she was a few minutes ago. The light from the moon shone through her open window and lit up the whole room like pale daylight.

She thought Fish looked really nice in her room, lying in just his boxers in her sheets, which were white with little red flowers on them. For a really long moment, while she stood there staring at him, everything seemed right with the world. Fish didn't seem out of place in her bed, with her grandmother's comforter bundled up at the end of it, his shirt hanging over the back of her chair with hers, his black tennis shoes kicked off by her door next to her neatly placed flats. He looked nice in Kentucky moonlight and he groaned in his sleep and his hand roamed the bed looking for her before settling on her pillow, which smelled like her. His face relaxed as he pressed it to his nose and his cheekbones settled and he looked younger and the light glinted off tears that stuck to his eyelashes. His eyebrows furrowed and the water dried and she thought, if the sun just never came up, she could stare at him forever.

She sat down in the chair where both of their shirts were draped and grabbed a pen and paper from her desk and rested her chin on the fabric and looked at him and wrote. And when she was done she put down the pen and took the paper back over to the bed with her. She laid down beside Fish, taking the pillow from his grasp and putting it back in its place. When he found her back in bed he wasn't too disappointed. She folded the paper and tucked it under his pillow and scooted closer to him so he wrapped his arm around her waist and she wiped the tears from his eyelashes with her thumb.

"B?" she whispered questioningly in the dark. She put her cold fingers on his chest, where it was warm like a heater. "B? Are you awake?"

"Mmmhmmm?" he mumbled, responding to her cold touch and putting his warmer hand over hers.

"B," she said quietly. "I'm gonna go to sleep now."

"Okay," Fish mumbled, still half asleep, reaching over and wrapping her in his arms.

She willingly curled up in them, keeping both of her hands tucked up against his chest and her cheek against his shoulder using him as her pillow. She closed her eyes and sighed, relaxing as pain released from her body like a slow, comfortable pull down her spine. She wondered if her eyelashes glistened like his did, they felt wet.

"I love you Asabee," she whispered.

"I love you to, Kacy," he replied automatically, too asleep to realize the difference in the conversation. "I love you."

/-

Fish woke late in the morning, around eight he guessed, his arms wrapped around Kacy's chilly form. He pressed his forehead against her arm as he slowly continued to wake up. "Kac', you're freezing," he mumbled to her, reaching down to pull the blankets up over her shoulders. "Like ice," he told her, waking up faster as he tried to warm her up.

The longer he waited for her to get warm, trying to help the process by rubbing her cold skin and holding her unresponsive form against him, the more suspicious he became that something…was horribly wrong.

"Kacy?"

He slowly sat up in the bed, the sheets running off of him and her body like water. He touched a lock of her hair and ran his fingers down to the end, his eyes suddenly focusing in on its shine and color. He shifted his gaze and refocused on Kacy's very still form.

"Kacy?"

He put his hand softly on her arm and turned her over onto her back. Her body was cold and heavy. He hadn't noticed how very pale her skin had become, the tan on her arms and the blush in her face was washed out.

"Kacy?"

He reached out his fingers and pressed them to the side of her neck to check for a pulse and when he didn't feel it he pulled his hand away. The moment his fingers were withdrawn he saw her chest rise and her lips parted for an intake of breath. Then they relaxed, pouting and she sighed, releasing the breath, her chest falling. Her mouth turned up in a smile and her body stretched and relaxed and turned onto her side. She reached out to him, snuggling her head onto his lap and wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Kacy?" he asked, tentatively running his fingers through her hair.

"I'm gonna go to sleep now," she mumbled.

"Okay," he mumbled automatically, awed.

"I love you Asabee," she whispered.

Fish let his finger land on her neck where her pulse was. "Kacy?" he asked, when he didn't find it there.

"Fish?" He looked up at the doorway to her room, now open, Kacy's father standing in it. Her mother, as she passed by in the hall, stopped at the grave sound of her husband's voice and peaked in beside him.

"She just…" Fish looked back down at her, lying still on the bed with her eyes closed. "She won't wake up." Fish couldn't look away, he just continued to sit there staring at her as though he was waiting for her to wake up again…except that was a hallucination; a replay from his unconscious because he hadn't been paying close attention last night when she had said it. When she had been trying to tell him something. When she was alive.

He got off the bed when Mr. Maine came quickly into the room and went to the bed, adjusting Kacy's limp form, tilting her head back and attempting to perform CPR. Mrs. Maine composed herself enough to keep her hysteria at bay and get the phone to call the hospital. Mr. Maine continued to perform CPR but Fish could see that it wasn't working. He could hear Mrs. Maine sink down on the other side of the wall and start to cry and Mr. Maine left Kacy for a moment, keeping himself composed, to take the call and explain how the CPR had failed.

"She's very cold," he explained.

The ambulance came and went, explaining what Fish already knew.

Kacy was dead.

No one had to bother explaining the cause because they already knew. It had been expected. When the EMTs both left they were forced to sit and wait for the coroner to arrive. Fish threw his clothes back on, slowly and without taking his eyes off of Kacy. He couldn't stop staring. She was so quiet, so still, her mouth turned down and her skin lacking color and it was so unlike her he wasn't even sure it used to be her.

Mrs. Maine stayed away, in the living room. Mr. Maine stood by the bedroom door to watch the front door and Kacy at the same time. He left once to get his wife a glass of water and then came back, empty-handed.

When the coroner finally arrived they both watched them zip her up in a black bag and carry her out of the room.

It was so surreal it felt as though it wasn't actually happening to him. It was so…sudden. Last night she had eaten her whole dinner, plus seconds and she had stayed up late with him and her parents laughing at her younger self and she had gone to sleep warm. And this morning…as though without any warning at all, she was gone.

Though no one would believe that it took him by surprise since he had plenty of time to get used to the idea that she was going to pass. In fact, if he admitted it to himself he wasn't at all surprised that she was gone. It was the timing. The doctors were accurate with their prediction but he didn't think anyone really expected them to be so spot on. No matter how prepared a person was, no matter whether they knew, they never actually expected it to happen tomorrow. The previous day had been an illusion. It had thrown them all off with a false sense of security.

Fish couldn't apparate. He was too unfocused. Mr. Maine drove, following the coroner to the hospital where the morgue was. They did more waiting in that wing of the hospital and Mrs. Maine passed the time making phone calls while Mr. Maine simply drank coffee and stared a very long time at his hands.

A doctor came to confirm what they already knew. The disease had spread itself through her system and finally taken hold completely, so her heart stopped. He said because she obviously passed in her sleep she most likely felt no pain at all.

Mr. Maine was asked to fill out a lot of paperwork and they had to make more phone calls to the funeral home. It was sad, but Mr. and Mrs. Maine had been prepared for this. They had made arrangements with the funeral home in advance and had been working on the memorial service for a while. Whether it was before or after, no matter when you did it, planning was just depressing. They even had a plot in the cemetery chosen for her.

They both asked Fish to join them back at the house but it wasn't to entertain. He figured they felt like the house would feel empty, too soon, with just the two of them. So he sat quietly in the living room in the old, green armchair with a glass of water watching the ice melt. Claire sat in the kitchen with the phone book calling relatives, using the simple and short phrase she had prepared ahead of time, something easy so she wouldn't break down in the middle of each phone call. With each call she made she checked off the names in the phone book.

Michelle was the last one to be called, not because she was the least important but because Mrs. Maine couldn't bear to break the bad news to the young girl. She was already crying as she dialed her number. Mr. Maine took the phone and simply asked Michelle to come by so that they could talk to her.

While they grieved and discussed what had happened Fish took leave to the front porch as he couldn't bear to listen to it again or hear Kacy's friend cry, probably thinking the same thing that he was thinking. They had just spoken yesterday.

Everyone around him couldn't help but cry, even Mr. Maine had shed silent tears when he was alone in the kitchen for a few moments, but Fish couldn't find it in him to do it. Nothing came. He felt…numb. Maybe because he knew that if he adjusted his face to allow it just once he wouldn't ever stop. He could see his inner turmoil just lying there, in the gravel pathway leading up to the front steps of Kacy's home, sobbing. And when the tears stopped he could see himself just lying there, unable to move…ever.

He reached into his jeans and took out his phone, wondering if he would be able to tell Bonnie what had happened. He hadn't said anything at all for hours since he woke up that morning and told Mr. Maine that Kacy just wouldn't wake up.

He pressed the speed-dial button and put the phone to his ear and waited.

"Hey Fish! Been in Kentucky two days and you already miss me?" Bonnie answered.

Fish breathed in through his nose and then sighed out through his lips. "Bonnie?"

He could feel her emotions turn through the phone at the sound of his voice. "Fish? What's wrong?"

He sighed more heavily this time, as though he couldn't get it out of him, something was blocking his words in his chest and it was painful and felt strangely similar to holding back tears. "Kacy…" he mumbled and paused. He ran his hand through his hair once and then gripped the rough stone step he was sitting on, trying to steady himself. The painful block rose up into his throat and he breathed deeply and shakily around the pain. "She passed away this morning." He bit his lip to keep away the sound but his eyes watered and it took only the seconds pause before Bonnie spoke for them to spill over.

"Are you alright? Do you want me to come by?"

He dropped his head and wiped the tears roughly before forcing himself to lift his head again, pressing his hand to his forehead right between his eyes where another pain developed. "Bonnie, I can't move," he told her. "I don't know what to do with myself now."

"You don't have to go anywhere, Fish, okay? I'll be there in one minute, I promise."

Fish nodded and he hung up first and sat there, waiting. His shoes felt heavy, like stones prepared to drown him in the river. His shoulders and back and throat and chest were sore and achy from still holding in the pain.

It _felt _like forever before Bonnie got there but suddenly she was there, sitting on the stone steps beside him. He hadn't even considered the time difference but realized it was probably only seven in the morning in England but Bonnie was dressed and ready for her day, probably thanks to magic.

She looked at him but he stared at the ground. "Do you want a hug?" she asked carefully. He usually didn't like her very much, though they got closer over the years. But she was also shocked that he had called her in the first place. Harry was in the mental institution but that didn't mean he wouldn't break out in Fish's time of need. But he had called Bonnie.

"I don't know what I want."

"You just don't want to be alone?" she asked tentatively. "Are Mr. and Mrs. Maine inside?"

"With Kacy's friend, Michelle. They just told her."

Bonnie was quiet, waiting for him to say what he wanted but he remained silent, tears slowly running down his face. She wouldn't know it was happening except that there were spots of water forming on the steps. "Who found her?" she asked.

Fish sniffed. "I did."

"I'm so sorry."

"I woke up next to her…and she was cold."

"Oh," Bonnie mumbled, stunned. She put her hand on his shoulder.

Fish leaned over just slightly and rested his head lightly on her shoulder. "What do I do now?" he asked.

"Well," Bonnie sighed, running her fingers through his pretty blonde locks. "Is there going to be a wake?"

"No. Just the funeral. Her parents don't want to drag it out. Kacy wouldn't have wanted it."

Bonnie nodded. "Then her parents will take care of the planning, you'll join her family at the funeral, everyone at home will go as well, of course. And after that…you…"

"Move on?" Fish asked, finding the idea unrealistic.

"I think that's too casual a phrase. You won't really move on, that would be kind of like packing up and going somewhere else and leaving Kacy behind and you'll probably never be able to do that. But what you will do is…carry-on. Persevere and all that."

"Its just hard to think that, when I go home in a few days, I'll go to sleep alone and I'll wake up alone. She won't be there at the breakfast table eating cereal and telling dirty jokes in that innocent, girly way that she tells them." He paused and sat up, looking at his feet again. "Or, the way she told them, I suppose."

Bonnie sighed heavily. "Fish, this will be hard. But you've been through difficult times before, your childhood for one, followed by a war. And I know that you're a strong person and that you will get through this."

/-

Fish had no problem finding something black to wear to the funeral. He had plenty to choose from. Despite this not being a problem he stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom for a long time deciding which black jacket for his suit was more appropriate. Bonnie assured him that he looked just fine, that it was a funeral, not a fashion show. Though she was dressed in a modest Chanel dress and coat.

Everyone from home had come for the funeral, James and Lily, Sirius and Jackline, Ron and Hermione, Bonnie's parents…even Ginny, though she left Blaise at home.

The funeral was early, in a church that was right in the back of the same cemetery where Kacy would be buried. It was a very simple service. After the priest spoke, leading everyone in a few prayers, which Fish skipped out of spite toward God, family and friends were welcomed to come up and say what they wanted about Kacy and her life. Nobody had anything other than nice things to say about her. Her wild personality, her good nature, her sense of humor. Fish had thought of a lot of things he could have gone up to say about her but decided he would rather keep them to himself and hold onto them.

He stood still, beside Harry, in the crowd of family and friends, watching them lower her coffin into the earth. He continued to stand there long after the crowd had dispersed and left for the reception at the Maine's house. Harry stood behind him, off to the side to give him space while he crouched down beside her grave and spilled a handful of dirt over her coffin.

"I love you Kacy."

They all went to the reception at the house where family gathered to update each other on everything that was going on and to talk about Kacy. It was all too hard to listen to so Fish spent most of his time sitting in a chair holding a beer but not drinking very much of it. Kacy's family members, aunts, uncles and grandparents, came to talk to him but he said very little in response and so they left soon after giving their condolences.

When some people were starting to leave and the room wasn't so full of people to talk to, Mr. Maine went over to him and sat down.

"How are you doing, son?"

Fish looked up at him. "Alright, considering. And you?"

"I'm holding up," he sighed. He looked at Fish who was staring through his beer bottle into the unknown. "Fish? I know this is hard on you."

Fish shook his head. "No. I know its hard on _you._ She was your daughter. I don't even know how you're dealing with this. I can hardly stand."

He shrugged. "She was your wife."

Fish nodded. "You would think it wouldn't be so difficult…it was only five months. But…" He chuckled sadly. "Its just so hard not to love her."

"I know what you mean. She was a good person."

"I guess what they say really is true. The good really do die young."

"It is a very sad truth."

They both sat in silence, thinking to themselves about the sad, sorry way of the world. Mr. Maine broke the silence. "So…my wife and I were fixing up Kacy's room last night…couldn't sleep," he mumbled. "We found this under her pillow." He held out a folded piece of paper to Fish. The exposed side had the letter B printed in Kacy's handwriting. "I think she left it for you."

Fish took the note. "Thank you."

"Sure. And, just so you know, you are welcome to come by to visit any time that you like. My wife and I would love to have you."

Fish nodded and forced half a smile. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind."

"Also, I'm sure Kacy left some things at your apartment but if you wanted to keep anything from her room…you're welcome to it."

Fish nodded his thanks. "Thank you sir. I appreciate that."

Mr. Maine nodded and put his hand on Fish's shoulder. "Let me know when you leave, alright?"

Fish nodded and Mr. Maine wandered off to talk to the other guests.

Fish flipped open the note that was written on stark white paper with a black pen.

.

_Dec 28th, 20-_

_B, _

_ I woke up early this morning because I couldn't sleep and I stood at the end of my bed staring at you while you continued to sleep and for what felt like a very long moment, I felt very at peace. You looked calm and relaxed and I knew that if I left right then that you would be okay and I would be okay. _

_If you're reading this, I suppose I didn't make it through the morning and I'm sorry to leave you. If it wasn't inevitable that I go tonight I would stay with you forever. But wherever I am, I can assure you that I'm perfectly fine there. I can feel it right now that I'm going somewhere nice. _

_I don't want you to worry about me, I want you to know that I'm happy and at peace and that the last five months of my life that I spent with you were the best I've ever had. I love you, I really do and I think that fate brought us together at the end because it was definitely meant to be. _

_Never forget how much you mean to me, but like a few other things I want you to do for me after I'm gone, one of them is to let yourself go on with your life. I don't want my leaving to be the end for you to, you're young and I'm not going to sit around in heaven doing nothing while I wait for you so you have to continue to be useful and productive in the meantime. And have a good time. Find a new girlfriend. Not one prettier than me, or a slut, but a nice girl who deserves the kind of love and adoration that you can give her. You're too nice to waste it all on someone who won't cherish it for all that it is worth like I do._

_Since I'll be gone I want you to take Bonnie to all of the parties that you're invited to from here on, like award shows and everything. She likes dressing up and I don't foresee Harry going out a lot in the future. I know she's not your favorite person in the whole world but I really loved her dearly and you should be a good friend and take care of her. _

_Also, I know that its none of my business but I think that you should forgive Ginny and Blaise. You've found love and so has she and it doesn't help anyone to hold a grudge._

_The last thing I want you do for me, is to forgive God. I know you're pissed at him for taking me away from you so young, I know you think he has screwed over you and a lot of other people, like my parents. But I am sure that God has a plan for all of us and that there is a reason for everything he does. It may not seem like anything would be a good enough reason but I'm sure everything will make sense, even if only in the end. _

_I guess that's all I have to say, all I request of you. I just want you to be happy and know that I love you with all of my heart and I will wait for you._

_With all of my heart,_

_Kacy_


	19. We Will Not Forgive God

Authors Note: To begin, I am soooo sorry for the lo-ong delay. I've been working on some original stories of my own but I got a review for this story the other day and I just felt so bad for not finishing. I had the whole ending planned out and ready to go but I think I threw even myself off by letting Kacy go and I seemed to have a difficult time moving on from it. I wasn't sure how to let Fish move on. But I swore I wouldn't be one of those people who wrote these really long stories and then never finished it, and even though I'm not exactly sure how many people would read the ending if I posted it, I'm going to try to post it anyway and hope for the best because I know that if those stories that I've been following finally updated, even after six years or so, I would still read them.

So I will be posting another chapter soon after this and if you have an opinion on what I should do about the Kacy situation I would be more than happy to hear it in your review. I could either bring her back to life or just let Fish move on, I can write it either way. We'll see what happens.

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Chapter 66

"We _Will Not_ Forgive God."

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Nine months later…

.

"Bonnie!" Fish called from the front door. "Are you home?" He shut the front door behind him and looked around. Bonnie was still staying with her parents while Harry was still in the hospital. She counted the days that he was there on her calendar and complained about it every day, especially to Harry. Harry told him about it.

He had just returned from the band's first official tour in the U.K.

Cameron peeked out from his office. "Hey Fish! Bonnie's up in her room with Sophia. Go on up."

"Thanks." Fish went up the stairs to Bonnie's door and knocked, letting himself in when she called to him.

Bonnie was sitting on her bed with little toddler Sophia James, who just got prettier every day, her blonde curls growing out to her shoulders in loose, messy ringlets. Bonnie was teaching her the letters of the alphabet on a little quilt, each square showing one of the letters and a picture associated with it. Bonnie had her dressed in a little tiffany blue dress with a white floral print that matched her own and a little blue headband with rhinestones that matched her own to.

"Don't you both look adorable in your matching outfits," Fish awed.

Sophia turned sharply to look at him and her eyes lit up like a match in a dark room. "Fishy here!" she yelled, holding out her arms.

"Yes, Fishy is here," he said, going to the bed and picking her up. "Hi baby girl. I love your outfit. Where did you go today?"

She smiled brightly. "It daddy day."

"You went to see daddy?"

She nodded affirmatively with one strong nod. She looked down at her dress and stroked the front of it. "New."

"I see, its a new dress. It's lovely." He took her place on the bed and sat her in his lap. He looked up at Bonnie. "How is dear Harry?"

"He's fine. He looked really tired but he said sometimes certain days are just off." He tucked her curl behind her ear. "He did like our outfits though."

"Of course he did. You both look lovely," he said, kissing the top of Sophia's head.

"So what did you come by today for? Just to visit us?" she asked.

"I could, I love you both. But I did have a reason. Um, the boys and I are being invited to the Oscars."

Bonnie's eyes widened in shock and her mouth dropped. "Oh my God! Why?"

"Remember, we did the whole soundtrack for that film?"

"Oh yeah. You're up for an award for best soundtrack or something?"

"Yeah."

"You want me to dress you guys for it?"

"Actually I want you to dress yourself for it."

Bonnie giggled absurdly. "What the hell does that mean?"

"In the letter she left me, Kacy asked me to take you with me to all of the award shows I go to. So I'm taking you."

"To the Oscars?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. She made me promise lots of things. To take you to all of my award shows, to forgive Ginny and Blaise. To forgive God." He scoffed. "That's not happening. Not _one of us_ is going to forgive God. He's an asshole. An asshole with a list."

Bonnie eyed him critically but let it go. He and Harry were both very sensitive over the whole "God is an asshole with a list" thing. She moved the subject back. "But you're a band. Are you allowed to bring a date?"

"I did at the Grammys. Why not? They said I could. People got sort of pissed when we didn't show up to perform at New Years but it was too soon to perform then. But they've all forgiven me and now I get invited to things again."

"I get to go to the Oscars," she said dreamily. She looked at Sophia. "Did you hear that little girl? Mommy is going to the Oscars and you get to go shopping with me for a new gown. Doesn't that sound exciting?" she asked, pinching her daughter's cheek.

Sophia smiled up at her. "Pissed!"

Bonnie's smile fell and she looked up to Fish with a glare.

"What? You said Hell." He smirked at her.

Bonnie shook her head and looked back at her daughter. "Darling, that is a bad word and good little girls don't use that word."

"What word?" she asked innocently, tucking her hands into her little dress.

"The word you just used."

Sophia just shrugged but smiled. "What word?"

Bonnie shook her head glaring at her impish little face. "You got that devilish smirk from your father. We'll blame this on him."

Sophia giggled.

Fish laughed. "She is a little demon, isn't she?" He wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her."Speaking of little demons…"

"Shut up Fish. Her baby is darling," Bonnie argued.

"_Darling_ meaning Satan's little prince?" he asked, smirking.

"What Satan?" Sophia asked, tilting her little head to the side curiously.

Bonnie glared at Fish again and then turned back to Sophia. "Satan, is a bad man."

Sophia paused to think. "Oh."

Bonnie rolled her eyes and looked back at Fish. "Harry will love the things you've taught his daughter in less then fifteen minutes. And her baby is not evil."

"It hasn't stopped crying since the moment she gave birth to it."

"That _it,_ is a lovely nine month old little boy and his name is Ripley."

Fish raised his eyebrow at that. "I think she pulled the same thing my mother did and the pain of child birth took her sanity."

"Shut up Fish. He's fine. I can't believe you've even been to visit her."

"Just that one time." He looked down at Sophia and stroked her hair back. "I visit Sophia much more because she's just so pleasant." He smiled down at her and she smiled back up at him, giggling. Then he kissed her forehead.

Bonnie shook her head. "Well I think Ginny is doing just fine."

"You think lots of people are doing just fine."

Bonnie paused worriedly. "Is that your way of telling me that _you're not _fine?" she asked.

"Oh! No," he quickly assured her. "No, angel. I'm fine. I've been doing really well, there's no need to worry about me."

"Okay, good. But if you do need anything, want to talk, you know you can come to me."

"I know. But I'm good."

"Good," she nodded.

After visiting for a little while and joining Bonnie and Sophia for lunch Fish headed back home to join the band for practice. Bonnie kept busy playing with Sophia, practicing her words and trying to get her to stop asking why God was an asshole. She finally got her to go to bed after dinner and Bonnie followed soon after.

…

Harry didn't realize when he made his plan to arrive early in the morning to make his return a surprise that he would have to break into Cameron's house. He had to break the lock because Bonnie had put up spells to keep everyone out, and though it was bothersome to him he was very proud of her. He repaired the lock and the spells once he was inside and headed upstairs to Bonnie's room. It was about seven in the morning which meant that everyone was asleep except for Cameron, who was most likely at work on this Tuesday morning.

When he got to Bonnie's room he dropped his things by the door and took a quick glance around. It was the same as when they were younger, lots of red in the decor. Sophia's crib was set up beside Bonnie's bed but when he went over to check that Sophia was asleep inside of it he didn't find her. Instead, she was curled up in the bed with her mother, Sophia's head was rested on her mother's arm and tucked into her shoulder, both of them in matching pink nightgowns with hearts on them.

He smirked at them; his two beautiful girls fast asleep. He brushed back Sophia's thin blonde waves and kissed her forehead and she sighed lightly in her sleep. He went to the other side of the bed and sat down beside Bonnie. He brushed her curls back from her face and ran his fingers gently through her hair. "Bonnie?"

Bonnie groaned in her sleep. "What?"

Harry chuckled. "Wake up Pet."

Bonnie squinted her eyes open and turned slightly to look at him. Her eyes widened. "Harry?"

"Hey," he whispered.

She shifted quickly to sit up before she remembered that Sophia was lying on her arm. She carefully and quietly removed her and laid her down on her side before rushing to sit up and wrap her arms around her husband. "You're home," she mumbled quietly. "What are you doing here?"

"I've been released," Harry told her.

She pulled away to look at him. "But yesterday you looked awful and you said you had bad days."

"Firstly, thanks. I'm glad I looked awful." Bonnie rolled her eyes at him but he continued. "Second, Dr. Ross says theres nothing left that he can do for me that requires me to stay there as a resident. So he requested that I go back every morning for therapy and three times a week for group therapy. He'll slowly lessen the number of times I go every week until its just once every two weeks or something."

"So, he thinks you're fine? To be home?"

"Yeah. I mean, I did fine every time I visited for birthdays and holidays…funerals. But if I have some sort of mental break down in the next week we'll know that I wasn't ready."

"Sounds like a plan," Bonnie mocked.

"Hey. Don't be like that. I promise that I will not have any mental break downs. That's all over. I can feel it, I feel better. I really just want to be at home with you and Sophia, be able to see you more than an hour a day."

Bonnie smiled at him and got up to crawl onto his lap. "So you missed your beautiful wife too much to stay longer than a year? That's comforting."

Harry laughed and stroked her hair, running his other hand around her back, pulling her tight against his chest. He pulled her mouth down to his to kiss her heatedly, having not done so in almost five months.

Harry's hand made its way to her waist and down her legs and then slowly up her thigh and under her nightgown. Bonnie pulled away from his kiss and pushed his hand away. "What's wrong?"

Bonnie giggled. "I would love to make out with you Kumquat but our daughter is still in my bed."

Harry turned to look at Sophia. "Oh."

"Lets just go start breakfast or something," Bonnie suggested.

"You can go back to sleep if you want. I'll lay with you," Harry offered.

"No. I'm awake now. You watch Sophia and I'll go get dressed and clean up." She crawled off his lap and kissed him. "Be right back."

While she wandered off Harry crawled back into the bed and laid down next to his daughter. He wasn't sure if it was creepy to stare at your daughter or not but he figured he had been gone a long time so he gave himself allowance to do so. Even closed, her eyes were huge, taking up a large portion of her face, she got her lips from her mother and they pouted out in her sleep, her pudgy cheeks were blushed red, her eyelashes were long and dark and naturally curled.

He brushed the back of his fingers along the side of her face. "You are the prettiest baby Sophia James."

"We don't want to be giving her a big head, Harry!" Bonnie said, peeking out from the bathroom.

"She can't even hear me," Harry mumbled.

"You would be surprised the things that she is hearing when you don't think she's listening," Bonnie told him, thinking about earlier.

Harry rolled his eyes and carefully picked Sophia up out of the bed and held her in his arms while he sat. She immediately curled up against him, resting her head on his shoulder, under his chin, her little pudgy fingers curling around the neck of his T-shirt. "I love you so much Sophia," he told her. "And later I'm going to take you and your mother back home and you'll get to go back to your own room and we'll be just like a family again."

"Harry?"

He looked up. Bonnie was standing in the doorway to the bathroom, hair pinned back on one side and dressed in a drop-waist off-white dress. "What are you wearing?" Harry asked, confused.

Bonnie looked down at her dress and then up at him, smirking. "Don't you like it? I thought you got over your fear of white?"

"I have," Harry assured her. "I just didn't know you were so excited to change your wardrobe. But I like it. It's very pretty."

"Thank you." She walked over and sat down beside him. "And we are still a family. You being in the institution didn't stop us from being a family, it just kept us physically separated a little while."

Harry nodded. "I don't want us to be separated anymore."

"Well we won't be. Now wake up Sophia so I can get her dressed and then you can make us both breakfast." She smiled energetically and mockingly.

Harry rolled his eyes and looked down at Sophia. He stroked her pudgy cheeks and tugged softly at her light blonde locks. She woke slowly when he called to her and was more than excited to see her father at home. The fact that he was staying longer than a day wouldn't have made sense to her so they didn't bother trying to explain to their twenty-one month old daughter.

Harry was ecstatic hearing her use all of the new words she had learned while she was getting dressed. The first word he heard was "dada" when she woke up and wrapped her chubby arms around his neck. Then Bonnie took her to get dressed where she pointed to everything she set out and proceeded to name them, "dress" "_shoes_" "curl, curl, curls!" Bonnie curled her little bit of blonde hair with a flick of her wand and Sophia waddled back to Harry who picked her up and carried her to the kitchen where she called for "pancakes, pancakes!" He cooked while he held her, which she loved, "oohing" at the sizzling batter with little drops of chocolate chips.

Cameron came home to get some papers he left in his home office. Bonnie mumbled that he "forgot" something almost everyday and that he was really just coming home to see Sophia. He must have smelled food because he came straight to the kitchen to find them. He stopped suddenly in the doorway in the middle of asking Bonnie to not burn down the house in her attempts at cooking.

"Harry?"

Harry waved the spatula at him.

"You're visiting again?"

"Nope. I'm home now."

Cameron's smile sincerely took up his whole face and he came over to give him a one armed hug. "Glad to hear it."

"Thanks."

He turned to Sophia and if possible his face lit up more. "Is dada making you pancakes, Sophia?"

"Pancakes," she repeated, pointing at them.

"They look good." He patted Harry on the shoulder and kissed Sophia's cheek. "Well I have to get back to work. Are you moving home today? You're welcome to stay."

"No, I think we'll get packed up to leave today."

"Alright. Well, come by tomorrow for lunch or something. I'm off."

"Yes sir. That would be nice."

Cameron nodded and hugged his daughter before he left.

Harry served breakfast and sat down to join them. He noticed Bonnie staring at him across the table, he could feel her eyes on him and when he would look up at her she would smile at him and return to her food. He wasn't sure if she was glad to see him home or if she was waiting for his mental breakdown that would send him back to the hospital. He supposed he would have to deal with her wariness, at least in the beginning.

When they finished, they went back to Bonnie's room and Sophia sat on her bed playing with her dolls while Bonnie packed up all of their things. Harry used a wave of his hand to pack a lot of it but Bonnie left behind a lot of the things she hadn't brought with her in the first place, like old clothes and shoes.

When she had everything they didn't hesitate to grab the luggage and just leave. Harry and her apparted back to the house, landing in the foyer.

"House!" Sophia called, her little voice echoing off the walls.

Harry set her down on the black and white tile floor so she could walk around. "Its your house, my love," Harry reminded her. "Remember?"

Sophia sat down on the floor and put her fingers in her mouth staring at the painted ceilings.

Harry turned to Bonnie and raised an eyebrow at her. "What do you want to do now?"

Bonnie shrugged. "We can _unpack_ my things," she suggested.

Harry looked at her luggage. There wasn't much because she never planned to stay at her parents house forever and it wasn't like she couldn't come home. Most of her luggage were things that she bought in the past year. He waved his hand over the packages and lifted and it all disappeared. "Done."

"What? Its all organized and put away upstairs in our room to?"

"Yeah."

"Is this what you were practicing while we were fighting when you hold yourself up in your office or am I just _not_ remembering you being this powerful?"

"I was practicing," he told her.

Bonnie nodded. "Would um…" She looked at the floor. "Would now be a bad time to address all of the dark magic books that we found in that crowded and hoarder-looking office of yours?"

Harry's shoulders slumped instantly. "Its um…" He coughed, clearing his throat. "Its probably not the best time."

"Okay. Well, maybe in a couple of days we can cover that subject."

Harry just nodded quietly trying to push away the thoughts that the mention of the books brought up. The mention of the office, the mention of how crowded it was and the vision of Ashley's letter sitting on his stack of open books on the desk in that office.

"Harry?"

His thoughts came back, his mind focusing back on her like coming out of a deep daydream.

Bonnie tilted her head to look at him. "Still here?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm here."

"Okay." She stood up straight again. "Well, do you want to talk about anything? I know you just left but if there was something you wanted to talk about…"

Harry put his hands in his pockets. "No offense to you, but not really."

"That's alright. Do you want to go visit your parents? Tell them you're out? I know your mother would be more then ecstatic."

"I think my dad is already back at school with Sirius and, I love my mother, but with no one to pull her off of me when she starts hugging it out it could be quite the afternoon."

"Alright, maybe tomorrow. You can't keep it from her too long or you know she'll be upset about it."

"I know," Harry sighed.

They both stood quietly for a moment trying to think of something that they could do other than discuss Harry's mental issues. Harry had come home from the hospital to visit on multiple occasions over the past nine months but there had always been a busy day ahead of them. When he came home to visit they always simply joined the family to talk, they would go to bed, they always had sex, the event would go on for most of the day, they would hang out with the family for as long as possible, have sex again and then he would go back to the hospital. Now they had to return to entertaining themselves, alone in their house. It was the same issues they had before that had led to them fighting and Harry having his mental breakdown in the first place. His mid-life crisis…followed by his kidnapping.

He knew when he agreed with his doctor to return home that going about the dull run of his everyday was going to be the hardest. Trying to find things to do during the day and not freaking out when it wasn't anything more exciting than teaching his daughter to count to five or reading her a book, was going to be the most difficult task since the war.

He would have to get used to it and he would have to start now.

"Well, maybe we could-"

"Bonnie," Harry interrupted. He held his hand out to her and she reached out to take it and stepped over Sophia who sat between them. He pulled her close, up against his chest and kissed her lightly on the lips before holding her closer, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. Bonnie rested her head on his shoulder. "I love you. I missed you." He turned to kiss her cheek. "I'm so glad to be home."

Bonnie returned the hug tightly. "I'm glad you're home to."

….

"Fishy!" Harry cried, throwing himself at his friend.

Fish uncomfortably and awkwardly patted him on the back. "St. Jimmy? They turned you into a hugger over there? Is this a symptom of your medication?"

Harry pulled away and smacked his shoulder. "Can a guy not miss his dear friend and be glad to see him looking so well?"

"Well, seeing Ginny fall apart as her "fabulous" new life comes together really makes me feel better about myself," Fish smiled.

"That's _not nice_, Fish," Bonnie berated.

"I can't help the way I feel, Angel. I see her in pain, I feel great, its impossible to force it down."

"What's wrong with Ginny?" Harry asked as they all sat down in the lounge, little Sophia crawling around on the floor with Mushi-Mushi, pretending she was a puppy to.

"She had a baby," Fish pointed out, as though it were obvious.

"So did we," Harry reminded him, motioning to Sophia making little barking sounds.

Fish smirked. "You haven't _met Ripley,_" Fish told him. "He's not pleasant."

"Would you stop it?" Bonnie whined. She looked at Harry. "Fish is just being mean. Ginny's baby is lovely."

Harry raised his eyebrows doubtfully. "Are you really trying to persuade me to believe that her child is wonderful? I only like ours."

"You like your brother."

"_Now_! He's almost six. And my Devil God still hasn't bothered him. He's _safe_ to like."

"Hey!" Fish said suddenly. "You want me to call some followers to come by to celebrate your getting out? They would be happy to see you."

"No. Not yet." He paused, watching Sophia to avoid their stares. "I don't really want to see any of them yet."

"Why not?" Fish asked, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. "Is it because they tried to stone Ashley to death?"

Harry glared down at the floor and the two waited quietly while he stared at his carpet. "I'm going to re-pierce my lip and ear. I'll be back later." And he apparated from his seat beside Bonnie without more warning.

Bonnie turned her head slowly, her eyes narrowing as they focused angrily on Fish. "What. Is wrong. With you?"

Fish shrugged. "I thought he was better."

….

Harry sat on the curb outside the tattoo parlor where he got his piercings done. He could have just done them himself but it was a good excuse to get out of the house. Not to mention he had promised Dr. Ross that he wouldn't inflict bodily harm on himself and as long as he didn't poke holes in his skin with needles with his own hand then he wasn't breaking the rules. He ran his tongue over the ring on one side and ran his hand through his hair, leaning forward and leaving his hand gripped in his hair while he stared at the ground.

It wasn't that he didn't love his followers, he knew that he missed Toilet and Ma'am and Dig and especially Tim and Tom who had been in Japan without really visiting for a very long time; he had received a letter from them the same day Ashley sent one and he had never gotten to reading it. But his other followers, such as the ones in the States, the ones who knew Ganelle, the one General who signed her up, the ones who went to Ashley's door without any orders to beat her to death with rocks and stab her with pitchforks, as though she were Frankenstein's monster and committed unspeakable murders. He was more interested in tearing up their contracts than seeing them, talking to them like he still believed that they respected him as a leader. It wasn't real and it wasn't what he wanted, nor what he needed right then.

It was just his first couple of hours out of the hospital and the looming hours ahead of him filled him with dread. Countless hours with nothing to fill them with. He wondered when he would get up the courage to discuss Voldemort. It was probably the smallest and least uncomfortable discussion they would have in comparison to the other things he assumed she would want him to bring up. He hoped that the subject of Ashley was over because he wanted to simply put it behind him and move on with Bonnie.

And Sophia to.

He never thought that he would feel so strongly for a baby, even if it was his. But he loved his daughter.

He wondered if Bonnie would be angry at him for not returning immediately. He decided he would risk it, just this once. He did have all of the time in the world, after all. He stood from the curb and decided to go somewhere he had only ever been once since graduating from Hogwarts. Ron and Hermione's house.

….

Ron and Hermione lived in a small loft in the middle of London. It was expensive but with Ron's pay as an unspeakable and Hermione's former pay as an assistant professor, and especially her new pay working at the Ministry, and doing very well as far as he heard in the hospital, it wasn't at all difficult to pay their rent. With Hermione minding the checkbooks and Ron having grown up with next to nothing anyway, they lived well within their means. He knew the only reason they didn't own a small house of their own was because…well it wasn't necessary with it being just them.

Their building was tall and very nice; it was old and historical-looking but obviously updated with modern amenities. He went to the door and pressed the button to the intercom labeled 34.

A moment later a voice picked up. "Yes?"

Harry leaned against the wall, leaning into the speaker. "Hey Ron, its Harry."

"Haha," Ron laughed without humor. "That's _very_ humorous. Now please leave, or I will call the aurors this time."

Harry furrowed his brow at that and pressed the button again. "Um, Ron? Do you get a lot of people coming to your door pretending to be me?"

There was a long pause and then a buzzer sound signaling that the door was open. Harry grabbed it quickly and rushed up to the third floor where Ron was peaking his head over the ledge looking shocked. "Ha!" he exclaimed. "You've escaped the institution!"

Harry laughed. It felt like he hadn't really laughed in a very long time. "Not quite."

When he came up to the landing Ron pulled him into a manly hug. "Come on in, mate. Tell me what happened." He wrapped his arm around Harry's shoulders and ushered him through the open door of his loft.

Harry walked in and stood at the front door while Ron wandered into the kitchen area offering him a Butterbeer. The loft was very open and had high ceilings, like one large room split into two floors. Exposed brick took up one full wall and in the middle of it a balcony jutted out. Harry could just make out a bed against the back wall, a vanity dresser to one side and some clothes scattered on the floor. The first floor was just a large living area, a leather couch and some chairs in the center of the room around a spacious brown area rug.,To the left of it all, along the large windows of the back wall, was a small dining set, with seating for four. Behind it, along the wall, was a long kitchen with the fridge and ovens along the wall and a long counter top across from it.

Ron brought him a butterbeer from the kitchen and sat down on his couch, motioning for Harry to sit across from him. "So? They let you go or you escaped?"

Harry smirked. "I was let go. Not a clean bill of health but Dr. Ross is assured that I won't kill myself."

Ron nodded. "Good to know."

"So…" Ron raised an eyebrow questioning as he took a long gulp of his butterbeer. "What was with the whole, sending aurors after me?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. We get more visits from your fans these days then we do from you," he laughed.

"Sorry," Harry grimaced.

Ron just waved it off. "No big deal. It makes more sense that we convene at your parents or your house. They do entertain more people."

"I should have visited more," Harry argued.

"Mate. You have a shit load of problems you had to deal with. I _am not bothered_ that you didn't…" He shrugged at his loft. "Stop by for a beer and look at Hermione's decorating. _She_ might be insulted that Bonnie didn't care what she did with the place but she's a girl and thats none of my business."

"I'll let Bonnie know."

Ron just shrugged. "She was always closer to Ginny anyway. Hermione is focused on work. Speaking of Ginny," he said excitedly, scooting forward in his seat. "Have you heard anything about her lately?"

From Ron's expression Harry guessed he wasn't asking because he hadn't been speaking to his sister, but rather because he had gossip to spread.

"Just that her son is horrible and apparently her life is falling apart but Fish was pretty vague."

Ron just laughed. "Yeah, he's really enjoying it. But then, since Kacy passed it must be nice to see someone else's life suck." He laughed a little. "And I'm sorry Harry, I really love my little sister but she was getting really out of hand. Everything was going so well for her and really, as her brothers, we were kind of pissed at the stuff she was keeping us out of. I mean, she was living with Blaise, and our parents knew, long before she told any of us. And then she had her bloody perfect pureblood wedding and she had this lovely pregnancy. But now… well, her baby is the devil."

"I doubt that very much," Harry said.

"No, really. He is. He's inherited his mother's red hair and he's adorable and everything but I don't think I've ever seen his eye color because they're always shut tight cause he's screaming. He never stops, which means that she hasn't gotten very much sleep and she's kind of depressed, which is sad, and Blaise has never looked so unattractive before. And he's only three months old, but she hasn't lost very much baby weight."

"I don't know what you're all going on about but this makes me want to go back into therapy."

"Oh, she'll be fine. As soon as she gets her head out of her ass and starts acting like an adult. That is what she wanted in the first place."

Harry nodded slowly.

"So, what does the doctor say?" he asked, pushing the second butterbeer bottle closer to Harry.

He picked it up and took a sip, forgetting how good it tasted. "He says I'm okay. I just have to work a few things out here. Like how to enjoy my normal life and that sort of thing. Get a grip on death and such."

"A grip on death?" Ron asked, a quirk in his brow.

"Yeah. My therapist says that I have _dramatic death fantasies,_" he scoffed. "Who else has _that_?"

Ron nodded. "Just you Harry."

Harry shrugged and took another sip of his butterbeer. "So where is Hermione? Is she working?"

"Actually, we're both off today. We both synced our schedules, since I'm terribly flexible, what with my job being all…well, theoretical. We work Monday through Thursday together, we leave for the Ministry together in the morning, eat lunch together with some 'work friends'," he added, using finger quotes. "I get home a bit earlier than her but thats because I like to leave and…she likes to work." He chuckled softly. "But yeah, she's actually grocery shopping at the moment. She should be back soon."

"You don't help with the grocery shopping?" Harry asked.

"I help unload them. She doesn't like to take me with her anymore because _apparently_ I'm like a five year old and I _slip things into the cart_ when she's not looking."

Just as he was about to go into a rant about how he did no such thing the door to the loft opened and they watched Hermione slam it shut with her foot.

"Speak of the devil," Ron muttered.

"Ron!" she yelled, sounding excited. "You _missed _it. That crazy old lady with the blue hair was there again and she stood behind me in line and breathed really loud in my hair, she was standing so close." Her eyes finally looked up from her groceries and they immediately caught sight of Harry and her bags slipped from her arms. "HARRY!" she screamed before running at him and wrapping her arms around his neck. She threw herself back after a moment, holding him at arms length. "You came to visit us!"

"Of course I did."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Don't say it like _that_, as though you visit us all the time," she scoffed. "What are you doing here? You were let go?"

"From the hospital, yeah. Nothing more they can do to help."

"Well its nice you came to see us," she said, leaving him to go back and help Ron pick up the bags she had dropped. "You went to see Bonnie, first, didn't you?"

"Of course. Fish was there. He asked too many questions and I…had to leave."

"You went ahead and re-pierced your lip as quickly as possible I see," Hermione pointed out, skipping any questions she may or may not have had about what Fish had asked. Harry appreciated it greatly and sat down on one of the many black stools that were lined up along the counter, watching them unpack together. It was nice watching things work out so well for them.

"Well it had to be done eventually, why not today?" Harry asked.

Hermione just shrugged and Harry waited for them to finish unpacking on the couch, glancing at the magazines on their coffee table. Two crisp and practically unread fashion magazines were stuck at the bottom of the pile underneath a few political muggle magazines, political wizard magazines, which he had scene rarely in Cameron's home office and some Quidditch magazines. A copy of the most recent Daily Prophet was rolled up beside the stack. While Ron and Hermione were rummaging around in their kitchen whispering, he suspected it was about him, he tugged the fashion magazine out from under the stack. He was suspicious of why it was there, looking unread and in Hermione's apartment.

He glanced over the cover looking for something Hermione would find important. Maybe Ron was looking at the pretty girls he suspected. Then he noticed the magazine title. Vogue. He glanced at the top cover story.

GIRL WHO MARRIED THE SAVIOR.

Bonnie's interview for Vogue. He had thought she was going to be on the cover. He had never really asked; she told him the interview went well. He flipped through it to the page the contents specified and came face to face with her photo. She had never shown them to him and he didn't ask her to. She looked nice, he thought. Sexy even, which kind of disturbed him knowing that there were men all over the globe looking at a sexy photo of his wife. But then, Bonnie had to always wonder if he was ever thinking about Ashley so he guessed this was probably more than fair punishment.

"She looks great, doesn't she?" Hermione asked as she came over to sit close beside him with her own butterbeer. Ron sat down across from them opening a second one for himself.

"Yes, she looks very pretty," Harry agreed. He closed the magazine and set it back down on the table. "So, I've heard all about the dramatic life of Ginny Weasley, isn't there anything going on with you two?" Harry asked.

Ron and Hermione both looked at each other, thinking and communicating with just their expressions. They looked back at Harry and Ron shook his head. "No, not really. We've just been working is all. We heard Fluer is finally pregnant. I think they're having twins in just a couple months. My parents are ecstatic and yet I try to stay away from the house to keep them from bothering us about marriage and babies." He put his hand on Hermione's knee. "They're really pushy in their old age," he joked. "Lots of babies being made and weddings being planned."

"Well that's what life has come to, hasn't it?" Harry sighed, leaning back in the couch and sipping at the butterbeer again. "Children and spouses, happy family life."

Ron and Hermione both glanced at each other.

"It's not that bad," Hermione reminded him.

"Its not bad," he agreed. "Just different."

"We did spend a lot of time as kids fighting off things that were bigger and greater than we could imagine at that age," Hermione explained. "And that may be over, but this is a greater struggle for you than any of that ever was, and that should help you recognize this moment as your next great challenge, your new adventure…a struggle. Its not over Harry. The game has just been changed."

Harry smirked at her. "Hermione, you are so wise and good with words. You'll make a great minister."

Hermione blushed. "Thank you Harry. But they were not just words, I meant them."

"I know you did. And thank you. Dr. Ross said almost the same thing…" He looked at her. "It doesn't make the day any easier. I've been home for maybe seven hours and I've already left my house because I can't talk to Fish about my paranoia."

"What about it?"

"He wanted to invite the followers over, to celebrate my homecoming." He lowered his head ashamed. "But, aside from my few favorites, I've come to hate them and they've lost their use and are just my dangerous pack that I've trained, loose in the wild feeling free to do as they please. And some part of me believes that they hate me to. They hate me because I cheated on Bonnie, because I went crazy, because I've ignored them because of my personal issues. I've always had this paranoia."

"You don't have to deal with that right away, Harry. If your followers love you, they'll respect the fact that you are healing from a very stressful event. I mean, you have PTSD for God sakes, they have to understand that things are going to develop from that."

Harry just shrugged. "Its nice to see you both though. Its comforting. I have much fonder memories associated with you both, nothing ignites like the idea that you could turn on me or something. Because we're just friends. You're my friends who helped me fight an evil dark lord but we were friends first and you never promised me your souls."

Hermione put her arm around him. "Well that's what we're here for."

They moved onto less edgy subjects and Harry relaxed, listening to Ron go on about Quidditch and how much they all sucked these days. He tried to convince Harry to go out for a team, that he was already a celebrity anyway. Harry lied and said he would think about it.

Ron was doing really well at work to. In the Department of Mysteries he had been promoted, though he wasn't permitted to explain what he had been promoted to or what his previous job had been. Hermione said that sometimes she was suspicious that his job was fake and imagined a group of guys in a back room at the Ministry playing poker and every once-in-a-while someone would get up and label a new prophecy.

Ron did express, because they already knew about it, that he had dome some assistant work with a senior Unspeakable on the mysterious dais when he had first started working there but he hadn't seen it since and they hadn't discovered any of its secrets while he was assisting.

Ron and Hermione had also made some friends at the Ministry, who they claimed were fixedly boring people but interesting enough for an hour of lunch conversation. Sometimes they met up with Draco at the Ministry and had been to lunch with him a few times but conversation always turned awkwardly to work related subjects. Draco was still just Harry's "new friend" and not quite theirs, though they were working on putting the past behind them. Blaise was around to but Ron was so irritated with him and his own sister that they usually avoided him.

"I miss Luna," Harry threw in during a pause. "I should visit them this week."

"You might want to wait until next week. I think she had another miscarriage last week," Hermione explained.

"Another?"

"Its the second time, Draco's said. He said she's taken it really well, blames the…something or other, like nargels, but of course they're both worried."

"I thought you only talked about work?" Harry questioned.

"It was right after it happened," Ron explained. "I think he needed to tell somebody. And his friend Blaise, of course, has just had a son so he wouldn't really understand."

They changed subjects to keep from depressing Harry. Neville was also working at the Ministry in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, appropriately, and Ron and Hermione had kept up with him socially. He was currently dating a muggle girl they didn't know very well. Her name was Paige and she worked in marketing. He was living on his own, though his neighbors were Dean and Seamus; Dean was playing Quidditch professionally and Seamus currently managed a store in Diagon Alley.

Severus was now engaged to his former girlfriend, Rebecca. He had recently proposed so their wedding wouldn't be for at least six months. Hermione said that they both looked really happy together. Severus, like the Marauders and many others, was finally allowed to live his life.

Harry took notice that Ron and Hermione seemed to have no immediate plans for marriage, which was fine, since they were young, though they also seemed to have the most stable relationship.

Hermione told Harry about her slow rise into politics at the Ministry, bringing him books she was studying from her grand wall of books under the bedroom's balcony. She was getting political advice from Albus and Cameron on how to move her way up and they both helped her make her connections. She was doing really well. Harry told her he would vote her into office, but since his stint in the hospital he wasn't sure how much that would help her.

Ron and Hermione both said that the majority of people still loved him. War did things to a lot of people and they respected him for putting himself through what he did to save the world. Hermione said that he was really very popular with veterans and victims of abuse. Some of the reasoning behind him getting put in the hospital had apparently gotten out to the public, he assumed because of Ganelle and Hanna. People knew about his kidnapping, his affair, and some about his past but not very much. Not nearly as much as he told his therapist after it all started to reveal itself to him.

Ron said that he still had fans and people loyal to him. Fan mail was being delivered to the Ministry, just as it used to be. Bonnie had paid some curse-breakers to sort through it for the bad ones and she had read a few of the good ones while he was gone and showed them to Ron and Hermione. They were all hopeful, wishing Harry well and praying for his speedy recovery. They were cheering him on. Hopeful. There were little kids who came around their apartment, that lived in the building, showing off their toy wands and pretending to be St. Jimmy and Fish and even Ron, re-enacting the war in a playful, childish manner.

Harry thought that was rather nice. He liked listening to Ron and Hermione talk about how time had passed. He felt like he had been living under a rock for a few years, rather than months, missing all of the information about his friends and family. Bonnie had come to visit him everyday but he guessed there were just some things that didn't come up in conversation, though he was surprised that Severus's engagement never did, though it was recent. That, and the fact that Ginny's son was a demon, which everyone seemed to be talking about. He was almost tempted to just go to visit Ginny, just to see if everyone was right or just exaggerating.

He stayed for a long time with Ron and Hermione. He courteously texted Bonnie to let her know where he was and she just responded with an 'okay.'

Once lunch came around he said goodbye to Ron and Hermione, promising to visit more often and

probably ask them over tomorrow when he would tell his parents he was out of the hospital.

He apparated out of the room and landed in the foyer at home and wandered into the kitchen to find Bonnie making sandwiches. Sophia was apparently having grape jam on bread and some applesauce and Bonnie took perfect care to present it like it was going to be photographed for a magazine. She couldn't cook but she was extremely good at presentation.

"Have you been living on sandwiches since I've been gone?" Harry asked.

She must have heard him walk in because she wasn't surprised when he spoke. "I've learned to make a couple of things but I usually let my mother cook the meals." She went and set down Sophia's plate in front of her with a little plastic spoon and her sippy cup. She set down two plates on each side of Sophia's seat. "Would you like to risk it?"

Harry came over and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. "I'm sure its not that risky." He pushed her hair to one side and kissed the back of her neck. "Is Fish gone?"

"Yes, but your daughter is still here so I hope you're not planning to snog me on the table," she joked, turning her head to smirk at him.

"I did not forget she was here so that was not what I was planning. Maybe later though," he smiled deviously.

Bonnie leaned up to kiss his lips before pulling away and slipping into her seat, pulling him down into his beside her. "Were you waiting for Fish to leave?" she asked.

Harry paused, holding his sandwich. "Why do you say that?"

"Well, I know it was the mention of Ashley that made you leave but you left after he got here and you came back asking if he was still here. And you didn't sound as though you were hoping to see him," she questioned, not judgmental but wondering.

"Well, first of all. I am not trying to avoid Fish. I love Fish. But I do feel like maybe I should try to connect with one person at a time and I feel like both my relationship with you and Fish are the rockiest."

"Our relationship is no longer rocky. I love you. We have things to talk about but I don't want you to stress out over them. I love you too much to leave you. I know that now." She turned to smile at him softly and pat his cheek. "As for Fish…I don't know where your relationship is. _I_ thought it was fine until you apparated from the room."

"I'm sure its fine. I'm just paranoid. I was diagnosed."

"Your diagnosis never mentioned paranoia," Bonnie argued.

"It did, the doctor just left that part out. He thought you knew. It was obvious."

Bonnie shook her head. "Harry, you and Fish are fine."

"Well…as long as we're talking about it…"

Bonnie looked back up at him. "Yes?"

"Well, my worry with Fish is that he thinks I'm a hypocrite and has lost his respect for me."

"Why? Because you got yourself kidnapped?" she asked. "That wasn't your fault. You were depressed. You had no will to fight back and it was all in your head. Fish does not fault you for that, Harry."

"No, its not that. Its that…well, you forgave me for cheating with Ashley, but Fish hasn't."

Bonnie turned her chair to face Harry directly, checking Sophia out of the corner of her eye. "Now listen to me Harry. I _never_ said that I forgive you for having sex with Ashley. I simply _decided_ that I would rather us _overcome _what you did rather than be without you. Because if we're both honest, we each worship the ground that the other walks on and this works for us."

Harry smirked at her. "Yes, it does. And I thank you for giving us the opportunity."

Bonnie smiled. "As for Fish, you're thinking that he'll think you're…a hypocrite?"

"Yes. I spent so much time fighting for Fish when Ginny cheated on him and I hated Blaise up until the moment I went to that coffee shop. And then I did it to and he can no longer see me for the strong, intelligent and honest leader that he saw me as. I wasn't even the person he called when Kacy passed away that morning. He called you. He doesn't even like you."

"We bonded over Kacy while you were away. I bonded with Kacy, that's all. It wasn't that he didn't want to see you I just knew Kacy better than you. I could sympathize."

"_I_ liked Kacy," Harry argued.

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Harry, just believe me. Fish is not upset with you. He may not have obsessively missed you like he did when we went on our honeymoon but that's because he got to visit you and he's grown up some. He's just maturing, everyone is. Like you did. You just didn't realize it because he didn't have a mental breakdown."

"Ha ha ha," Harry laughed fakely, turning away to his sandwich.

Bonnie rolled her eyes and turned to hers, checking on Sophia who had her fingers in the applesauce.

"How is Sophia?" Harry asked, changing the subject so it wouldn't lead to his other followers.

"She's fine. I'm teaching her the alphabet. She knows most of it." She smiled at her daughter. "She's very smart."

"I never doubted it."

"What are we doing tomorrow? Are you going to call your mother?"

"I will have to eventually so I suppose tomorrow will do. I think my father and Sirius and Remus will all be home at three when their classes end."

"Good. They'll be very happy to see you. Did you hear about Remus?"

"That he eloped and no one had the decency to alert me with this fascinating bit of news while I was in the hospital? No, I haven't heard, what has he been up to?"

Bonnie bit her lip. "He didn't tell anybody else either. Your father and Sirius just about had heart attacks when he came home, Tonks flashing a ring in everyone's face. I mean, it was about time really, I _cured him years ago._ But they did a Fish and Kacy, went to a courthouse without anyone else and got married and went straight to their honeymoon. Then they came home after ignoring everyones letters asking where they were and explained that they had gotten married. Remus said he was _old_." She rolled her eyes. "And he didn't want to make a big deal about it. And of course Tonks isn't one for a big event either. She showed us pictures. She didn't even wear a white dress to her wedding. We all know Ginny wasn't a virgin but she wore white anyway." She looked at Harry who raised his eyebrows at her. "She wore a T-shirt and jeans and had pink hair."

"That's her look," Harry explained.

"She could have at least worn a dress. I was disappointed."

"You're disappointed that she didn't wear a dress but I'm disappointed that no one had the decency to tell me. Its been four months now. Ron and Hermione told me."

"Well don't yell at me, yell at Remus. He's the one that got married."

"I will make a point of it, actually. I told everyone when I got married and everyone was there when I told you I cheated. I think that should allow me to be told a few important details about my family."

"They did try to leave the room," Bonnie defended. "And they would have found out eventually."

"Yes, everyone knows now." Harry looked down at his sandwich. He reached his arm up into the air and pulled it back down holding a pill box. He popped it open, put three pills on his tongue and the box disappeared again.

"I don't have to give you your pills?" Bonnie asked.

"No. The doctor trusts me to take them now. Really, he claims its none of his business. If I want to be okay, I'll take the pills. If I prefer to be depressed and laze around the house all day hopeless and sad then I can stop taking them. I could also stop taking some, such as the ones that settle my PTSD and that's when my paranoia will show itself."

"I've seen it before but as long as you're feeling better I suggest you keep taking them."

Harry scooted his chair closer to her. "Remember when my uncle finally died and I threw a party and I got angry at you because Josh told me you thought I should be on medication?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes and nodded.

"Kind of ironic now, isn't it?"

"A little," she said softly.

…..

After lunch they went upstairs and Harry put Sophia in her bedroom for a nap and met Bonnie back in their bedroom. She was lying back on their bed on her usual side, on top of the dark blue comforter.

Bonnie, of course, had designed the room and had made the design around him and his needs and, aside from red, blue was always her go-to color when she didn't want to go for black. The headboard and footboard on their bed was black leather, the sheets were a light gray like the distressed stone colored walls. The floor was a distressed wood, seemingly faded into a washed out charcoal like the rounded out double doors to their balcony. A fireplace, used just for heat and ambiance, was a few feet from the bed, opposite the balcony, in a charcoal black, ornate design. Opposite the bed were a few scattered chairs and a table and a door that led to the bathroom, which led to their room-sized closet, which led to the second bathroom and back into their bedroom.

Harry watched her from the doorway for a few seconds while she laid there, in her little white dress looking exhausted like she hadn't slept in a very long time. As he watched her he realized he had been terribly selfish the entire day. He had certainly gone crazy and certainly still was and he had been kidnapped and forced to relive some of his most horrific memories that his mind thought he was better off without, but Bonnie had been playing a single mother for over nine months. And while he had been angry at her before all of the chaos had begun for acting like he wasn't there and allowing him no interaction with his daughter she had also been forced to deal with his affair with Ashley and her husband locking himself in the mental institution. And for the past several months she had started handling it like a pro, even coming to forgive him for cheating on her with a girl she had always been suspicious he loved anyway.

He had forgotten about one of his greatest desires in life, which was making Bonnie happy.

He went over to her and crawled onto the bed and laid down beside her. She turned just her head to look at him.

"Hi," she mumbled, hushed and a little sad.

"Hi," he replied, putting his arm over her head and brushing her curls back. "You sound sad," he pointed out.

Bonnie just shrugged and looked back at the ceiling. "We all sound sad. I think its just kind of the way we are now. We're too young to have done so much. I think, if reincarnation is a real thing, we won't come back as anything. We'll have done enough in just this one lifetime that if we do come back again, whoever we are the second time around will be born severely depressed and tired." She thought for a second. "In my next life I'll be Sleeping Beauty without the spell."

"I'll be the prince who wakes you up," Harry suggested.

"No. You can't. You'll be far more tired than me."

Harry sighed. "Is there anything that I can do to make you feel better? Today? In our current lifetime?"

Bonnie turned to look at him again. "Do you want to have sex?"

Harry smirked at her. "I always want to have sex. Would that really make you feel better though?"

Bonnie thought idly for only a moment before nodding. "Yes, yes it would."

Harry sat up in bed, leaned over her and then straddled her waist. He ran his hands down her arms, slowing to her wrists and then gently tugged her arms up above her head where he held them together in one hand. He released her wrists knowing she would keep them where he left them, and she did, and started tugging up the skirt of her dress under him. He pulled it up over her hips and past her waist and sat her up, pulling it over her head. Her dress was pushed to the end of the bed, he pushed her hair back from her face and laid her back down. When he sat up again he pulled off his T-shirt and unbuttoned his jeans.

He paused thoughtfully, sitting over her.

She waited.

"Bonnie?" he asked softly, his arms at his sides.

"What?"

"Do you still love me?" he asked.

"Of course I do. I love you more than air. Its insane but I think you already understood that."

He ran his hands over her stomach and Bonnie put her arms back at her sides. "Are we going to get through this?"

Bonnie took his hand in hers. "Yes, we will."

"Are you sure?" he pouted.

Bonnie nodded slowly. "Yeah. I even promise we will. Because you love me and we'll make that simplicity come back. It has to."

…..

At the end of the day, after they had finished dinner and put Sophia to bed, and then made love again, Harry fell asleep in their bed. Bonnie laid awake long after he had gone unconscious. She suspected it was stress and his medication because it had been a very long time since she had been awake when he wasn't. Dr. Ross said that it was partly his PTSD and partly his depression that made him avoid sleeping. He avoided the nightmares and his depression gave him insomnia to make it easier for him. She pulled the blanket up over her chest and sat up in their bed staring at him, watching him sleep and he suddenly looked younger than he had in years, since their honeymoon. He didn't seem to be suffering from any nightmares tonight and he seemed at peace.

She leaned down and kissed his cheek before crawling out of bed, taking his T-shirt with her to slip on. She walked across the room to the bathroom and through to her walk-in closet only to find it as Harry had said, filled with all of her clothes and perfectly organized, every hat and shoe and earring exactly where it had been before she left. She couldn't believe it but it was even color coded and hung up short to long dresses, followed by her skirts done the same way. And all of this he did with a wave of his hand. And she knew he didn't empty oceans or set Antarctica on fire or anything so dramatic but he hardly had to think about what he did when he did it. It just came so naturally and simply for him to do this extravagant and intricate magic.

She walked back to the bathroom and glanced around the corner at Harry lying in bed, his whole body relaxed, his legs spread under the blanket, one arm behind his head on the pillow and the other draped across his abdomen. During the day, when he stared at her like a lost puppy, knowing things were not perfect like they were before, he didn't come off as the powerful, strong and extremely talented leader and Savior that he certainly and obviously was somewhere under all of his pain. She wanted that man back, that man that she had married that made her feel protected and cared for. The man who could shove her against a wall and kiss her like she belonged to him.

She missed that kind of kissing. She missed the strength in his hands that left bruises on her arms, a mark that told her that he loved her too much, he wanted too badly to hold her as tightly as possible that he could hardly contain his strength. She wanted him to grab her arms, push her against their bedroom wall and tell her that she belonged to him, and vice versa, that her bruises were his bruises, that he could feel her bones through her skin and smell the scent of her soul in the blood coursing through her veins.

She really, really wanted him to be the man she always knew. Sadly, that man had disappeared sometime after Sophia was born and she was really, very worried that she would never see him again. She made it her goal to drag him back into the light of day.

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Hope everyone enjoyed the update and I _will_ update another soon. Please read and review and let me know your reactions. :)


	20. The Past Is A Foreign Country

AN: A ve-ery long chapter. More is on its way… eventually… I swear.

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Chapter 67

"The Past Is A Foreign Country: They Do Things Differently There.¹ "

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Bonnie went back to bed and laid down beside her husband and took his arm to force it around her waist. In his sleep, his arm tightened to an almost strangling hold around her chest as his face nuzzled into the back of her neck.

She was filled with hope.

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"Mum, my organs are going to spill out," Harry groaned, trying to slip at least a centimeter of space between himself and his mother who had her arms wrapped so tightly around his neck he was beginning to wonder whether his own strength came from God or his mother's genetics.

Lily finally backed off a little, giggling and patting him on the shoulders, wiping invisible dust from his chest. "I just missed you. I'm just so glad to see you out of the…hospital."

"I know. But you'll have plenty of time to see me now."

Lily nodded and backed away so that they could make their way to the dining room where she had prepared a high-tea for his visit. While they all talked, mainly about Ginny as she seemed to be the topic of everyone's discussions, Harry stared a death ray into the side of Remus's head until he finally interrupted the conversation to ask him why.

"Harry? Are you reading my thoughts or are you just very deeply staring off into space?" Remus asked grouchily.

Harry leaned back in his chair, glaring at the man. "Why wasn't I told that you got married?"

Everyone at the table turned to Remus with a raised eyebrow.

Remus simply rolled his eyes. "You were in the hospital, we didn't want to bother you."

"I like the happy news," Harry argued.

"I am sorry that I did not announce my marriage to you Harry. I did not know that I had to tell you every significant event that occurs in my life."

Harry's jaw dropped. "Remus! I'm insulted. I just wanted to be kept updated about your life. I'm as happy for you as anyone else."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry. It wasn't a big thing, we just did it. Things are still the same as they always have been. There's just a new piece of paper in the vault."

"I understand, I just wish the news revolved around more exciting things, besides Ginny and her baby," Harry complained.

"But its so much fun to talk about her," Fish remarked.

"Harry is right," Lily argued. "Its rude to talk about her behind her back. Ginny is doing a very nice job at being a mother."

"Yes, she is," Bonnie seconded.

"I think she's getting what was coming to her," Fish mumbled at the end of the table, smirking as he pushed around remnants of his salad.

"Fish, I think that's enough out of you," Bonnie argued.

Fish rolled his eyes, still smirking, and ate.

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After the meal ended Harry dragged Fish into another room to talk while the rest of the family congregated in the lounge.

"What's going on?" Fish asked as he sat down across from Harry.

"I just wanted to make sure that we were…okay."

Fish stared blankly at him. "What do you mean? Of course we're okay."

"I mean, about the whole…Ashley thing. I had an affair and I was so upset about Blaise and what Ginny did to you and then I went and did the same thing to Bonnie."

"Well, of course I'm upset that you cheated on your wife, Jimmy. Its kind of a horrible thing to do but…in case you forgot." Fish leaned in and whispered. "So is committing murders and stalking people and breaking people's arms and I still love you after all of that. You can't mess up our relationship, Jimmy. I respect you as though it were the natural state of the world to do so. To not see you that way would seem…unrealistic. I think if you _murdered_ Bonnie I would still respect you. I don't like that your affair was with Ashley, of all people, because I didn't like her either but…well, we all knew deep down that you did."

"That's what Ganelle said," Harry confessed.

"Well, you did. Truthfully, I would have preferred that you would have waited and had your affair with me, but I can deal."

Harry chuckled. "Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really thinking about it."

Fish just waved it off. "Its in the past now. No big deal. Well, to me. You still have to clear all of that up with Bonnie, but with me, you're in the clear. I can prove it to you," he offered enthusiastically. "We can go in the backyard and fight it out."

"That's alright. I'm good, thanks."

Fish just shrugged.

"But, speaking of relationships…how are you doing? With Kacy passing and all."

Fish shrugged again. "Its not great but, you know, I'm managing. Its been nine months, I still miss her but…she wanted me to be able to move on so…that's what I'm trying to do."

"That's good."

"Yeah." Fish stared at the floor for a minute and Harry waited because it seemed like he wanted to say something else. "I got a phone call the other day."

When he didn't continue Harry offered a guess. "From the Maine's?"

Fish shook his head. "No. We've been staying in regular contact since Kacy passed. Mr. Maine called me his son a couple months back. Its nice. We all miss her so…"

"So who called?"

"Um…this girl. You met her, that night you came to my show and had your mid-life crisis and I had to take you home with me to sleep it off."

Harry sighed and leaned back, thinking. "I do remember that faintly. I think its blurry from the alcohol, not from me repressing it."

"Well, she called just a couple of days ago. She said she had decided to call me a while back and then found out on the internet that I had just gotten married to Kacy. So she gave up. And then Kacy passed and…she wasn't sure how long was enough time to call after a man's wife had passed away." He shrugged. "She was really nice about it. Wanted to know if I wanted to hang out and if not, she said she would totally understand. She said she had to try."

"What did you say?"

He paused before answering, looking a little guilty. "I said I would like to go out for coffee."

"Well that's great. There's no shame in dating again Fish. Or even just hanging out."

"Coming from the man who cheated and has spent a year in the mental institution," Fish joked.

Harry narrowed his eyes dangerously. "You said you still respect me and I still love my wife and recognize the rules of dating."

"I do respect you, Jimmy. I was just kidding. And you can't really know the rules of _this_ dating situation. Have you ever been widowed at twenty-one?"

"That's true. I haven't. But I'm sure you'll figure it out. If it feels like the right thing, then it must be the right thing. Common sense and all that," he said off-handedly.

Fish nodded. "Yeah, I guess that's how it works most of the time."

Harry nodded and patted his friend's knee. "This is all going to work out. Both you _and_ me. I know I said that before, when the war ended and now we're here, but I really have to believe that now. My doctor says its really important for me to hold onto the little hope that I have. It'll cure my depression."

"I believe it."

.

The next day, back home by themselves, Harry and Bonnie walked around the outside of the house, getting fresh air in the gardens. Every few minutes they would pass a bush in need of a trim or a flower on the verge of death and Harry would trim and pull the flower buds back into the light and they would start to bloom again all with a motion of his hand.

They held hands as they walked through the maze like shrubs, around the small pond in the center, surrounded by flowers. They paused there and sat on the grass letting Sophia sit and stick her feet in the water.

"Harry?" Bonnie asked, keeping his hand wrapped in hers.

"Yes Pet?"

"Do you think…that maybe you would like to talk about those books in your office?"

Harry turned to look at her and then back to Sophia, watching her carefully as she plucked petals from wild pond flowers. "Do you think that you really want to know?"

Bonnie considered it for a moment, considering the possibilities of what were in the books, how often Harry had been reading them and why he had read them at all. What he was doing with the information. She knew deep down that Harry could never be evil, not like Voldemort. He was made of good things.

"Yes, I do want to know."

Harry just nodded. "The books, in my office, are a collection of books I took from my grandfather's vault, to see what he found important in life, and a collection of books that I…took from Voldemort's vault and also from his house."

Bonnie stared at him and he continued on his own before she asked.

"Voldemort left all of his things to me in his will. His money, his books, his house, all of his things. I told this all to Josh, I'm surprised he didn't tell you."

"I want to hear it all from you," Bonnie told him.

"Well, that's all. He left me tons of money, which I plan to give to charities over time. I started reading his books in the first place because I was hoping that they would hold some clues to things he did and how to reverse them. Like the Dark Mark on Draco and Snape's arms. I removed that, that's why they changed, that's why I was "hanging out" with Draco in school. I never could have done that without looking through the man's books. And yes, I have looked up things from those books that are not going to help mankind, I have learned a lot of things that I will probably never use because, deep down, I am not that dark of a person. They weren't what was driving me crazy or anything. That all had to do with a combination of Sophia, you, Ashley, my followers and my entire history."

"I didn't suspect it was making you crazy. I just wondered why you hid it from everyone."

"I was embarrassed. Because I was curious and I didn't want anyone to think that I was going to be the next Dark Lord. I do know my limits and the difference between right and wrong. I'm not looking to take over the world I'm just looking to help cure some of his wrongs and maybe even understand my enemy. It was rather simple to get under Draco's skin and understand him and even Snape and I are on better terms, but Voldemort was insane and he's dead and he was a highly evolved and particular person with a lot of layers." He turned to smirk at her. "Like me."

Bonnie rolled her eyes.

Harry just shrugged. "That's all. I didn't want to hide it from anyone for any important reason except that I was worried you would think I was up to something, that it would worry you. And some part of me…wanted to know. I want to know what that other side looks like. Not enough to delve into it, but just enough to study it. Like a bug," he explained.

"I see. So what you're telling me is that it is research, not your secret plot to take over the world where Voldemort failed."

"Exactly. I used to have plans to take over the world, as you well know, but now it just seems like too much. I would probably try to kill everyone to."

Bonnie just nodded knowingly. "I could see that happening. You…starting out on this crusade for a better world using your smart words and your ideals and then going _crazy_ as soon as a U.S. President commended you on your political activism. It would be the downfall of your month and you would turn to Voldemort's books and strike fear into all of the U.S. except for New York, because I like New York, California, because that's where Disney movies are made-"

"Though they're nothing spectacular these days," Harry butted in.

"And Kentucky. Because that's where Kacy was from. And then of course you would take over as the _ruler_ of the United States and then you would become very depressed because you don't believe in the U.S. as a whole because you believe the whole continent of North America is against God's plan. The whole place would fall into chaos and you would be attacked by raging mobs."

"I hope you didn't tell any magazines about my beliefs over the continent of North America."

"I don't believe it ever came up," Bonnie assured him, crawling toward the small pond and pulling Sophia back as she reached for a flower beyond her reach. Harry moved forward to meet them and plucked the pond flower from its branch and handed it to his daughter.

"So we're agreed. I will try to hold back from using my powers to take over a country, primarily the U.S. Instead, I shall use all of my gifts to spoil my girls."

Bonnie smiled up at him, pleased that their conversation on a serious matter had been able to take a turn toward humor, something their relationship had been lacking in the past year or two. It had been a very long time since they had babbled on about silly things that made no sense, making up stories in their heads and mocking each other. It felt very normal and much more like the Harry she wanted to have back. "You do love us too much, don't you?" she asked him, already knowing his answer.

Harry wrapped his arms around them both. "More than life itself, my Pet."

.

Over the next few weeks Harry settled in back at home. Bonnie and him ran out the rest of the days the same way they had the first two; some awkward moments followed by some perfect ones that reminded them of before. They spent most of their time in the house, eating, sleeping, playing with Sophia's toys and then visiting his mother and Little Sirius. James came home at the end of each day just to get in time with Harry so they ate a lot of dinners over his parent's house.

On Thursday, after he had been home a week, Bonnie decided to invite Ginny over. Ginny had sent post to Bonnie telling her that she was going to have a mental breakdown; Luna was depressed and avoiding her and Draco had stayed home to take care of her and Blaise had gone on to work so it was just her and the baby and apparently she was not having a very good day.

While Bonnie was writing Ginny back Harry got Sophia ready for the day. He skipped over Bonnie's matching outfits that looked like miniature replicas of her own wardrobe and gave Sophia a little white blouse with a peter pan collar and a black skirt. He carried her downstairs to meet Bonnie in the kitchen where they had breakfast and waited for Ginny.

She arrived in a flurry of expensive clothes, long red hair, and a screaming three month old. "Bonnie!" she yelled. "Please help!"

Bonnie ran into the foyer where Ginny stood and Harry followed, carrying Sophia. He eyed Ginny up and down for a moment, taking her in. She was one of the few people to not visit him in the hospital at all so he hadn't seen her since Sophia's birthday when she had been pregnant and blown up like a balloon. She was still recovering from the weight, like Ron had told him. Her face was fuller and she hid her mid-section with her, rather expensive, dress. Her son, held in her arms over her shoulder was red faced and screaming loudly and she looked rather traumatized by it.

"I don't know what is wrong with him. He woke up screaming and I fed him and when he was finished he just started screaming again, I don't know what's wrong with him," Ginny complained.

"He's probably just colicky," Bonnie said, taking the little boy from her friend and trying to rock him into a quiet stupor.

"I asked the pediatrician. He was _not_ very helpful. He just gave me all of these little home remedies and _none of them _worked."

"Calm down Ginny. You'll be fine," Bonnie comforted, though her tone had a hint of irritation.

Harry came over and Ginny finally noticed him.

"Harry! You're home!"

"For a week now," he said, shifting Sophia to his other hip. She reached up to run her fingers through his hair.

"Well that's great news. How are you doing?" she asked, all over the sound of her son's screaming and Bonnie's soft cooing.

Harry eyed Bonnie and then back at Ginny. "Fine, so far. Not perfect but we have high hopes. Things have been good, right Bonnie?" he asked, turning to his wife.

Bonnie just shook her head, not at his question but to say that she could not focus on the conversation at that moment.

Harry stepped forward and handed Sophia to Ginny who took her, confused at the abrupt end to the conversation. He went to Bonnie, took Ripley from Bonnie and it became very silent.

Bonnie and Ginny stood in awe as Harry held Ginny's baby out, away from himself but still comfortably in a cradling position.

Ginny put her hand over her mouth in shock. "What did you do? Harry?"

Harry just shrugged. "Kids always go quiet around me. I think I put the fear of God into them unintentionally." He glanced at his daughter who giggled at him. "Except Sophia. But she's blood, so…"

"Is he…" Ginny mumbled and paused. "Is he going to stay quiet?"

Harry shrugged and handed Ripley back to her and she handed Sophia to Bonnie. Ripley was quiet and calm.

"Blaise is going to be so excited," Ginny mumbled, fearful to raise her voice over a mumble in fear of disturbing the quiet.

"Ron and Fish are going to be pissed," Bonnie mumbled to Harry.

"What?" Ginny asked.

Bonnie just shook her head and stepped somewhere behind Harry. "Um, lets go sit in the lounge.

"Bonnie," Ginny said as she followed, Harry trailing after them in the back. "Bonnie, I heard what you said. I know Ron and Fish like to mock me." They stopped in the lounge and Bonnie was setting up some toys on the floor for Sophia. "They think I'm a bad mother."

"They do not think you're a bad mother."

"They do! And they enjoy the fact that I'm suffering. Some people get everything they want in life before it comes up and slaps them in the face. Baby weight and a son who hates me are what I get for cheating on Fish and marrying Blaise."

Bonnie rolled her eyes and stood up. "No one ever said that Ginny, you are the only one who has pointed it out."

"Except Ron. He told my parents he was happy that I was _fat!_ Because I _deserved it._"

"You are _not fat._ You have a three month old. It doesn't disappear after the baby is born."

"Harry's mother, Jackline, and you all went back to your normal sizes after one month."

"Its biology. We also hardly gained any weight to begin with. My mother was the same way. Give it a month, Ginny. You'll be fine."

Ginny set Ripley on the floor with Sophia and slumped into the couch. "Life isn't really what I pictured it would be in school."

"Join the club," Harry interjected. "I thought I would be dead. Its not all bad. Crazy. Dead," he finished, pretending to weigh the two in his hands.

Ginny smirked a little at him. "Very funny. I guess it could be worse."

"It could definitely be worse," Harry assured her. "Horrible things happen to people all of the time Ginny. A little weight gain from a baby that won't stop crying is not a punishment. Its life."

"He's right Ginny," Bonnie agreed, sitting down beside him. "You should appreciate what you have. Besides, Ripley probably senses your stress. Maybe you're stressing him out."

Ginny shrugged. "Possible. Don't babies sense fear or something?"

Harry grimaced. "I'm pretty sure that would be dogs. But you could be right to."

Ginny stayed for a little while, to spend time with Bonnie. Harry noticed how much his friend's sister had changed over the years and wondered what it was exactly that did it. Was it the appearance of Bonnie, who seemed to have an influence over her? Did she suddenly desire a more luxurious life style? He assumed it was a process none of them witnessed while she was at school finishing her last year at Hogwarts. Something had changed, she had become…self-centered, somewhat. It wasn't who she was before. It was worrying but, like he was hoping for himself, maybe things would go back to normal.

.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy-" Sophia yelled, jumping up and down in her socked feet in the center of the living room, her blonde rag doll held by the hair in her tight grip.

Harry snatched her up from the floor and into his arms. "Sophia. You don't have yell, I am standing right here," he explained unnecessarily as she wasn't listening to him. She put her cheek on his shoulder and smiled. Harry rolled his eyes and carried her around the room, picking up random items that would amuse her.

It had been an entire month that he had been home and he was surprised to be feeling quite happy. It was an equal chance that it was either natural or the effect of his drugs but either way it was nice to feel so at peace in his own home with Bonnie and his daughter. Bonnie still wasn't the same, she walked around happy and in love with him but still seemingly uncomfortable with their overall relationship. Harry wasn't sure what she was waiting for, what change she was looking for in him since he felt like he was back to normal. She didn't seem to have the same feeling about it. Sometimes he caught her looking at him like she was waiting for him to do something and he had no idea what it was.

Since he was feeling much better this month he suggested that Bonnie take a day to herself and he would take care of Sophia for the day. It was nothing to worry about since Sophia loved him and was well-behaved for a girl who was almost two.

Bonnie had agreed after a little convincing and went to visit Severus and his fiance at Hogwarts. So for the day it was simply he and Sophia until Bonnie decided she missed them both too much to stay away any longer.

"What shall we do today Sophia? Hmm?" he asked his daughter as she pulled a small book on dark curses out of his hand. Bonnie had insisted he move some of his darker books out of the office and into the library so that it didn't feel so much like hiding. And since she was completely fine with it being out in the open and even seeing him read the books it helped to make him more relaxed. He was no longer paranoid about what everyone would think about his reading material since Bonnie had insisted he tell everyone. His father had seemed worried, and so had his mother, but they trusted him enough to not let it bother them more than necessary.

Sophia didn't seem to mind the books either.

"Da-ar-rk," she drawled, rubbing her palm over the black leather cover.

"Yes, very dark," he agreed, taking the book from her and handing her one of her own.

Harry thought it was good for his health to spend alone time with his daughter. Compared to his war days and his own childhood she wasn't terribly exciting. She wasn't even incredibly loud and hard to deal with like Ginny's son. What she happened to be was incredibly relaxing. Sophia was easy to deal with; she was sweet and quiet and enjoyed simply sitting and staring at him. She was like Bonnie when they had first met.

For the next couple of hours Harry spent his hours reading little books to Sophia, watching her fall asleep sporadically on the rugs and in the middle of the floors or on a sofa cushion she had pulled onto the floor, playing a few songs on the piano for her, making her lunch and generally sitting around. He spent some time, since he was alone, recording things in his book that he had been trying the best he could to keep up to date. There were not very many good things to update about but to get it out he wrote some about his followers and how he wondered how much time would pass before he would feel comfortable calling a meeting.

Bonnie came home at seven, just as he was preparing to put Sophia to bed. She met them both in Sophia's bedroom. Sophia was lying in her crib while Harry lazily leaned over it making twinkling pony figures float around above her with the wave of his hand. She seemed to enjoy the presentation.

"What are we doing?" Bonnie asked as she mozied in behind him.

"Entertaining apparently," he mumbled, flicking his wrist back and forth to make the ponies prance in a circle.

"I see that. Is she going to go to sleep after such an exciting show?"

As she spoke the colors of the horses cooled from the bright pinks and neon blues to soft sparkling indigoes and grays. Once Sophia was asleep they both kissed her goodnight and left the room.

Bonnie took Harry's hand in the hallway as they walked to their room and he gripped it tightly. "How was your day?" she asked.

"Very pleasant. It was quiet, just Sophia and I. She's nice to spend time with."

Bonnie smiled. "She is a nice girl," she agreed.

"How was Snape and his _fiance_?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "They're both fine. Getting ready for the wedding. I'm going to be a bridesmaid. Again. Severus couldn't be more excited. He's almost a completely different person these days. Much happier. Its so nice to see."

They got to their room and got ready for bed and after only a few moments of lying there Bonnie lured Harry into another tryst before sleep.

The next few days passed slowly but the same as they had been. Simple, fairly ordinary…nothing miraculous happened. Fish stopped by for a visit to tell them about the date he had been on.

It hadn't worked out. He couldn't decide if it was the girl or if he just wasn't ready to date again so he decided to give himself another month. He stayed for lunch and they told him about Ginny's baby, ruining his day. He went home to tell his band mates the sad news and remind himself that she still had the weight. It was the only thing holding him together now that Kacy was gone. It was rude but sometimes it was what was necessary to stay sane.

Bonnie's parents came by for dinner the same night to see Sophia and they had gone to see Harry's family the night before.

Throughout the week Harry noticed a very sudden change in the daily routine. Since he had gotten home from the hospital Bonnie had initiated sex every single night, without fail. Since he had spent the day alone with Sophia, that had been the last night, and he couldn't figure out what had changed. Instead of pouncing on him the moment he got into bed she changed into her nightgown and rolled over in bed with a "goodnight."

He would turn to stare at her curiously but there was nothing.

When another week passed in the same way, he decided he would initiate it himself. Who knew? Maybe it was what she wanted.

.

While he was home he started to implement a new exercise regimen to keep in shape, especially since he had so much time on his hands. He was really born to naturally keep in shape by doing a bit of everyday walking about but since he had been so out of practice with fighting he thought he would work on a bit of everything. There were no wars upon them, but it was never a bad time to be prepared for one to begin.

He told Bonnie he would wake up at five every morning for a workout and a run. She was welcome to join him but she explained that she would be otherwise occupied with sleeping in. As was Sophia. Once he was finished with his workout he could go straight to group therapy or to Dr. Ross's office, depending on which day it was, and then be home at eight or nine for breakfast.

Once the whole family got into a small schedule life seemed to run pretty smoothly. They would spend the rest of the day doing assorted things, Bonnie sometimes escaping to her potions lab for work, Harry spending a lot of the day reading his books and Sophia liked to pretend she was a puppy a lot more than Harry thought was altogether normal. Bonnie assured him she was fine.

"She's just imitating Mushi-mushi."

"I don't see her slithering around the house pretending to be a snake."

"Prose isn't as cute or as funny as a puppy. He's creepy."

Harry's jaw dropped and he pet Prose's head rested on the arm of his chair. "Prose is not creepy. He's precious."

"He's huge. He's the size Nagini was these days and its not exactly the most comforting pet for a one-year-old."

"She's almost two," Harry pointed out.

Bonnie rolled her eyes.

Harry stroked his fingers over Prose's scaly forehead and hissed at him. "Don't you listen to her Prose, she's just irritable."

"_I've been ignoring her far longer than you've taken notice of Master. It has been a very long year without you here._"

"Aww, you missed me, didn't you? I can just picture you making a little weepy snake face as they took me away."

_"It wasn't quite the show, as you've made it sound," _he hissed irritably.

Harry just shrugged. "I like this imagining of it better than what probably actually happened."

.

One afternoon, while Sophia was taking her nap upstairs, Mushi-Mushi asleep in front of her crib as her guard and a magical baby monitor next to her crib, Harry and Bonnie amused themselves in Bonnie's lab. Well, Harry was amusing himself. Bonnie was working on apparently very important work. She sat hunched on her stool in her little black dress with thin straps and a thin white trim along the hem and the collar. She wore her little black flats and her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, strands of curls hanging in front of her face.

Harry wandered back and forth around the room, touching little bottles of ingredients and potions she had stocked up. "I think we should get some horses," he informed her. "And a barn."

"Okay," she agreed, using a steel eyedropper to strategically add three very small drops of a steaming black liquid to her potion.

Harry paused, realizing her concentration. He continued his stroll, lifting something off the wall. "I thought we would get some other animals to, like rabbits and chickens. For Sophia, so she can learn."

"Okay," she agreed again, concentrating. She set the stainless steel eyedropper in a little dish on her steel work table and started cutting new ingredients. Some kind of green bug that was still alive while she was cutting it.

Harry walked over and leaned in behind her. "What are you cooking?"

"Severus mentioned a new healing potion he was working on. Its supposed to cure anyone and everyone of their illnesses for forty-eight hours."

Harry narrowed his eyebrows. "What happens after forty-eight hours?"

"Well the theory is that if there is a breakout of disease or something of the sort everyone can be given this drug to delay the reaction of the illness until a more specific antidote can be concocted."

Harry nodded. "I see. And...Severus, he's already created this potion?"

"He's testing it. He asked me to make my own and test it out."

Harry nodded again, understanding, and then running his fingers down the exposed area of her back. "And this has to be done today?"

She shrugged, leaning unconsciously into his touch. "Not really. I just had some free time to work on it."

"I see. Well, I thought, maybe…we could do something else," he implied.

"Like what?" she asked, reaching for her wand.

Harry reached out in the same direction and blew her wand away across the table with a wave of his hand.

Bonnie turned her head back suddenly to look at him. "Harry!"

"I think the potion could wait, don't you?" Harry asked, moving her ingredients out of reach with the same magic.

Bonnie stood from her stool, sliding down to the side to face him, feeling his hand move softly down her back, landing at her hip, his movement like he already anticipated every move she was going to make. "Harry, this is important work," she reminded him, motioning to her potion.

Harry leaned in toward her and she moved back. "You know what, Pet? I have a theory of my own that we can test out instead. Its called, why Harry and Bonnie haven't had sex in a week, theory."

Bonnie smirked at him, leaning back against her table. "That's not a very inventive title."

"Well I just came up with it on the spot. You have to give me some credit."

Bonnie shook her head. "Harry, you can shag me later. I really need to work on this."

"_Need_ is such a strong word to describe working on a potion, don't you think?" He moved his hands back to her hips and ran one hand down her thigh, pushing it up to his waist.

"Harry," she mumbled, more than willing to play along but giving him a hard time anyway.

He leaned her back against the table and grabbed her hips, lifting her effortlessly up to sit, letting her leg fall but pushing himself forward between her thighs. He leaned in closer until their breath mingled, hers heavy and excited and his a forced calm and smooth. "I know you're waiting," he told her when she was waiting for his next kiss. "For me to be the person I used to be. I just don't know if I'll ever really be that person again. Not wholly. I know too much about myself now and I can't make it go back… the way that it was. But I'll try to be that person again…for you," he told her, leaning forward to nuzzle her cheek.

Bonnie shook her head sadly, the corners of her mouth sinking. "Harry, I just want you to be whoever you are."

A corner of his mouth turned up sadly and he lifted his head to look at her. "No, you don't. But that's okay. I'm working on it."

Before she could respond again he kissed her, slipped his hands under her dress and used a strong grip on her back and her hip to hold her pressed against him, so tightly she almost couldn't breathe, let alone speak to him.

.

When Sophia woke up Harry offered to go and get her and left Bonnie to get redressed in her lab. While he was gone and she was pulling her dress back on she pondered over what he had said before they had sex. She had stopped initiating sex in the hopes that he would do what he had just done, initiate, take her, be spontaneous and wild…like he used to be. For a few moments she had been so excited at the feel of his hand running along her spine and then down her hip and lifting her up to sit on the table. But then it was followed by his knowing accusation. He knew what she wanted, for him to be the person that he had been before the war had ended, before Sophia was born, before he had been kidnapped. She just wanted him to be strong and sure of himself and to have that power he always had as a leader, when he was St. Jimmy. Somewhere along the line it had been misplaced and he knew she was looking for it.

Apparently, he didn't believe it was ever going to come back. Maybe whatever he knew now that he had forced himself to forget made him a different person. The torture that he had blocked out, the memories of his childhood, of the people he had killed, in war and the people she was supposed to pretend she didn't know about.

Was he going to pretend to be that person that she was looking for, for her? she wondered. Was St. Jimmy gone and Harry was going to pretend he was still there to make her happy? Was that what she wanted? Was she so selfish that she couldn't accept that her husband had changed and love him for who he was? He had certainly accepted the changes in her, like her strong desires toward motherhood and possessiveness toward their daughter.

She recalled her conversation with Ashley when she had gone to visit her that day. "_Actually, I do love _St. Jimmy_. But then, so do you_," Ashley had said, to which she had replied, "_I love Harry for what he was and for what he is now and what he will be in the future._"

Was Ashley simply being honest with herself admitting that she specifically loved St. Jimmy? Was Bonnie lying to herself or could she really love him, even if he wasn't the boy she had grown up with and loved to no end?

.

Harry took Sophia to the drawing room on the first floor and gave her some toys to play with while he sat on the floor with her and drew in his notebook. Dr. Ross thought that drawing was a great way for him to relieve stress and fill empty time, especially since it was something he enjoyed and was good at and something he used to do often.

He did that, until Sophia used her little fist to tug the pencil from his hand and throw it across the room. She handed him a block and went back to playing. He took the hint and played with her toys with her. He built her a small tower, watching her giggle and applaud excitedly when he made the blocks float up to the high part of the tower, out of her reach.

He turned suddenly when Bonnie came into the room, changed from her little dress to a knee-length black skirt and a cap sleeve white tee. Barefoot she wandered over to them and sat down close to his side, her arm pressed right up against his. Sophia handed her a block and then went back to playing. She turned to Harry and smiled. "Hi."

"Hi."

They were quiet for a moment, Harry wrapping his arm around her waist and building Sophia's tower higher and higher until she became destructive and knocked the whole thing over.

"Harry?" Bonnie asked softly, fiddling with a loose thread on the knee of his black jeans.

"Yes, my Pet?" he replied, turning to look at her while she stared at his pants.

"Um…I'm sorry."

Harry narrowed his eyes at her. "Sorry? What do you have to be sorry about?"

"I…I made you feel like I didn't love you the way that you are. Like I could only love you if you were…dark and powerful and warmonger St. Jimmy. And for a little while, in the lab, after you left, I questioned it to. But its not true," she assured him, and herself, scooting even closer to him but still not looking him in the face, touching his thigh. "I love you as St. Jimmy and I love you as the father of my child and I love you as Harry…. You're my soul mate, and I'll always love you, no matter what. I don't… I don't want you to have to pretend you're something that you're not anymore. Just to make me happy."

Harry put his hand to her cheek and ran his thumb over her silky cheekbone. He turned her face up to look at him. "My love, I would do absolutely anything to make you happy. But I wouldn't be pretending to be something I'm not anymore; its simply a persona that's difficult for me to take on now. Now that my memories hold me back from being so cocky."

"Well you don't have to try so hard, then. I just want you to be who you are," she assured him. "Really, its just my narcissistic personality worried about the way that people viewed us from the outside. I liked our image; me being the cute and bubbly blonde in my adorable outfits and you being the rough savior with his dark clothes, brawling with political leaders and such. I know, its so stupid, even just saying it," she mumbled, forcing him to let her look back at her hands.

"Oh, love. You have no reason to worry about that changing. I still hate people. I'm not going to suddenly turn into this peace advocate and join PETA or anything like that. I'm still the man you married I'm just… slightly more mellow and…I can tolerate white and…I sleep at night. Because of my drugs. And maybe every-once-in-a-while I'll start inspecting the salt or sit in a daze because my prescription needs to be adjusted. But that's all part of my charm, isn't it?" he laughed.

Bonnie giggled. "It sure is," she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

Harry wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hugged her hard against his chest. "I love you."

Bonnie smirked in his shoulder, her hands pressed up against his chest in light fists, her thumbs caressing the soft fabric of his black tee. "I love you too."

"Me too! Me too!" Sophia cried.

Bonnie pushed away to look at her and Harry turned to.

"We love you to darling," Harry told her, reaching out to pull her over. She scooted into Bonnie's lap and they both leaned back into Harry's chest and the three sat quietly like that for several minutes, until Sophia got fidgety and decided she wanted a snack.

.

"Oh come on," the girl beckoned, pulling Fish by his arm into the seventh row of the floor. As it turned out, seating at ballets were like movie theater seats. The closer you got, the less you saw.

He wasn't sure how his date had convinced him to go see a ballet. Somehow, last week, he had met her ordering coffee at a local coffee shop around the corner from his apartment. He had been picking up coffee for the guys who couldn't function without it anymore and she had been waiting in line behind him. She brought up something about the long line for crappy coffee and suddenly they were chatting and then she had brought up ballet and he didn't remember displaying an interest in seeing a ballet but somehow he had ended up agreeing to be her date since she happened to have tickets for this Saturday night. He wondered if some girls just prepared events ahead of time and invested in season passes to things so that they could use it as a pick up line.

"I'm sure you will love this," she gushed as she found her seat and sat down, putting her giant purse in her lap.

Fish stared at her purse while she went on and on about the ballet they were about to see. He didn't understand why she was carrying such a large bag to a performance. If she took out a book of some sort in case she got bored he had plans to just get up and leave. He hoped maybe she had candy but it sounded more like loose change and scrap paper and pens. He had an itching suspicion she was a reporter and just not telling him.

Finally the lights turned down and the curtains opened and the dancers took the stage for the opening sequence. They were seeing a new ballet; a less then professionally choreographed performance. It was like the ballet equivalent of an off-off Broadway show.

He leaned back in his seat and tried to enjoy the show. He didn't mind dancers. St. Jimmy had always liked musicals when they were younger so they watched the dancing in that. This, of course, was quite different but he still enjoyed it. And then, while he was watching, his thoughts, of course, turned to the inevitable. He thought, Kacy would probably have enjoyed seeing this. Not so great dancers who really loved everything that they were able to do and worked really hard to get just to mediocrity. She would have appreciated it.

For some reason, despite the fact that it wasn't a very popular ballet the seats were fairly packed.

His date leaned in to whisper to him. "The girl up next has a solo. She's really good. You'll like it."

Fish really didn't like the way she continuously guessed at what he would and would not like. It was very pushy for someone he had just met.

The curtains closed and there was a moment's pause before they reopened, the line up of girls in black wrap dresses replaced by one girl. She looked very young, maybe sixteen though he was sure she was older. Her hair was a strange grey-white color in the lighting pulled off her face in a proper bun, her bangs swept to the side, curved over her brow like Audrey Hepburn. All she wore was a simple, white dress with a fitted bodice with boning and yet her skin was so pale in the light that all you noticed was the shape of her body and the curves in the boning of her dress. She was like a ghost, flitting across the stage on her toes making almost no sound. He wondered if she would be envious of the easy way the ghosts at Hogwarts were able to float about the hallways.

And suddenly, he was mesmerized and forgot entirely about his date and her too big purse and her strange perfume and her too perfectly coiffed brown hair like chocolate. He was focused on the young, silver-haired dancer who floated around in the light like a dream to ethereal music.

When the dance was finished Fish made a point of looking up the girl's name in the program. Because she had a solo she was simple to find.

.

Dessa Salko

.

"So-o?" the girl drawled. "How did you like it?" she asked as they walked out onto the street with the rest of the crowd.

"It was nice," he admitted. He could admit that he had liked the ballet but he still wasn't a fan. He probably wouldn't be begging Bonnie to join him to go to another one, unless it was to ask out a ballerina.

"I thought you would like it. People always think it's above them or too artsy for them to understand but everyone appreciates good dancing. Wasn't Salko just a beautiful dancer?"

"Yea, she was," he admitted. "Have you seen her perform before?"

"No, I looked her up online. She's nineteen and she just got out of her school like, a year ago and joined this company."

"She's talented," Fish agreed.

"Yea, I can't wait to see her more." She turned to smile at him. "So, did you want to go to dinner or something? Or, maybe you can follow me back to my place," she offered, taking his hand.

Fish, feeling a little guilty, shook off her hand. "Um, actually I think its getting kind of late. I have to get up early for rehearsal with the band."

The girl raised her eyebrow at him suspiciously. "Really?"

"Yeah…" He looked around, trying to avoid her glare. "I can…walk you home."

"You can't come up for a little while," she questioned, scooting closer to him and running her hand up his arm.

Fish stepped back a foot. "I really can't, actually."

She rolled her eyes, getting the hint. "Fine then. I can just get a cab," she mumbled, walking to the edge of the sidewalk and holding up her hand.

Fish came up beside her, his hands shyly pushed down in his pockets. "I don't mean to offend you. I just don't…I don't think we have any chemistry."

The girl scoffed. "Oh please, everyone knows you sleep with everything that moves." A cab pulled up on the street and she opened the door before turning to face him. "If you didn't want to go out with me you could have just said something in the first place. I'm sorry I'm so repulsive."

"What! You're not repulsive. I have no problems with you. I'm just…" He sighed heavily. "Look, I'm just trying to get my dating life back in order since my wife died but every time I try I just realize I…" He glanced up to see her reaction.

She raised her eyebrow and sighed. "Uh-h, yea. I don't believe you." She turned and got into her cab and drove away.

Fish stood on the sidewalk dumbfounded for a few minutes before finally turning and walking back to the apartment.

He walked upstairs and the moment he entered the apartment he discovered his band sitting around the living room waiting for him.

"Hey," Jack spoke first. "We didn't expect you back so early."

Fish glared at him and shut the door.

"You didn't bring anyone home?" Jack asked as Fish walked to his bedroom.

"Nope," he shouted.

"Is there going to be a second date?"

Fish slammed his door shut in response.

Despondent for their band mate, the three boys all headed to their separate rooms for bed hoping tomorrow would be better.

.

In the morning Fish woke up, got ready for rehearsal and met the guys in the kitchen before they all left for their studio. While they were taking a break at lunch the boys asked him what exactly went wrong on his date.

"There was nothing…wrong with it, exactly. She was fine, I guess. I just didn't want to sleep with her. Or see her, again. It didn't seem worth it. I can no longer do the whole… sleep with every bimbo who's willing anymore. Its weird. And really irritating."

"It'll work itself out," Lex offered. "I mean, even if you're not ready, eventually you'll be way too horny to turn them down and then you'll get over your hill."

Fish rolled his eyes and sighed. "I suppose one can only hope for such a sad turn of circumstances."

.

Two days later…

"Hey Fish," Bonnie answered cooly as she picked up the phone.

"Hey Bonnie," he responded, followed by a long pause while both of them waited for the other to say something. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just hanging out with Harry, waiting for Sophia to wake up from her nap." She glanced over at her husband who was lounged back in his seat on the sofa with a drawing pad, shirtless and his jeans riding low on his hips. "He's drawing and I'm…staring at him."

"Sure."

"Some girl in his group therapy threw up on him this morning and he can't seem to will himself to put on a fresh shirt," she added, as she found it interesting she thought Fish probably would to.

"Why is he calling you?" Harry asked snobbishly.

Bonnie put her hand over the mouthpiece and glared at him. "Don't be so self-centered Harry. Fish and I have developed a new _bond._" She smiled excitedly. "He likes me now."

"That's wonderful Pet. See what he wants."

Bonnie removed her hand and pulled her feet up on the couch, pushing them up against Harry's leg. "So what's going on with _you_?" she asked girlishly, like they were chatting.

"I didn't call to chat you up, Bonnie. Sorry to disappoint."

"Well you're the one who's taking so long to make your point. I'm just trying to be helpful and fill the silence," she defended.

"Right. Um, well. How do you feel about the ballet?"

Bonnie paused for a moment. "Um, I've been a few times. I prefer theater but I like dancing. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I was on a date a few days ago and it was pretty lame, but she took me to a ballet and there was this girl…"

"You're going to a ballet to pick up a girl?" Bonnie asked. "How do you know for sure she's going to be there?"

"She's a dancer. She was performing."

"Aww, you're going to pick up a ballerina? That's adorable," Bonnie cooed. Harry turned his eyes to her curiously.

"Yea, its great. I just don't want to hang out at the ballet by myself so I was wondering if you wanted to go with me."

"What if she's already seeing someone? Fish, you don't know. Ballerina's are like models, they are always dating someone. I don't want you to be heartbroken if she's not single."

"Bonnie, I have seen the girl once from a bad angle in a bad seat while she was on stage wearing tons of makeup under great lighting. I am sure I won't be heartbroken."

"You like her enough to go out of your way to go to a ballet just on the off chance that you'll get back stage to ask her out. What if she's ill or broken her leg and she's not there? If she's broken her leg she'll never dance again and you'll never find out what happened to her. What if you get to the backstage door and her really, really hot astronaut boyfriend is there with a huge bouquet of flowers. And then you're heartbroken and think if only I hadn't gotten my hopes up about this girl that I know nothing about?" Bonnie turned when she felt Harry staring at her. His mouth was fallen open glaring at her suspiciously.

"What have you been reading?" he asked.

"Nothing." She looked away from him.

"Bonnie, its not going to kill me. Do you want me to get on with my life or not because my bandmates are starting to turn into old women making plans to set me up on blind dates with their cousins. I don't even want to begin to guess what those girls look like."

Bonnie sighed. "I will go with you and I will metaphorically hold your hand incase she's taken. And if she is, don't be deterred. We will find you another girl."

Fish rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. "I'll see you tonight Bonnie."

He hung up and Bonnie followed, turning to Harry. "Will you be okay just you and Sophia tonight?"

"Sure. We'll go to dinner at my parents or something."

Bonnie nodded and pulled her legs up beside her and leaned onto his bare arm, resting her cheek on his shoulder. They sat quietly for a few minutes, Bonnie just watching Harry sketch a few lines, her body rising and falling as he breathed.

"What are you going to wear tonight?"

"Oh crap." She quickly threw herself off the couch and left the drawing room to run up to their bedroom. Harry just rolled his eyes and smirked.

.

At seven Bonnie said goodbye to her baby and her husband and left the house to meet Fish at his apartment so they could go to the ballet together. Harry took Sophia to his parents house for dinner as he had said.

Bonnie got to wear her new navy and marigold Alice + Olivia dress out of the house. She found it a little depressing to wear all of her expensive and beautiful clothes just around the house. Fish told her she looked pretty, which made her night, and they apparated together to the building Fish's date had taken him to nights before. Fish bought them some wine while they waited for the show and then went to find their seats. He had been able to find better tickets than his date's and they were back a few rows so that they were no longer staring directly at the stage.

Fish turned to Bonnie as they sat and waited for the show to begin. "So, I see you have yet to fill your closet with all white and pink dresses of your fancy."

"I've gotten a few but…" She ran her fingers over her bedazzled clutch purse. "I don't know. After fourteen years I've kind of learned to love the challenge of working with all black. I see Victoria Beckham doing it but I think I have a different style. Plus I'm blonde."

Fish nodded. "We do pull it off well."

Bonnie looked Fish over. She never really paid attention to his outfits and since Kacy had passed all she had noticed was that he had really stopped trying. For a couple of weeks it didn't even seem like he had been washing his hair; though dirty hair was something Fish pulled off quite well. After Kacy had died Bonnie went by to visit him often, try to get him out of bed and take him shopping or out to eat or something but he held himself up in his room most of the time. His bandmates told her that sometimes they heard something that sounded suspiciously like Boys to Men playing through the walls from Fish's bedroom and a rather disturbing, constant banging from time to time that they assumed was Fish's head against one wall. When she did get him to leave he usually wore some very dirty, holey black jeans and a very worn and faded T-shirt of some kind, always black, navy, or dark green. Sometimes it was clean but only when it was something he stole from his roommates. Still a T-shirt.

Tonight he had actually ventured to dress himself. It made her wonder what he had been wearing on his dates out in the world with girls that were not her. Was it the raggedy clothing or similar to tonight's variety?

Tonight he was all rocked out and elegant at the same time. He wore some short brown boots and skinny black trousers with the hem folded up and a black, long sleeve button down with the sleeves rolled up. It was Calvin Klein. She knew because she was sure it was the one that she had bought for him a few weeks ago.

Bonnie looked up and smiled at him. "You look nice."

She saw him blush in the dark. "Thanks." He shrunk into his chair and looked up at the stage.

Bonnie rolled her eyes and made herself comfortable, getting ready for the performance. The lights in the room dimmed and the curtains opened and the stage lights came up and Bonnie found herself delightfully entertained by the synchronized, choreographed dancing of the ballerinas. They were all terribly talented for such a small company. A half an hour in Dessa Salko took the stage for her solo and after watching her magical performance for a few moments Bonnie turned to see Fish watching.

He was slumped down in his chair, his hands between his knees because he couldn't get them in his pockets. He looked annoyed and bored, but only to some. She knew that the expression was actually his mesmerized face, just like Harry did. They had known each other almost just as long. She really hoped this girl didn't turn him down. Fish really deserved a girl he could catch and hold onto.

When the show was over everyone started to file out of the theater, a few headed to the back to congratulate the dancers. It was their last showing of this performance. Fish waited and Bonnie stayed with him, though when the whole theater was empty and they were still sitting in their seats she started to worry.

"Um, Fish. I think you might want to go talk to her now. She might get changed and leave."

He shifted uncomfortably and then stood from his chair. "Um, yea. We can just go, I guess."

"WHAT!" Bonnie yelled, jumping from her seat and watching him as he started to shuffle through the row to get to the isle. "But what about asking out the Salko ballerina girl?"

Fish shrugged. "You're probably right. She's probably got a ton of fans. She'll probably just think I'm some creepy guy."

Bonnie shuffled as carefully as possible in her dress through the seats to meet up with him. "You're not some creepy guy. You're in a band. Everyone knows who you are." She paused in the isle and thought for a moment before finishing matter-of-fact. "Also, you're Fish. You're not afraid of women and you never have been. You married Kacy as a spur of the moment favor without fear but you can't ask a ballerina for a date?"

Fish sighed heavily. "Will you stay behind in case she turns me down?" he asked.

"Of course I will." She reached over and took his hand to grip it and then he pulled away. Without a word he walked on toward the dressing rooms.

As he got closer he could hear the girls giggling in the back, a few men's voices passing through the high-pitched tone. A moment later the men were at the door. "We'll see you in class tomorrow," a man said before emerging with three other from the door all of them already dressed in their street clothes and ready to leave.

Since the girls were probably on their way out as well Fish decided to wait at the door for her. After just a few minutes the dancers started to make their way out, Salko following them all at the end, turning to shut and lock the door to their dressing room behind her. When she turned to hurry and follow her friends Fish stepped forward behind her.

"Excuse me!"

She stopped and turned suddenly, looking startled. She shifted onto one foot and tilted her head, looking impatient so she could return to her friends. "Yes?"

Fish sighed nervously, shoving his hands into his pants pockets. "Um, I didn't mean to startle you. Um, I was here for the…the performance. You're really talented."

"Yeah. Well, thanks. I'm glad you liked it." She shifted uncomfortably, standing in the empty hall with a stranger.

Her friends had all continued on ahead and Fish could hear the door close to the theater. Fish noticed how young she looked and wondered if maybe he looked old to her. Girls had never said anything in the like before but…_she_ looked…nineteen. And he knew that, since the war, that he and his friends didn't. Not from afar. Out from under the lighting and stripped of her layer of makeup she just looked like a girl with soft, thick, grey/blue hair falling to her shoulders in soft waves that may have been caused by her bun, lips a light pink, maybe from Chapstick, and her face lightly flushed from exercise. She wore a cheap pink dress with thick straps that was fairly short and thin and easy to throw on and small pink flats on her feet.

"Um, we don't have another show for about a month. There's a pamphlet up front about our upcoming shows."

"Oh, no. I'm not too much…into dance." He coughed uncomfortably. "Actually, I just wanted to know if, maybe, you would be interested in going out for a cup of coffee sometime."

"Uhh, I don't usually go out with strange men," she said. He noticed she had a flirtatious twang to her words which helped him assume that she was interested, just unsure.

"Im not a strange man. I'm in a band. I was in magazines. Sort of a celebrity."

She smirked at him. "Sort of?"

"Well, I am. I won a grammy last year."

She rolled her eyes but her posture suddenly became a little less stiff. She crossed her arms over her chest and shifted to the other foot. "Being famous doesn't mean you're not a stranger. I wouldn't go out with Brad Pitt just because he caught me alone in a dark hallway."

Fish just shrugged. "We could go on a double date or something. But again, it is just coffee. We can go out in broad daylight in a crowded place. We could meet there." He smirked back at her, taking a small step forward. "I'm not asking you to follow me to my lair at midnight."

She twisted hesitantly back and forth making her dress swirl. "Well, it may not look like it," she said, motioning toward where her friends had abandoned her, "but we're actually going out for dinner, since it was our last performance for this show and all. We're going to a diner, its around the corner, a block away. I mean, I'm sure they serve coffee there. You can come, if you'd like." She took a step toward him to, walking up to a foot away, taking a pen from the little purse at her hip. "Um." She reached down and took his hand. "Here's the address to the diner. And, here's my phone number, in case you get lost or, can't make it." When she finished writing on his hand she looked up and smiled at him. "See you there?"

Fish nodded. "Definitely."

"Great." She put her pen away and walked back down the hall without another word.

Fish quickly headed back to meet with Bonnie so that they could leave.

She perked up immediately when he returned but he spoke while he was walking her out since the crew was starting to clean up now.

"What did she say?" Bonnie asked as they stood out front on the sidewalk with a few loitering smokers from the show.

"Her friends and her are celebrating at a diner around the corner. She invited me to meet her there."

"Well that's nice. Do you want me to come? I could sit and talk to her friends so that you can talk to her. I could be your wing man."

Fish rolled her eyes. "You're just begging for an excuse to be out of the house in your clothes, aren't you?" Silently agreeing to bring her along he walked her out of the building and they headed down the street toward the alleged diner.

.

The diner had about five other people in it besides the long arrangement of pushed together tables and pulled up chairs filled with ballerinas in street clothes. They were all giggling and already ordering food. The whole table was laughing at one girl at the end of the table who was patting her flat hand against the table while she ordered. "I want a _large _Coke, a double cheeseburger and fries."

"Anna!" Dessa yelled. "Brian isn't going to be able to lift you in class tomorrow!"

"Oh shut up. I don't think I've eaten since Tuesday. Just salad and water. It doesn't count. Now leave me alone."

As the next girl was ordering, another spotted Fish and Bonnie standing a few tables away watching them. "Oh my God! He came! Dessa!" she yelled as she headed over to Fish without her. "So what's your name?" She looked over her shoulder and yelled, "Dessa, I can't believe you didn't even ask him his name." She turned and looked back at Fish expectantly.

"Fish," he answered.

She squinted at him. "That's your name?"

"Its a nickname. Few people call me by my name."

"Oh." She sighed. "Fine." She turned and headed back to the table yelling more. "His name is Fish."

Dessa got up since she finished giving her order to the waitress. "I see you came." She looked over his shoulder at Bonnie who smiled at her and then looked back at Fish. "And brought a girl with you?"

"Oh, I took her to the ballet with me and she didn't want to go back home. She's starved for attention. Don't worry. She's a married friend."

"Oh. Okay."

Bonnie stepped forward quickly. "I'm Bonnie. Its nice to meet you. Don't worry. We're not creepy. Up until a couple of months ago, he hated me." She held out her hand and Dessa took it.

"Nice to meet you to." She motioned to them. "Come take a seat."

Fish and Bonnie followed. Bonnie sat at the end of the table between a couple of smiley girls and Fish sat in the middle between Dessa and another girl. The waitress quickly made her way to Fish and he ordered some coffee. Bonnie ordered a tall Coke and some fries.

"So, what band are you in?" Dessa asked, turning to him as the girls turned to chat with each other to give them minimal privacy.

"As A Bee?" he said, questioningly, as he wasn't sure if she knew it. He noticed that either people didn't even know that they existed or were huge fans and shocked when they found out that people didn't know their favorite band existed.

"Oh my God. I've actually heard of that band. I think I remember the name from Rolling Stone when I was at the store a long time ago. And the Grammys. You performed, didn't you?"

"Yeah. And won. We're up for an Oscar this year."

"That's awesome. I'll be sure to watch. Is it for a soundtrack or something?"

"Yeah, we wrote the score for the entire film."

"I think the last time I read anything about As A Bee it was more like the Sex Pistols. Because you used to be in that band, right?"

"Yeah, but we've come a long way since then. We've tried to slowly move away from that label. Like Beck, we try to slowly reinvent ourselves with each album."

She nodded interestedly and they both moved back as the waitress set down their drinks. "So you must tour a lot."

"Only a little." He paused. "Just once, actually. We haven't had much time. Mostly shows in England. I apparate us so that we don't have to travel far."

"Why haven't you toured in, like, the States?"

"Well, we were still trying to make a name for ourselves in the beginning. By the time we got famous enough we…" He paused again, thinking of Kacy's arrival and he couldn't travel with her. "We had other things coming up," he finished. "We probably will soon."

"I've never toured anywhere. All of our shows are at our theatre," she offered. "I did travel, for school. I went to a special dance academy on scholarship every summer."

"How long have you been dancing?"

"Since I was three. I've always loved dancing. My mother saw the potential early on and she got a second job to pay for my classes, with the best of the best instructors and the best of the best nutritionists. My father thought my dancing was stupid but…" She smirked as she took a sip of her Coke. "Well, now that I was offered a position in a company and I make solos and hundreds of people come to see me every night and all the wonderful reviews in the paper. He doesn't think its so stupid anymore."

"I don't know anything about dancing but I think you looked great."

She smiled. "Thanks," she said girlishly. She pushed at her glass with one finger. "I won't feel so great tomorrow when I'm trying to jet with my stomach full of french fries and Coke."

"Its completely worth it though, isn't it?"

She shrugged. "Every once in a while."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the table…

"You look so familiar to me," one of the girls, now identified as Lilith, said to Bonnie, who wasn't sure if the girl was being truthful about her name or just joking.

"You guys don't recognize me?" Bonnie cried. "I'm crushed," she pouted, her hand to her heart. "I thought everyone knew who I was."

"So famous people do always know famous people," another girl said.

"I'm Lady Bonnie Potter."

Lilith jumped up out of her seat screaming. "Oh MY BLEEDING LORD! You're the Savior's wife."

Bonnie's eyes bugged out at the curse and looked around, hoping the two other people in the diner wouldn't care so much who she was.

Lilith sat back down. "You don't even understand how honored I am to meet you." She took Bonnie's hand in hers. "My little brother…Well, I don't mean to depress you or anything, but my brother had cancer in his liver when he was twelve. He was already in stage 2 when they found it and it was starting to spread to his lungs when they put him on chemo. And then your cure came in. He was one of the first people treated. It was like a miracle."

"Well I'm glad it got to him in time," Bonnie said politely, patting the girls hand.

"You're such a wonderful person. You're like, one of the people on my list, of people that I would like to meet before I die."

Bonnie smiled and put her hand to her heart. "Well I'm so flattered. Usually people just want to meet my husband."

The girl, and a couple of the other girls at the table listening in, rolled their eyes. "Not to be insulting to you but we're not huge fans of your husband." She leaned in carefully. "We think he's kind of weird and we don't like how he's treated you."

"Oh," she frowned. "Well, he is weird," Bonnie admitted, "but in the most adorable and respectable way. And he has treated me poorly recently but he really is trying to make up for it."

"You can never really make up for cheating," Lilith said.

Bonnie shrugged. "Its really more complicated then that."

Fish paused his conversation with Dessa and turned to Lilith. "Don't talk about their relationship. They're working it out and its none of your business." He looked to Bonnie and nodded at her before turning away back to Dessa.

Bonnie smiled at him. She turned back to Lilith and smiled at her to. "I love my husband, very much."

Lilith just shrugged. "I think you could do better, but I don't know him, so I'll just keep quiet."

Bonnie smirked. "Its ok. I think if you knew him, you would like him. Almost everyone does."

"Except the American presidents," Fish interjected before turning back to Dessa who raised her eyebrow at him. He smirked apologetically.

"Yes, except the Americans. Because he doesn't really like them either."

"Can we meet him?" One of the girls asked. "I heard he's a…people person. Didn't they used to call him The Bartender or something. I saw it in a magazine."

"Yes, but that was a long time ago."

"It was five years ago," the girl clarified.

Bonnie nodded slowly. "Yes, I suppose. Five years is a very long time."

"He's not a people person anymore," another girl interrupted. "He went crazy."

Bonnie's mouth fell. "My husband isn't crazy," she argued.

"Didn't he just leave the mental institution?" Lillith asked.

"A few _months_ ago."

"What? And he's all better? Did he blame the cheating on his losing his mind or something?" Lillith laughed. The other girls followed.

Bonnie glared at them. "I really don't want to talk about Harry anymore."

"Because you know that we're right?" the girl next to Lillith asked.

"No, because you're all putting your nose where it doesn't belong," she growled.

The girls just shrugged and turned to their food.

Bonnie rolled her eyes and sipped at her Coke. She looked down at her lap and adjusted the skirt of her dress. Stupid ballerinas didn't know what they were saying. She overheard them whispering at the other end of the table and glanced up. They all looked away from her and back at each other.

"I can't believe she stayed with him," the girl at the end whispered to Lillith, who had pulled up a chair there. "I heard his followers are really pissed at her. My friend Maria, she likes to keep up with the gossip, she said she's not the girl they wanted. Like, she's not one of them or something. They wanted the girl he cheated with. And others hate _that girl._ Lots of drama."

"She could do much better," Lillith mumbled. "She's so pretty. She should have let him leave."

"He is really hot though," the girl mumbled.

"You think she's staying with him for his looks?"

The girl shrugged. "Maybe he has a giant penis," she giggled. The other girls followed suit. "Though probably not," she said, more hushed. "I'm sure all that male bravado is compensating for something." The girls giggled harder.

Bonnie stood from the table and the girls stopped suddenly and looked up at her. She gripped her McQueen clutch tightly. "Fish," she mumbled. He picked up her tone from across the room and turned to her. "I think I'm gonna go."

Fish stood suddenly. "I'll take you home."

Bonnie just nodded.

Fish turned to Dessa. "Can I call you tomorrow?"

She smirked and ran her hand down her hair. "Yeah, of course. I have class until two."

"Then I will call after two," he smiled. He stood and went to Bonnie but she walked away and went to the other end of the table to the girl who had been talking to Lillith.

Bonnie bent down, so close she forced the other girl to lean back a little. "For your information, I love my husband and chose to stay with him for better reasons than his penis. But just for the record, its bigger than anything you'll ever have in your pathetic cunt, you bitch." She turned again and headed back toward the door, Fish watching her with his mouth open.

"Angel! You used the 'C word'. I'm so proud of you!" he called as he followed her out. He turned back quickly to wave to Dessa. "I'll call you tomorrow."

The girls were left in shocked silence except for Dessa who started giggling while she snacked on her fries.

"Oh my God," the girl cried. "She's just as crazy as he is. Did you hear the word she used?" she asked.

"Fish made it pretty clear," Lillith replied.

"And she called me a bitch."

"You are a bitch," Dessa assured her. "You girls were awful. She should have punched you."

The girl, still nameless, turned to her. "And you! I can't believe you're going to talk to him again. Now that we know who he's friends with. The _crazy_ people! They're worse than the Royal Family."

Dessa shrugged. "I don't know. He seems nice," she said, smiling girlishly.

"You're going to regret it. Maria says that since his wife died he can't even get it up anymore." She giggled and the girls followed.

Dessa's mouth fell. "Oh my God! I think _I'm_ going to punch you." She threw a fry across the table at her stupid friend. "His _wife_ died. You're all sick." She shook her head. She waved the waitress over and asked for a bag and a to-go cup.

.

Fish put his arm around Bonnie as they walked outside. "You alright?" he asked.

She nodded silently.

"You know, you don't have to defend Harry's manhood. He's never cared what people thought. Probably because he has nothing to be ashamed of," he chuckled. "Except, you know, cheating and those murders."

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "I was defending myself. I know people don't understand why I would take him back. I just thought their reasoning was a little ridiculous. Like I'm some stupid, vain girl who would stay with him because he's super attractive." She pulled away from him and turned to look at him. "Fish? Are they talking about me?"

"The followers?" he asked, looking down and then up at her tentatively from under his eyelashes.

"Yeah."

He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Well, I haven't done a lot of talking with them recently. At least, the ones that would be talking. You know that Ma'am and Omi and Ial have all put the past behind them and accepted it but…"

"The others," she finished. "They liked Ashley."

"It was never Ashley they wanted. You know most of them weren't even around to meet her. They simply know that she existed. It was just that they didn't think you were…one of us. But its been years, they need to get over themselves. You're more an original member than they are and that's why they shouldn't be saying anything. I keep it from Harry because I know that he would be shredding records and contracts left and right the way his mood is right now, especially concerning the followers."

"So I shouldn't worry about it?" she asked.

"No, not at all." He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her directly to him. "I will take care of it. Its part of my job. They will put their foot in their mouths. And just think, Ma'am and Omi love you and prefer you. Just pretend you never heard anything about any this." He let go and brushed her hair back from her face. "You're _my_ new favorite, so that should satisfy you."

Bonnie smiled. "Let me know how your second date with Dessa goes, okay?"

Fish nodded. "Will do." He patted her head and waited for her to apparate home before doing so himself.

As soon as he was in his room he programmed Dessa's number into his phone and crawled into bed, tucking his hand under his pillow, the tips of his fingers resting on the folded letter he kept there.

.

Meanwhile, because it was late and Sophia would, hopefully, already be in bed, Bonnie headed straight to the bedroom to find Harry. After a moment of searching she discovered him sitting on the floor by the bed with his sketch pad. She had been too quiet coming in and he hadn't heard her.

"Hey," he mumbled as she came around the corner into view.

She crouched and sat down beside him, leaning against the bed and resting her head on his shoulder. "Hey."

Harry stared at the top of her hair for a moment, waiting for her to say something. "How was the ballet?"

"It was good. The girl is really pretty and she's pretty nice. I didn't talk to her long."

"You weren't out very long."

"Well, her friends were bitches. I didn't ask for Fish to leave with me but he's such a nice boy."

Harry nodded quietly in agreement. Fish was nice enough to make sure Bonnie was taken care of when he wasn't around, including the institution and just on odd occurrences such as this one. "Why were her friends bitches? Were they mean to you?"

Bonnie paused to think and then shrugged. "In a way. It was more an insult to you, I suppose, but in a way that made me sound like a vain idiot."

"I see," he mumbled calmly. "Well I'm sorry you didn't have a good time pet."

Bonnie shrugged again. "Its not a huge deal. I wasn't planning on making any friends tonight or anything."

Harry moved his arm to wrap around Bonnie's shoulder and stroked her curls. He tilted his head and rested it on her shoulder.

Bonnie turned her head slowly to glance at him. His eyes were closed. The paper on the sketch pad in his lap was shaded completely black aside from the center where a simple chair was stationed. The body of what she took to be a man was lying on his back beside the chair with his legs up, his calves rested flat on the seat as though he had fallen off. His arms were raised back and over his head, his hands and wrists limp as though he were being dragged but the dragger was missing.

She glanced back at Harry's face.

He breathed deeply and sighed, nuzzling into her bare shoulder.

"How was your night, Kumquat?" She noticed him smirk at the rarely used nickname.

"It was alright," he told her, very plainly without any hint that he was lying. "We went to my parents for dinner, I got to hang out with Sirius and they got to see their granddaughter. My dad loves her," he chuckled. "He calls her James. I hadn't noticed that before." He chuckled again and shook his head before readjusting on her shoulder.

"Sounds like a nice day," she mumbled, still curious about his drawing.

"It was."

"Sophia went to bed okay?"

"Yep. Straight to sleep. My parents must have tired her out."

"You to, it seems," she pointed out, prodding him gently in the shoulder with her finger.

Harry cringed back, smirking again. "Its the drugs. I feel like I'm making up for days I didn't sleep for the past twenty-one years."

"Well lets get to bed then," Bonnie said, adjusting slowly so as not to jostle him but removing herself from his arms. She held out both of her hands for his to help him off the floor.

Harry stared up at her. "What about sex?"

"You want to rush through having sex before you pass out from exhaustion?" Bonnie laughed.

"I'm not exhausted," he argued, pushing off the floor without her help. He grabbed her waist and pulled her tight against himself. He pressed his forehead to hers.

"Harry, three seconds ago you were ready to sleep on the floor in my lap." She put her arms around his neck and pet his hair. "We can have morning sex. You should get some sleep. Do what your body tells you to, not what you think you should do. To impress me," she smirked.

"_Impress_ you," he scoffed, dropping his arms and stepping back. "I'm not trying to impress you, I want to shag you." He shrugged. "But if you don't want to…."

Bonnie pushed him, and though it wouldn't have made an impact on him at all he pretended it did and fell back onto the bed, allowing her to crawl over him and straddle his hips. "You're so smug when you're tired."

"I have a lot to be smug about," he shrugged.

Bonnie rolled her eyes and took his hand, holding them palm against palm and slowly pushing them up over his head. He stopped her once his elbows were half un-bent. She felt him grip her hands before quickly switching their positions so that Bonnie was on her back. She pouted. "I wanted to be on top this time."

Harry leaned in and kissed her deeply, leaving her breathless and a little light-headed. "Not tonight," he mumbled, letting her breathe before kissing her again.

.

Not much to Bonnie's surprise Harry fell asleep not too long after they had curled up next to him under the covers, face to face, and took his hands. She wasn't quite so tired yet but she didn't want to move either so she decided to lay awake staring at him instead. Like Fish, it had always been one of her favorite past-times. Though, Fish had moved on at some point, sometime around their honeymoon.

The longer she stared, holding his hands, the more she noticed a strange pattern on his palms that she hadn't noticed earlier. The glamour, that obviously stopped working as Harry fell more deeply asleep, was fading from the steak wounds that had scarred his hands, the palms and the carefully sat up in bed so as not to wake him and turned his hand over in hers to look.

Harry usually healed fairly fast from injuries, including entire holes formed in the middle of his hands. But the steaks had been left in, holding him to the wall, for hours and Harry's natural ability to heal began long before the steaks were removed. When they had first rescued him he had been asleep during the long, arduous task Ron had of removing the heavy cement blocks he was attached to. Once he actually got through to the steak Dumbledore and Lily had to go about removing the steak from Harry's hands and feet. Dumbledore had been able to repair most of the damage that was caused, including the damage Harry's healing had done, but what was left was disturbing dark areas that looked an awful lot like stigmata.

Without the glamours Harry had obviously put on himself, probably so that he didn't have to look at it, she could see the dark center mass in the middle of his palm, surrounded by an eerie blaze like edge, like the sun, the color of blood. The wispy ends of each blaze caught onto a thick purple vein that ran around his hand in a bind and up the inside of his wrist where it finally began to fade.

Looking now, it was starting to look a little cursed.

She took his hand and softly kissed his palm. She sunk back down under the blankets, slipped his arm around her waist and curled up against his warm body like a kitten. Harry unconsciously tightened the new hold.

.

Bonnie woke to screaming.

She turned over in bed to find Harry curled up in the blankets, his hands curled into tight fists around the blankets and his pillow, screaming violently into the fabric.

"Harry!" she yelled, reaching over to wake him. He recoiled at her touch. "St. Jimmy!" She resorted to grabbing him and shaking him. "St. Jimmy! Wake up!"

This turned out to be a terrible idea as, in his terror induced sleep haze, he sat up and accidentally pushed her off the bed and shoved the lamp off the side table. Completely trapped in the nightmare he began to fight an invisible force. Bonnie watched only for a moment as he turned on the headboard, punched it, breaking it in half and denting the wall behind it. She paused only one second longer, before he could actually get out of the bed, before she grabbed her wand and spelled him immobile. He fell limp back on the bed and Bonnie quickly crawled back up to lean over him.

"Harry? Love? Its alright," she mumbled calmly and softly, running her fingers through his hair. He slowly began to relax. "Its just me. You're alright. No one is going to hurt you."

Once it seemed that he was completely awake and aware she released him from the spell. He sat up and turned away from her, bent over with his face in his hands.

Bonnie scooted forward on the bed to sit behind him. "Harry? Are you alright?" she asked tentatively, putting the tips of her fingers against one of his shoulder blades. "I know you weren't sleeping much but I've never seen you have such a bad nightmare. What happened?"

She listened to him breath deeply and he didn't answer.

"Harry?" she questioned again when more than a few minutes had passed in silence.

He sat up straight again and reached for his phone on the table beside the bed. "I think I should call Dr. Ross," he mumbled. He stood and took the phone to the hallway without another word.

Bonnie sighed heavily but got out of bed to put on more clothes and wait for him to come back and maybe explain. Impatient and nosy, she ended up sitting in a cozy accent chair by the door and listening in on his phone call.

She could almost hear him shaking as he sat on the tile floor. His breathing was heavier, as though he had been trying not to be so loud when he was in the room. He dialed and waited impatiently for someone to pick up. It must have been Dr. Ross's home phone because she didn't figure anyone would be in the office at this late hour. But then, she didn't know how mental institutions worked.

"Dr. Ross?" he asked the moment someone picked up the other line. "Its Harry." His voice shook in his few words. He sounded terrified. "I had a nightmare."

Unfortunately, she couldn't hear Dr. Ross's responses and so she was forced to listen in on a one-sided conversation. He must have told Harry to describe it because he began.

"I was sleeping. And I felt myself moving, being pulled back and I was being dragged across the ground. I was being taken…to the middle of a field. My followers…they gathered and Ganelle, she was leading them. Um…" He stumbled over describing what followed but Bonnie could only guess that it was further torture, thoughts that probably came from his experience trapped in a basement with the crazy, psycho women.

Dr. Ross must have cut him off because he didn't continue. The man spoke for a few minutes, all of it Bonnie couldn't hear.

"I forgot to take my medication before bed," Harry explained quickly, seemingly trying to catch Dr. Ross in the middle of a sentence. He continued and Harry listened only for a moment before again cutting him off. "I can't seem to settle myself down… I don't feel well," he explained. Bonnie guessed Harry was trying to convince Dr. Ross that he wasn't well. At least that was what it sounded like from her end. It sounded like Harry had become very dependent on Dr. Ross's treatment. "You don't understand, you didn't see it."

Bonnie strained to hear, and maybe it was magic but she picked up Dr. Ross on the phone. "Harry, your followers are not going to turn on you."

"You don't know that. You don't know them. I know them," Harry argued angrily. He paused to breathe. "Ganelle knows them."

"Ganelle is in jail."

"She's very smart. Look, Dr. Ross. _I _am a very bad person. And they will come after me once she explains what a bad person I am. They don't know."

"You are not a bad person Harry."

"You can't say that. You don't know. You only know what I've told you. And before what happened, I didn't even know. Ganelle knows. I'm a very. bad. person. And I deserve…what they did to me in that dream. But while I know that I deserve it, I'm not Jesus. I'm not going to just suffer and let them do it. I'm…" He paused, straining to admit something he had never admitted before. "I'm scared. I can take on a lot of people by myself but…well, I have a lot of followers and if Ganelle and Hanna and Ashley can drive me insane just imagine what they can do when…"

"Fish will not turn on you Harry," Dr. Ross assured him. "He's loyal to you. I think that you should discuss this with your wife. You know that she will be honest with you and she knows this system of your followers much better than I do. I don't think you need to come in. Spend the day discussing your fears and such with Bonnie. She understands you Harry, don't forget that. Its why you married her. She won't judge. You shouldn't hide things from her Harry. She's your greatest ally."

Harry didn't say anything back to him.

"I want you to skip all of your appointments today Harry. Spend time with your wife and tell her what is going on. And remember to take your medication."

The line went dead as Dr. Ross simply hung up and Harry held his cell phone out in front of him in shock. He stood and walked slowly back into the bedroom. He looked around and found Bonnie sitting in the chair by the door. He still held his phone up. "My _therapist_ hung up on me," he mumbled.

"What did he say?"

Harry went to speak and then stopped, his mouth paused and open while his brain tried to think over his words. "Um…"

Bonnie stood from the chair and took the cell phone from his open hand. She walked over to the bed, sat down and put the phone on the table beside her. "You believe that Ganelle is going to rally your followers in a rebellion against you?"

Harry's expression moved from confusion, to surprise and landed on hurt. "You were listening?"

Bonnie shrugged. "I'm your wife Harry. We have sex and sleep in the same bed and have a child together but you don't tell me anything anymore. I'm worried about you and you won't let me help."

Harry sighed heavily. He didn't even bother walking all the way to the bed. He sat down on the floor. "I consider it okay to talk about this…my issues, with Dr. Ross because all he is, is my therapist. I don't plan to seduce him later that night after I've told him what a wimp I _actually_ am or how ashamed I am of my past transgressions or that I'm ashamed of the person that I…" He stopped, unwilling to say any more to her.

Bonnie climbed down from the bed and crawled across the floor to him. She crossed her legs and sat across from him. "You think you're a bad person?"

"I am a bad person."

"You're not, Harry."

He looked up at her, seriously. "Bonnie, I cheated on you. That's enough to make you hate me and you hating me is enough to make me hate myself. And if that doesn't do it I've also killed maybe thousands of people-"

"All of them bad."

"I've taken drugs. I've thought horrible and nasty things about my parents and my brother."

"Harry," she sympathized, "being jealous of your brother doesn't make you bad."

"I wished for his death once."

Bonnie didn't respond, struck quiet by that admittance.

"My brother's. When he was still a baby. I was so angry at my father that I actually wanted to cause him pain. I wished for my uncle's death to. I celebrated when he died of a heart attack. I turned Fish and Tim and Tom and Toilet into murderers with me. I've lied to you on several occasions about things that could change our entire relationship, but to this day I am still too selfish to admit them to you because you're really all I have left. I remember plotting my suicide at age four and I have attempted to commit the act _five_ _times_ in my lifetime, only one of which I believe you know about. I think Fish knows of the others and _let_ me forget about them.

"I have a sick obsession with my own death. You don't even want to know the other horrible things I've done or the things I'm ashamed of that have simply happened to me. I'll never stop knowing these things that have happened because Ganelle let them out and I can't tell them to you because you'll look at me differently. And as I've said, you're all I have left. At least, all that I have left that isn't tainted by these stupid nightmares."

"You mean, I'm the only one in your nightmares that isn't trying to torture you?" Bonnie asked.

Harry nodded. "Fish doesn't actually do anything either, really. He just sort of…stands by and watches."

"And I'm just…not there?"

"Right."

Bonnie scooted closer to him on the floor. She crawled into his lap and straddled his waist, raising his chin to look at her and running her fingers into his hair. "Harry? Everyone, on the face of the earth, has thought things that they didn't actually mean. Sometimes I used to wish that Fluer would go bald,be impotent or go blind. Doesn't mean I'm evil, it means I'm human and that I feel strongly. Its called anger and jealousy. And Tim and Tom and Fish and Toilet are totally fine with who they are and what they've done. They did it for you and you told them it was okay. As your close followers thats all they need. The only person who's uncomfortable with the murders is you and if you need someone to tell you that what you've done is okay, I'll tell you. Its okay." She stroked the palm of her hand across his cheek.

"As for whatever lies you've kept from me, I _know_ about Hippity. Fish confessed to me in a letter a long time ago while I was in France. Anything else you have hidden couldn't be worse than _cheating_ on me with _Ashley_. Besides, I'm sure I have some things I've kept from you that could change our relationship. But I'm going to take them to my grave because that's what couples do.

"As for suicide, we'll discuss that. I know that your reasoning at four was because you were four and you thought you were going to be with God and your parents and your home life sucked. I hope none of those other times have been while you've been married to me because I don't want you to leave and I want you to tell me if you're so depressed that you actually don't want to be alive anymore. I'm sure we can work it out.

"As for anything in the past that has _happened to you_ that you're ashamed of…" She stopped, unable to think of anything to say. She leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips before pulling back again to look at him, putting her hands on both sides of his face. "Whatever that crazed, demon uncle of yours did to you that makes you ashamed is not your fault and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. Anything he did to you that you think you need to hide and you think makes you a bad person and shames you, its his fault and it only made you greater for having survived it. Your uncle should have been ashamed. You didn't do anything wrong. If you ever want to tell me anything about that time or things that you're ashamed of I am completely willing to listen and in no way will it make me look at you differently.

"I want to grow old with you and if you're too crazy from holding in all of these feelings to even communicate with me it won't be so much fun."

She was finished so Harry looked down, away from her eyes.

"Did I say too much?" Bonnie asked. "I babbled a little bit. I just…I want you to know that you're okay. I love you." She wrapped her arms around his neck and he rested his head on her shoulder. She kissed the top of his head softly. "You're my favorite person."

Harry nodded into her shoulder.

After a few moments of silence, without her realizing they were going to move, Harry wrapped his arms under her butt and with little effort picked them both up off the floor. He carried her to the bed and sat her down beside him. He looked down at his knees and reached over to take her hand. He sighed heavily. "I'm sorry about Hippity."

Bonnie giggled. She turned his face to her and kissed him right on the lips. "I forgive you."

.

1. L.P. Hartley, The Go-Between


End file.
